A Man's sense of Identity

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soulmate 101
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 57
   Posted 1/26/2010 9:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Now, we all know that "manliness" is an inner quality, much more than one's genitals. But my husband made a comment while we were talking about how strange his body feels to him at this stage post surgery. He sort of joked about having an "identity crisis" and how used to having a hard penis at will or at various parts of the day he had been. one takes these things for granted.
The leaking is minimal, though present, and just adds to that feeling of strangeness, loss of the familiar.

I'm trying to understand his feelings, the closest I may come to is how different my body felt after giving birth to each of my children, but then again, I think we women are used to our bodies fluctuating, after all, we go through changes every month, and through childbearing.
I wonder if it is harder on men, with your relatively "stable" or unchanging biology.

Thoughts, input or advice with adjusting to these changes? Any comments would be welcomed.
Thank you.

Soulmate
Husband, age 57, diagnosed in December 09, after PSA velocity increase from 2.71 to 4.34 over one year prompted a prostate biopsy.
Gleason 4+3 = 7 stage T2c, laparoscopic nerve sparing Da Vinci robotic radical prostatectomy 1/13/10, clear surgical margins no lymph node or seminal vesicle involvement.
Let the healing begin...


goodlife
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2691
   Posted 1/26/2010 10:00 PM (GMT -6)   

Soulmate,

He is still in a form of shock, which occurs in any injury.  Obviously, men aren't always hard, and since we were 1 or 2, we didn't wet our pants.  But waking up with a tube where it aint supposed to be, holes in your belly with a drain in one of them, and the other effects of surgery, puts us in a state of shock.

Most usually it wears off fairly quickly, I would say 2  weeks or so.  The second shock to his system is the lack of command that he was used to having, especially when a pretty woman is paying close attention to him.

For most men that I read on this forum, a lot of this identity crisis goes away when we figure out that we really aren't any different.  Once we get the leaking stopped, and hopefully the ED subsides, things get back to normal.

I think the lack of sponteneity is a little disconcerting for men as well if the ED requires pills, pumps, pricks, etc.  Most of us are used to being able to roll over and go.

Time is a big healer, a good partner, spouse, other is extremely important, and a man's survival instinct also kicks in.  Most of us just say it is, what it is, I 'm glad to be alive, and deal with it.  I am sure you have seen some recent posts of guys who haven't been able to do this.  It eats them up. They become bitter and angry.

It sound to me like your husband has exactly what you go by, a soulmate.  Without my soulmate, who reassures me daily that I am a man, sex is what we make it, and she is so glad to have me with her.

Sorry I rambled, but I too have had to go through some of these emotions as well.

Good luck on your journey !

Goodlife


Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic  4/14/09   Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved  pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free  6 week PSA  <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED.  Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10


MrGimpy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 504
   Posted 1/26/2010 10:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Pick up a book on Tantric Sex

You both will soon discover how much "love" you can give each other without having an erect penis at the ready

If he wishes to have his manhood back better that ever before steer him to a Trimix injection
Stats:
Age: 52
PSA (2008)=1.9
Biopsy on Jan 09, 2009
One (1) out of twelve (12) cores was positive, plus external nodule found
Gleason Score = 3+3
Surgery (Da Vinci, robotic prostatectomy): 4/7/09
Removed Catheter: 04/19/09
100% bladder control - Pad free 7/09
PSA 7/09 undetectable, under .0


Paul1959
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 598
   Posted 1/26/2010 11:11 PM (GMT -6)   
I think for most men, there is a very real grieving process that has to be acknowledged and gone through or healing will not fully take place. It may sound weird, but most guys will grieve the loss of semen, the loss of morning wood, the loss of sex as we knew it. And, like grief, will come in waves, in layers and will repeat itself - each time with a new understanding and acceptance of the loss. Keep him talking about his feelings. And please, never say it doesn't matter - because it does matter to him. Tell him you love him and will stick with him. That's also a nagging, often irrational primal fear. Again the correlation might be the loss of a breast to cancer for women? maybe - dunno.

I think its really important to be aware and be curious about the feelings as we go through the process. Understanding the feelings will make sure they ultimately have no power over us and we can fully heal emotionally as well as physically. His feeling lost is completely understandable to most of us. The parameters have all changed and we're not sure how we feel about it all and where we're going to end up. Life has changed drastically for us and we no longer necessarily feel like a complete sexual being. That last part is one of the hardest to overcome.

Of course sex can be good, even great, but it will never be the same. It just takes time to deal with it.
Paul
www.franktalk.org ED website for PCa guys

46 at Diagnosis.
Father died of Pca 4/07 at 86.
10/07 PSA 5.06 (Biopsy 11/07 1 of 12 with 8% involvment) (1mm)
Da Vinci surgery Jan 5, '08 at Mt. Sinai Hosp. NYC www.roboticoncology.com
Saved both nerve bundles.
Path Report: Stage T2cNxMx
-Gleason (3+3)6
Pad free on March 14 - (10 weeks.) Never a problem since.
ED - at one year, ED is fine with viagra.
Two year PSA - undetectable!


Swimom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1732
   Posted 1/26/2010 11:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Soulmate,

You kind of hit it right when you said women have hormone ups and downs even past the age of child bearing. Some things are normal to us. Even the bladder trickles can become a part of a woman's life as we age or after bearing children.

What isn't normal, nor does it feel normal, are the acute changes following a woman having a radical hysterectomy. Especially if surgery is early in life. The sudden loss of organs, pelvic nerves and hormones has similarities to the sudden loss men endure. Sensations change follwing a hysterectomy and reactions change along with those changes. Some return in time but, some old familiar sensations are gone for good. Bladder issues may or may not be present post hyster and cancer isn't usually the cause so typically, that isn't our big worry. Trickles are often much improved..which is unlike post prostatectomy. Ours may be better where men struggle to regain control. The sexuality and sex issues...those are very similar between both genders.

I've been by my husband's side when he endured the fall out from testicular cancer then prostate cancer. 15 years later, he's still adjusting and coming to terms with life changes. It's a process. It's the there one day, gone the next component that plays with his (hubby's) mind from time to time still but, we talk about it and just move forward. Getting him to talk about it was a huge hill we had to climb but, he does now and we've come a long way from where we were.

IMO, cancer is in its own mind boggling category. I think for most of couples, there is duel emotional roller coaster of concerns we deal with. Some days are good, some not so much. On the up side...I am glad to report that in our scenario, the good times far out number the bad these days. Life is good :>)

Swim
 Hilarem datorum diligit Deus


Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4829
   Posted 1/27/2010 5:49 AM (GMT -6)   
soulmate 101 – imagine yourself having a double mastectomy. (god for bid that doesn’t happen)
 
But, as unfair as it is – a woman’s femininity is often judged by her cup size. Remove the “cups” so to speak and many women feel the same way your hubby is feeling. They feel like they are less then what there were before the surgery.
 
A lot time and a lot of reassurance from you should help. The fact that you are concerned about his feeling is more then enough for most guyssmilewinkgrin
Age 54   - 5'11"   205lbs
Overall Heath Condition - Good
PSA - July 2007 & Jan 2008 -> 1.3
Biopsy - 03/04/08 -> Gleason 6 
06/25/08 - Da Vinci robotic laparoscopy
05/14/09  - 4th Quarter PSA -> less then .01
11/20/09 - 18 Month PSA -> less then .01
Surgeon - Keith A. Waguespack, M.D.


soulmate 101
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 57
   Posted 1/27/2010 6:39 AM (GMT -6)   
These comments are EXACTLY what I need to hear right now, I can see I will be re reading them a number of times. Paul, I appreciate you mentioning about the "layers" of the process of grieving. Honestly this is still all so raw for us, the diagnosis the surgery, everything. Very little time to process anything. I'll write more later, must head off to work soon.

soulmate
Husband, age 57, diagnosed in December 09, after PSA velocity increase from 2.71 to 4.34 over one year prompted a prostate biopsy.
Gleason 4+3 = 7 stage T2c, laparoscopic nerve sparing Da Vinci robotic radical prostatectomy 1/13/10, clear surgical margins no lymph node or seminal vesicle involvement.
Let the healing begin...


lewvino
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 384
   Posted 1/27/2010 7:29 AM (GMT -6)   
You have been given many words of wise advice. The only thing that I can add is that it helped me tremendously to set down with my wife one night and talk about all of these strange thoughts, feelings, moods etc that I was going through. Just being able to express this helped me and that she understood. Now I'm at almost six months post DaVinci and things are getting back to normal. Being frank here....I do miss having an ejaculate but am starting to get more used to it. It is more 'work' to get an erection but am glad that Levitra is working for me. I've been basically dry since that cath was removed. Best wishes to you and your husband as you fight this cancer.

Larry
Age 55 / age at diagnosis 54, PSA 5.1
Robotic surgery 08/12/09 at Vanderbilt, Nashville TN. 
Final Path report:
20% of the prostate Invovled
Tumor graded at T2C
Overall Gleason 3+4 (7)
Lymph Glands Clear, Positive Margin Noted in Right Apex
 
First post Surgery PSA - 0


jacketch
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 179
   Posted 1/27/2010 11:08 AM (GMT -6)   

The biggest change for me came not with the operation but with the diagnosis.

My sense of invincibility, as flawed as it was, was gone. I suddenly felt a loss of control, as if I had been cast loose from my moorings.


62yo
V10.46 Dx Feb-09
RRP 5-5-09
No adverse SE
PSA 6-19-09 -0-
PSA 9-21-09 -0-
 
Thriving, not just surviving!
 


wd40
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 1/27/2010 1:17 PM (GMT -6)   
To me it is like loosing a leg. Worst of all the mind is still is sending the signal to use the leg even though it isn't there. It is like an emptiness exist between your legs.

A man is built to breed in the coldest of terms. Taking something away that is so deeply impeded is disturbing to anyone.

Hope this helps.
12/06/07 DaVinci and open prostate surgery after difficulties in breathing stopped the davinci.


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25380
   Posted 1/27/2010 3:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Being that PC was my 4th bout with cancer since age 45, there wasn't the same shock and awe that many experience and describe here. Had already been through cancer surgeries, plastic surgeries, full blown radiation treatments, etc, leading up to my PC dx. Plus watching my psa happily climb year after year and going through 3 biopsies in 18 months, can't say there was any real surprise. More of a deep disapointment, knowing that I would have to go through all this again. What I grossly underestimated is how really wicked Prostate Cancer is. It doesn't play fair, doesn't play by the rules, makes you make choices that you don't want to make, and even when you think you have done everything right, it does what it wants to you. Learned a lot about this aspect of PC in the last year, and a lot of it learned from the collected experience of the good folks here.

David in SC

The manhood part? I don't define myself as a person or as a man by the sex part, its just a part of my life, important yes, but hardly who I am, what I want, what I believe in, doesn't even define my long term relationship with my wife. Always have been, always will be, best friends first.
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/10 - Corrective Surgery #4, and Caths #11 and #12 in at the same time


MrGimpy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 504
   Posted 1/27/2010 3:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Do Men here on this form really feel like they are less of a man because they no longer ejaculate ?

For the vast majority of most mens lives, they wore condoms, and discarded their ejaculation fluid or were rushing to change sheets, and do laundry or worse engaged in an argument because they did not alert their partner soon enough that Mr Happy was about to erupt

As for erections post PC. I have to say that I cannot recall when (if ever) in my life I was able to engage in intercourse for 2 hours straight without stopping. Stressfull, days no longer interfere with my lovemaking, to tired, no problem either anymore. Anyday, anytime, I am a few minutes away from 2 hours of bliss, no questions, no pre-requisites to meet.

So far its been great that I no longer have PC and that using Trimix, lovemaking is an absolute blast, better than ever before.
Stats:
Age: 52
PSA (2008)=1.9
Biopsy on Jan 09, 2009
One (1) out of twelve (12) cores was positive, plus external nodule found
Gleason Score = 3+3
Surgery (Da Vinci, robotic prostatectomy): 4/7/09
Removed Catheter: 04/19/09
100% bladder control - Pad free 7/09
PSA 7/09 undetectable, under .0


Mike H
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 1/27/2010 7:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Imagine if you will for a moment that no ejaculate was the norm. Then the doctors tell you you need prostate surgery and one of the side effects would be this messy stuff that squirts out of your penis any time you have sex. As odd as that might sound it probably would be terrible. Right????

I think what we miss is the way it was or the good old days. Good bad or otherwise it's not the same as it was and thats what we miss.

Having no mess after sex is simpler and easy but yes it's different and I think thats what most of us are missing.

My wife and I talk about it and she says you still have a climax and there's no mess, what is there to complain about. We talked how with out a prostate my orgasms are more like a woman's. I'll have to take her word for it but I don't think she's that far off base.

I do miss the anytime I want erections without a pill but again, I can get them as long as I plan. Not as spontaneous as I'd like but I'm only 3 months post op so I'm hoping that will get better over time.

I think for me the biggest adjustment was I'm getting older and I had cancer. Never sick a day in my life other than a cold here or there and now I'm having surgery and parts removed. Less hair on my head, I need glasses to read, and now I have no prostate. Not a horrible list of achievements but i haven't made it to 50 yet and I'm thinking I'm not aging as gracefully as I'd like.

End of the day I have a lot to be grateful for, but I do miss the hair on my head, my good eye site, my spontaneous erections and the rest.

I guess I'm getting older. Having just attended the funeral of a co-workers 6 year old son, I've got nothing in the world to complain about!!

It's all in your perspective.

Mike
8/12/09 Diagnosed at 49 years old. DOB. 6/11/60

10/29/09 Surgery at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, NYC
11/25/09 Catheter Out (4 weeks)
99% continent the day the catheter came out
Wore the pads for 2 weeks to be safe but had minor drips at most.
12/16/09 First PSA (7 weeks) < .05 Undetectable

2003 Biopsy Negative
7/23/09 Biopsy Positive. 10% cancer in 1 of 12 cores. Gleason 3+3=6.

Post Surgical Pathology:
Gleason 3+3=6
Tumor confined to prostate
Seminal vesicles not involved
Bladder neck not involved
Surgical margins free of tumor
Lymph nodes not involved


mikey1955
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 1/27/2010 7:48 PM (GMT -6)   
IMHO...I don't think having children or going through the monthly changes is anything like a prostatectomy. I haven't experienced the former and most men haven't...and I can't draw a comparison. After RP, my plumbing changed. Irreversibly and with purpose. And so did anything attached to that plumbing that I was used to. The RP was an intentional change in my anatomy due to cancer and the surgery I chose. The effects of those changes are very real. I also don't believe men have a more stable biology, either.

I have been lucky with my treatment. I only have ED to deal with at this time. That is a tough obstacle, PCa or not, for many men. Some say it doesn't define the man. It doesn't, but it sure is fun...and missed. No malice intended in any way.
-Nov/Dec 07, March 08 and Dec 08: Severe perineum pain . Septra/Bactrim for 8 months for diagnosed prostatitis.
-PSA start of 2008: 5.3..... PSA June of 2008: 7.3
-14 DRE all benign or nothing felt
-TRUS Biopsy Nov 08: 5 of 8 cores positive GS 3+3 or 6. 30-65%. Perineural invasion.
-General Health: pretty good, 5' 10", 180 lbs, slim.
-Open RP surgery: May 09 both nerve bundles spared. Bilateral lymph node dissection performed. Discharged 48 hours after surgery.
-Post Surgery Pathology: pT3a N0 MX, extraprostatic extension (EPE), stage III prostate cancer, lymph nodes clear, seminal vesicles clear, Gleason upraded to 3+4 GS 7. EPE within surgical margins. Other than prostate and EPE, all tissue removed negative for cancer involvement.
-Bladder control within 48 hours of catheter removal
-ED ongoing but improving significantly with Trimix at 7 months post-op. Oral ED meds didn't do much.


Swimom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1732
   Posted 1/28/2010 5:19 AM (GMT -6)   
mikey1955 said...
IMHO...I don't think having children or going through the monthly changes is anything like a prostatectomy. I haven't experienced the former and most men haven't...and I can't draw a comparison. After RP, my plumbing changed. Irreversibly and with purpose. And so did anything attached to that plumbing that I was used to. The RP was an intentional change in my anatomy due to cancer and the surgery I chose. The effects of those changes are very real. I also don't believe men have a more stable biology, either.

I have been lucky with my treatment. I only have ED to deal with at this time. That is a tough obstacle, PCa or not, for many men. Some say it doesn't define the man. It doesn't, but it sure is fun...and missed. No malice intended in any way.

There's one other thing you are lucky enough to not have...the life altering, life threatening hormone changes. Have it happen overnight and I'd say it really was what I watched the wife go through. She's more aware or smarter because she didn't go  years not fixing the problem.    Paul
 

 Hilarem datorum diligit Deus


In This Together Wife
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 1/29/2010 7:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Wow thanks for these insights!   Bear does talk with me but, some of you have put into words what he has tried to explain to me.  He has said  the same as jacketch.  We want to understand and help our men but human nature tells us our feelings and thoughts are "right"-- really takes effort to put our own ideas aside and truly listen, but really worth it when we do, we all want to be understood.  Who knows how many relationships will be helped by these words.  Thanks for asking this question Soulmate.
Carebear
(Bear's stats)
Age 49
 healthy-had bronchitis once :)
 8-4-09    Family Practioner for back pain  PSA 4.9
8-20-09  Consult with urologist                PSA 4.89
9-2-09    Biopsy          3 cores positive 7% 3+3 (6) gleason
9-22-09  Birthday turned 49
10-12-09 2nd opinion
11-13-09 DaVinci
11-23-09 Cath removed  Path report cancer contained neg. margins
Feb 2010 wil be followup PSA


soulmate 101
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 57
   Posted 1/30/2010 4:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Carebear and all,
I want you all to know that I deeply appreciate these comments, I am finding it hard to respond. Hubby and I were invited out with another couple last night and though it was wonderful in one way, it was painful in another. I think we are both feeling "different" and sad.I know I was thinking I wished we could go home and make love as we used to. I feel a bit ashamed when I see all the difficult things forum members have gone through. We have a relatively easy time so far, compared to others, it is just so new, and it feels like some of the joy has been sucked out of life at the moment. I know this is temporary, but the road ahead looks a bit long and dreary.
I think we just both need some rest.

I just want to let you all know how grateful I am that you are there. thanks.
Husband, age 57, diagnosed in December 09, after PSA velocity increase from 2.71 to 4.34 over one year prompted a prostate biopsy.
Gleason 4+3 = 7 stage T2c, laparoscopic nerve sparing Da Vinci robotic radical prostatectomy 1/13/10, clear surgical margins no lymph node or seminal vesicle involvement.
Let the healing begin...


tatt2man
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2842
   Posted 1/30/2010 7:55 PM (GMT -6)   
dear soulmate
- please do not put so much guilt and pressure on yourself ( it can unknowingly filter through and be felt by your husband), the surgery was only 2 weeks ago , so everything is all new to you as well as your husband
- the healing has already begun - and please remember that there are many many way to make love - it can be with mr. happy ( when he decides to work) - with hands - mouth - whole body - words spoke or whispered, and even with your eyes - ...

you may not be able to make love like you "used to".. so ... now is the time to explore new exciting ways to make love with your partner who has gone through to (as they put it here) the "other side" - and one main reason for that decision is "to be with you"..... and that in itself is a wonderful expression of joy.

hugs
BRONSON
.................
Age: 54 - gay - with spouse, Steve - 59
PSA: 04/2007- 1.68 - 08/2009 - 3.46 - 10/2009 - 3.86
Confirmation of Prostate Cancer: October 16, 2009 - 6 of 12 cancerous samples , Gleason 7 (4+3)
Doctor: Dr. Mohamed Elharram -Urologist / Surgeon - Peterborough Regional Health Centre
Radical Prostatectomy Operation: November 18, 2009 , home - November 21, 2009
Post Surgery Biopsy: pT3a- gleason 7 - extraprostatic extension - perineural invasion - prostate weight - 34.1gm -
ED Prescription: Jan 8/2010 - started daily 5mg cialis
location: Peteborough, Ontario, Canada
............


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25380
   Posted 1/30/2010 7:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Well said, Bronson, well said.
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/10 - Corrective Surgery #4, and Caths #11 and #12 in at the same time


Cajun Jeff
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4106
   Posted 1/30/2010 8:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Bronson, I could not have said it better. We are here with our love ones that love us. I must admit sometime I get on my pitty pot about the spontanious sex being different.

Jeff T
Cajun Country
Jeff T Age 57

9/08 PSA 5.4, referred to Urologist
9/08 Biopsy: GS 3/4=7
10/08 Nerve sparing open RRP- Path Report: GS 3+3=7 Stg. pT2c, margins clear
3 mts: PSA .05 undetectable

10th month PSA <0.01
1year psa <0.01
ED- 5 mg Cialis daily, pump daily, going to try MUSE next. Next step injections.
15 months out injections Caveject (success)


goodlife
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2691
   Posted 1/30/2010 8:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Soulmate,

From your perspective, I would take the words "long and dreary" from your vocabulary. You need to learn to look forward to many years of loving, sharing, and living the life you have always had and planned on. Removal of a walnut sized piece of tissue should not be allowed to change your lives. You and he can stop it from happening.

Goodlife
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic  4/14/09   Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved  pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free  6 week PSA  <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED.  Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10


soulmate 101
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 57
   Posted 1/30/2010 10:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Goodlife, I thought I could say those things here, just as an outlet, so it doesn't spill over to the man I love.

I didn't mean to be "negative," just had an emotional day. Perhaps I shouldn't "dump" on you guys. I'll keep that for my private thoughts and prayers.

Been through quite a few other "bumps" in the road, to know that tomorrow is another day.
Nonetheless, thanks for taking the time to respond.

Bronson, I'll certainly take your advice. Thank you.
Husband, age 57, diagnosed in December 09, after PSA velocity increase from 2.71 to 4.34 over one year prompted a prostate biopsy.
Gleason 4+3 = 7 stage T2c, laparoscopic nerve sparing Da Vinci robotic radical prostatectomy 1/13/10, clear surgical margins no lymph node or seminal vesicle involvement.
Let the healing begin...


Redman55
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 1/30/2010 10:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Soulmate,

Expressing yourself and those of your hub is exactly what this forum is all about. My wife and I have had the opportunity to talk a lot about this, and the worst thing to do is to not seek out others or to communicate with your partner. The manliness thing is real, but for me it also presents simply a challenge that can be gone after. My wife knows as I have discussed that I am going to go after getting back to as close to normal as I can...no different although with a stupid comparison about trying to always get better in golf even when I am a 2 handicap. Using the 3 P's (pills, pump, and prick (injections) as mentioned earlier is a great way to work on things. While I am only barely 3 months out of surgery, I finally got the right trimix dosage down and my wife and I had some fun. We had a good laugh about the process part of the whole gig, but in the same breath, we don't have to do a lot of dancing around to get on with the program.

I hope you find this forum as useful as it is for all of us. It took guts for you to post up your issues. Way to go!
PSA 8/2009 5.6 Gleason 8
DaVinci surgery 11/2009
Pathology - totally contained in margins -one bundle spared
PSA now undetectable
Continance: Night and morning fine; mid day onward still not there yet.
Trying Trimix


goodlife
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2691
   Posted 1/30/2010 10:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Soulmate,

That was not a jab at you, or any judgemental statement on my part. It was my way of saying it can be worse if you expect it to be, or better if you expect it to better.

There are men here who do have some long and dreary days, who have chosen to look beyond them. Some of these guys are on the golf course, cruises, etc. etc. There are others who have allowed depression, bitterness and anger to overcome them.

Much of our journey is in our heads. Keeping our heads posituve isn't always easy, but our partners are a big part of it.

Hope next week goes better for you personally. I know this is hard. I know you have dark moments as well, and you are entitiled to them, but you can make a difference.

Goodlife
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic  4/14/09   Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved  pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free  6 week PSA  <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED.  Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10


142
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 6947
   Posted 1/30/2010 10:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Soulmate,
Dump on us. All of us surely have the same concerns, although the points of view may vary. I have good days, worse days, and abysmally dark days. At 14 weeks after DaVinci, and no partner, I can only imagine what a "better half" might be going through.
I am limited to arguing with myself and some close friends about the incontinence, and the impact of the obligatory ED (seeing that they took all the nerves). You are a trooper to be carrying part of that load.
All of us are here to share as much as we can, both in telling of our experiences, and looking for good consul.
Don't carry around anything that needs to be unloaded. There is more than enough to challenge us in these days.
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