Greetings, Mrs. Towers. My stats were very similar to your husbands. I had just had my 55th birthday, fairly low PSA and involvement in 4 of 12 biopsies. I had never had surgery, a broken bone, never even had a stitch! I, too, had open surgery from a very experienced surgeon (couple of thousand open surgeries). I understand the magic number is 300 so anything over that is great. Sounds as if you are in good hands. Looks like the biggest difference in our situation is the age of our children - mine were 29 and 33 at that point.
I tend to internalize things and want to do my research (I'm an accountant) which I started doing. My wife was with me every step of the way from the day we got the news to today. She was with me and a vital part of everything that has happened - doesn't mean I didn't do some things on my own. My wife and my son are both nurses so they know more than the average person. One example - we went in to get the results of the biopsies on Christmas Eve 2007. I heard my wife tell someone just a couple of months ago "I knew we were not going to get good news when they put us in a conference room rather than an exam room." At that meeting the doc gave us a book to read - I started reading that day and finished on Christmas day and the next day was at Barnes and Noble buying 2 more books that were recommended in the original book.
We met with a surgeon who was recommended by my doc and really liked him. While the skill of your surgeon is the most important factor, it doesn't hurt if you like him as well. He spent an hour with us going over all the details and all the possibilities. After we made our decision to have the open surgery we had another 4 weeks until the actual surgery. I travel quite a bit and during those 4 weeks my wife was right with me and that was very beneficial to me. You have received good advise about things to do in preparation and I'd agree with what has been said about preparing for various things related to the surgery.
There is one thing that hasn't been mentioned here and I know we are all different when it comes to intimacy but I thought it might be helpful to hear our experience. My wife and I have always had a very enjoyable, regular intimate life. We had been married 34 years at that point and know each other well. I don't know if it is the unknown related to the many things that can happen with surgery, but we were like newleyweds that entire month. Maybe we didn't know when the next time might be (if ever for some guys), but we certainly stored up for the future in that month!
I am one of the fortunate ones that didn't really have big issues with incontinence and impotence. We'll hope that your husband will continue on the same path that I was on and have the same results in those areas as well. One thing that my doc suggested related to kegels was rather than doing the traditional kegel everytime I urinated I should stop my flow 4 or 5 times and each time I stopped the flow I should hold it for a count of 3. I did that every time I urinated for the month prior to surgery and then when I had the catheter out I continued for the next month. I basically had no incontinence.
One final thought that I would say because it sounds as if your husband and I are a lot alike. My doc said in advance he would want me to take an ED drug (he prefers levitra or cialis). I didn't have many ED issues so didn't take the pills - big mistake. While I had good results almost immediately I never got back to 100% and in fact started to regress. Once I started taking the levitra consistently I was quickly back to 100% of presurgery. Tell him there is nothing wrong with taking the drug - with what he has been through the drug just helps compensate for what he no longer has inside his body to do for himself. You will read this in the books as well, but he will need a lot more stimulation but from reading your message, I feel confident you will do what is needed in that department.
Probably more than you wanted, but with our stats so similar, I just thought it might be helpful to give you some very straightforward information. Please keep us posted and if there is anything you think we might could help with feel free to email us at email@example.com. I know my wife would be glad to talk with you if you thought that would be helpful. We're all in this together and will be praying for you and your husband in the days to come. David