Question about the emotional side of PCa?

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/7/2009 10:39 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm new to this forum.
My question is more one about the emotional aspects than the condition of prostate cancer itself.

I have been friends with a man for years.. and really cared but never said anything... I just found out he has to undergo prostate cancer surgery very soon.

This has really shaken me up, and made me realize how much I do care about this person, and how attracted I am to him. What if something happens, and I have never told him.

This has given me the push to tell him.

So do I tell him now, or would that be unfair given what he is going through....

Added a subject to this thread to allow for indexing and future searching options. James C.

Post Edited By Moderator (James C.) : 3/7/2009 9:07:12 AM (GMT-7)

John T
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 4269
   Posted 3/7/2009 12:40 PM (GMT -6)   
PC is very individual and how people accept it vary all over the map. Only you know your friend's state of mind. I would think that just knowing you support him no matter what the outcome would be a tremendous benefit to his emotional well being.

Edited byy Moderator ~ TC-LasVegas

 John, your signature is messed up again and has extreme amount of spaces.  It's worse than ever.  if you need help let me know. 


Post Edited By Moderator (TC-LasVegas) : 3/7/2009 12:43:40 PM (GMT-7)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1382
   Posted 3/7/2009 2:43 PM (GMT -6)   

Any type of cancer can carry with it a plethera of emotions. Doesn't matter if you are a fighter, caregiver or friend each person has their own way of dealing with the emotional and spiritual aspects of the life changing news. Not knowing the dynamics of the relationship you have with this person it would be unfair for me to make any suggestions. I take seriously the emotional and spiritual counseling I do through my church. Things to consider though are this, do you or this man have other committed relationships? If you have not expressed your feelings in the past, why now? I think at this stage just being close and supportive would be more important than springing what could be unwelcome news. Take it slow, be attentive, and when and if the situation arises for the relationship to take a different tone I think you would know.

If you would like to discuss this more please email me.

peace and love


My PSA at diagnosis was 16.3
age 46 (current)
My gleason score from prostate was 4+5=9 and from the lymph nodes was 4+4=8
I had 44 IMRT's
Currently on Lupron
I go to The Cancer Treatment Center of America
Married with two kids
latest PSA 5-27-08 0.11
PSA July 24th, 2008 is 0.04
PSA Dec 16th, 2008 is .06
Testosterone keeps rising, the current number is 156, up from 57 in May
cancer in 4 of 6 cores

Tony Crispino
Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 8128
   Posted 3/7/2009 2:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Each has given great advice. Your friend needs to know about his disease before he starts with the treatments. Why don't you direct him here? We will be glad to help each and every step of the way.

For me emotions ran high in the beginning. And just like in business, emotions can really be a negative. I am glad that I understood what I was getting into, because if you think emotions are high now, try not knowing and finding things out after you took an irreversible action. I am doing well and I am coping well. Even though I have advanced prostate cancer I am well educated about where we are with treatment. That is where your friend should be.

Age 46 (44 when Dx)
Pre-op PSA was 19.8 : Surgery at The City of Hope on February 16, 2007
Geason 4+3=7, Stage pT3b, N0, Mx
Positive Margins (PM), Extra Prostatic Extension (EPE) : Bilateral Seminal vesicle invasion (SVI)
HT began in May, '07 with Lupron and Casodex 50mg (2 Year ADT)
IMRT radiation for 38 Treatments ending August 3, '07
Current PSA (January 13, 2009): <0.1
My Journal is at Tony's Blog  

Elite Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 3/7/2009 6:42 PM (GMT -6)   
exploring, welcome here, hope we can be a help to you and your friend in any way possible.

I am very in tune with the emotional side of PC and other major illnesses and diseases, so I can answer your question straight forward. Without knowing the history or details, if I were him, and your feelings were positive, honest, and from the heart, not out of sympathy, I would welcome them. I would not have wanted to deal with my PC alone in this world, if this is the case with your friend. I have a loving, supportive wife of almost 35 years, and a close network of adult age children and friends. This has helped me immensely through this ordeal, and still does on a daily basis. To me, your honesty and sincerity would be the deciding factor if I were him. But then, I am an old school softy romantic fool, what do I know, lol. Good luck.

David in SC
Age 56, 56 at DX, PSA 7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3,9/8 14.5
3rd Biopsy Sept 08: Positive 7 of 7 cores, 40-90%, Gleason 7, 4+3
Open RP surgery 11/14/8, Right nerves spared, 4 days hospital, staples out 11/24/8, 5th cath out on 1/19/9
Post-surgery Pathlogy Report:Gleason 3+4=7, pT2c, 42 grm, tumor 20%, Contained in capsular, clear margins, clear lymph nodes 
First PSA Post Surgery   2/9 .05, 6 month on 5/9

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 3/25/2009 12:24 PM (GMT -6)   
tongue  open    HONEST    COMMUNICATION tongue    Believe me or not, he's going to need someone to lean on....for quite some time to come.
Good luck to you both.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 189
   Posted 3/25/2009 1:51 PM (GMT -6)   

You state that your friend needs prostate surgery and this has shaken you up and made you realize "how attracted I am to him." You wonder if you should tell him and express concern about the emotional aspects of prostate cancer.

Whose emotions are we talking about here? How does all this help him.Sounds to me like you want to get it on now in case he can't later-- nothing wrong with that, but  "Dear Abby" seems like a more appropiate place for you.



63 years old-tumor discovered on digital exam- biopsy December 2008-
4 of 12 samples positive-all on right side
Gleason 3+3=6
Otherwise excellent health.
  "There may come a day when the courage of men will fail, but it will not be this day."

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