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Men with much younger wives

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Prostate Cancer
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Bob D
Regular Member
Joined : Mar 2008
Posts : 212
Posted 2/13/2009 1:06 AM (GMT -7)
Since my surgery in March '08, I know of other men that have prostate cancer. Almost all have gone the surgery route. The two those that did not have wives much younger than them. One, a neighbor is in his 60s, wife in her 40s. He chose radiation because he did not want to become impotent. Well, 8 months post biopsy he has serious ED problems. The other is  59 with a wife that is believe it or not, 24 years old. He refuses to get anything done because he feels sure she will leave him. I tried to tell both of them my recovery results but the thought of any possibility of not being able to have normal sex terrifies them. The guy with the radiation is having some success with meds. I do believe that all men should decide on the treatment best for them but I am sure many make faulty decisions because of the age difference of their spouses or girlfriends. I know it is not always possible, but there is often an added benefit of a constant companion of a similar age.
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Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member
Joined : Mar 2008
Posts : 4970
Posted 2/13/2009 2:36 AM (GMT -7)

The older the wife – the more likely she is to say: “There but for the grace of God, go I.”

 

We human beings are full of insecurities. But if your guy friends think their spouses will leave them for lack of sex, I wonder what they think the ladies will do when they’re in the final stages and are DIEING from cancer?

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LV-TX
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2008
Posts : 966
Posted 2/13/2009 6:34 AM (GMT -7)
If the glue that holds their marriage together is based on sex...they have more to worry about than cancer....
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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25445
Posted 2/13/2009 6:38 AM (GMT -7)
What shallow relationships those men must have, or think they have. These are really sad and pathetic examples. If there were true love present, then they would want to do whatever was possible and available to be alive for their spouse, regardless of age differences. Sounds like they are dooming themselves with that attitude.

David in SC
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Bluenose
Regular Member
Joined : May 2008
Posts : 260
Posted 2/13/2009 6:52 AM (GMT -7)

   Les,

   ..you said it best!  Change the name on the insurance policy and I'll bet they're out of there even faster..

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Sephie
Veteran Member
Joined : Jun 2008
Posts : 1804
Posted 2/13/2009 7:27 AM (GMT -7)
A wife chimes in...since my husband's surgery 11 months ago, being able to have intercourse is still something we hope for. I can't believe that any woman who loves her man would not want him to have treatment regardless of the post-treatment issues. Frankly, my husband's incontinence issues bother me more - for his sake - than lack of sex for either of us.

To avoid treatment because of fear of ED is just plain foolish ... I would much rather have my husband alive and with me than reminisce about what great sex we used to have!
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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25445
Posted 2/13/2009 7:45 AM (GMT -7)
Sephie, I believe in my heart that most wives here would say the same thing as you. I would like to think all of our relationships go a lot deeper then whether or not conventional sex can take place or not. What if the tables were turned, and the wife had maladies that didn't allow IC, or made it too painful to endure?
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Dave7
Regular Member
Joined : Jul 2006
Posts : 203
Posted 2/13/2009 11:00 AM (GMT -7)

I would need to know the stats on the 59 year old guy with the 24 year old wife.

If his stats are bad, his wife leaving him is the least of his problems.  He should get treatment.

If his stats give him some room to consider watchful waiting, I can understand why he would want to delay treatment. If he has ED after treatment, she's looking at a lot of years thinking about what she is missing.  IMO, regardless of the love between them, that's a lot to ask of a healthy 24 year old. 

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mlbsm
Regular Member
Joined : Mar 2008
Posts : 85
Posted 2/13/2009 11:14 AM (GMT -7)
I too had surgery 11 month's ago and I'm still working at waking junior up.

I also have a wife 15 years younger than myself, and we both stare at junior with hope in our eyes.

But as was said many times in this thread, if my relationship with my wife and the five children we have and two grandchildren was based on whether or not junior performed his duties, it wouldn't be that secure of a relationship, now would it?

Just as we've found out that not having a woody doesn't mean we cannot reach orgasm, there are more ways to keep the wife happy besides making donuts.

We did it at the movies and the drive-ins, you just have to get a little creative. :)) Billy
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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25445
Posted 2/13/2009 1:19 PM (GMT -7)
I agree with you fully on that point, Billy. In the Pleasure Forest, there's more than wood to choose from
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divo
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2008
Posts : 637
Posted 2/13/2009 3:57 PM (GMT -7)
Purgatory. (David) ..(!!!Pleasure Forest!!)) What a hoot. !! I am rolling in the aisles!! You should be a writer for Saturday Nite Live!!! :)

Bob,
Well, I am ten years younger than Pete, and we have been married for over forty years....Have six grandchildren....We have had a wonderful intimate life in the Pleasure Forest and now we have relaxed to the Pleasure Garden......I feel for the guys that leave loyal wives for trophy honeys that they worry will leave them if they get sick. Last night I got a call from the daughter of a dear woman friend who passed away of Alzheimers....The daugher said her father loved her mother so much that he slept in the same bed with her every single night...even the night she died....They had nurses come in and take care of her, but he was with her and loved her. When you take your vows it is not "if", it is "when".....I don't mean this to be a downer...but for all of us to realize how important love is......It will get us all through.....Diane
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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25445
Posted 2/13/2009 4:18 PM (GMT -7)
Diane,
Now you got me doing the blushers big time. When I wrote that, it was spur of the moment right off my head, didn't think about what I was saying. Glad you liked it, on rare occasions I can be funny.

What you wrote, however, was very touching, and my wife and I can relate to your words exactly, and btw, my wife is only 3 years younger, but looks 15 years younger, must be her natural red hair.

Thanks, David
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Bob D
Regular Member
Joined : Mar 2008
Posts : 212
Posted 2/16/2009 11:02 PM (GMT -7)
I also feel it is a lot to ask from the 24 year old wife. But the age difference is something they should have considered. My wife of 39 years told me that is a classic example of the "little head" doing the thinking for the "big head".
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Todd1963
Veteran Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 3457
Posted 2/17/2009 9:47 AM (GMT -7)
I am 45 and my wife, God bless her is going to be 30 next week. She is loving and giving and patient. She misses the horn -dog I use to be but our relationship has matured and our twice a week blue pill induced bouts seem to be enough. When they are not that is why God gave me a toungue. lol. I hope I didnt offend anyone with that slip of the toungue. The point is that in a good marriage, sex is only 10 percent of the relationship and in a bad relationship it is more like 90 percent. Gee I do believe that I am a cunning linguist. ****. Todd
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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25445
Posted 2/17/2009 10:12 AM (GMT -7)
todd, you may get a tongue lashing for the above post. lol. Or a good licking!
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James C.
Veteran Member
Joined : Aug 2007
Posts : 4464
Posted 2/17/2009 10:37 AM (GMT -7)
Ok, gentlemen, lets not wander off the path here. We need to keep our discussions of intimacy at least in some broad medical terminology format.. tongue You knew that was coming, huh?
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Todd1963
Veteran Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 3457
Posted 2/17/2009 11:19 AM (GMT -7)
okay James. Message recieved. However you do have to admit that I am a rather cunning linguist. roflol

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Todd1963
Veteran Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 3457
Posted 2/17/2009 1:59 PM (GMT -7)
By the way David you are totally funny. We should hang out.

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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25445
Posted 2/17/2009 2:05 PM (GMT -7)
Todd, that we should. Got to find some humor in all this we deal with. Sometimes I watch the masses walk by, knowing that they are not in our world of PC (thankful for that actually), and they are clueless what we think and endure everyday.
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Todd1963
Veteran Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 3457
Posted 2/18/2009 6:50 AM (GMT -7)
David
Maybe I should give you a call the next time I am in Pinehurst N.C. Of course I cant offord the greens fees at that place and they dont let hackers such as myself out on the course but I am sure we could go somewhere else and knock the ball around. That is if you are into knocking the ball around. Todd
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sterd82
Regular Member
Joined : Sep 2006
Posts : 187
Posted 2/18/2009 7:00 AM (GMT -7)
Hate to judge a situation where you don't know the people involved....but I'd be willing to bet a 24 year old mariied to a guy at 59 isn't in it for the sex in the first place!   JMHO
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GBINAB
Regular Member
Joined : Apr 2008
Posts : 206
Posted 2/18/2009 8:54 AM (GMT -7)
Hi Bob D ,

I kind of see partially the worries of losing your MANHOOD (if temporary or long term ) as a great worry to most men , however men in general should also understand that it is NOT the only quality they can offer to a relationship or marriage.
I am one that all my life attracted younger women and married one that was 13 years younger as well .. however it tuned out to be that before i was DX with my prostate cancer our marriage was on a down hill swing , the ironic part of it , the marriage had all the best qualities that any marriage should have , but our divorce cam as a result of a sexual act on her part (cheating...and more over for the wrong reasons ..not that there is a good reason to cheat .. but there is a better reason than some... and since it was not for LOVE or SEX it was the wrong reason).
so i divorced her after 14 years of marriage and 2 kids ,an found myself battling prostate cancer and in the operating room for my RP... am about 20 months post op an just coming back into a normal sexual relations , and even though i must admit it is NOT back to Normal 100% yet .. i feel that my relationships these days based on much stronger foundation than just sex , there is a lot to offer to each other in a healthy relations, and SEX is not on top of the list , the fact is i can find sex anywhere i turn BUT i can not find a woman with substance every day of the week.
i have turn to a better person for it as i am not SEX crazed as i used to be pre-op (sure i miss the wild days of my late 40's) but o the other hand i can see the other side of life , and i agree for the most part with most of the posts here which points out that men who's base their sex life as the pillar that holds their relations or marriage , need an attitude adjustment immediately, especially when it comes to their health decisions... i wonder how much help they can get from their young wives when they gone off too early due to Cancer.

sure we all like to hang with the young herd, but it is for sure not for the right reasons, since most of us men like to inflate our ego , especially when it comes to our manhood (we can hardly wait to sit with the guys and tell our adventures ... we worry how satisfied in bed our women are.... etc etc )
so these 2 friends you know need a wake up call BIG TIME i can only prey and wish them well

GB
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Allouise
New Member
Joined : Apr 2008
Posts : 2
Posted 2/23/2009 11:00 AM (GMT -7)

Well to speak up as one of the younger women.  I am 21 years the junior of my wonder man.  He just turned 60 and I am 39.  Actually, we have been dating for three years.  His surgery was a year ago -- the day before Valentine's Day.  I will have to say (as I have said to him many times) -- A dead man can't have relations!  I was the one that noticed signs of problem and pushed and pushed for him to go get checked.  I also wanted the best doctor for him to have the RP --Da Vinci in hopes of the best long term cure available.  I believe at first he was afraid of the surgery and afraid of my reaction...thus he was thinking of the rad. pellets.  Upon my researching of the different options, I became set on the operation for as I have stated..............I want him with me and the rest of the world!!!  Now, I will say that I can not deny that we both have mourned our losses but I believe that people can chose to to get on with living or give up.  Life is choice and I choice life, love, laughter!  I will not accept any less from my wonderful man either!  Relations is what you choose it to be -- there is many wonderful ways to show your partner how much you love them.  I am very happy and content with my man.  I believe God will not burden us with what we can not handle. 

Now with stating this -- has this been an easy road for us?  No of course not -- but I would not want to be anyhow nor with anyone else.  Now, I will say that I knew his age and he knew mine when we meet.  Therefore, the person needs to have the maturity to understand what they are getting into in the beginning.  I felt that a mature loving companionship is where I wanted to be.  I too had several problems in the reproductive area and thus had take female hormones for the last few years.  What I am saying that any relationship is rewarding if the two both come into with real expectations.  Maybe some of the relationships that began did not have real expectations and maturing at looking a things in the beginning...therefore, cancer, wealth and aging etc will always be a problem.  Remember life is hope thus, the first priority is LIFE!! 

 

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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25445
Posted 2/23/2009 11:09 AM (GMT -7)
Very good post, Allousie
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GBINAB
Regular Member
Joined : Apr 2008
Posts : 206
Posted 2/23/2009 12:36 PM (GMT -7)
Great Post Alouise

I would agre with every part of it ... i been through the same road an trust me it was not easy to lose something we lived with for many years .. and the process is painful but i am grateful for my health and the progress with my recovery and i am sure with a loving woman by his side your man will over come anything together

Good Luck

GB smilewinkgrin
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