The "Other Donald" (AKA Rumsfeld) had this to say:
"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know."
Your dad is understandably focused on the known knowns, he has a bit of cancer leak from the prostate, and this leads to worries about the known unknowns --- what will be the result of radiation on his cancer and on his body? At some point, having discoved (as we all have) that his invincible body has failed him (cancer is something other people get) he'll start to worry about the unknown unkowns --- what else might be wrong with him, your mom, others he loves. If this can happen to me ..... ????
There are many levels of fear to deal with. And you will be dealing with the same sort of fears. These are not foolish, silly fears. Or fears born of weakness. They are the sensible, prudent fears that lead us to take PCa seriously and make good decisions. Fear is generally not a sustainable thing, at least not at the top level. We "fight or flight" and we learn to deal with fear. We become accustomed to it and learn to put it in a place and give space in our lives for living again.
You entitle your post: Feeling better. You're working through the process, as all of us are, and as your dad is. When he says he's not expecting a cure, what he's saying is, "My body has let me down twice. First cancer, then it wasn't nice and simple. I'm not going to dare hope for the best and suffer the pain of being let down for a thrid time." However, he, like all of us is hoping for a cure and chances are five years from now as he gets yet another good PSA report, he'll be thinking differently.
My mother is a 50 year plus survivor of breast cancer. After her mastectomy she said she worried about recurrence every two hours the first year, and it wasn't until around year five that she could go a whole day without thinking it might be back.
At some point he'll reach the stage he'll be willing to talk about his cancer with others, but by then, it may be he'll not need to talk about it. Dealing with it himself, having you here, may be the best way for him to come to grips with this beast. We all deal differently.
Please do keep visiting. I promise not to make you cry. Or even sniffle.
You're dad's a lucky guy to have you in his corner.
Sheldon AKA Sleepless
Age 67 in Apil '09 at news of 4 of 12 cores positive T2B and Gleason 3 + 3 and 5% to 25% PSA 1.5
Re-read of slides in June said Gleason 3 + 4 same four cores 5% to 15%
June 29 daVinci prostatectomy, Dr. Eric Estey, at Royal Alexandra Hospital Edmonton one night stay
Flew home to Winnipeg on July 3 after 5 nights in Ramada Inn --- perfect recovery spot!
Catheter out July 9, so far, so good
Final pathology is 3 + 4 Gleason 7, clear margins, clear nodes, T2C, sugeron says report is "excellent"
First post op PSA Sept 09 0.02
Oct 1st 09 -- dry at night, during day some stress issues, but better every week.