Emotions and Feelings

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compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7269
   Posted 12/5/2009 9:56 AM (GMT -6)   

I’m wondering if my feelings are typical. Do any of you get a discombobulated feeling. By that I mean the feeling that this is all a nightmare and you will wake up to find this was a long bad dream? Do you feel almost like you are outside your body at times. Does it feel very UNREAL? Do you find that this darn cancer is the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about at night?  Do you find your world just turned totally upside down.

The above is how I feel. I fully expect these feelings/emotions will change over time. I’ve already changed from having that overwhelming mind-racing panic to having the fear go underground just a little bit, although it is still palpable.

Anyway, I suspect this will be an emotional roller coaster until/unless one starts getting a collection of 0 PSA scores after treatment. Even then I’m sure there is a HUGE amount of anxiety as the next PSA test approaches.

I’ll be curious to hear your honest opinions. Incidentally, for me, I’ve always felt totally fine at work. I love my job and can actually function at 100% there; I really don’t think much of PC at work.

Mel

 

 

 


63 years old
PSA-- 3/08--2.90;  8/09--4.01; 11/09--4.19 (Free PSA 24%), this after 45 days on cipro! DREs have always been normal.
 
History of BPH/prostatitis.
 
PCA-3 test: 75.9
 
Biopsy on 11/30/09
 
Biopsy Report—Prostate Cancer

5 out of 12 positive

2 cores were 3+3 (one 5% and the other 30%) on one side

2 cores are 4+3 (5%)

1 core 3+4 (30%)

no peri-neural invasion

prostate is 45 grams

Stage: T1C

 


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 12/5/2009 10:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Well, Mel, give you credit. In your own words, you described accurately how most of dealt with where you are at right now. You are right, a roller coaster of ups and downs with your feelings and emotions. Not asking this to be nosy, but do you have someone in your life to help you through this, i.e. spouse, domestic partner, children, real close friends?

Even with a good wife, who happens to be a nurse, my adult age children close by, it was still hard going through all of this journey so far. I really feel for anyone that life's circumstance make them do this alone.

You are right about the job part. If you have a busy job that you love, you work it as long as you can. It distracts your mind from obsessing about pc and your future with it. I was and am, unemployed the entire time I have been dealing with PC, its rough, as you have endless time on your hands, and too much time to think about things. Different kind of poison I think.

Your thought process tells me you are on the right track. For starters, stay with us here at HW, keep learning, I think you know by now our support is the real thing. Real friendships are being made here, I will testify to that first hand.

When you have any negative feelings, just type them out here, they will be read, and they will be understoon.

My best to you.

David in SC
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out  38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - began IMRT SRT - 39 sess/72 gys cath #8 33 days, 11/2- SP Cath #9 in place


Arnie
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 12/5/2009 10:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Perfectly normal, Mel...........actually all emotions are perfectly normal, as we all deal with this thing similarly at times, and differently at times. But yes, that is how I felt initially. Waking up each day to the fact that's it's not just a bad dream is discomforting to say the least.........your emotions will change as times goes on. As you accumulate info and process it, you will find that you gradually get more on top of the situation. My wife did almost all of the exhausting, dry research while allowing me to deal with the emotional side of it as it washed over me. You are in a state of shock that varies in degrees with all of us. It's a process, and one that doesn't just end with plateaus such as deciding on a form of treatment, getting on the other side of treatment, dealing with side effects, etc., but rather deepens our understanding of what dealing with PC is all about. With all of your posts to date, you've received a lot of good info and suggestions here from the HW bothers-in-arms. You've got to go through this, not around it, unfortunately. So, be good to yourself and take time to gather the info you need to decide on the best path for you.
 
Arnie in DE
Age 56 (biopsy & surgery)
PSA at Diagnosis-3.9
Biposy 8/19/08--4 of 12 cores positive; 5% involvement, Gleason 6 (3+3)
 
Surgery 1/26/09-DaVinci Robotic Prostatectomy at Presbyterian Medical Center/HUP-Phila, PA
Dr. David Lee
 
Pathology Report- Adenocarcinoma, no capsular involvement, seminal vesicles clear, lymph nodes clear, negative margins, Gleason 7 (3+4), Stage T2C, Prostate 61.8 grams, gland involvement 2-10%
 
Catheter removed after 8 days, totally dry at 3 months. ED issues continue, Viagra (via ADC) nightly (100mgs), VED use in earnest at 6 months. "Ball Park Frank" plumping at this point......ED at 10 months continues to improve, albeit slowly. Continued daily use of 100mg Viagra (ADC). Discontinued pump use; manual stimulation to varying states of erections; achieved penetratable erection on a couple of occasions
3 month PSA--<0.1
6 month PSA--<0.1
10 month PSA--<0.1


Sonny3
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 12/5/2009 10:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Mel,

It's all natural and just like the choices we make on dealing with PCa, they are individual.

In my own experience, I was not overwhelmed by it. And am still not today.

Mine may be unique however. I have been dealing with my wife's cancer for 4 years. She has run a far greater gamut of treatments and complications than I will ever have to deal with. My PCa is relatively minor to hers. I am not minimizing PCa by any means, but I really have to put it into my own comparative world.

As you have found peace at work, I also found a sense of peace at mine. The only time I have felt in complete control while dealing with my wife's cancer and lately mine, is when I am one the ball field umpiring a college baseball or softball game. That is the one place I am in complete control for that short period of time. No matter the actions or circumstances, how I handle the situation is in MY control. It is also the only place that I can be free not to think about cancer. The situation dictates and demands my full level of concentration. So I understand your peace at work very well.

Nothing you are going through is unique in the world of cancer. It is only unique to your world at this point in time. As marriage was unique to you in the beginning and the birth of your first child, it cannot help but become all consuming. But as you adjusted to the new job, the new wife and the new child, it subsides at being at the front of your thoughts continuously.

It is there and to some degree will always be there. However, it will leave your utmost levels of priority for longer and longer periods of time. You can't allow it to stay at the forefront and lead the Quality of Life that we all strive for whether we are dealing with cancer or not.

But this is just my own experiences in this world.

Sonny
61 years old
PSA 11/07 3.0
PSA 5/09 6.4
Diagnosis confirmed July 9, 2009
12 Needle Biopsy = 9 clear , 3 postive
<5%, 90%, 40%
Gleason Score (3+4) 7 in all positive cores
CT Organ Scan - negative
Nuclear Bone Scan - Negative
da Vinci 9/17/09
Post Surgery Pathology:
Gleason: Changed to (4+3) = 7
Stage: T3a
Tumor Volume 12.5%
NERVES SPARED-positive margin, extra-prostatic extension
30 day PSA 0.4, 50 day psa 0.53, 64 day psa 0.6
IMRT scheduled to begin Nov 30,2009 (74 days post surgery)


zachattack
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 12/5/2009 10:34 AM (GMT -6)   
You my good man have hit the nail on the head
age 55dx 12-2008,psa at biopsy 8.6
biopsy 12/12 gleason 3+4=7
da vinci surgery 6-09 by DR. John W. Scott (my hero)
Hospital 3 days cath 7days still leaking from cough(bad lungs)
still have ed may be the hormones.
9-09 psa 2.2 hormone inj
10-09 nuclear bone scan no results yet I will have gold markers placed 12-29-09
start rad 1-10-09


JerryB-UK
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 12/5/2009 10:40 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Mel,

An interesting post. I guess we are all different in the way we initially react to the news at first and then later, once the concept of having cancer has fully sunk in.

My initial thoughts were entirely negative and I was, for a few days, planning how best I would ease my way out of this world when things got too bad. Then, a strong pragmatic element seem to take over and, with the help of websites like this, I began to learn as much as I could about the enemy. For me, this seemed to be an effective therapy.

From then onwards, and particularly since I had my treatment (HIFU) five weeks ago, I have found myself in the slightly perplexing situation of genuinely finding it difficult to be too concerned. There were a few, fairly brief periods of slight depression during my three months of hormone treatment, which I guess is to be expected, but aside from that I have found it difficult to really get to grips with the fact that I have a disease, which may or may not have been put into remission.

Life goes on pretty much as normal.  I feel as though I am in good health now that the side-effects of hormone treatment are finally starting to recede, and although I guess that having PCa is pretty much always in the back of my mind, it doesn't inflict much on day-to-day living. This actually slightly concerns me, because occasionally I wonder how I'm going to react should it be found that my cancer is still active and needs further treatment. I assume that when my first post-treatment PSA test results are due, I shall be feeling somewhat differently than I do now, and no doubt also with subsequent PSA tests as time goes by, but at the moment I feel surprisingly 'serene' about the whole business.

I live alone, and although I have many good friends who have been fantastically supportive, I do wonder whether it is good or not so good being in the position of having close family around who are constantly, with the best of intentions, maybe inadvertently reminding one about the cancer?

With regard to work, I am now retired. Before retiring my job involved some fairly hard schedules flying to different parts of the world, involvement in high-level business meetings, and a certain amount of pressure. I'm not sure how I would have handled all that at the same time as going through the past few months with a cancer diagnosis. I'm very glad I didn't have to!

My doctor (general practitioner) said to me at an early stage in my diagnosis that I should appreciate that my life would never be the same again. He said this not in a negative way but to emphasise the fact, as you have said, that having cancer turns one's life totally upside down, and means that things will probably not be the same for many years, if ever again.

I can truthfully say that in some ways having a cancer diagnosis has been a good thing for me. It has helped me to put things into proportion. My priorities in life, the importance of friendship, and an awareness that there are so many other people in this world who are in a dreadfully worse situation than I am.

I shall be very interested to read comments from other people. I half expect to see the full gamut of emotions and reactions.

Cheers,

Jeremy


Age - 67
PSA – 7.8 ug/L. in February 2009
Gleason – 7 (4+3).  T stage – 2b.   Prostate size - 52 cc
July 2009 - ADT for 3 months to shrink prostate with a view to Brachytherapy but considering HIFU
September 2009 - prostate reduced in size but flow still to slow to allow brachytherapy.  Told that surgery is only option
September 2009 - decided on HIFU.  Scheduled for 30th October 2009


cocrgolfer
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 171
   Posted 12/5/2009 11:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Mel,


This is one of those times in our lives when we absolutely HAVE to stay positive. Besides staying busy at work, sports, hobbies, etc. a big part of it is focusing on the positive alternatives of probable outcomes. Other than types of skin cancer, I don't believe there is any other cancer that is as highly curable as PCa. A lot of guys on this forum have sort of waltzed into this and waltzed out again with little incontinence or ED issues. You could do the same. Who knows? But even IF they arise, most of those issues get better over time, a lot better. It looks to me as if you have caught your dose early and I'd have to say I think you have every reason to expect a great outcome. As a mathematician you have to love your odds. I haven't had my first post-surgery PSA yet but I hardly have a shadow of a doubt that it's going to come out ok. I'm 2 mos. on the other side and am still about 75% incontinent. But after going back in time on hundreds of HW threads, I have faith it is going to go away one of these days, as well as my ED. I am back to walking, light jogging, and golf already. I don't know much about other forms of treatment, but the actual surgery is not very painful and debilitating. Yes, it is a miserable experience but it can be dealt with, it will pass, and a very satisfactory healing is in the cards for most of us.



Kindest regards,



Steve

zufus
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3149
   Posted 12/5/2009 11:10 AM (GMT -6)   
How about the 'jungle, twilight zone, limbo land' for a few adjectives on this. Hopefully you won't face doing hormone therapies and heavier drug protocols....trust me....you will be on here 24/7 with comments, etc. Like Al Pacino in the movie scent of a woman.....'hey I'm just gettin started'.... (hooorah).

The good news is it has control and possible cures, compared to other cancers that literally have little or none. I know that isn't good enough, would you like to trade stats???? I actually have some fun and humor even though facing, knowing I will be luckier than (blank) to win this battle. On the humor side the Government won't be getting my tax dollars(and controlling that much of life) some day....that makes me feel good all over, very comforting.

Try to chill.....someday we all expire, sometimes from stupid unpredictable things as you have witnessed happens in the journey of life.

Post Edited (zufus) : 12/5/2009 9:13:49 AM (GMT-7)


compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7269
   Posted 12/5/2009 11:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Let me mention 2 of my more specific fears:
 
1) With a Gleason 4+3, this is advanced. That scares me. At least it is only 5% of the core (and the biopsy report indicates a 60%-40% split on the 4 vs. 3 part). But, overall, I find that scary (basically going to the fear of this cancer not being contained). This also creates a sense of urgency to act. Fortunately, I'm being guided more by my logical thinking rather than emotionalism.
 
2) I had an umbilical hernia at birth. So, I have no belly button. That has never been a problem. In fact, we had great fun with that when the kids were little (where did daddy hide his belly button). My fear now: will this be a contraindication for robotic surgery? Obviously I will get an answer soon. Any armchair thoughts from the group?
 
If you think about this disease enough, you can get destroyed/impotent (no pun intended) with fear. The "oh my God what ifs" just eat you up. Yesterday, my emotional state was much better. In my mind, any pity party was over. I had set up the consultation appointments and was ready to kick butt. Today I have regressed a bit. These ups and downs will continue I'm sure.
 
Mel
63 years old
PSA-- 3/08--2.90;  8/09--4.01; 11/09--4.19 (Free PSA 24%), this after 45 days on cipro! DREs have always been normal.
 
History of BPH/prostatitis.
 
PCA-3 test: 75.9
 
Biopsy on 11/30/09
 
Biopsy Report—Prostate Cancer

5 out of 12 positive

2 cores were 3+3 (one 5% and the other 30%) on one side

2 cores are 4+3 (5%)

1 core 3+4 (30%)

no peri-neural invasion

prostate is 45 grams

Stage: T1C

 


coxjajb
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 184
   Posted 12/5/2009 1:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Compiler, I felt the same as you when I was at the stage of this "ride" you find yourself right now. At about 6 months post op, I was able to look back and say "that wasn't so bad". I don't, in any way, mean to minimize the seriousness of PC. I know it depends on the outcome, issues complications we each experience. I feel very blessed to have been spared the complications some have faced while fighting this terrible disease. Having said that, I still fret each PSA test and anxiously wait the results. Early on in my journey, I decided that I would deal with my PC one step at a time. The first step was to decide on a treatment option and doctor. Once that decision was made, I was not going to look back and second guess what I had no control to change. Step # 2 was to play the cards I was dealt from the surgery. I found my pre-surgery worries moot as I was fortunate to have a very positive outcome.
Age 51
Pre - Op PSA, 4.3
Gleason 3+4=7
Stage T1C
da Vinci Prostatectomy 8/1/08
No issues with incontinence since day 1 after catheter removal
Mild ED. Levitra works well for me
PSA 0.00 at one year post op

Post Edited (coxjajb) : 12/5/2009 11:22:14 AM (GMT-7)


qjenxu
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 12/5/2009 1:37 PM (GMT -6)   
' Do you find that this darn cancer is the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about at night? '

yes, this was how i felt eveyday when we find out my husband had cancer.

eventualy, i got use to it. dont feel that often now.

Jennifer

kak
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 12/5/2009 2:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow everyone has hit the nail on the head. I guess the unknown is what is the hardest. Two years ago we had a plan with radiation and Hormone therapy I guess what is so hard right now is what is next or is there a next? My husband and I both feel like there isn't a lot of treatment left out there except for chemo. Guess we will find out on tuesday when we see the doctor. I think we are both scared of what he is going to say. If only his psa hadn't gone up to 4.65. It's just a tough season to be dealing with this as everyone is wishing a "Merry Christmas". OH well sorry for rambling ,but thanks for listening.
AGe 54 diagnosed March of 2007
PSA 107
Gleason 8
Stage T2 or T3 (weren't sure was out of prostate capsule)
Bone scan march 2007 and Aug 2008 both clear
ct 2007 clear
started casadex/lupron March of 2007 (casadex only for 4 months)(lupron for 2 yrs)
Aug 2007 had 37 treatments (also radiated lymph nodes)
psa spr 07-107,went down to .34 by Dec 08, March 09 0.7, May 1.54
 
 


zufus
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3149
   Posted 12/5/2009 2:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Kak -Look at the post today on known HRPCa drug therapies that site give you some big clues, if your doc either does not know of them or ever use them, maybe find a PCa oncologist whom goes beyond the basics as maybe you need better survival options.

grouchytx
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 12/5/2009 4:18 PM (GMT -6)   
For me, it has not been too much of a roller-coaster. I beat Stage III colon cancer six years ago. I promised myself at that point that I would never have a b***h coming about anything. For me, "it is what it is", period. If I beat this, OK. If not, it has been a good ride. A wonderful marriage, four kids and eight grandkids.

Believe me, I want to lick this thing. But it is in higher authorities hands.

On Monday morning I will have my last HDRB treatment. Then it will be a six month wait. My plan is to squeeze every moment out of every day.
Age: 63
 
Gleason: 8 (5+3) Biopsys ranged from 90% to 100%
Refused surgery and hormone therapy. Doctor really made an argument for benefits of hormone therapy, I could not accept the consequences.
 
28 IMRT treatments.  Originally scheduled to get seed implants but doc decided that due to my prognosis High Dose Rate Brachythrapy was a better path to attempt.
 
PSA: 13
 
Let the chips fall where they may.


logoslidat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6051
   Posted 12/5/2009 5:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Compiler, you are getting good replys on this forum and your whole style is somewhat refreshing, tho it takes getting used to. Don't worry about organ confined at this point. I had 6 gleason did the recheck went to soft 7, post op went to hard 7 with 2 tiny foci of tertiary 5 as in max gleason 5 not combined. Everything was contained, Did I stop worrying cause it was contained , nope now cause of upgrade in gleason, im worried about 1st psa and recurrence. You know it never ends when you have any type of cancer. So what I am trying to do, and it is difficult, is to Stop the Insanity. Not worry about what I have no control of, live in the NOW, (Pca actually makes this one easier} Keep my faith in the Goodness of Man. Forums like this are perfect places to " practice" these virtues. The irony of sites like these are that you can.t really talk about religeon, but you sure can practice, practice, practice your faith, right down to the term, My Brother
age 66 First psa 4/17/09 psa 8.3, 7/27/09 psa 8.1
8/12/09 biopsy 6 out of 12 pos 2-70%, rest <5% 3+3
10/19/09 open rrp U of W Medical Center, left bundle spared
10/30/09 catheter out. continent from the jump.
pathology- prostate confined, only thing positive was the report.everything else negative
11% of prostate affected. gleason 3+4, I suppose thats a negative


Zen9
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 314
   Posted 12/5/2009 6:29 PM (GMT -6)   
You write about "the feeling that this is all a nightmare and you will wake up to find this was a long bad dream."

Actually I have felt that way since the late '60's.

Seriously, I have tried to use getting cancer as an opportunity to practice separating my innate sense of "I" from the experience of an ever-shifting kaleidoscope of thoughts/emotions/sensations. Very tough to do, but getting cancer helps a lot.

If this resonates with you, great. If not, consider putting me on "Ignore."

Zen9
No family history of PC.  PSA reading in 2000 was around 3.0 .  Annual PSA readings gradually rose; no one said anything to me until my PSA reached 4.0 in September 2007, at which point my internist advised me to see a urologist.   
Urologist advised a repeat PSA reading in six months = 4.0 .  Diagnosed May 2008 at age 56 as a result of 12 core biopsy.  Biopsy report by Bostwick Laboratories = Gleason 3 + 3. 
Interviewed two urologists - the one who did the biopsy and another - the latter had the biopsy slides re-examined = Gleason 3 + 3. 
Then went to M. D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston in July 2008 and met with a urologist and a radiologist.  Biopsy slides re-examined yet again, this time by MDA's internal pathology department = Gleason 3 + 4.   
Chose da Vinci surgery over proton beam therapy; surgery performed at M. D. Anderson Cancer Center on August 15, 2008.  Post-operative pathology report = four tumors, carcinoma contained in prostate, clean (negative) margins, lymph nodes clear, seminal vesicles clear.  Gleason = 4 + 3. 
Minor temporary incontinence; current extent of ED uncertain due to lack of sexual partner; refused treatments for ED as being pointless under the circumstances. 
PSA readings: 
November 2008 = <0.1 ["undetectable"]
June 2009 = <0.1   
 
 


zachattack
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 12/6/2009 3:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Mel

20 years ago I had cancer in my right kidney.After many many months and 6 cystoscopys we finally decided to take the kidney out.that is myself and my uroligist. I was sure I was at the end of the trail.How far from the truth that was.So in 2008 I was dxed with prostate cancer.well here comes that feeling of being out of time again.I was down so far and then something very comforting happened,I ended up with the very same doctor that 20 years earlier had removed my kidney and gave me the extra 20 years of life.It was all contained in my kidney.We thought this was organ confined also,but that was not to be.But Just the comfort of having the same doctor was a blessing in disguise.The moral of my story is one day no matter how small or what little miracle comes to you you will find some comfort and understanding of what is going on with you.Just keep on keepin on

Zach
age 55dx 12-2008,psa at biopsy 8.6
biopsy 12/12 gleason 3+4=7
da vinci surgery 6-09 by DR. John W. Scott (my hero)
Hospital 3 days cath 7days still leaking from cough(bad lungs)
still have ed may be the hormones.
9-09 psa 2.2 hormone inj
10-09 nuclear bone scan no results yet I will have gold markers placed 12-29-09
start rad 1-10-09
organ confined
extracapsular seminal vesicle involvement
lymph node involvement


Sleepless09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 1267
   Posted 12/6/2009 4:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mel, I can identify with what you said, especially the part about work keeping your mind off it. I was "lucky" as the recession was eating a hole in our manufacturing business and I didn't have the luxury of having a lot of time --- even at home --- to spend it worrying about the cancer. I couldn't do anything about that, but I could do something about the business, so that's where I focused.

Perhaps you can formulate Mel's First Theorem.

Sheldon AKA Sleepless
Age 67 in Apil '09 at news of 4 of 12 cores positive T2B and Gleason 3 + 3 and 5% to 25% PSA 1.5
Re-read of slides in June said Gleason 3 + 4 same four cores 5% to 15%
June 29 daVinci prostatectomy, Dr. Eric Estey, at Royal Alexandra Hospital Edmonton one night stay
Flew home to Winnipeg on July 3 after 5 nights in Ramada Inn  ---  perfect recovery spot!
Catheter out July 9, so far, so good
Final pathology is 3 + 4 Gleason 7, clear margins, clear nodes, T2C, sugeron says report is "excellent"
First post op PSA Sept 09  less than 0.02
PSA on Oct 23 test again less than 0.02
Oct 1st 09 -- dry at night, during day some stress issues, but better every week. 
Feel free to email me at:  sheldonprostate@yahoo.com    


John T
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 4268
   Posted 12/6/2009 5:06 PM (GMT -6)   

Mel,

Change is difficult to cope with for everyone, especially when it's a diagnosis of Cancer. The 1st reaction is the reptilian part of the brain taking over; It s hard to concentrate and you miss 50% of what the doctor told you. The best way to get through it is with information. You are afraid of what you don't know,; it's normal. The more you know the less afraid you are and the better able to make decisions based on facts not emotions.

JohnT


64 years old.

PSA rising for 10 years to 40, free psa 10-15. Had 5 urologists, 12 biopsies and MRIS all neg. Doctors DXed BPH and continue to get biopsies yearly. 13th biopsy positive in 10-08, 2 cores of 25, G6 less than 5%. Scheduled for surgery as recommended by Urological Oncologist.

2nd Opinion from Dr Sholtz, a Prostate Oncologist, said DX wrong, pathology shows indolant cancer, but psa history indicates large cancer or metastasis. Futher tests and Color Doppler confirmed large transition zone tumor that 13 biopsies and MRIS missed. G7, 4+3, approx 16mmX18mm.

Combidex MRI in Holland eliminated lymphnode mets. Casodex and Proscar reduced psa to 0.6 and prostate from 60mm to 32mm. Changed diet, no meat and dairy. All staging tests indicate that tumor is local and non agressive. (PAP, PCA3, MRIS, Color Doppler, Combidex, tumor reaction to diet and Casodex, and tumor location in transition zone). Surgery a poor option because tumor is located next to the urethea and positive margin is very likely; permanent incontenance is also high probability with surgery.

Seed implants on 5-19-09, 3 hours door to door, no pain, minor side affects are frequency and urgency; very controlable with Flowmax and lasted 4 weeks. Daily activities resumed day after implants with no restrictions. Gold markers implanted with seeds to guide IMRT.

25 treatments of IMRT 6 weeks after seed implants. No side affects at all.

PSA at end of treatment 0.02 mostly the result of Casodex. When I stop Casodex next week expect PSA to rise. Next PSA in November. Treatments and side affects have greatly exceeded my expectations. Glad to have this 11 year journey finally conclude.

JohnT


lewvino
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 384
   Posted 12/6/2009 5:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Mel,
Wan't on the computer yesterday and just saw your post.  When I was told about my prostate cancer it consumed every thought of mine, day and night. I even had a hard time focusing at work (Office job with computers). Once my surgery was over and I got the catheter out then things started to brighten up for me. My first post surgery psa was a hard time for me also. When the doc called and said I had a 0 I actually cried with joy. Now my mind is starting to thing back on it again since I will have my six month PSA test in Feb 2010. Though being on this side of treatment you have a different perspective. As others have said but your feelings into words on this forum. See if you can find a local support group. It helped me to see and meet other men that had been down this road before us. Talk to your wife/girlfriend/significant other what ever you have. I sat down with my wife one night before surgery and had a heart to heart talk with her. It was the most theraputic thing I did before my surgery. If you are religious talk to your pastor or a close friend. The main thing is to continue and reach out as you have been doing.
 
Larry
Age 55 / age at diagnosis 54, PSA 5.1
Robotic surgery 08/12/09 at Vanderbilt, Nashville TN. 
Final Path report:
20% of the prostate Invovled
Tumor graded at T2C
Overall Gleason 3+4 (7)
Lymph Glands Clear, Positive Margin Noted in Right Apex
 
First post Surgery PSA - 0


Modelshipwright
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 215
   Posted 12/7/2009 7:42 AM (GMT -6)   
You described the exact feelings I had at that stage and it is quite normal to feel that way. Keep your chin up and remember that we are all here to walk by your side through this thing.

Keep well,
Regards,
Bill

Worried Guy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3739
   Posted 12/7/2009 8:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Mel,
They'll fix that no belly button issue for you. When I woke up from surgery I found an "innie" where I used to have a "peenie".

It does seem unreal. When they told me my PSA was 17, I was sure it was a mix-up at the lab. I actually felt sorry for the poor guy.

I had double hernia surgery about 10 years before with a mesh. They were still able to do the robotic procedure by going in a little high and and traveling under the mesh. My Uro discussed the procedure with me ahead of time.

I won't tell you to "relax". That would be like someone telling me to "just pee in the toilet".
Sometimes you can. Sometimes you can't. Either way, it feels good to take a shower and start the day fresh.

Good luck to you.
Jeff I'm thinking we should trade screen names. ;-)
DX Age 56. First routine PSA test on April 8th: 17.8.
May PSA: 22.6, 3 weeks later: PSA: 23.2.
Biopsy 6/10/09: 7/12 scores positive, Gleason 6=3+3. Bone scan and C/T scan negative.
RP DaVinci -7/21/2009 @ Univ of Roch Medical Center
Left nerve gone, right partial spared.
Catheter removed - 7/31/2009 Pathology report received:
Gleason 3+4=7 Tumor size: 2.5 x 1.8 cm location: both lobes and apex. No Malignancy in Seminal Vesicle, vasa deferentia, lymph nodes 0/13
Extraprostatic extension present; Perineural invasion: present, extensive
Prostate mass 56 grams. Pathologic Stage: pT3aN0MX
Post Surgery Status:
Potency - 10/31 3 months, Still no activity, nada, zip
Incontinence - 8/20 4 full pads per day
. 9/7 3-4 full pads per day (I'm going to try cutting down on fluids. Bad idea. I know.)
9/27 2 months: Still 3 pads per day.
11/14 4 month: Still 3 pads per day. 420ml/day, 91 um leak. At this rate I'll be fine in 2012.
Post Surgery PSA - 9/3 6 weeks- 0.05, 10/13 3 months- 0.04 undetectable.


Ziggy9
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 981
   Posted 12/7/2009 10:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Typical reactions from anyone who is suddenly forced to face ones mortality.

rob2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 12/7/2009 9:01 PM (GMT -6)   
You are just like I was before surgery. I lost 20 pounds from stress, etc. I just wanted to start running as fast as I could but I knew that wouldn't remove the cancer. Even post surgery, I find myself worrying about cancer. I was a Gleason 8 post surgery and have been fine for 18 months. Each PSA tests gets better. I have been a forturnate one. I only suffer from ED and worry. I have been blessed with a good recover but I torment myself with what-if's.
 
Age 49
occupation accountant
PSA increased from 2.6 to 3.5 in one year
biopsy march 2008 - cancer present gleason 7
Robotic Surgery May 9, 2008 - houston, tx
Pathology report -gleason 8, clear margins
12 month  PSA <.04 (low as the machine will go)
continent at 10 weeks (no pads!)
ED is still an issue but getting better


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 12/7/2009 9:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Very true, realziggy. when i was in my upper teens and early twenties, i think i really thought that my lifetime would be forever. PC, other medical conditions, and our general ages bring that fantasy back to the reality that we really are mortal. Each of us is guaranteed of dying of something, someway, somehow, one day. At age 82, and full of health issues, I give my mother credit, she is still so fiesty, you would think someone told her that she was going to live to be 150, lol. Might be a lesson there.
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out  38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - began IMRT SRT - 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 in 35 days, 12/7/9 - Cath #10 in place

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