Tim, I don't believe any kind of apology is needed from you. There is not a one of us men here, that don't go through periods of extreme frustration, depressions, anger, fear, uncertainty, etc. once we were forced into the world of PC. No one came here willingly. If one plays the role of denialist, when reality hits, it hits extra hard. If you accept all the unpleasant aspects of PC upfront and informed, then you get hit that way. That's why I think it is critically important to have support. That can come in the form of a wife/partner, good family if you have it, good/trusted friends, and outside support groups - either in your local area or through wonderful sites like this online.
The hard part for me, and I am sure others, is playing the "what if" game, what if things were different, what if I chose something else, etc. I do it too sometimes, but totally non-productive. Cancer is a cruel master, doesn't care who or what it hurts, likes to upset the norms, likes to attack from new and unexpected angles.
Tim, just because your stats look good for now, and just because some of your side affects are better or worse than another, doesn't mean that you don't feel frustrations and fears and angers still. It only means you are normal, and you are dealing with Prostate Cancer.
Hang in there brother. You are fighting a good fight, and you are one of us.
56, 56 at DX, PSA
7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3
3rd Biopsy 9/8 Positive 7 of 7 cores pos, 40-90%, Gleason 7
Open RP surgery 11/14/8, Non-nerve sparing, 4 days hospital, staples out 11/24/8, 5th cath out on 1/19/9
Post-surgery Pathlogy Report:Gleason 3+4=7, pT2c, 42 grm, tumor 20%, Contained in capsular, clear margins, clear lymph nodes
First PSA Post Surgery 2/9/9