All of us have been in your shoes. This disease can take hold of your heart , soul, and mind, and drag you where it feels like dragging you. We have watched you attack your pc with 332 posts to date. You have learned every thing you possible could about it, made an educated treatment choice with a top notch surgeon and team.
In my own case, I decided I was tired of being drug around, worrying about my surgical pathology, my Gleason score, and all of the othyer things we can worry about. Started to feel pretty down. It wasn't fair, I had grandkids to see grow up, a lovely wife, employees depending on me, etc.
In spite of nanograms, surgeon's opinions, urologist opinion, etc, I pretty much decided that I would most likely die of cancer within the next few years. I'm not the lucky type.
But finally, after talking on this forum, seeing a lot of guys who have it much worse thsn me, like the guy who had a 3200 PSA and lung tumors , etc, that I just wasn't going to let it drag me around anymore. I ecided it was time to move on. I had done all I could control, and the rest was just going to happen. I considered adjuvant radiation, and decided that for the 5 or so percent increase in advantage over salvage radiant, that the potential side effects weren't worth it for a man my age.
With a Gleason 9, my potential for bad things is certainly much greater than most. But I have been able to get on with my life, working, lovin my wife, kids, and grandkids, being involved in church, school board. I honestly have been able to arrive at a place where whatever happens, happens. I will deal with it then.
I am sure once you return to the classroom, you too will be able to forget a lot of what is running through your mind. Sitting around, bowsing on the computer, thinking about PC 80 % of the time can be depressing.
As the song goes, Don't worry, be happy ! You can really control a lot of your worry by just moving on with your life. Spending time loving your wife, maybe a little travel, getting into your work, will make life seem a lot cheerier.
Sorry if I sound like I am preaching a little, but I just wanted wth you my journey so far in PC. I really believe I am a better man because of it.
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic 4/14/09 Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free 6 week PSA <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED. Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10, 9 month PSA < .01