Has anyone mate lost interest in sex while trying to recover

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

SebringR
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 10/21/2008 9:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I am 5 weeks post op and still suffer from ED.  I have been following Doctors orders and pumping and unsing viagra.  Some days are better than others.  Honestly it seemed better three weeks after surgery.
 
My question is, with all the extra work to have sex has any one elses mate lost interest in the process.  I have tried to be romantic, make it a challenge, hot tub......just not getting her intersted.
 
any help would be appreciated, even if it means waiting another 6 months and it will all get better.
Age 51
Father died of prostate cancer at 73
Yearly PSA testing.
Biopsy after PSA went up .75 in one year
6 of 12 in needle biopsy where cancerous
DaVinci surgery 4/15/2008
Last PSA .008
 


Piano
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 847
   Posted 10/21/2008 10:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Unfortunately, we're all very variable. Often it can be a year or two before a near-full recovery, sometimes more. A very lucky few recover almost immediately. And an unlucky few (maybe me!), never.

I agree that the pump is most unromantic and best used in private. Can you do that and then present your mate with a fait accompi?

Another option is injections. You could inject in private, then indulge in all the foreplay you used to, without fear of losing the erection too soon. I know injections are not for everyone, but if you can get them working, it's just like old times.
Age 63. Other than cancer, in good health; BMI 20
Pre-op: No symptoms; PSA 5.7; Gleason 4+5=9; cancer in 4 of 12 cores
7 March 2008, RRP, non nerve sparing
Two nights in hospital; catheter and staples out after 7 days
Continent, no pads needed from the get-go
Post Op: Stage pT2 M- N-; clear margins and lymph nodes; Gleason 4+4=8; prostate weight: 37gm
6-week and 7-month PSAs: 0
Bimix injections working well 


Smokie
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 10/22/2008 8:00 AM (GMT -6)   

Sebring: Has your wife seen the doc? Mine experienced some troubles a while back that turned out to be hormonal. She now takes hormone shots (estrogen I think?). After the shot, she's ready to go. But as they wear off, so does her desire.

Chas: Your fortunate that everything is at least functional. As for me, I am experiencing equipment trouble. However, I too sometimes feel that my desire is slipping away. After two years of trying, I now have a lot of days where I just don't feel like its even worth trying anymore. I have been on-the-pump for several months now, but I'm getting to the point where I just can't make myself go through it. It depresses me that I feel this way, because part of me remembers when sex was an overwhelming part of my daily thought processes. Now I wonder if I will ever have the desire or the ability to have sex again.

I don't really feel like watching ****, but I guess it might help to wake things up. Assuming your ethically ok with that, do you think it might help?

Smokie

PS: I don't mean to sound so darned depressing...just having a bad morning.


Age: 43
Diagnosed at 41 by routine blood test
PSA at diagnosis: 5.1
Pre-op Gleason: 3+4=7
Post-op Gleason: 6 (different labs?)
No luck finding local experience with DaVinci
Scheduled RP at Vanderbilt: 8/06
Insurance trouble, rescheduled at Centennial Hospital, Nashville
Prostate removed 9/06
Robotic, nerves spared, no positive margins
PSA since RP: good (less than .05)
Currently suffer ED
 
 


Gene214
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 422
   Posted 10/22/2008 8:40 AM (GMT -6)   

SbringR and Smokie,

Don't lose hope.  Give her time and give yourself time.  Sometimes I'm afraid we guys try too hard and give our wives the impression that all we want from them is sex, which is a turn-off to lots of wives.  They want to know we love them as a person and as a best friend.  Cuddle with her very, very often.  If she allows you, carress her (in "neutral" places and in those other wonderful places).  Be very, very kind and understanding.  And, if you live in an area where "Fireproof" is being shown in a movie theater, take her to see it.  By all means, avoid **** (p orn).  That will set you up for a big fall in your marriage. 

You are doing very well, it seems, toward regaining potency.  Don't give up.  It's too early. 

Smokie, are you still considering the implant?  Again, don't give up on options. 

Gene214   


PC diagnosed 12-06 @ age 63
Radical open removal 2-14-07, Gleason 3+3=6
Removal of stricture 6-07, incontinence continues
Scheduled for AUS & IPP 05-08
Surgeon cancelled one day pre-surgery, due to cardiac concerns
Nuclear stress 5/13/08
3 stents 5/27
AUS, IPP implanted 07-16-08
AUS, IPP was activated on 08-18-08.  They both work!
10-20-08 went back to surgeon for a follow-up.  Both devices are working very good and surgeon was very pleased that I am very pleased.
 


Tamu
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 626
   Posted 10/22/2008 10:19 AM (GMT -6)   

My wife has lost some interest in sex since my surgery.  Most of our sex before surgery was spontaneous and not planned.  Now we have to plan it.  As she says that takes a lot of the excitement out of it for her.  We gotten better at the planning but our frequency is down a lot from before the surgery.  When we do have sex it is as good as before for both of us.  I am glad there has been no change in the quality.

Tamu


Diagnosed 7/6/06, 1 of 10 core samples, 40%,Stage T1c, Gleason 3+3
Da Vinci on 11/01/06, Catheter out on 11/13/06
56 Years Old
Post Op Path, Gleason 3+3, Approx. 5% of prostate involved
Prostate Confined, margins clear
Undetectable PSA on 12/18/06, 6/25/07, 1/8/08
No more pads as of 1/13/07
Began injections in April '07
 


Smokie
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 10/22/2008 12:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Gene214,
I took a blood test, as requested by the insurance co, a few days ago as part of the approval process for implant surgery. At this point I'm doing the leg work, but still have no immediate plans for surgery. (The approval, if it goes through, is good for at least 6 months). If the insurance co does not agree to pay, I will not be able to have the surgery anyway.
In the meantime, I'm waiting on an appointment with my local urologist to discuss bi/tri mix options. As far as I know, this is my last non-surgical option.
Smokie
Age: 43
Diagnosed at 41 by routine blood test
PSA at diagnosis: 5.1
Pre-op Gleason: 3+4=7
Post-op Gleason: 6 (different labs?)
No luck finding local experience with DaVinci
Scheduled RP at Vanderbilt: 8/06
Insurance trouble, rescheduled at Centennial Hospital, Nashville
Prostate removed 9/06
Robotic, nerves spared, no positive margins
PSA since RP: good (less than .05)
Currently suffer ED
 
 


Bob D
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 10/22/2008 6:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Chas,
Have you asked your uro to check your hormone levels?
With a sexy young wife who wants sex often and you with the ability
to get a firm erection you should have more desire.
Bob
    1. Age 59, psa 4.7 in Jan. 08. Biopsy: one positive sample out of 13. 1% of one sample cancer. Prostate removed on 3/5/08. Open Surgery. Northeast Georgia Medical Center, Gainesville Ga. Nerves spared. Cath out 12 days later. Continence good. No pads needed since 6/10/08. First PSA: Less than 0.1 on 6/17/08. First erection five days post op and have been improving well since then. Full erection now possible (less than four months post op) with the assistance of Cialis.  Post Op Biopsy : No malignant cells in lymph node. Gleason 3=4=7. Tumor on both lobes. Urethral margins/apex free of neoplasia. Right and left seminal vesicles free of neoplasia. No invasion of prostatic capsule of the resection margins are noted by the tumor. Tumor occupies 10 to15% of the prostate gland. Path staging T2c, NO, MX- Group staging II.  Focal areas of perineural invasion by tumor are noted. 80% natural erections and full erections with 10mg Cialis. 9/22/08-Took 10mg Cialis on Monday night, had very usable full hard erection at night, the next morning, and the following Thursday morning, 60 hours after original dose !! Orgasm quality Excellent.!!!!! I am pleased with the progress so far. Married to same wonderful woman for 39 years. She is still beautiful and sexy as ever. A great help in my recovery !!:


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 10/23/2008 8:19 AM (GMT -6)   

Chas,

I agree with Bob. Get yor testosterone levels checked. I had serious problems after my surgery with Hypogonadizm. I unfortunatly didn't know it for 3 1/2 miserable years. My doctors had no idea either. After much research on sites like this one and some big help from some friends here, I've found that I'm not alone. The trauma to your testicles from the surgery, I had a Radical, can cause them to stop producing T. I've met numerous guys w/ the same problem. Although I feel much more manly now, I still have not regained my presurgery libido. Even after 5 years of zero PSA's my doc will not let my T level go above 400-500. I believe thats my lasting problem with desire. I'm thinking of getting a new doc but I had so much trouble finding this one who was willing to prescribe me TRT (testosterone replacement theropy) after having PC, most will not! It took me a while to find him, most are from the school, your throwing gasoline on the fire! But anyway, it couldn't hurt getting you T checked, if it is low at least you'll know whats causing your low drive!

Your friend,

Pete 


55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. Fighting to stay upbeat daily. I am's what I am's and that's all that I am's! (Popeye)  55 and still alive!!! Feel free to pray for me, I can use all the help I can get!!!


Paul in Pa
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 10/23/2008 10:37 AM (GMT -6)   
I know this is a hugely variable issue, but thought I'd share my experience. Once my wife and I got over the shock of the diagnosis we started talking about the implications for our sex life. We realized that things were going to change but that we wanted to stay intimate. We had lots of sex pre surgery (it was like a free pass for sex whenever--not quite worth the price of admission but lots of fun!!) plus we tried to work on ways of being intimate without penetration. Lots of foreplay; we visited adult toy stores and picked out things my wife thought might be fun; we got a tantric board game; lots of talk and practice. I'm not that far out from surgery so I can't speak to the long term benefit but while I'm frustrated with the loss of erections thus far our intimacy if anything is increased--more time spent on loving, more communication, more closeness from dealing with this stuff together.

Paul
Paul
53 years old
DX 4/08
Radical Prostatectomy 7/29/08
PSA 14 at diagnosis
Gleasons 3+4
Path good--all in gland, nodes negative, margins clear
Nerves spared
Still with some incontinence/pads
Some rare erections with viagra, one good enough for penetration


M. Kat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 715
   Posted 10/24/2008 6:39 AM (GMT -6)   
yes, Jeff and I have had times where we just don't want to have sex and anything to do with it. sometimes I'll ask Jeff to take a pill and he just looks at me, other times he's taken a pill and then told me but I've already planned on doing other things. sometimes he takes a pill but doesn't get a good erection but we can still play around and have orgasms. I seem to handle that better than Jeff. He still thinks we both need to have intercourse to have pleasure. it's been an interesting learning experience; we feel emotionally closer and have more foreplay fun than before. and as a wife, I love not having to clean up afterwards. :) yes, we miss the spontaneity but even that has happened a few times. I think it's important to be able to talk about our feelings. take care and I hope it gets better, kat
Husband Jeff 56 years old diagnosed July 27, 2006
PSA 6.5, 2 positive areas in biopsy, Gleason 3+3=6
Radical Retropubic Prostatectomy August 30, 2006
pathology report - all clear - cancer gone
1st post-surgery PSA test <0.1, 2nd post-surgery PSA test <0.1, 3rd PSA <0.1
no more pads Oct 12, 2006
first "real" erection with use of pump 12/16/06
3/07 - occasional dribbles and erections with Cialis and pump
8/07 - 1 yr PSA <0.1
9/1/07 - achieved erection with Viagra - no pump!
3/08 - 18 mo PSA <0.1
switched to Levitra - works much better than Viagra & Cialis - fewer side affects
summer of 2008 - have had a few erections with no drugs! yeah!!
8/08 - 2 yr PSA <0.1


Swimom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1732
   Posted 10/24/2008 6:50 AM (GMT -6)   
Sebring,

It's been a trial of emotions for both of you. Give her the same amount of time you would want for yourself. It takes a bit of time to adjust to recent life changes. Traumatic, highly emotional experiences will affect each person differently. Keep the lines of communication open. It'll get better :>)

Swim
 


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 10/24/2008 9:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Chas,
I'm sorry if you misunderstood me, I didn't suggest that you take testosterone, only that it might be a cause of your low sex drive. My T level was down to 150 when I dicovered that it was low and went lower before I started TRT. I would never advise anyone who had PC to use testosterone, I'm not a doctor nor do I want to be. I was just relaying my experiance to you and others. My TRT was a very personal choise I made, I was willing to take the chance of like you and 10 other doctors told me, about the one stray cancer cell in me just waiting to be fed testosterone, to have a descent quality of life again! I was to the point I really did not want to live like that anymore and this one urolagist realized that if he did not help me, I might not be around long evough for anyone to. I may sound dramatic but, it really was that bad. I apologize for bringing it up. I used to post here religously but stopped because I was always having to defend myself and my actions. It will not happen again.
Your friend,
Pete
55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. Fighting to stay upbeat daily. I am's what I am's and that's all that I am's! (Popeye)  55 and still alive!!! Feel free to pray for me, I can use all the help I can get!!!

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Sunday, July 22, 2018 11:19 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,984,433 posts in 327,223 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161997 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, shuensnemx01.
388 Guest(s), 5 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
ezhoe, BBN!!, CaliJR, shuensnemx01, NotQuiteAntonio