the one thing i have learned strongly in the past year of my life, is that PC doesn't play fair, and it really is an evil class of cancer, not to say that any cancer is good. but with many cancers, once its gone, its gone, and that s all there is to it. The other thing, is the infinite amount of variables when dealing wiht PC, what is normal? Is there anything normal or consistent about it? I think I met those as retorical only.
i feel like my stats are forcing me into action i really dont want to take. when it came to the dx and the primary treatment of surgery, i was enough of a number's person to think that really had a shot of knocking the PC out of the ball park on the first pass. my life has adjusted to the side effects, and that is now my new normal and reality. i sense that if i am pushed into the salvage radiation route, then the playing field is going to change once more, and then, of course, what if that doesn't work either? yes, i know i am getting ahead of the game here a bit. but being a former chess pro, i am use to thinking about things many moves ahead of where i am at, but with PC, that is grounds to drive one insane with worry, fretting, and endless what ifs.
right now, this stupid catheter hurts like the hades, i am sick of it, it annoys me endlessly. i have to make it to next week, and then really really trust my dr/surgeon with his laser skills . weird to think that after i am knocked out, they will scope me again, dialate me once again to make room, have video capabiltiy, and still have room to move in the laser surgical equip, all in a tube that fits inside my urethra which isnt large in diameter to start with. i am hoping and praying that it doesnt make me start at square one on the incontinence trail, since i have been 100% dry for some months, or worse, leave me that way. and i hope that my future pee flow will at least somewhat resemble what i had before all of this.
sorry for the rambling, but lot going on in my head right now, its surprising that i am not a drinking man or a user of illegal drugs, i deal with all this unpleasanty being completely straight. perhaps i am the fool for that standard.
but i will keep up the good fight, as long as i have the ability and mindset to do so, which i am hoping will be many more years.
david in sc, deep in thought tonight
Age 57, 56 at DX, PSA 7/7 5.8, 7/8 12.3,9/8 14.5
3rd Biopsy Sept 08: Positive 7 of 7 cores, 40-90%, Gleason 7, 4+3
Open RP surgery 11/14/8, Right nerves spared, 4 days hospital, staples out 11/24/8, 5th cath out on 1/19/9
Pathlogy Report:Gleason 3+4=7, pT2c, 42 grm, tumor 20%, Contained in capsule, one post. margin, clear lymph nodes
2009 PSA 2/9 .05, 5/9 .10, 6/9 .11, 8/9 .16
Lastest 7/13 met with Rad. Oncl, considering options, 7/20 Catheter #6 after complete blockage, scarring closed up bladder neck, corrective laser surgery scheduled for 8/18,
meeting with Rad. Oncl on 8/14 about lastest PSA