Implant Humor...

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 422
   Posted 9/9/2008 3:33 PM (GMT -6)   
This is a serious forum but I notice that every now and then there is some humor mixed in.  KW's got to be the best with it.  Now I'll try my hand at it.
Try to put yourself in my place.
Those who have had the AUS and the IPP know that they take both take some getting used to.  For example, the AUS takes about a minute to close after an implantee like me urinates.  You have to stand there shaking and milking to try to get the last drop out instead of in your pants.  It really takes time and patience.  Also, those who receive an IPP get a mixed-blessing.  "It" looks fuller.  You know... "it". The "thingy".  Where once it could be described as a turtle wanting back in its shell, it sort of (pardon the expression) all hangs out after implant surgery, even when it's not excited.  So some implantees, like me, are somewhat modest, not really wanting others to see it.  I really think I may be too modest, but don't want anyone in the restroom getting the wrong idea.
So last week the wife and I were in one of those very busy resturants.  I needed to urinate so proceeded to the mens room. I always go into a stall and shut the door and lock it so no other man would get scarred by what he thinks he sees: A man standing at the urinal too long, obviously doing something that is not normally done in the men's room.  So I avoid urinals in public restrooms.
OK.  I go in this mens room, try stall #1.  Occupied.  Try stall #2, the last one in the restroom. Occupied.  Insteading of waiting outside a stall, which I didn't think would look too good, I decide to use the available urinal, taking great care to bow my knees outward so that my pants would not fall to my ankles (another reason I like the stalls...never have mooned anyone and not ready to start.  So far I have not learned just to unzipp my slacks, as I did pre-prostectatomy.  There's this little pump we AUS implantees must squeeze to let the water flow.  So it takes two hands and that's more than what a simple open fly will allow.  I release the valve and urinate freely, first a full stream, then down to a trickle, then to a drop.  I wait.  I wait some more as another drop appears and leaves.  I then shake it again and again.  Then I milk it...and milk it.  I repeat this routine for about a minute, which can seem like hours.  Then I shake it and shake it some more until I think they are all gone. I place it back where it belongs, drip one more time just for fun, flush the urnial, zipp up, and turn to leave and suddenly... I am face to face with two big Texans.  They are waiting in line, right behind me.  They both have this frown on their faces.  I read their minds.  I really do.  They were both thinking, "So this is what a pervert does in the rest room!  I'll just...".  I know I turned a bright, bright red! I didn't take the time to say, "Howdy".  I am out of there!
 It was not funny then, but the wife and I got a good laugh from the experience as I related it to her. I can only hope you HW friends do too.  As we all know, this road can be long and hard.  Need to laugh a little.

PC diagnosed 12-06 @ age 63
Radical open removal 2-14-07, Gleason 3+3=6
Removal of stricture 6-07, incontinence continues
Scheduled for AUS & IPP 05-08
Surgeon cancelled one day pre-surgery, due to cardiac concerns
Nuclear stress 5/13/08
3 stents 5/27
AUS, IPP implanted 07-16-08
AUS, IPP was activated on 08-18-08.  They both work!

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 9/9/2008 9:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Gene214,

Since the minute passed slowly for you just imagine what it was like for those in line; especially if a bladder filled to an indoor world record is involved.

I've noticed this time interval mentioned on here before as being too long. Guess it can not be changed before implant.

70 when diagnosed in 10/2004, open surgery 12/2004, margins clear, pre surgery PSA 6.4, 3+4=7, cancer from apex to base left side, 30 gm prostate, right nerves spared, seminal vesicles & lymph nodes (6) removed.

ED & incontinence problems since surgery, life changing & indescribable unless you have experienced it.

Advance male sling 03/2004, AUS and IPP scheduled 10/2004. All work done at UT Southwestern in Dallas.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 883
   Posted 9/9/2008 9:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Gene, I'm glad you shared this story with everyone on HW. But, like you said, the AUS and IPP guys are the ones that will really understand what your talking about. I have to say though, for the first few months I will wait as long as I have to (if I can) for that open stall. Even if I have walk into a "fog" to use one. It's not like anyone will complain about getting to cut the line for a open urinal while I wait for the stall to "work the Plumbing". Look on the bright side! Atleast you weren't sitting in a stall trying to squeeze and soak up a wet spot in your underwear or pants!

Glad to hear things keep improving for you.
    43 at Dx and Surgery
    PSA 5.7, Biopsy 3 of 12 positive (up to 75%) all on left side of prostate, Gleason 7
    RRP on Oct. 17, 2006 - Nerves on right side saved. All Lab's clear. 
    Cathiter in for 28 days due to complications in healing. Removed Nov. 9, 2006
    First Post op PSA on Dec. 11, 2006  Undetectable 0.00.
    ED workable and usable with Viagra.
    Feb. 20th, 2007 - Feb. 4th, 2008  Cystoscope, Two Collagen injections,Second Opinion Consultation for Incontinance at OU Medical Center, Bio-Feedback training, Chiropractic, Accupuncture  to try to resolve ongoing incontinance (4-6 pads a day)  All PSA's 0.00.
    Feb. 22nd, 2008 - Surgery to install the AMS AdVance Male Sling.
    March 27th, 2008 - Sling not working, Little or no improvement.
    April 18, 2008 - Collagen injection.  Back to using 4-6 full pads a day within a week.
    May 14, 2008 - Another collagen injection to try to Band-Aid the leaking for our June cruise.  Will start making conusultation appiontments for AUS after we return.
    July 14th, 2008 - AUS consultation with Dr. Morey at UT Southwestern (Dallas).
    July 30, PSA 0.00.
    Aug. 22nd, 2008 - AUS Surgery by Dr. Morey
    Oct. 6th, 2008 - AUS Activation by Dr. Morey

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 1858
   Posted 9/9/2008 10:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Great story. You can imagine what must have been going through their minds. smilewinkgrin
1/05 PSA----2.9 3/06-----3.2 3/07-------4.1 5/07------3.9 All negative DREs
Aged 59 when diagnosed
Biopsy 6/07----4 of 10 cores positive for Adenocarcinoma-------bummer!
Core 1 <5%, core 2----50%, core 3----60%, core 4----50%
Biopsy Pathologist's comment:
Gleason 4+3=7 (80% grade 4) Stage T2c
Neither extracapsular nor perineural invasion is identified
CT scan and Bone scan show no evidence of metastases
Da Vinci RP Aug 10th 2007
Post-op pathology:
Positive for perineural invasion and 1 small focal extension
Negative at surgical margins, negative node and negative vesicle involvement
Some 4+4=8 identified ........upgraded to Gleason 8
PSA Oct 07 <0.1 undetectable
PSA Jan 08 <0.1 undetectable
PSA April 08 <0.001 undetectable
PSA August 08 <.001 undetectable

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle I no longer despair for the human race.

Tony Crispino
Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 8128
   Posted 9/10/2008 1:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Great story! I was once the Texan (I'm not quite as big as others, and now I'm a former Texan) standing behind a big guy doing almost the exact same thing about five years ago in a busy place. I had heard about guys who had bladders removed and was trying to understand that this was what that this could be about. I could tell he was struggling with something I had never seen. It wasn't until sometime after I joined this club that it hit me. What the guy was likely feeling I understand now. Humor? Yes, I guess I see it, but with a heavy heart...Four years later, after seeing this guy, I had a friend of my brother-in-laws call me and tell me his prostate cancer was Stage IV, active, and had spread to his bladder and he wore a full time catheter. He was telling me how he was leaving again, travelling to MD Anderson frequently from California. I recalled when I saw the first guy, I was in a very busy airport, like Houston Hobby where my brother in laws friend was headed. The guy in front of me was a big 'ol Texan and we were at DFW.

You guys with the urinary issues get to me. For the most part, when I read your stories I feel I lucked out! When I had the catheter in still we went out to eat once. And draining time was nearing. I thought about cutting the meal short because I didn't want to try emptying it in a public restaurant. But it was an uneventful visit to the restroom. However, I can only imaginge someone seeing me while they were waiting from outside the stall, I was contorting over a toilet trying to empty a leg bag. This time I was alone in the bathroom and felt such relief that no one walked in.

God Bless you, Gene! Thanks for sharing this...

Age 46 (44 when Dx)
Pre-op PSA was 19.8
Surgery on Feb 16, 2007 @ The City of Hope
Post-Op Pathology: Gleason 4+3=7, positive margins, Extra Prostatic Extension (EPE)
Bilateral seminal vesicle invasion (SVI); Stage pT3b, N0, Mx
HT began in May, '07 with Lupron and Casodex 50mg (2 Year ADT)
IMRT radiation for 38 Treatments ending August 3, '07
Current PSA (May 9 '08): <0.1 ~ Undetectable!
You can visit my Journey at:

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 422
   Posted 9/10/2008 3:07 PM (GMT -6)   


on a serious note, the time factor is really not bad at all.  Although 60 seconds seems like a long time when you're couting the seconds, it's not long.  What are a few dribbles compared to filling up pads and pads each day or wearing a penile clamp to keep from wetting all over oneself?  Or of being able to make love with one's wife again after months and months of inability (although we did take care to be affectionate and intimate in other ways). The decision I made for both implants was a good one... for me.  Those considering it must leave no stone unturned before making such a decision.  I know you had years and years of the leaking business and of ED.  I wish and pray the best for you and your decision to have these implants. 


I hope my "humor" was not inappropriate.  I would never make fun of anyone suffering from the effects of this terrible disease.  The whole true situation which I wrote about above finally struck me as being funny and it was an attempt to laugh at myself, not at others.  HW friends, Please forgive me if my humor was inappropriate. I know you and others on this forum are going through awful times.  

I appreciate the help I have received from these forum members.  I really want to be a help to others too.  I am one who has now experienced the desperation of incontinence and ED and can perhaps share with others how I am now, I trust, getting victory over these two effects of prostate cancer.  I also know very well that these two effects of prostate cancer are not to be compared to those whose outcome is much more serious than an inability to control one's bladder or to obtain an erection.


PC diagnosed 12-06 @ age 63
Radical open removal 2-14-07, Gleason 3+3=6
Removal of stricture 6-07, incontinence continues
Scheduled for AUS & IPP 05-08
Surgeon cancelled one day pre-surgery, due to cardiac concerns
Nuclear stress 5/13/08
3 stents 5/27
AUS, IPP implanted 07-16-08
AUS, IPP was activated on 08-18-08.  They both work!

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 270
   Posted 9/10/2008 3:50 PM (GMT -6)   
I really appreciate your story.

Forgive me because I too have not experienced what you are describing - at least not to that degree. But, we cannot lose our sense of humor. In an earlier forum I thought it was really humorous how I soaked my trousers out of my early arrogance in thinking I had all under control, when I didn't - so I wrote about it.

Before surgery I worked out every morning for the last 8 years in the same gym. Since then I have done my working out at home because I don't want anyone seeing me wearing pads. As a result of me not working out, I have had several inquire as to what happened to me, and rumors got around that I was really sick.

I only know two things - in an odd sort of way it is funny, while at the same time we all really / really sympathize with each other and appreciate each others lot in life.

We have all adapted, and things are not that bad. I don't like incontenence or ED, but life is not over and there is hope for improvement. Let's keep our sense of humor - it really helps! Blessings.


Age 61
Original data - pre-operation
PSA: 5.1
T1C clinical diagnosis, Needle biopsy - 10 cores, Gleason 7 = 3+4 in 1 core (40%), 7 cores Gleason 6 = 3+3 ranging from 5% to 12%
All scans negative
Lupron administered 4/9/2008 for 4 months (with idea I would undergo external beam radiation followed by seed implants - then I changed my mind).
Robotic DiVinci surgery - Dr. Fagin (Austin) May 19th
Post operative - pathology
pT2c NX MX
Gleason 3+4
Margins - negative
Extraprostatic extension - negative
seminal vesicle invasion - uninvolved
1st Post PSA .04

M. Kat
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 715
   Posted 9/11/2008 6:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Gene, thank you for sharing your story. I don't think it was inappropriate at all. yes, humor can help us through whatever we are experiencing, and if we didn't laugh, we'd have to cry. there was a thread here at one time where people posted funny things that happened to them. life is life and we have to live with what it gives us. you'll have to share a funny story about the other part of your implant. tongue take care, kat
Husband Jeff 56 years old diagnosed July 27, 2006
PSA 6.5, 2 positive areas in biopsy, Gleason 3+3=6
Radical Retropubic Prostatectomy August 30, 2006
pathology report - all clear - cancer gone
1st post-surgery PSA test <0.1, 2nd post-surgery PSA test <0.1, 3rd PSA <0.1
no more pads Oct 12, 2006
first "real" erection with use of pump 12/16/06
3/07 - occasional dribbles and erections with Cialis and pump
8/07 - 1 yr PSA <0.1
9/1/07 - achieved erection with Viagra - no pump!
3/08 - 18 mo PSA <0.1
switched to Levitra - works much better than Viagra & Cialis - fewer side affects
summer of 2008 - have had a few erections with no drugs! yeah!!
8/08 - 2 yr PSA <0.1

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 637
   Posted 9/11/2008 7:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear Gene, I read your story to Pete, who, as you know, just had the AUS implant on Monday. Despite his pain and discomfort....he really laughed...! Thanks for the upbeat attitude you have...Diane
Husband Pete
dx Jan 2001 age 67 gleason 4 + 3 PSA 16.5
seed implant and conformal radiation Lupron from Jan 2001 to Jan2002
2005 Dec PSA began to rise from .5 to 8 within 6 months
Salvage surgery at MSK 9/06
Fistula operation 2/07 MSK
Many cystoscopies and ER visits with strictures
catheter for one year....Catheter taken out Sept 07..
Total Incontinence since then....
PSA .52 3/07
AUS Operation at MSK Sept 8. Dr. Sandhu
Waiting for activation October 21 2008

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 422
   Posted 9/11/2008 11:08 PM (GMT -6)   


Well, I would share a funny about "the other part" of my implant (and I guess you are referring to the penile implant), but so far everything in that department is pretty serious.  A couple of guys here on HW (I remember KW was one of them) made a funny about when I am getting ready to put it to work (or play) to be sure I pump the correct valve.  I definitely remember his "heehehehe" part of the funny.  Well, there is no chance of pumping the wrong device since they are shapped differently and on different sides of the scrotum, but the imagery is very, very laughable (after it should happen, that is).

I almost laugh when I look down and see a shorter thingy than I used to have. Then I start to whine a little.  But then I have one of those intimate times with my sweet wife and I am glad that I can actually do it again as in days gone by.  In other words, I am grateful to have that part of my life back without taking a pill (never really worked for me),using a pump (oh, that awful rubber band) or sticking a needle in it. 

So I will just say that there's got to be humor there, too, but right now, as I said, it's still pretty serious busness.  It's actually very delightful business.  It may not be the most important part of a marriage, but it sure is nice to have it back.


PC diagnosed 12-06 @ age 63
Radical open removal 2-14-07, Gleason 3+3=6
Removal of stricture 6-07, incontinence continues
Scheduled for AUS & IPP 05-08
Surgeon cancelled one day pre-surgery, due to cardiac concerns
Nuclear stress 5/13/08
3 stents 5/27
AUS, IPP implanted 07-16-08
AUS, IPP was activated on 08-18-08.  They both work!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 9/13/2008 10:21 PM (GMT -6)   

Gene, the imagery of your story coupled with what you imagined the men standing behind you may have thought, was very funny. ;)

I remember when I was in my 30s this elderly man worked for me (he was probably younger than I am now argh!) He was giving a group presentation, sat down, and looked somewhat confused.  I never noticed anything unusual, but he excused himself.  I later found out that he had an implant with a switch in his scrotum.  The switch wasn't working as it should and was somehow going off when his leg touched against it.  He was embarrassed at fist, but when he was able to laugh about the possibilities, others were given persmission to release their tension in laughter as well.  With some of the questions he was asked, I think a few guys were envious of him - of course they didn't understand all he had to go through - prostate cancer surgery etc.  I can't imagine how difficult a public restroom might be on a person with an implant that was just a flexible "rod". 

Thanks for the story


Name: Tony  Born: 1951
Diagnosed PCA 7/23/2008;  Prostate Volume 19 grams
Cancer Location: Right Mid and Right Apex 2 of 12 cores positive
Percentage of tissue involves 14%  Gleason 3+4=7 4+4=8
PSA levels  6/08/08 7.7;  6/30/08 6.8
Began HT Zoladex 8/26/2008
As of 9/11/08 I am waiting to start IMRT IGRT

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1382
   Posted 9/14/2008 6:54 AM (GMT -6)   
this is what makes this forum good, we can take something like this and make a great joke of it. Thanks for sharing and by the way it is funny.

peace to you
My PSA at diagnosis was 16.3
age 46 (current)
My gleason score from prostate was 4+5=9 and from the lymph nodes was 4+4=8
I had 44 IMRT's
Currently on Lupron
I go to The Cancer Treatment Center of America
Married with two kids
latest PSA 5-27-08 0.11
PSA July 24th, 2008 is 0.04
cancer in 4 of 6 cores

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 422
   Posted 9/14/2008 4:22 PM (GMT -6)   
And Tony...
Again, a very humorous story. 
Since you used the word "switch", it reminded me that most people who are unfamiliar with both devicces (AUS & IPP) think of the activation of these devices require an "on-off" switch" or a "button".  The activation tool is actually a pump.  The AUS uses the pump to release the cuff around the urethra to allow the flow of urine.  The inflatable penile prosthesis uses the pump to pump up (inflate) the prosthesis, producing an erection.
One of the things that frightened me about an inflatable penile implant when I was considering it was a word I read in literature that had to do with a problem with these devices.  The word was "auto-inflation".  It seemed that earlier devices (and maybe some later devices) could inflate unintentinally or accidently, a possiblity that horrified me.  I imagined being up before people and all of a sudden, "pop goes the weasle" and my full blown erection would stand out from my slacks for all to see.  I could not, I would not have such a possibility happen to me!   But when I mentioned this to the doctor, he said the kind he uses does not have that possiblility.  Whew!  Now that I have one, I know by experience that an inflation requires some repetitive pumping. In other words, you gotta want it to get it.

PC diagnosed 12-06 @ age 63
Radical open removal 2-14-07, Gleason 3+3=6
Removal of stricture 6-07, incontinence continues
Scheduled for AUS & IPP 05-08
Surgeon cancelled one day pre-surgery, due to cardiac concerns
Nuclear stress 5/13/08
3 stents 5/27
AUS, IPP implanted 07-16-08
AUS, IPP was activated on 08-18-08.  They both work!

Mike A
Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 213
   Posted 9/14/2008 9:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Cute story! The lines about emptying the leg bag, reminded me of the time (a few days after my surgery) when I fell asleep in my recliner with the leg bag in place. I woke up a couple of hours later in moderate bladder pain, and with a leg bag so full I could not raise my pant leg to empty it. I had to literally cut my pants off! Like yours, it wasn't funny at the time, but it gave my family a much- needed laugh later.
June 2005 - Age 53 PSA 4.8 at regular physical
October 2005 - After several rounds of anti-biotics, PSA 5.2 at Urlogist November 2005 - Biopsy negative
July 2006 - PSA 5.9 at regular Physical October 2006 - After several more rounds of anti-biotics PSA 8.1 November 2006 - Second biopsy - Positive December 2006 - Gleason (3+4=7), Tumor T1c, CT Scan and Bone Scan Negative
January 2, 2007 Robotic Prostatectomy, University of Rochester Medical Center - Tumor confined but larger than thought, only one partial nerve able to be spared. Margins clear.
February 2007 - Three to four pads a day, no erection with viagara.
April 2007 - First Post-Surgical PSA 0.02. Down to one pad a day.
July, 2007 - Six Month Post-op: PSA 0.04 No change in ED.
October, 2007 - Nine Month Post-op: PSA back down to 0.02! Almost totally dry! Only slight improvement in ED - Will try injections if not improved by next appointment.
January 2008: One Year Post-OP PSA 0.02 still dripping, but improving. Tried 500 dose of MUSE for ED, no luck. Will try 1000.
July, 2008 PSA 0.04 again, will recheck in October. Use .15cc Trimix injections, partial success. Will try .20cc.

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Monday, August 20, 2018 10:56 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,994,996 posts in 328,183 threads.
View Active Threads

Who's Online
This forum has 161309 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Stresshead.
286 Guest(s), 6 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
logoslidat, Rikky1, nebehet, Charlie55, zack36, suchatravesty