Post-op, how have relations with others changed?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 42
   Posted 12/3/2008 10:37 PM (GMT -6)   
As I count down to surgery, I noticed something I was doing. I'm staging out how I tell people that I'm having surgery. Wife total partnership. A couple of months ago, my boss, my wife our friends. Yesterday, a month to go, my sister. Coming up in two weeks, others at work. My dad, too weak at 89, will not tell. My sister-in-law who lost my brother a year ago and then had a double masectomy, delay delay delay.

There is a story to tell as well, of knowing and still taking one of our trips to Israel and Copenhagen, roll around suitcases and merging with culture. A lesson, that we may not control our lives but we can influence this moment. So the timing is related to the telling for a few.

How did other people share with others?

Post-op, how have relations with others changed?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1464
   Posted 12/3/2008 10:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Gerbe,

We called all the relatives on the way home from the doc's office on the day I was dxed. Next day I told my boss so she would have time to get my classes covered if needed. Then friends as we happened to meet. We figured that all would find out sooner or later anyway and better to come from MaryLu and me.

As far as how they treat us now, they all share our joy at two good results - prostate cancer and lung cancer both in remission. Other than that, they are glad that I am not nearly the butt-head I used to be. (At least I'm not worse) And that's a good thing...

Age 74. Diagnosed 11/03/06. PSA 7.05. Stage T2C Gleason 3+3.
RRP 12/7/06. Nerves and nodes okay.
Catheter out on 12/13/06.  Dry on 12/14/06.
Pathological stage: T2C N0 MX. Gleason 3+4.
50 mg Viagra + 1000 mg L-Arginine + .03 cc Trimix = Excellent Results
PSAs from  1/3/07 - 7/17/08 0.00. 
Next PSA test on 1/28/09
Lung cancer dxed on 5/16/08.  Surgery on 6/25/08  T1N1M0 - Stage IIA  Finished 4 cycles of chemo on 11/7/08.
First CT scan on 12/2/08 - in remission!!!
"Patience is essential, attitude is everything."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 883
   Posted 12/4/2008 12:21 AM (GMT -6)   
I have been very open with my "Journey" I would just tell them. I figured by telling it may make someone else go get tested since they would see a young guy with no problems come up with a "positive".
We are all different so you have to do what is right for you.
    43 at Dx and Surgery (RRP)
    PSA 5.7, Biopsy 3 of 12 positive (up to 75%) all on left side of prostate, Gleason 7
    RRP on Oct. 17, 2006 - Nerves on right side saved. All Lab's clear. 
    Cathiter in for 28 days due to complications in healing. Removed Nov. 9, 2006
    First Post op PSA on Dec. 11, 2006  Undetectable 0.00.
    ED workable and usable with Viagra.
    Feb. 20th, 2007 - Feb. 4th, 2008  Cystoscope, Two Collagen injections,Second Opinion Consultation for Incontinance at OU Medical Center, Bio-Feedback training, Chiropractic, Accupuncture  to try to resolve ongoing incontinance (4-6 pads a day)  All PSA's 0.00.
    Feb. 22nd, 2008 - Surgery to install the AMS AdVance Male Sling.
    March 27th, 2008 - Sling not working, Little or no improvement.
    April 18, 2008 - Collagen injection.  Back to using 4-6 full pads a day within a week.
    May 14, 2008 - Another collagen injection to try to Band-Aid the leaking for our June cruise.  Will start making conusultation appiontments for AUS after we return.
    July 14th, 2008 - AUS consultation with Dr. Morey at UT Southwestern (Dallas).
    July 30, PSA 0.00.
    Aug. 22nd, 2008 - AUS Surgery by Dr. Morey
    Oct. 6th, 2008 - AUS Activation by Dr. Morey

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 637
   Posted 12/4/2008 8:33 AM (GMT -6)   
This is an interesting post.. The one thing that several friends said to us when Pete was first dxd was "Well, if you have to have cancer, prostate cancer is the best to have" That was a statement of unbelievable naivete...but coming from well meaning friends, we didnt say anything. Now after seven years of fighting the side effects of several different treatments, no one that knows anything about or knows anyone that has prostate cancer would ever say those words. Pete tells practically every man he meets these days about Pca. He also is a strong courageous man and we have continued our lives and our travels in spite of catheters, diapers, and cpap machine.... He is gearing up for a hip operation in January. So, the human spirit is very strong and well. Being open with friends and family is a good thing..... Diane
Husband Pete
dx Jan 2001 age 67 gleason 4 + 3 PSA 16.5
seed implant and conformal radiation Lupron from Jan 2001 to Jan2002
2005 Dec PSA began to rise from .5 to 8 within 6 months
Salvage surgery at MSK 9/06
Fistula operation 2/07 MSK
Many cystoscopies and ER visits with strictures
catheter for one year....Catheter taken out Sept 07..
Total Incontinence since then....
PSA .52 3/07
AUS Operation at MSK Sept 8. Dr. Sandhu
Activated Oct 28th Dr. Sandhu..MSK
Some difficulty with AUS arising Nov 10 2008

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1010
   Posted 12/4/2008 10:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Gerbe Et Al,
Interesting query. Originally I told no one of my diagnosis and did not intend to. The doctor had a positive DRE and high PSA early. I waited until after the biopsy and then told my sister. At the time I was uncertain as to the treatment and the location of the treatment. I told my sister with the anticipation that I might need some assistance post operatively if that was the choice. My sister "mentioned" it to my brother and my brother "mentioned" it to my other sisters and you get the picture. Like the old saying... two can keep a secret if one is dead. I was concerned that it would get to my daughter so I told her before I was ready but I toned it down for her.
I did tell a close friend as well here at home. I retired recently and my former boss asked if I would help on a project and I wound up telling him "no" as I was in the midst of figuring out what to do. I felt he deserved to know why so I told him. He asked if he could let my former associates know. After some time I said yes. I was humbled and surprised by the outpouring of genuine concern for my health and well wishes by everyone. I also found out that a colleauge had battled PCa as well.
What resulted from widening the number of people who knew of my situation was a ten fold increase in my resources for investigating the disease, leads on doctors, and treatment options. I even got a consultation gratis with the head of Oncology at a treatment center through the help and connections of my ex wife. In the end it was a good thing as I have received a good deal of support.
Gerbe, good luck with your surgery and hopes for a rapid and complete recovery.
Diagnosed 04/10/08
Age 58
PSA 21.5 (first and only test resulted from follow up visit to emergency room for kidney stone. first time for kidney stone too)
Gleason 4 + 3
DRE palpable tumor on left side
100% of 12 cores positive for PCa range 35% to 85%
Bone scan clear
Chest x ray clear
CT scan shows potential lymph node involvement in pelvic region
Started Casodex on May 2 and stopped on June 1, 2008
Lupron injection on May 15 and every four months for next two years
PSA test on July 14, 08 after 8 weeks hormone .82
Started IMRT/IGRT on July 10, 2008. 45 treatments scheduled
First 25 to be full pelvic for a total dose of 45 Gray to lymph nodes.
Last 20 to prostate only. Total dose to prostate 81 Gray.
Completed IMRT/IGRT 09/11/08.
Second Lupron shot 09/11/08
Next PSA test by oncologist 03/09

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