Does the spontaneity ever return

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Roger G
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 7/4/2008 10:40 AM (GMT -6)   

Assuming that my ED problem eventually resolves itself and that I am not using Viagra (et al.), or an injection, will spontaneous erections ever return?  Once upon a time, the mere thought of a romantic evening with my wife was enough to get things aroused.   :-) Now I could go to a nudist beach and be completely safe. eyes  I always try and find the bright side of every problem.

 

How does a lack of spontaneity affect your marriages?  My wife has not grasped the concept yet that a little planning is involved in order to get any reaction out of me.

 

Roger



Age: 43 (2008)
DRE Small Ridge on prostate, PSA 1.5
07/2007: Diagnosed cancer, T2c, Gleason 3+4=7
09/2007: Laparoscopic prostectomy @ Hamilton General, 4 hrs.
              Both nerve bundles spared
              Pathology Report: Tumor confined w/in prostate
              T2c, Gleason is 3+3=6
              Went home with JP drain
10/2007: Made return trip to hospital.  All urine was comming out JP drain.
10/2007: Catheter removed. Next to no leakage
11/2007: 1st PSA <.003 :)
              ED: Started Viagra, no response yet.
12/2007: Had confidence to go padless!!!!!
12/2007: ED:  Stopped Viagra as it's causing hemroid problems.
01/2008: 2nd PSA <.003 :)
              ED: next to no response.
04/2008: 3nd PSA <.003 :)
              ED: next to no response.  Changed the Viagra prescription.
 


livinadream
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1382
   Posted 7/4/2008 11:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Roger I can relate a little to your problem. For me being on Lupron and Casodex and going through radiation I am impotent, but lucky for me I have no libido. With that being said my concern is for my wife. We had a healthy loving sex life prior to all this and I can't help but think she would like to have that again someday. I try hard to do things with her and for her and to show my love in new ways. For me I do not see the ability to have an erection returning, and I doubt the desire will return either. That goes to show that this awful disease effects both partners. I wish I could ad more to this discussion, but I can't. I will be watching this thread and hopefully some people will share there journeys and it will help you and your wife.

peace love and grace
Dale
My PSA at diagnosis was 16.3
age 46 (current)
My gleason score from prostate was 4+5=9 and from the lymph nodes was 4+4=8
I had 44 IMRT's
Casodex
Currently on Lupron
I go to The Cancer Treatment Center of America
Married with two kids
latest PSA 5-27-08 0.11
cancer in 4 of 6 cores
92%
80%
37%
28%
 


Bob D
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 7/5/2008 12:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Roger,
With the nerve sparing surgery you received and being as young as you are, I would think you would have more of a response
than you have by now. I am fortunate to be above the curve as seen in my profile below. I can get a spontaneous full erection now, four months post op, but maintaining it is a little difficult. However 10mg of Cialis does the trick for me and puts me as good as pre op. I am confident with my progress so far that I will be fully potent without meds in the near future. My wife has been great. While she loves the spontaneous moments, the results from the Cialis is as she says "worth the wait". It takes a lot of patience and effort on the part of a man's spouse. Hopefully she will help you often to get whatever erection you can achieve and orgasms. This is important to long term success. Keeping blood flow in it is very necessary.
Age 59, psa 4.7 in Jan. 08. Biopsy: one positive sample out of 13. 1% of one sample cancer. Prostate removed on 3/5/08. Nerves spared. Cath out 12 days later. Continence good. No pads needed since 6/10/08. First PSA: Less than 0.1 on 6/17/08. First erection five days post op and have been improving well since then. Full erection now possible (less than four months post op) with the assistance of Cialis. I am pleased with the progress so far. Married to same wonderful woman for 39 years.
She is still beautiful and sexy as ever. A great help in my recovery !!


Gene214
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 422
   Posted 7/5/2008 10:40 AM (GMT -6)   
I know what your response will be to this suggestion because it was mine too...negative. But maybe you should at least look into a penile implant.  Make sure you conside only surgeons who do lots of these. Gene214

Radical open removal 2-14-07, Gleason 3+3=6
Removal of stricture 6-07, incontinence continues
Bio-feedback (4) 08-07 (no improvement)
Scheduled for AUS & implant 05-08
Surgeon cancelled one day pre-surgery, due to cardiac concerns
Nuclear stress 5/13/08
3 stents 5/27
AUS, IPP scheduled 7-08
63 years old at time of nerve-sparing surgery


Dirtmover
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 158
   Posted 7/5/2008 1:00 PM (GMT -6)   
bob d you bring up an intresting point , it was essential  in my ongoing recovrey that my wonderful wife played an active role in rehabilitation . i was only  married 8 month after being diagnosed and together a year before that looking back  she has been a constant willing participant which i personally beleive is paramount in recovery ,and i mean psycologically as much as sexually , .................just my take on it ....dirt         
  p.s. roger i wouldnt worry about the wife not getting used to the planning part  she will ,like any thing else about this disease ,its still new your both still learning what the new normal is gonna be youll be fine my brother NEVER stop trying  



Diagnosed November 2007   (43 years old )
PSA 3.9 / Gleason 6 / TC1 6 cores 1 shows 25%
Sugery scheduled 5/29/08 - City of Hope - Dr. Mark Kawachi
 "First show of the day"
 and now for the new ive been waiting for
 FINAL PATH REPORT:gleason upgraded to 3+4 T2c bilateral disease,tumor involvment 5%
extra prostatic extention:absent
seminal vesical invasion :absent
pathological staging:pTNM pT2 ORGAN CONFINED
margins free of carcinoma
usable erections ;6-6-08 with little blue pill
continence; 1 pad a day, dry at night

Post Edited (Dirtmover) : 7/5/2008 1:04:27 PM (GMT-6)


Roger G
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 7/5/2008 2:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Gene214,

I've had one too many knives cut into me lately to willingly allow a surgeon to cut up my willy. OUCH!!.

I'll give it until the two year mark before concidering anything that radical. I'll just keep buying the old lady some AA batteries.

Currently all I'm getting is a pain at the bottom of the shaft after an organism. I'm planning on bring this up at my next doctors visting in 2 weeks.
Age: 43 (2008)
DRE Small Ridge on prostate, PSA 1.5
07/2007: Diagnosed cancer, T2c, Gleason 3+4=7
09/2007: Laparoscopic prostectomy @ Hamilton General, 4 hrs.
              Both nerve bundles spared
              Pathology Report: Tumor confined w/in prostate
              T2c, Gleason is 3+3=6
              Went home with JP drain
10/2007: Made return trip to hospital.  All urine was comming out JP drain.
10/2007: Catheter removed. Next to no leakage
11/2007: 1st PSA <.003 :)
              ED: Started Viagra, no response yet.
12/2007: Had confidence to go padless!!!!!
12/2007: ED:  Stopped Viagra as it's causing hemroid problems.
01/2008: 2nd PSA <.003 :)
              ED: next to no response.
04/2008: 3nd PSA <.003 :)
              ED: next to no response.  Changed the Viagra prescription.
 


M. Kat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 715
   Posted 7/5/2008 8:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Roger, we know what you mean about losing the spontaneity. in the almost 2 years since Jeff had surgery, we've had intercourse 2-3 times where he was able to get an erection with no drugs, and that was in the past few months. try different ED drugs. Jeff found Levitra to work the best for him, with the fewest side affects. we know that most of the time he'll have to take a pill and then we have to work sex into our schedule (it's really not that bad!) but also know that it does work on its own in a blue moon. well, make that a pink moon! this whole experience is different for us (after having spontaneous intercourse for almost 30 years) but well worth the effort. yes, we get frustrated, yes, sometimes Jeff just doesn't want to bother with it, other times he takes a pill and I don't want to bother with it, but this is life. take care, kat
Husband Jeff 56 years old diagnosed July 27, 2006
PSA 6.5, 2 positive areas in biopsy, Gleason 3+3=6
Radical Retropubic Prostatectomy August 30, 2006
pathology report - all clear - cancer gone
1st post-surgery PSA test <0.1, 2nd post-surgery PSA test <0.1, 3rd PSA <0.1
no more pads Oct 12, 2006
first "real" erection with use of pump 12/16/06
3/07 - occasional dribbles and erections with Cialis and pump
8/07 - 1 yr PSA <0.1
9/1/07 - achieved erection with Viagra - no pump!
3/08 - 18 mo PSA <0.1
switched to Levitra - works much better than Viagra & Cialis - fewer side affects


StrictlyInc
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 354
   Posted 7/5/2008 11:12 PM (GMT -6)   
I will be hitting the 2 year post robotic surgery point on July 25th... and have had some pretty decent improvement in just the last few weeks.

Roger G, I encourage you to try injections if you haven't yet. I resolved to try to do these as much as possible (no more than 3 per week), along with a daily dose of either Viagra or Levitra (generic), with occasional pump use. I moved to this myself after reading here what others were doing, just maybe 4 months ago. I don't know if it was the change in routine or just healing, but I am very pleased with the results. I am using injections for intercourse, though in recent weeks have got decent response from Viagra whereas I had none before. I have had intercourse on just Viagra once in the last couple of weeks.

I don't think I'll ever get back to where I was before, but I'm much better than I have been post-surgery.

As for spontaneity, having a wife or partner that works with you is great. Mine hasn't been the best in that regard, but hanging in there has helped. At least she's adjusted to no spontaneity. Then again, I probably forgot how to sneak up on someone after a couple of decades together anyway.

Keep the faith, work the "muscle", and be patient... you'll find a way.
____________________

Prostate cancer diagnosed: May 15, 2006 (age 40)
Gleason score: pre-surgery 3+3=6; post-surgery 3+4=7
daVinci radical prostatectomy: July 25, 2006
size of tumor: approx 1.1 inches; negative margins from surgery

- number of pads/day at 3 months after surgery: 3 to 5
- number of pads/day at 4 months after surgery: 1 to 2
- number of pads/day at 6-18 months after surgery: 0 to 1

- 1st post-surgery PSA: 0 (Nov 2006); 2nd post-surgery PSA: 0 (Feb 2007)
- 3rd post-surgery PSA: 0 (May 2007); 4th post-surgery PSA: 0 (June 2007); 5th post-surgery PSA: 0

The search for timber: took Viagra/Cialis approx. every other day, ErecAid once a day, injections. Peyronie's diagnosed 7/5/07. Now on daily Cialis, L-arginine and pentoxyfylline. Peyronies has stabilized and significantly reversed.

- PGE1 batting average: .364 (4 for 11)
- Bimix #3 batting average: .722 (13 for 18) Bimix #1 batting average (17 for 18) = .944
- Trimix batting average: .500 (1 for 2) Grand total 35 for 49 = .714

"Lost in the valley without my horses, no one can tell me what my remorse is..."


Jetlagged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 7/6/2008 3:28 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm in much the same boat as you, including stage and age. I had my robotic last December and am still not pad free, but what they call "socially continent" in that I wear one thin pad a day mainly as a security blanket. I wanted to get the continence as close to 100% before really tackling the ED, but now at 6 months out with no additional improvement towards incontinence (ie: completely pad free), I became worried that if I didn't aggressively tackle it now it might be too late.

I've been on both Cialis and Viagra for about three months with little or no result. I bought the pump and tried it a few times as a therapeutic aid, but with two young kids I had little or no time during the day, and pretty much fall into bed at night and have no motivation, so it became a paper weight. I finally was able to get an appointment with an ED "specialist" urologist who last week did a "doppler" study confirming that there was no vascular damage, and the surface nerves were OK. Part of the study involved injecting me with the "bi-mix" (forget the technical name), and shazam...flag pole action. I was barely able to waddle to the car and it lasted nearly three hours. The only "downside" was that needles really freak me out, and man...did it hurt. My next visit I am supposed to do the deed, and it will be interesting to see if I can overcome my phobia and actually jam that BIG (although very fine) needle in that nerve-rich environment. I was also lectured to use the pump at least 10 minutes a day, so I guess I have a new hobby. tongue

Beyond the seemingly endless clinical aspects of the PC variety show, the spontaneity aspect is pretty huge. Even though she gets it, the wife's motivation (although already GREATLY diminished over the years) will be tested, perhaps too much. The whole thing is a pretty big downer, and has me fondly remembering better....far better days.
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