Fear, Anxiety, and Depression

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compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7269
   Posted 2/17/2010 11:42 AM (GMT -6)   
(RANT/ESSAY alert!)
 
I suspect deep down many of us are in that same boat.
 
I know mine is exacerbated by a scary pathology report, but I'd probably feel the same way anyway. I hate the way my once comfortable, self-assured, fulfilling, happy life has been turned upside down. I HATE THIS CRAP!
 
As I've mentioned before, my uncertainty started in August at a routine physical exam with an elevated PSA (sounds familiar, right!). Since then, each test has been worse than the one before it. One kick in the gut after another, moving from background noise to center stage.
 
Now, with the surgery, everything is different. It feels like I've gone from Cadillac plumbing to some cheap immitation that I don't even recognize (but it leaks). Yes, it has improved somewhat and I understand that it will probably improve a lot. Did I mention that I HATE THIS CRAP?
 
Then we have ED. So soon I will be on Viagra (as soon as it gets here from India) and probably be trying the pump. More junk.
 
But mostly it is the FEAR/uncertainty and having your life on hold. When I had previous surgeries (knee and inguinal hernia) I slowly got better and could tell my employer that I'll be back on a specific date. Work has been my life. I have been blessed in the sense that I have totally ENJOYED my work. I love teaching and totally enjoy my students. In fact, I retired from teaching in 2003 and then thought about what I wanted to do. I ended up going back to teaching (I did give up administrative/Department Chair duties -- they used to be enjoyable but got to be onerous for various reasons). I am one of those rare birds who got up every day looking forward to going to work, especially since 2003.
 
Fast forward to right now. I am set to return in early March at the start of a new term, but I can't even guarantee that. If the PSA test becomes another kick in the teeth I'll be looking at more treatment, probably in Ann Arbor (2+ hours away from here; I'd have to move there for a bit).
 
Did I mention I HATE THIS CRAP?
 
OK, enough said. I am starting to return to the gym. In fact, I'll post a seperate thread with some questions there! Meanwhile, this rant is over. Thanks for listening!
 
Mel

63 years old . PSA-- 3/08--2.90; 8/09--4.01; 11/09--4.19 (Free PSA 24%),  after 45 days on cipro! DREs have always been normal. PCA-3

Biopsy on 11/30/09. 5 out of 12 cores positive. Gleason 4+3. 2 cores were 3+3 (one 5% and the other 30%) on one side. On  other side:2 cores are 4+3 (5%)--1 core 3+4 (30%) no peri-neural invasion. prostate is 45 grams. Stage: T1C.  

Surgery with Dr. Menon at Ford Hospital, 1/26/10. He says all looked good. Spared nerves. Unfortunately: Pathology Report: G 4+3 (65%-35%). Cancer in 15% of gland. Lymph Nodes: Clear.  Perineural Invasion: yes. Seminal Vessical Involvement: No.  Extraprostatic Extension: yes.  Positive Margin: Yes-- focal-- 1 spot .5mm. Final Weight is 52.7 gms. 

 Incontinence: joined that club-- definite leaks—1 pad/day. Night is dry, was  using 1 pad at night for security, but pretty much dispensed with that most nights.

Next Event: First post-op PSA on 3/1/10


James C.
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4463
   Posted 2/17/2010 11:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Uh, Mel, fellow, I'd suggest you wait until you get that first post-PSA test back before getting all torqued out of shape and letting the worries overcome you. Your path so far has been a normal typical post surgery recovery, and you are walking a deeply worn rut of many others who have gone before. Try to relax, heal, and let it come as it comes. II suppose I am saying you're no different or worse off than the vast majority of the surgical guys at this stage. Beginning to exercise and get out of the home and not dwellling on your worries can be a big step forward, so get going, guy. Maybe a week off from here, doing other things, like a good book, or regular wlaks and such, a time away from reading others stories and worrying about your own. ??? :-)
James C. Age 62
Co-Moderator- Prostate Cancer Forum
4/07 PSA 7.6, referred to Urologist, recheck 6.7
7/07 Biopsy: 3 of 16 PCa, 5% involved, left lobe, GS 3/3=6
9/07 Nerve sparing open RRP 110gms.- Path Report: GS 3+3=6 Stg. pT2c, 110gms, margins clear
32 mts: PSA's: .04 each test since surgery, ED Continues-Bimix .3ml PRN or Trimix .15ml PRN


compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7269
   Posted 2/17/2010 12:02 PM (GMT -6)   

James:

Yeah, easy to say. But this is still the 500 # gorilla in the room. It kind of sucks the air out of things. I can ignore it, but it is still there. As I read elsewhere, it is the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing at night. I suspect a decent initial PSA test will give me a 3-month reprieve and allow me to exhale.

I probably could not get away from posting or at least reading HW for a week. Maybe a day or two. I was thinking of challenging David to do that!

Once I go back to work there will be some more normalcy in my life.

Mel


63 years old . PSA-- 3/08--2.90; 8/09--4.01; 11/09--4.19 (Free PSA 24%),  after 45 days on cipro! DREs have always been normal. PCA-3

Biopsy on 11/30/09. 5 out of 12 cores positive. Gleason 4+3. 2 cores were 3+3 (one 5% and the other 30%) on one side. On  other side:2 cores are 4+3 (5%)--1 core 3+4 (30%) no peri-neural invasion. prostate is 45 grams. Stage: T1C.  

Surgery with Dr. Menon at Ford Hospital, 1/26/10. He says all looked good. Spared nerves. Unfortunately: Pathology Report: G 4+3 (65%-35%). Cancer in 15% of gland. Lymph Nodes: Clear.  Perineural Invasion: yes. Seminal Vessical Involvement: No.  Extraprostatic Extension: yes.  Positive Margin: Yes-- focal-- 1 spot .5mm. Final Weight is 52.7 gms. 

 Incontinence: joined that club-- definite leaks—1 pad/day. Night is dry, was  using 1 pad at night for security, but pretty much dispensed with that most nights.

Next Event: First post-op PSA on 3/1/10


Casey59
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 3172
   Posted 2/17/2010 12:08 PM (GMT -6)   

I'm going to somewhat echo James' message. 

At the tail-end of one of your other threads, I also made this same suggestion to you.  I was thinking it was possible you didn't see it.  (You do so many posts, I'm not sure how you can keep up with them all.)

My suggestion is to have a "cancer-free" day in your household.  No talking about cancer.  No visiting this site or others.  No reading about cancer.  Nothing.  Do other things.  I bet your wife will appreciate it, too.  Good for the mental health of both of you.  Six days a week is enough.


Ricky2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 2/17/2010 12:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Mel,

If I feel like I have it bad, all I have to do is look around...people that can hardly move because of a stroke, people that have lung cancer, etc. I say this PC is not so bad after all. This is not a bad disease!!!! Your chance are excellent that you will never die from it. Life is good! Live every day to the fullest and don't dwell on this PC crap.

Ricky
Age 70

PSA 5/2008- 3.6, PSA 7/2009- 6.1, retested 9/2009-5.1.
Biopsy 9/2009. 4 of 12 positive. Gleason 3+4=7
CT and bone scan negative.
Robotic De Vince Surgery 10/29/2009. 1 night in hospital. No pain. Cath out on 11/6
Pathology Report: Gleason score 3+4. Margins slightly involved <.1mm to .25mm. Perineural invasion present, stage pT2c. Tumor 18%. Seminal Vesicle - absent, Lymph Nodes 0 of 6.
Continence- first 4 weeks after cath out Dry at night, rest of time, bladder held nothing. 6-7 pads per day. as of 12/30 no pads most of time. almost dry except for a few drips. I keep doing Kegels.
ED. Started VED on 12/17. 15 min every other day. 20mm cilias twice a week. No sign of life yet.


geezer99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 990
   Posted 2/17/2010 12:42 PM (GMT -6)   
You nailed it. The technical medical term for our anxiety is "nut case." Just this morning I was seriously wondering if the pain in my right thigh was what bone mets felt like or if they would be more like the pain between my shoulders. I wonder if that twinge in my left side was from some cancerous lymph nodes. Let's just ignore the fact that I spent the last week shoveling way too much snow and that my nine month PSA came back two weeks ago at 0.00.

My therapist is helping me to talk back to my fears. T: If your cancer reoccurs do you have a plan as to what you will do? G: Yes it will probably be radiation, maybe with hormones. T: Good, that is as much of a plan as the wisest doctor in the world could have in your situation, so that problem is solved for the present. If it pops into your head, tell it to go to the end of the line. T: Have you and your wife decided who is going to cook dinner tonight? G: No, I don't think so. T: That could be a far greater immediate threat to your happiness than cancer. Do you have a plan? G: I guess I'd better call her after this session. T: There, keeping your relationship healthy is a good thing to worry about regularly and it will make both of you happier.
Age at diagnosis 66, PSA 5.5
Biopsy 12/08 12 cores, 8 positive
Gleason 3+4=7
CAT scan, Bone scan 1/09 both negative.

Robotic surgery 03/03/09 Catheter Out 03/08/09
Pathology: Lymph nodes & Seminal vesicles negative
Margins positive, Capsular penetration extensive Gleason 4+3=7
6 weeks: 1 pad/day, 1 pad/night -- mostly dry at night.
10 weeks: no pad at night -- slight leakage day/1 pad.
3 mo. PSA 0.0 - now light pads
6 mo. PSA 0.00 -- 1 light pad/day
9 mo. PSA 0.00 -- 1 light pad/day ED remains


LV-TX
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 966
   Posted 2/17/2010 1:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Mel...try to read geezer's post above a couple of times...at different times during the day. You will find what he just said is spot on.

Excellent post geezer.

There are plenty of things to wrap your head around and one of them isn't the cancer right now.
You are beating back cancer, so hold your head up with dignity
 
Les
 
Age 58 at Diagnosis
Oct 2006 - PSA 2.6 - DRE Normal
May 2008 - PSA 4.6 - DRE Normal / TRUS normal
July 2008 - Biopsy 4 of 12 Positive 5 - 30% Involved Bilateral w/PNI - Gleason (3+3)6 Stage T1C
Robotic Surgery Sept 18, 2008
Pathology October 1, 2008 - Gleason 7 (3+4) Staged pT2c NO MX - Gland 50 cc
Seminal Vesicles and Lymph Nodes clear
Positive Margins Right Posterior Lobe
PSA 5 week Oct 2008 <.05
                   3 month Jan 2009 .06
                   6 month Apr 2009 .06
                   9 month Jul  2009 .08
                 12 month Oct 2009 .09 


deer hunter
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 250
   Posted 2/17/2010 1:57 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with. rick lost a friend of 20 years sick for 2 wks before passing' retired 9 months ago to stay home with wife she had started down the road with alltimezer' he was 68.
ivisited him'twice second time called back to see if he was any better he passed 30 minutes before i called stage 4 cance of the lungs i assumehe had this for a while and didn't tell. Also mywife has a cousin who is diying probably very soon ,breastcancer 20 years ago but i assume it went to here liver and insides . I glade to be alive i going to fight as long as i can. my bags are packedbut i ain't ready to make that trip just yet i hope i havegot at least 20 more years but .only god knows the things


deerhunter

Herophilus
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 2/17/2010 2:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow, I'm lost for words here. Don't want to offend anybody...But the life I had prior to September 3rd 2009 is gone and I'll never have it back.  Go on from here...sure, but I'll never be the same.  I'm with Mel; I HATE this thing called prostate cancer!

Age 51, PSA 08/31/2009= 6.8, DRE Neg.
Biopsy 9/24/09 =10 of 12 positive. Gleason 6. involving up to 75%
da Vinci at Wash U, Barnes on 11/02/09
Modified Pathology, Gleason 4 + 3 = 7. Gleason 7 present throughout Prostate.  Negative surgical margins
4 of 4 periprostatic Lymph Nodes Negative, 10 of 10 pelvic Lymph Nodes Negative. Seminal Vesicles tumor free. No prostate extension
Post-op PSA 12/10/2009, Undetectable
12/12/2009, Pad Free and Started jogging.


142
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 7082
   Posted 2/17/2010 2:25 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with geezer99 and herophilus. The world I live in is different. The concerns and pressures I have are different. My relationship with the outside world is different.
I hate being here, but nothing I can do will change that.
I have to work with the new order of things.
Except that I still do all my own cooking - but even what tastes good has changed (or maybe they missed the lymph nodes and got the part of my arse, oops brain, where the recipes are stored).

Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 2/17/2010 2:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Mel, why are you concerned about me posting? I find that insulting. It's not a contest here who can post the most or the least, I do as I please with posting, its an outlet for me, and as a writer, its my natural medium. If you feel you need to take a break away from here, then that is your choice, might do you some good. Several of us have done that over time, including myself. I took a break myself, mostly to get a hold of myself, and come back to terms with my own situation.

Much of what you wrote, comes with the word Cancer. Cancer is a scary thing to deal with. And unlike some cancers that are nice and go away easily, PC is more determined to stay in our lives, despite primary and secondary treatments.

I agree with James C, at least wait to get the PSA before worrying about it being bad. It may be wonderful and you may be right in the zero club. PC is funny like that, we have men with bad pathology reports, worse than yours, that pull zero after zero. We got guys with clean in theory pathology reports that jump right into recurrance. Until facts tell you diffferently, I wouldn't assume anything.

Right now, I am still dealing with the never ending catheter/bladder neck blockage saga. When is it going to end? Beats me. Even beats my doctor at this point It may turn out to be a perm issue, with some men it does. Also, I am waiting anxiously till April to get a second reading on my PSA after my salvage radiation. We all want to see a downturn: myself, my family, my medical team. But there is nothing I can do between now and then but wait and get busy on other things in my life.

If my post SRT PSA goes up, I only really have two choices, I either let nature take its course, being out of curative approaches, or I turn to the HT route, that many men are on, and many men have good sucess with. My current feeling has been the same all along, I dont want to go that path. But until I am physically faced with having to make that choice, if it comes to that, I can't swear on the Bible how I will answer in the end. I am only 57 years old, and aside from PC, I am in good health.

Definitely doesn''t pay to worry yourself or others to death over what hasn't happened yet. I am learning more about that myself over time.

David in SC
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4,  Caths #11 and #12 in at the same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days


zufus
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3149
   Posted 2/17/2010 3:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Put in perspective perhaps, we all only get so much time and you could get hit by a bus or whatever. You can hopefully focus on things that actually matter the most in life. I like you Mel cause you tell it straight, no sugar coatings, other people can benefit from your posts and threads in one way or another. 

This PCa has been labeled as: Jungle, Twlight Zone, Nightmare, Limbo Land and other such hyperbole, and for good reasons. You will find after 1-2 yrs go buy, that you feel a little better about living with it and not letting it ruin your day(life) etc.

Mel there are people that would love to trade places with you or me even, hard to imagine but they exist . Try music, hobbies, the Carribeann has a way of letting you relax that is tough to beat. Try medical marijuanna (LOL) I am sure we all could qualify. (LOL) The administration wants us to go green?


Youth is wasted on the Young-(W.C. Fields)

Post Edited (zufus) : 2/17/2010 1:04:41 PM (GMT-7)


Ed C. (Old67)
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2461
   Posted 2/17/2010 3:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Take it easy Mel, there are people here with a lot worse pathology report who are doing well. Wait until you get your first PSA before you hit the panic button. Incontinence will get better with time and ED will with the help of the blue pill or trimix.
Age: 67 at Dx on 12/30/08
PSA 9/05 1.15; 8/06 1.45; 12/07 2.41; 8/08 3.9; 11/08 3.5 free PSA 11%
2 cores out of 12 were positive Gleason (4+4) and (4+5)
Negative CT scan and bone scan done on 1/16
Robotic surgery performed 2/9/09 Dr Fagin, Austin TX
Pathology report:
Prostate weighed 57 grams size:5.2 x 5.0 x 4.9 cm
Posterior lateral lesions measuring 1.5 x 1.4 x 1.0 cm showing focal capsular penetration over a distance of 3mm in circumference.
Prostatic adenocarciroma accounts for approx. 10-20% of the hemisphere.
Gleason 4+4
both nerve bundles removed,
pT3a Nx Mx, Negative margins
seminal vesicles clean, lymph nodes: not dissected
continent after 4 months
8 weeks PSA test 4/7/09 result <0.1
5 months PSA test 7/9/09 result <0.1
8 months PSA test 10/9/09 result <0.1
11.5 months test 1/21/10 result 0.004


James C.
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4463
   Posted 2/17/2010 5:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Ok, no medical marijuana mentioned, guys, it's against the Rules.
James C. Age 62
Co-Moderator- Prostate Cancer Forum
4/07 PSA 7.6, referred to Urologist, recheck 6.7
7/07 Biopsy: 3 of 16 PCa, 5% involved, left lobe, GS 3/3=6
9/07 Nerve sparing open RRP 110gms.- Path Report: GS 3+3=6 Stg. pT2c, 110gms, margins clear
32 mts: PSA's: .04 each test since surgery, ED Continues-Bimix .3ml PRN or Trimix .15ml PRN


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 2/17/2010 5:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah, I recently saw the movie "Reefer Madness", and it scared me to death of the killer weed. Beware.
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4,  Caths #11 and #12 in at the same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days


zufus
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3149
   Posted 2/17/2010 5:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry James did not know that, I can edit or remove just say the word. It was meant as folly and not for real.
Youth is wasted on the Young-(W.C. Fields)


James C.
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4463
   Posted 2/17/2010 5:50 PM (GMT -6)   
zufus, no big deal, not many here know of the rule, as I suspect most are long past their old hippie days...lol

for those wondering:
Rule 2. No discussion of medical marijuana use.
James C. Age 62
Co-Moderator- Prostate Cancer Forum
4/07 PSA 7.6, referred to Urologist, recheck 6.7
7/07 Biopsy: 3 of 16 PCa, 5% involved, left lobe, GS 3/3=6
9/07 Nerve sparing open RRP 110gms.- Path Report: GS 3+3=6 Stg. pT2c, 110gms, margins clear
32 mts: PSA's: .04 each test since surgery, ED Continues-Bimix .3ml PRN or Trimix .15ml PRN


compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7269
   Posted 2/17/2010 6:01 PM (GMT -6)   

Thanks for all the interesting responses.

First: David-- no insult intended in the least. I was teasing a bit and I am certainly NOT criticizing you for posting a lot. You are one of the really good helpful folks here. I've appreciated your candor and gutsiness. So, I hope you will accept my apology and understand that no criticism or insult was intended on my part.

I might add that yes I am being very honest in my postings. Why not? Also, I am still relatively new at this. I am sure that I will adjust and learn to live with this a bit better. If I am fortunate enough to join the Zero club, that will be a boon. Frankly, I have gone from a glass-half-full kind of fellow to a glass-half-empty type guy as far as this PC goes. This is because every test result has been worse than expected/hoped for. But we all learn to adjust and live with our situations. Many of you are months or years down the road with this beast. I am still in the adjusting phase. I also realize there are folks dealing with much worse stuff.

Thanks for the responses.

 

Mel

 

 

 


63 years old . PSA-- 3/08--2.90; 8/09--4.01; 11/09--4.19 (Free PSA 24%),  after 45 days on cipro! DREs have always been normal. PCA-3

Biopsy on 11/30/09. 5 out of 12 cores positive. Gleason 4+3. 2 cores were 3+3 (one 5% and the other 30%) on one side. On  other side:2 cores are 4+3 (5%)--1 core 3+4 (30%) no peri-neural invasion. prostate is 45 grams. Stage: T1C.  

Surgery with Dr. Menon at Ford Hospital, 1/26/10. He says all looked good. Spared nerves. Unfortunately: Pathology Report: G 4+3 (65%-35%). Cancer in 15% of gland. Lymph Nodes: Clear.  Perineural Invasion: yes. Seminal Vessical Involvement: No.  Extraprostatic Extension: yes.  Positive Margin: Yes-- focal-- 1 spot .5mm. Final Weight is 52.7 gms. 

 Incontinence: joined that club-- definite leaks—1 pad/day. Night is dry, was  using 1 pad at night for security, but pretty much dispensed with that most nights.

Next Event: First post-op PSA on 3/1/10


deer hunter
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 250
   Posted 2/17/2010 6:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi guys i"t me again .I half to agree with Herophilus and David and Zeerer 99 PC is not easy and not as much fun as I thought !!!!!! We learn to take it one day at a time. Psa test as they come good or bad they are mine regardless. that being said .when you keep on going thru all the test and uncertainty and it seems to never stop.thats the difference in PC cancer and other cancers.

Sephie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1804
   Posted 2/17/2010 6:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Mel, I can't answer to what you are feeling as a man who was told he had prostate cancer then had to go through some heavy-duty surgery to "get to the other side." But, I can answer as someone who has worried for almost 2 years about my husband's situation and the "what ifs."

I know that your path report isn't what you hoped for but it wasn't horrible either. There are many here who had better path reports than you but are dealing with a recurrence. And, there are others here with worse path reports who are doing just fine.

I spent months rereading my husband's path report, analyzing every word and turning to the Internet when I didn't understand something. Know what I learned: that you can't change a darn thing but you can change how it affects you.

I know that from day 1 you immersed yourself in PCa, asking as many questions as you could - and that's a good thing since knowledge helps take away some of the fear. But worrying about something that hasn't happened or might happen won't gain you anything and you'll have wasted precious time. None of us knows what the future holds - heck, I work at a children's charity where 3 year olds are dying from leukemia, neuroblastoma, and all sorts of horrible diseases. We have one family with a teenager who is being treated for a relapse of leukemia and, while in treatment, found out that her dad had stage IV lung cancer (no, never smoked). Dad recently passed away. The mother was the primary care giver for both her daughter and her husband. She knows that tomorrow or the day after might bring her bad news about her daughter, but she has today and is grateful for it.

Mel, you do need to put this all in perspective. I think you will find your first PSA will put you in the zero club, and then perhaps you can put some distance between yourself and the beast that changed your life. This is something most of us need to do from time to time.
Husband diagnosed in 2/2008 at age 57 with stage T1c. Robotic surgery performed 3/2008. Stage upgraded to T3a (single small EPE in posterior left). Perineural tumor infiltration present. Apex margin, bladder neck and SV negative. Final Gleason 3+4. PSA: 0.0 til July 2009. August 2009- 0.1, September 0.3, October back to 0.0, December 0.0. Thank you God!


goodlife
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2692
   Posted 2/17/2010 6:40 PM (GMT -6)   
If any one were to post on this forum saying how much they loved this crap, I would ask a moderator to have them removed for inflamatory statements.  Of course we hate this crap.
 
On the other hand in my own life I have found some surprising results in my own attitudes :
 
1.  I thank God for each sunrise I see.  I have become to view life as a little more precious.
 
2.  I am a little less inclined to complain about having to work.  I am actually thankful for the ability to work.
 
3.  I cherish my wife/life partner of 38 years more and more each day.  Without her by my side, I would not writing any of this.
 
4.  I actually look forward to our intimate times as much or more than before.  Rather than seeing how fast I can get it done, how wet my O can be, or how big my O can be, I like to take as long as I can, making sure my wife reaches as high as she possibly can for as long as I can.  It is really a different thing for me.  Screw ED.
 
5.  I never say goodby to my kids or my grandkids without kissing then and telling them I love them.  Life is too short.
 
6.  I have a tendency to help people, be a better neighbor, kinder employer, and where possible, more foregiving of those who really p*ss me off.
 
7.  I am more thankful for dry underwear than I ever was.
 
8.  I am more aware of the calendar.  I can tell you exactly what date and day of the week my next PSA test is.
 
9.  I even try to be a little more spontaneous with my life.  If I have a chance to tyr something new, I do it.
 
10.  I try to complain less and less about the unfairness of PC, and think about the blessing of having health unsurance, a good medical system, and a 0 PSA for today.
 
Cheesy isn't it?  I have just found my life a bit more pleasant to those around me by trying to find the positives in life. Lord knows there are enough negatives to dwell on.
 
 
My best to all my fellow PC sufferers on this site. 
Goodlife
 
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic  4/14/09   Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved  pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free  6 week PSA  <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED.  Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10,  9 month PSA < .01


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 2/17/2010 7:03 PM (GMT -6)   
mel, its good between you and me. no, worries. i do get touchy sometimes on that subject, because we have had unkind posters in the past. your posts are honest, i feel that is important here. and i don't believe in shooting the messenger. when i hurt, i hurt, when i feel good, i feel good. people have different degrees and methods of communicating, we are not all good in the same way while communicating, plus, we are not sitting in a room, real time, face to face. hard to detect tone and motivations from just typed words.

i appreciate each and every poster here that joins our little community. we each have a tough journey, different paths, different battles, different fears and difficulties. so i think its important that we always respect each other, as we never know what a fellow brother is really going through and how it effects him.

my best to one and all.

david in sc
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4,  Caths #11 and #12 in at the same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days


profman
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 2/17/2010 7:18 PM (GMT -6)   
This has been quite an interesting discussion, and illuminating to me. After a long period of adjustment (diagnosed on 9/4/09, removal on 12/15/09) I have taken the attitude that I can't control what the cancer is going to do. I am in reactive mode - I have done everything I can for now (remove the organ, change diet, exercise more), and will accept whatever comes (because I can't change it). I have a plan if recurrance comes about (radiation), because the one thing I did learn about myself is that I want to live as long as possible (I am 59 now, parents are still doing well at 86 and 87), even if I have ED, orgasms are not what they used to be, and sometimes my underwear gets a little wet. Yes, my path report was excellent, but has been pointed out that really does not mean anything in the long scheme of things. So, I control what I can, try to enjoy what I do to the fullest (like Mel, I am a Professor), and enjoy trying new things with my wife and children. While I can't say this has been the direction I would have chosen for my life, it is what it is, and I am going to make the best of it. I may be hiding my head in the sand, but thus far it has worked for me.
Diagnosed 9/4/09, age 59
PSA 3.5, up from 1.8 year before
First biopsy showed 3/10 positive cores, Gleason 3+3, less than 10% involvement in all three cores, diagnosed as T2a
Thinking of Active Surveillance but
Second biopsy showed 5/10 positive cores, Gleason 3+3, left side (4 postitive cores) had 40% involvement
RRP on 12/15/09, home 12/16
Catheter out on 12/29/09 (failed cystogram earlier)
Path report was all good news, Gleason 3+3, no margin involvement, no perineural involvement, everything clean other than core of prostate, tumor on both sides, but more prevalent on left side, 5% involvement, 42 gram organ
Within two days down to one pad a day, now continent except if I sleep more than four hours
Back to work 1/4/10
First PSA 1/28/10 - nondetectable, next scheduled June 2, 2010
ED present, although blood does flow after Viagra. working with pump now - still trying!


keysailfisher
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 347
   Posted 2/17/2010 7:34 PM (GMT -6)   
I think i kinda agree with Mel in someways. Got the cath out yesterday now instead of worrying about that, now i'm worried how long am i going to wet all over myself. Somedays are better than others. We make our decisions and move on, I'm not doubting surgery or surgeon it just maybe i wasn't as prepared as i thought i was. Oh well let's move on.
 
Neal
age 45
psa 3.09
Biopsy results 12/9
Left side base 3+3=6 21% 2/2 cores positive
Left side mid  3+3=6 100% 2/2 cores positive
Left side apex 3+4=7 88% 2/2 cores positive
Right side - 0/6
CT & Bone scan negative
Davinci Feb. 5th 2010/ cath removal 2/16
 
Gleason-3+4=7
Extent of tumor-Bilateral
Extraprostatic Extension-Absent
Seminal Vesicles-Negative for tumor
Surgical Margins-Rt apical margin focally positive
lymphovascular invasion-Suspicious in areas of capsular involvement
Regional lymph nodes-One node negative
Stage-T2c NO MX


mountain man
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 2/17/2010 7:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Mel,
 
I can relate and I hate it too! From the day my pc doc told me I hit 4.0 last June, I was sliding down the slippery slope. Every test result was worse than the last - repeat psa screen test, biopsy report, path report, 2nd opinion on path report, etc. I was told "the odds are in your favor" and then every time the scores came back, I lost. 
 
Until I went for first post- psa. I figured anything under .2 would be a win, expected something higher than that really, and back it came at 0.0! Brought me to my knees.
 
I'm guessing you'll get the same reversal of fortune. Hang in there, man!
 
Ralph
 
p.s. Geezer, great post! Glad somebody else thinks every ache or pain is mets or some recurence. 
age 56 (DX at 55) 
psa 6/09 - 4.0; 1/07 - 1.2
biopsy 8/09 gleason 3+3=6; T1C; 2 of 12 cores (40%/50%)
RRP 10/20/09, B&W/Faulkner Boston, Dr Jim Hu 
path report gleason 3+4=7; T2C NX MX; 1.9 cm & 10%
perineural invasion present
lymphatic invasion present
margins & seminal vesicles negative
lymph nodes not tested
post op psa 11/23/09 - 0.0!
no incontinence after cath removal (confidence pads for 1 wk)
ED complete so far (but some signs of life)

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