Probably every man here will give you a different answer on incontinence, but it is a little of all you said at different times.
When the PA at Cleveland Clinic handed me a container and said , here hold this, I'm going to remove your catheter, he whipped it out, and I stood there, talking. My wife said, hey, you're leaking. I didn't have the container in place and had no idea I was running on the floor.
But soon, a few days, I could hold it while i was sitting or laying, but when I got up, there was no way to hold it unless I physically grabbed hold of Willie and pinched him off.
Gradually, maybe a month or so, I could get up and make it to the toilet, and only leak a pad or two a day. I could feel the leak, but just couldn't stop it. For a while, I bought a clamp which actually pinched Willie so I could function at work, without great embarassment, or attend social occasions.
Now, after 8 months, I can go all weekend, and in the evenings without wearing a pad. Coughing or sneezing, or lifting heavy objects can cause a slight squirt, but not enough to soak my pants.
I still wear a pad during the day for security, but I will wear one less and less.
If it never got any better for me, I am OK. With my Gleason 9, I am very pleased with my results thus far. If the cost of good results is a squirt in the pants once in a while, then I have no complaints.
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic 4/14/09 Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free 6 week PSA <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED. Trimix injections