Fun/interesting quotes from various doctors or memorable quotes~anybody can add one to this thread

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zufus
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3149
   Posted 3/1/2009 6:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Dr. Israel Barken  (retired-onco/doc): 
 "It is more important to know what kind of person has the disease, than what kind of disease the person has"    smhair     (was not intended as total face value-point of observation)
 
(Voltaire-?) paraphrased- a doctors efforts are to amuse the patient, while the disease takes care of itself turn
 
 
On the humor side we could add plenty too:
 
"Youth is wasted on the Young"- W.C. Fields   (aah yes) smilewinkgrin
 
"I wouldn't join a club that would have me as a member"- Groucho Marx rolleyes
 
 "The other morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas, what he was doing in my pajamas, I'll never know"- Grouch Marx redface


 

Post Edited (zufus) : 3/1/2009 5:40:25 AM (GMT-7)


Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4828
   Posted 3/1/2009 6:58 AM (GMT -6)   

In the hospital, a patient's relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. At last, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$200 for a female brain, and $500 for a male brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A girl, unable to control her curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at her childish innocence and then said, "It's a standard pricing procedure. We have to mark the female brains down, because they're used!!!!!!!"


Age 54   - 5'11"   205lbs
Overall Heath Condition - Good
PSA - July 2007 & Jan 2008 -> 1.3
Biopsy - 03/04/08 -> Gleason 6 
 
06/25/08 - Da Vinci robotic laparoscopy
Catheter in for five weeks.
Dry after 3 months.
 
10/03/08 - 1st Quarter PSA -> less then .01
01/16/09 - 2nd Quarter PSA -> less then .01
Surgeon - Keith A. Waguespack, M.D.
 


Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4828
   Posted 3/1/2009 7:00 AM (GMT -6)   

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?

 Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.


Age 54   - 5'11"   205lbs
Overall Heath Condition - Good
PSA - July 2007 & Jan 2008 -> 1.3
Biopsy - 03/04/08 -> Gleason 6 
 
06/25/08 - Da Vinci robotic laparoscopy
Catheter in for five weeks.
Dry after 3 months.
 
10/03/08 - 1st Quarter PSA -> less then .01
01/16/09 - 2nd Quarter PSA -> less then .01
Surgeon - Keith A. Waguespack, M.D.
 


Ralph Alfalfa
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 469
   Posted 3/1/2009 9:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Man to Doctor after prostate biopsy. "Say,Doc, do me a favor will you and tell my wife that you didn't find my head up there."

Bob
 AGE:57
 Dx: October,27(the day after my birthday)
 Psa 14.5
 Gleason:(4+3) 7 T1c
 Bone scan:Negative
 Cat scan: Negative
 Biopsy: 4 of 12 positive, left side, pre-cancerous on the right.
 Confined to prostate.
 DaVinci scheduled for Jan. 19, 2009.Dr. Scott Montgomery, KC Urology,
Shawnee Mission Med. Center. Kansas


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25369
   Posted 3/1/2009 12:29 PM (GMT -6)   
True story from a former surgeon of mine after he removed a "mass" from my throat-

He calls me on the phone, just prior to the pathology on the growth, "David, I guarantee you that it won't be cancer."

Two hours later, he calls me and tells me that not only was it fully cancer, the rare porocarcinoma I had twice before, but now it was in my lymph nodes in my throat. Nice guaranteee.
Age 56, 56 at DX, PSA 7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3
3rd Biopsy 9/8 Positive 7 of 7 cores pos, 40-90%, Gleason 7
Open RP surgery 11/14/8, Right nerves saved, 4 days hospital, staples out 11/24/8, 5th cath out on 1/19/9
Post-surgery Pathlogy Report:Gleason 3+4=7, pT2c, 42 grm, tumor 20%, Contained in capsular, clear margins, clear lymph nodes 
First PSA Post Surgery   2/9 .05
 
 


zufus
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3149
   Posted 3/1/2009 12:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Dave we hope that doc is not cloned (lol), atleast his own second opinion was correct, so got to give him credit on that. Tell me was he eating crow that night or fillet of sole (leather shoe verision), maybe it was humble pie. Too bad you couldn't have said yeah I think my money is genuine then call back and say no its been counterfeited.
 


DJBearGuy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 731
   Posted 3/1/2009 2:47 PM (GMT -6)   
So when someone, like a surgeon, says "I guarantee it won't be cancer" and it is cancer, how to you cash in the guarantee? A refund on the procedure? Or maybe he is obligated to put it back in tongue ?

My GP, who referred me for a biopsy, also assured me that it wouldn't be cancerous. My wife's doc also told her that she probably didn't have cancer. Hey, maybe that's what doctors are taught to say. I wonder if they realize the impact on their credibility?

DJ
Diagnosis at age 53. PSA 2007 about 2; PSA 2008 4.3
Biopsy September 2008: 6 of 12 cores positive; Gleason 4+3 = 7
CT and Bone scan negative
Da Vinci surgery at City of Hope December 8, 2008
Radical prostatectomy and lymph node dissection
Catheter out on 7th day, replaced on 8th day, out again 14th day following negative cystogram
Pathology: pT2c; lymph nodes negative; margins involved; 41 grams, 8% involved by tumor; same Gleason 4+3=7
PSA 1/22/08 non-detectable! 8-)


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25369
   Posted 3/1/2009 3:20 PM (GMT -6)   
The partiular surgeon in my true story, is now the county corenor, definitely can't hurt the dead he works with anymore, their troubles are over with
Age 56, 56 at DX, PSA 7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3
3rd Biopsy 9/8 Positive 7 of 7 cores pos, 40-90%, Gleason 7
Open RP surgery 11/14/8, Right nerves saved, 4 days hospital, staples out 11/24/8, 5th cath out on 1/19/9
Post-surgery Pathlogy Report:Gleason 3+4=7, pT2c, 42 grm, tumor 20%, Contained in capsular, clear margins, clear lymph nodes 
First PSA Post Surgery   2/9 .05
 
 


mjluke
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 189
   Posted 3/2/2009 8:15 AM (GMT -6)   

Australian chap not feeling well goes to the doctor. Doctor examines him- says " bad news, its terminal."

Aussie- "No worries doc, I'm ready- get me to a hospital."

Next day an intern doing rounds approaches Aussies bed.

Doctor- "Did you come here to die?"

Aussie- "No doc, yesterdie."


 
63 years old-tumor discovered on digital exam- biopsy December 2008-
4 of 12 samples positive-all on right side
Gleason 3+3=6
PSA-3
Otherwise excellent health.
 
  "There may come a day when the courage of men will fail, but it will not be this day."


NV RTRD 2007
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 3/4/2009 7:15 PM (GMT -6)   
When Doctors Die"
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge 7-foot wide heart covered with flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside the heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. . . .. . . . .
I'm a gynecologist"

That's when the proctologist fainted!!
Age 54; Age DX 53
PSA: May 07- 2.9; Dec 07-4.3; Jan 2008- 6.1; May 2008- 6.4; Sep 2008- 7.3 ; Sep 2008- 9.6
Bone Scan: Mar 2007- Normal without evidence of metastatic disease.
Biopsy Mar 2008: 6/6 core right gland- No evidence of malignancy; 5/6 core left gland- positive Gleason score 3+3=6 average tumor volume 5 mm.Clinical Stage II.
Transrectal ultrasound at UCSF Jun 2008: 7x14x10 mm hypoechoic lesion in left gland. DRE positive, PSA Density- 0.23 and Prostate volume - 27 CC.
RRP: 4 Dec 2008; Discharged - 8 Dec 2008; Cath removed- 18 Dec 08.
Pathology Report: Prostate- 33 grams; L/R pelvic lymph node -No evidence of malignancy; Right Lobe- No definite tumor; Adenocarcinoma, Gleason 3+4.
Post PSA: 7 Jan 2009 - <.05.


Tony Crispino
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 8128
   Posted 3/5/2009 12:08 AM (GMT -6)   
I am really worried about some of you...

Oy...

tony
Age 46 (44 when Dx)
Pre-op PSA was 19.8 : Surgery at The City of Hope on February 16, 2007
Geason 4+3=7, Stage pT3b, N0, Mx
Positive Margins (PM), Extra Prostatic Extension (EPE) : Bilateral Seminal vesicle invasion (SVI)
HT began in May, '07 with Lupron and Casodex 50mg (2 Year ADT)
IMRT radiation for 38 Treatments ending August 3, '07
Current PSA (January 13, 2009): <0.1
 
My Journal is at Tony's Blog  
 
STAY POSITIVE!


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25369
   Posted 3/5/2009 7:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Well, remember the scene in the movie "Patch Adams", when Robin Williams prepared for the visiting Gynacologists.
Age 56, 56 at DX, PSA 7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3,9/8 14.5
3rd Biopsy Sept 08: Positive 7 of 7 cores, 40-90%, Gleason 7, 4+3
Open RP surgery 11/14/8, Right nerves spared, 4 days hospital, staples out 11/24/8, 5th cath out on 1/19/9
Post-surgery Pathlogy Report:Gleason 3+4=7, pT2c, 42 grm, tumor 20%, Contained in capsular, clear margins, clear lymph nodes 
First PSA Post Surgery   2/9 .05, 6 month on 5/9
 
 


mikey1955
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 3/6/2009 6:03 PM (GMT -6)   

1) My GP said...tell the Uro I don't think it's cancer...

2) Uro said...you'll still have erections. Just no orgasms

3) Uro re-said...you'll still have erections...no ejaculation.

4) Uro said again...you can get erections...and still have orgasms.

5) Uro said...there will be help in getting erections...some orgasms will be different.

6) New Uro said... less than 50% chance of normal erectile function, statistically...I believe this one.

7) New Uro said...97% chance of urinary continence...that is defined as a pad (or maybe two) a day.

8) New Uro said...5%-10% chance of temp colostomy with my new results with bloody stool and severe perineum pain.

9) UK health website said...with +ve biopsy results, rising PSA, and severe perineum pain...cancer is likely statistically...locally invasive.

I'm not laughing too hard.

 


Lower left groin hernia: mesh and large scar: surgery early 2006
Nov/Dec 07 and March 08 and now Dec 08: Severe perineal pain (between scrotum and rectum). Septra/Bactrim for 8 months (Nov 07-Jun 08) for diagnosed prostatitis.
PSA start of 2008: 5.3..... PSA June of 2008: 7.3
8 DRE all benign or nothing felt
TRUS Biopsy Nov 08: Got copy of pathology recently (see below).
General Health: pretty good, 5' 10", 180 lbs, slim.
Bone scan Dec 08: Negative
Biopsy Pathology: 5 of 8 cores positive, adenocarinoma in both lobes. 30%-65%. One core perineural invasion. All cores, 3+3 GS 6.
 

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