I will give you the answer you don't want to hear, but I hope it does some good.
No - to all these questions.
These incontinence issues are just too different from person to person, case to case, even from day to day. I think you are being unreasonably harsh on yourself this soon from a major and complex surgery that re-routed your inner workings. You are already doing much better than many others have on your current time line.
Not everything in this PC recovery can be put to rules of logic and perfect sequence. There is a thing called natural healing, and how that works with Mel, depends on so many things, most, if not all, that you have no control over.
Don't dehydrate yourself, not going to help you become continent, only going to hurt your body in the long run. Drink plenty of water in particular, whenever you need to. Staying away from booze, caffine, sodas, juices, etc. can help, as they all aggitate the bladder walls, that's a proven fact.
You have to learn patience, as you will make all the recovery parts too hard on yourself, and others around you. Not fussing at you, just wanting you to look in the mirror and ask yourself, are you being fair to yourself?
David in SC
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence: 1 Month ED: Non issue at any point post surgery
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped 9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/10 - Corrective Surgery #4, and Caths #11 and #12 in at the same time