Sephie, well the eating and sleeping part I am ok with, not one to really ever get or show anger, unless someone really goes out of their way to push all my buttons when I am tired out of my gourd.
I know this part is all in my mind, but even yesterday, as I approached the building that houses the radiation clinic, I immediately became nauseated. There is even a smell to the place that gets to my stomach when I am there, and I can remember that from years ago too.
To most men, facing surgery was the hard part, to me, having to go through radiation again was always going to be the toughest part. For you folks that don't understand, I had such a difficult time 10 years ago having throat and mouth radiation, left me with perm. side effects for which I still suffer from, and when it was all over, had a complete physical collapse resulting in a full year of physical therapy to get me back together. And my famous words I have to eat now from back then, I will never go through radiation again.
The things we say. Now its the end of 2009, and here I am in the midst of a long and strong bout of radiation, again.
When first dx. with PC, I made it clear to my dr. that I was not concerned about the major surgery and its side effects, but I did not want to go through radiation again. Thus, I hope this explains why this part is such a mental and physical fight with me. Even now, I get tempting thoughts to abort the rest of the process. I seek the strength of mind and body to continue at this point.
David in SC
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Latest: 7/09 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/09 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 - out 38 days, 9/14/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl.agree to start radiation, mapping on 9/21/9, 9/24 - mtg with uro/surg, 9/29- pre-op, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - suprapubic cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - began IMRT SRT - 39 sessions/72 gys.