New Member from lower thread: Anna (Didn't want her getting buried)

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Elite Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 11/26/2009 3:53 PM (GMT -6)   
(This is from Anna)
Hello, I know this thread is older and may not be getting read, but I want to express my appreciation for the information and experiences posted here. I have recently started dating someone who's had a radical prostatectomy in his mid-50s; he's about 6 months post-op and things are quite uncertain for him physically, in addition to which it's one thing dealing with these issues with someone you love and have been with for a long time, but quite another thing even to talk about this stuff with someone new. So I'm very grateful to know something of the kinds of experience that might be expected. Thanks again, and the best of luck to all of you

Post Edited (Purgatory) : 11/26/2009 1:56:22 PM (GMT-7)

Elite Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 11/26/2009 3:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome Anna to HW, glad to have you here. Saw you add onto a really old but well used thread, wanted to make sure that you didn't slip through the cracks.

There are several single status guys here, they would love to talk to you, as they worry about dating again after prostate cancer treatments. As a woman, sure you can give them and all of us a good perspective of the subject as you are currently dating a guy that had PC surgery.

David in SC
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out  38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - began IMRT SRT - 39 sess/72 gys cath #8 33 days, 11/2- SP Cath #9 in place

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 990
   Posted 11/26/2009 11:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome. This is a place where you will get fair and frank discussion of any PC issue.

I don’t know how much you have read, but the first thing to say is that the ten year survival rate of men with prostate cancer who are treated is very high, approaching 90%.
So my first point is that, you and your friend are likely to have a long time to work on your relationship if that is the direction that things take.

You have probably been reading about the side effects of surgery – incontinence and ED. My second point is that while these are real, they are most often not limits to leading a happy and active life. When you look at this board you see that we tend to joke about these issues – yes, we wish they weren’t there but they are in no way central to our lives.

The fact that you have written shows that you care about your friend. It is best to take that caring one day at a time. Was the last time that you were together fun? Do you look forward to the next time? Trust that as your relationship develops so will your ability to communicate. In fact, many of us here have found that our communications with our wives have improved because of the need to discuss our feelings together.

I suppose that for some people there are “deal breakers.” “I could never date a man who wears panty pads” “I would never go to bed with a man who snores” If you have such issues, then you need to decide when to bring them up – if you don’t raise them, then both of you may be wasting your time.

Whatever happens, be assured that if we can help you or your friend in working on these issues, we are here for you.
Age at diagnosis 66, PSA 5.5
Biopsy 12/08 12 cores, 8 positive
Gleason 3+4=7
CAT scan, Bone scan 1/09 both negative.

Robotic surgery 03/03/09 Catheter Out 03/08/09
Pathology: Lymph nodes & Seminal vesicles negative
Margins positive, Capsular penetration extensive Gleason 4+3=7
6 weeks: 1 pad/day, 1 pad/night -- mostly dry at night.
10 weeks: no pad at night -- slight leakage day/1 pad.
3 mo. PSA 0.0 - now light pads
6 mo. PSA 0.00 -- 1 light pad/day

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 235
   Posted 11/29/2009 12:24 AM (GMT -6)   

Welcome. You are music to my ears as I have just started the first steps towards dating again after divorce, after PCa. You are right that it is hard enough with a trusted spouse, let alone to talk about with someone new. I was panicked myself about it in a thread just about two weeks ago. The wonderful gang here calmed me down, gave me a little gentle "2 X 4" therapy and set my thinking straight.

But it's sure refreshing to know there are persons of substance such as yourself out there with the strength to deal with, not only the physical issues, but the confidence issues in your man. Good on you and thanks for a timely post!

If he needs it, there is a great depth of info and support for him (and you) here.
51 YO
PSA at Dx: 8.2
DaVinci RALP: 10/31/08 -- Great MD in New Haven, CT
Negative margins, no extra-capsular involvement
One nerve spared
PSA at 0 for just over a year now.

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