Men with much younger wives

Since my surgery in March '08, I know of other men that have prostate cancer.

The older the wife – the more likely she is to say: “There but for the grace of God, go I.”

 

We human beings are full of insecurities. But if your guy friends think their spouses will leave them for lack of sex, I wonder what they think the ladies will do when they’re in the final stages and are DIEING from cancer?

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Age 53   - 5'11"   205lbs

If the glue that holds their marriage together is based on sex...they have more to worry about than cancer....

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You are beating back cancer, so hold your head up with dignity

What shallow relationships those men must have, or think they have. These are really sad and pathetic examples. If there were true love present, then they would want to do whatever was possible and available to be alive for their spouse, regardless of age differences. Sounds like they are dooming themselves with that attitude.

David in SC

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Age 56, 56 at DX, PSA 7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3

 

   Les,

   ..you said it best!  Change the name on the insurance policy and I'll bet they're out of there even faster..

A wife chimes in...since my husband's surgery 11 months ago, being able to have intercourse is still something we hope for. I can't believe that any woman who loves her man would not want him to have treatment regardless of the post-treatment issues. Frankly, my husband's incontinence issues bother me more - for his sake - than lack of sex for either of us.

To avoid treatment because of fear of ED is just plain foolish ... I would much rather have my husband alive and with me than reminisce about what great sex we used to have!

Sephie, I believe in my heart that most wives here would say the same thing as you. I would like to think all of our relationships go a lot deeper then whether or not conventional sex can take place or not. What if the tables were turned, and the wife had maladies that didn't allow IC, or made it too painful to endure?

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Age 56, 56 at DX, PSA 7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3

I would need to know the stats on the 59 year old guy with the 24 year old wife.

If his stats are bad, his wife leaving him is the least of his problems.  He should get treatment.

If his stats give him some room to consider watchful waiting, I can understand why he would want to delay treatment. If he has ED after treatment, she's looking at a lot of years thinking about what she is missing.  IMO, regardless of the love between them, that's a lot to ask of a healthy 24 year old. 

I too had surgery 11 month's ago and I'm still working at waking junior up.

I also have a wife 15 years younger than myself, and we both stare at junior with hope in our eyes.

But as was said many times in this thread, if my relationship with my wife and the five children we have and two grandchildren was based on whether or not junior performed his duties, it wouldn't be that secure of a relationship, now would it?

Just as we've found out that not having a woody doesn't mean we cannot reach orgasm, there are more ways to keep the wife happy besides making donuts.

We did it at the movies and the drive-ins, you just have to get a little creative. :)) Billy

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DIAG. 2/08
DRE POSITIVE
PSA 6.8
CONTAINED, LEFT SIDE, GLEASON 9
LUPRON, (3 MO.) 2/28
RRP, 3/26, HOME 3/31
GLEASON SCORE, 3+4
TUMOR CONFINED TO THE PROSTATE, INKED EXTERNAL SURFACE FREE OF INVOLVEMENT. VD AND SV CLEAR AS WELL AS LYMPH NODES AND A BLADDER SECTION.
PSA 5/21 O.O1 UND TESTOSTERONE 0
PSA 6/30 O.OI UND TESTOSTERONE 10
PSA 9/30 O.O1 UND TESTOSTERONE 311
PSA 1/12 O.O1 UND. TESTOSTERONE 219
ED, BUT I CAN FIND WAYS AROUND IT.

I agree with you fully on that point, Billy. In the Pleasure Forest, there's more than wood to choose from

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Age 56, 56 at DX, PSA 7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3

Purgatory. (David) ..(!!!Pleasure Forest!!)) What a hoot. !! I am rolling in the aisles!! You should be a writer for Saturday Nite Live!!! :)

Bob,
Well, I am ten years younger than Pete, and we have been married for over forty years....Have six grandchildren....We have had a wonderful intimate life in the Pleasure Forest and now we have relaxed to the Pleasure Garden......I feel for the guys that leave loyal wives for trophy honeys that they worry will leave them if they get sick. Last night I got a call from the daughter of a dear woman friend who passed away of Alzheimers....The daugher said her father loved her mother so much that he slept in the same bed with her every single night...even the night she died....They had nurses come in and take care of her, but he was with her and loved her. When you take your vows it is not "if", it is "when".....I don't mean this to be a downer...but for all of us to realize how important love is......It will get us all through.....Diane

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Husband Pete
dx Jan 2001 gleason 4 + 3 PSA 16.5
Seed implant and conformal radiation and Lupron from Jan 2001 to Jan2002
2005 Dec PSA began to rise from .5 to 8 within 6 months
Salvage surgery at MSK 9/06 Dr. Eastham
Fistula operation 2/07 MSK Dr. Wong
Many cystoscopies and ER visits with strictures
Catheter for one year....Catheter taken out Sept 07..
Total Incontinence since then....
PSA .52 3/08
AUS Operation at MSK Sept 8 2008 Dr. Sandhu
Activated Oct 28th Dr. Sandhu..MSK
Some difficulty with AUS arising Nov 10 2008
Meeting with Dr. Sandhu to discuss AUS problems and new PSA test Dec 11, 2008
PSA .6 12/08
AUS improving..only 2 pads a day and one at night
Complete hip replacement surgery Dr. Waters Gainesville, FL 1/9/09
Forging ahead to health!

Diane,
Now you got me doing the blushers big time. When I wrote that, it was spur of the moment right off my head, didn't think about what I was saying. Glad you liked it, on rare occasions I can be funny.

What you wrote, however, was very touching, and my wife and I can relate to your words exactly, and btw, my wife is only 3 years younger, but looks 15 years younger, must be her natural red hair.

Thanks, David

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Age 56, 56 at DX, PSA 7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3

I also feel it is a lot to ask from the 24 year old wife. But the age difference is

I am 45 and my wife, God bless her is going to be 30 next week. She is loving and giving and patient. She misses the horn -dog I use to be but our relationship has matured and our twice a week blue pill induced bouts seem to be enough. When they are not that is why God gave me a toungue. lol. I hope I didnt offend anyone with that slip of the toungue. The point is that in a good marriage, sex is only 10 percent of the relationship and in a bad relationship it is more like 90 percent. Gee I do believe that I am a cunning linguist. ****. Todd

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dx:06/03/06

todd, you may get a tongue lashing for the above post. lol. Or a good licking!

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Age 56, 56 at DX, PSA 7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3

Ok, gentlemen, lets not wander off the path here. We need to keep our discussions of intimacy at least in some broad medical terminology format.. You knew that was coming, huh?

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James C. Age 62
Co-Moderator- Prostate Cancer Forum
4/07 PSA 7.6, referred to Urologist, recheck 6.7
7/07 Biopsy: 3 of 16 PCa, 5% involved, left lobe, GS 3/3=6
9/07 Nerve sparing open RRP- Path Report: GS 3+3=6 Stg. pT2c, 110gms, margins clear
16 mts: ED- 50 mg Viagra 3X week, pump daily,Trimix .35ml 2X week continues
PSA's: .04 each 3 months

okay James. Message recieved. However you do have to admit that I am a rather cunning linguist. roflol

By the way David you are totally funny. We should hang out.

Todd, that we should. Got to find some humor in all this we deal with. Sometimes I watch the masses walk by, knowing that they are not in our world of PC (thankful for that actually), and they are clueless what we think and endure everyday.

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Age 56, 56 at DX, PSA 7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3

David
Maybe I should give you a call the next time I am in Pinehurst N.C. Of course I cant offord the greens fees at that place and they dont let hackers such as myself out on the course but I am sure we could go somewhere else and knock the ball around. That is if you are into knocking the ball around. Todd

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dx:06/03/06

Hate to judge a situation where you don't know the people involved....but I'd be willing to bet a 24 year old mariied to a guy at 59 isn't in it for the sex in the first place!   JMHO

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Sterd82

Hi Bob D ,

I kind of see partially the worries of losing your MANHOOD (if temporary or long term ) as a great worry to most men , however men in general should also understand that it is NOT the only quality they can offer to a relationship or marriage.
I am one that all my life attracted younger women and married one that was 13 years younger as well .. however it tuned out to be that before i was DX with my prostate cancer our marriage was on a down hill swing , the ironic part of it , the marriage had all the best qualities that any marriage should have , but our divorce cam as a result of a sexual act on her part (cheating...and more over for the wrong reasons ..not that there is a good reason to cheat .. but there is a better reason than some... and since it was not for LOVE or SEX it was the wrong reason).
so i divorced her after 14 years of marriage and 2 kids ,an found myself battling prostate cancer and in the operating room for my RP... am about 20 months post op an just coming back into a normal sexual relations , and even though i must admit it is NOT back to Normal 100% yet .. i feel that my relationships these days based on much stronger foundation than just sex , there is a lot to offer to each other in a healthy relations, and SEX is not on top of the list , the fact is i can find sex anywhere i turn BUT i can not find a woman with substance every day of the week.
i have turn to a better person for it as i am not SEX crazed as i used to be pre-op (sure i miss the wild days of my late 40's) but o the other hand i can see the other side of life , and i agree for the most part with most of the posts here which points out that men who's base their sex life as the pillar that holds their relations or marriage , need an attitude adjustment immediately, especially when it comes to their health decisions... i wonder how much help they can get from their young wives when they gone off too early due to Cancer.

sure we all like to hang with the young herd, but it is for sure not for the right reasons, since most of us men like to inflate our ego , especially when it comes to our manhood (we can hardly wait to sit with the guys and tell our adventures ... we worry how satisfied in bed our women are.... etc etc )
so these 2 friends you know need a wake up call BIG TIME i can only prey and wish them well

GB

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April 2007 PSA 8.4 for last 6 months biopsy shows PC 3+3=6
June 13 2007 Nerve Sparing open RP / Dr. Christopher Johnson at St. Francis Hospital NY.
4 days later home for Fathers Day, and Catheter.
Removal of catheter 10 days later , incontinence not an issue, no pads used from the get go.
1 month PSA next to not detected

ED is a longer battle:
1 month out start using occasionally Cialis and 50MG Viagra to promote blood flow with no response. 3 months and 6 months PSA not detected
ED 6 months mark starting with VED therapy and being more aggressive with meds , in addition taking Folgard supplement daily.
April 2008 : 10 month out and start seeing some serious improvements with ED while using Meds and VED , can achieve erections, Mid nights erections almost on a regular basis , and uncontrolled 90 % erections spontaneously.

UPDATE 1 YAER FOLLOW UP
ED: With Viagra Usable erection for intercourse , AND AT 80% without any medications !!
Fully continent since removal of catheter.
PSA one year : 0.0 as of 6/13/ 2008 BIG Wooohoooooooooo!!!!

Well to speak up as one of the younger women.  I am 21 years the junior of my wonder man.  He just turned 60 and I am 39.  Actually, we have been dating for three years.  His surgery was a year ago -- the day before Valentine's Day.  I will have to say (as I have said to him many times) -- A dead man can't have relations!  I was the one that noticed signs of problem and pushed and pushed for him to go get checked.  I also wanted the best doctor for him to have the RP --Da Vinci in hopes of the best long term cure available.  I believe at first he was afraid of the surgery and afraid of my reaction...thus he was thinking of the rad. pellets.  Upon my researching of the different options, I became set on the operation for as I have stated..............I want him with me and the rest of the world!!!  Now, I will say that I can not deny that we both have mourned our losses but I believe that people can chose to to get on with living or give up.  Life is choice and I choice life, love, laughter!  I will not accept any less from my wonderful man either!  Relations is what you choose it to be -- there is many wonderful ways to show your partner how much you love them.  I am very happy and content with my man.  I believe God will not burden us with what we can not handle. 

Now with stating this -- has this been an easy road for us?  No of course not -- but I would not want to be anyhow nor with anyone else.  Now, I will say that I knew his age and he knew mine when we meet.  Therefore, the person needs to have the maturity to understand what they are getting into in the beginning.  I felt that a mature loving companionship is where I wanted to be.  I too had several problems in the reproductive area and thus had take female hormones for the last few years.  What I am saying that any relationship is rewarding if the two both come into with real expectations.  Maybe some of the relationships that began did not have real expectations and maturing at looking a things in the beginning...therefore, cancer, wealth and aging etc will always be a problem.  Remember life is hope thus, the first priority is LIFE!! 

Very good post, Allousie

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Age 56, 56 at DX, PSA 7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3

Great Post Alouise

I would agre with every part of it ... i been through the same road an trust me it was not easy to lose something we lived with for many years .. and the process is painful but i am grateful for my health and the progress with my recovery and i am sure with a loving woman by his side your man will over come anything together

Good Luck

GB

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April 2007 PSA 8.4 for last 6 months biopsy shows PC 3+3=6
June 13 2007 Nerve Sparing open RP / Dr. Christopher Johnson at St. Francis Hospital NY.
4 days later home for Fathers Day, and Catheter.
Removal of catheter 10 days later , incontinence not an issue, no pads used from the get go.
1 month PSA next to not detected

ED is a longer battle:
1 month out start using occasionally Cialis and 50MG Viagra to promote blood flow with no response. 3 months and 6 months PSA not detected
ED 6 months mark starting with VED therapy and being more aggressive with meds , in addition taking Folgard supplement daily.
April 2008 : 10 month out and start seeing some serious improvements with ED while using Meds and VED , can achieve erections, Mid nights erections almost on a regular basis , and uncontrolled 90 % erections spontaneously.

UPDATE 1 YAER FOLLOW UP
ED: With Viagra Usable erection for intercourse , AND AT 80% without any medications !!
Fully continent since removal of catheter.
PSA one year : 0.0 as of 6/13/ 2008 BIG Wooohoooooooooo!!!!