Thank you guys, for all your heart felt and kind responses. The support here is overwhelming sometimes. I think of each of you, and know that we all have our own private battles, our own tough moments, sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. If I didn't believe that it could get better, I would lose all hope, but I keep struggling forward, hoping that there is light somewhere just a little bit further.
Today was just a rough day pain wise, and yes, taking plent of meds, not a masochist, but meds can only do so much. The spasms with a double catheter would have to be experienced for you to understand how they get me so unglued. After you have a couple of dozen while awake during the day, you start to lose it, I apologize if that is weakness, but I have "x" amount of pain tolerance, and once I used that up, I am in a weakened state, and then you start not to think real rational. I hope that is a normal process.
But I do believe in my heart, that we are in this together, that what keeps this group going onward. I have been in such a downward slump the past few months, its hard for me to think I can of any help to anyone, but again, I try to think beyond my own situation. Certainly not the only one suffering here, I don't have a monopoly on that.
Perhaps tommorow will be a better day.
David in SC
57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.33rd Biopsy
: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3Open RP:
11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09Path Rpt
: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence: 1 Month ED: Non issue at any point post surgery, no problem post SRT
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped 9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4, Caths #11 and #12 same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days, 3/2- Cath #12 out - 41 days, 3/2- Corr Surgery #5, Caths #13 & #14 same time