Emotional rant.

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Kmac
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 4/20/2010 9:50 AM (GMT -6)   
 
 I spoke to my dad on the phone tonight (he is on the opposite side of the country) and since he was diagnosed a bit over  month ago we had our first really long, emotional chat where dad talked openly about his cancer. I am still teary thinking about what he said and his courage that has - I have never admired him more.
 
He spoke about not being scared and that he didn't want anyone to worry or feel sorry for him - hence he has not told many people. He lives in a small country town where he is much loved and a fixture and I know that he would hate for anyone to view him as a victim. He amazes me so much how he keeps saying that there are people far worse off than he, and how happy and lucky he is in life.
 
I had to stifle tears when he spoke of his love for my mum and his kids and the only thing he is scared of is not being around for his grandchildren. His insurance money was also approved today and he was so happy because my mum will now be ok financially if anything happens.
 
I know the odds are in his favour - but god it hurts thinking that this amazing man has to fight this awful disease and that he may not be around to be an old man with grey hair and family making fun of his jokes.
 
Sorry that this is so soppy....darn pregnancy hormones :)
 

tatt2man
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2845
   Posted 4/20/2010 10:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear Kmac
- this is a great site for you and your Dad - lots of information and helpful supportive men and women ( spouses / partners/ daughters) who are at different parts of this journey.
-never apologize for a rant - whether it is from the fear and frustration of having to deal with Prostate Cancer in your family, or being in the family-way ( congrats on the upcoming grandchild for Dad)
-try not to think of Dad as a victim but as a survivor...
-may I ask, do you know what tests have been done on him - what the definite results were ( we like numbers and stats here on HW - also , how old is he?)
-do check out the resource directory listed at the top of this page
-also, where are you situated and where does Dad live? - often other members at HW can help with resources and knowledge of local doctors and hospitals.

-wishing you all the best -

hugs
BRONSON
.............
.................
Age: 54 - gay - with common-law spouse of 13 years, Steve - 60
PSA: 04/2007- 1.68 - 08/2009 - 3.46 - 10/2009 - 3.86
Confirmation of Prostate Cancer: October 16, 2009 - 6 of 12 cancerous samples , Gleason 7 (4+3)
Doctor: Dr. Mohamed Elharram -Urologist / Surgeon - Peterborough Regional Health Centre
Radical Prostatectomy Operation: November 18, 2009 , home - November 21, 2009
Post Surgery Biopsy: pT3a- gleason 7 - extraprostatic extension - perineural invasion - prostate weight - 34.1gm -
ED Prescription: Jan 8/2010 - started daily 5mg cialis - girth back to normal -but not much length - will go for trimix in April when I see doc
Incontinence: Feb 2010- 3-5 pads/1-2 clothes changes/day- March 3, 2010 - week 14 after surgery -finally seeing improvement - March 29- incontinence better - 1-2 pads a day - one pad at night
location: Peteborough, Ontario, Canada
Post Surgery-PSA: - April 8, 2010 - 0.05 - I am in the ZERO CLUB - hooorah!
............


English Alf
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 2218
   Posted 4/20/2010 10:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Kylie

Good to be able to phone.

It's fine to get emotional here. (That was hardly a rant, you should scour the posts for some real rants when you have time - no don't bother you've got so many positive things to do at present. Is your "bump" big enough for your dad to admire?)

If you're flying East I hope you don't encounter any volcanoes - Northern Europe is still a mess with this Icelandic Ash.

I can understand why your dad is holding back, but guys in small towns get cancer too and he might find support in unexpected quarters. Something like one in six men get prostate cancer, so it'd have to be a really small town for him to be the only one in town.

My daughter's coming home for a couple of nights today so I can enjoy being a dad.

Alf
Age at Dx 48 No Family history of Prostate Cancer
Married 25 years, and I cannot thank my wife enough for her support.
April 2009: PSA 8.6 DRE: negative. Tumour in 2 out of 12 cores. Gleason 3+3.
RALP (nerve-sparing) at AVL-NKI Hospital Amsterdam on 29th July 2009. Stay 1 night.
Partial erections on while catheter still in. Catheter out on 6th Aug 2009.
Dry at night after catheter came out
Post-op Gleason 3+4. Tumour mainly in left near neck of bladder.
Left Seminal Vesicle invaded, (=T3b!)
no perineraul invasion, no vascular invasion. clear margins,
Erection 100% on 15th Aug 2009, but lots of leaking
Stopped wearing pads on 21st Sept 2009
Pre-op style intercourse on 24th Oct 2009 !! No use of tablets, jabs, VED etc.
Nov 17th 2009 PSA = 0.1
Mar 17th 2010 PSA = 0.4!!! referred to radiation therapist


Kmac
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 4/20/2010 11:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you.....

Bronson - I stil need to post dad's stats as a signature but don't want to do that until I have all of the specific info in front of me on paper. At this point I know that he had been having his PSA levels checked since he was 50 - he is now 57 and the last test showed a rise and of course the rest is history and we have joined the cancer community. He is (at this stage..) T2, localised, Gleason 7. His parents both died of cancer - mum breast and dad lung. I know this is playing on his mind.

I live in Perth, Australia and he lives in rural NSW, about 7hrs inland frm Sydney. I am moving permanently to the 'other side' in a couple of months to have the baby and be close to family. My terrific partner is coming too....forgot to mention!

Alf - yes the bump is quite significant and I know that it will get plenty of talkings to and rubs....I feel like a buddha these days- may start to charge. It will be a special week together in Melbourne - despite the circumstances.

Only extinct volcanoe here.... plagues of grasshoppers though apprently.

James C.
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4463
   Posted 4/20/2010 1:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Kmac, all I got is just a big hug for you and the hope that your Dad's journey is an easy one. The others have said all I could say... :-)
James C. Age 63
Gonna Make Myself A Better Man www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6cX61oNsRQ&feature=channel
4/07: PSA 7.6, Recheck after 4 weeks Cipro-6.7
7/07 Biopsy: 3 of 16 PCa, 5% invloved, left lobe, GS3+3=6
9/07: Nerve Sparing open RRP, 110gms, Path Report- Stg. pT2c, 10 gms., margins clear
32 Months: PSA's .04 each test since surgery, ED continues: Bimix- .3ml PRN, Trimix- .15ml PRN


60Michael
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2243
   Posted 4/20/2010 3:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Kmac,
Thanks for posting as I think it helps all of us in looking at how others deal with the diagnosis of PCa, and also how it impacts family members. Hope that he continues with a long life full of love and memories for his grandkids.
Michael
Dx with PCA 12/08 2 out of 12 cores positive 4.5 psa
59 yo when diagnosed, 61 yo 2010
Robotic surgery 5/09 Atlanta, Ga
Catheter out after 10 days
Gleason upgraded to 3+5, volume less than 10%
2 pads per day, 1 depends but getting better,
 started ED tx 7/17, slow go
Post op dx of neuropathy
T2C left lateral and left posterior margins involved
3 months psa.01, 6 month psa.4, 6 1/2 month psa.5
Starting IMRT on 1/18/10, Completed 39 tx at 72 gys on 3/12/10
Great family and friends
Michael


goodlife
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2692
   Posted 4/20/2010 4:36 PM (GMT -6)   
There are 2 battles with PC. The obvious physical battle, and the emotional battle.

Your dad sound like he has already come out a winner on the emotional side. I too felt I sdidn't want to tell anyone. When I meet people on the street, or at the store, or in church, I don't want that Oh, how are you ? in that lilting voice that says how long do you have ?

We all must come to a point where it can't scare us. We must be at peace with whatever comes. Then, we are in control again, which most men need.

The physical side is kind of up to time, doctors, chance, etc. You certainly know that he won't doie next week or next month of PC, even if he has a very bad case. He has many years ahead. So keep on making those grandbabies, and he will be around for quite a while to see them.

Good luck, and thanks for joinig us. We do care about you and your dad.
Goodlife
 
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic  4/14/09   Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved  pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free  6 week PSA  <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED.  Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10,  9 month PSA < .01
1 year psa (364 days) .01


goodlife
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2692
   Posted 4/20/2010 4:36 PM (GMT -6)   
There are 2 battles with PC. The obvious physical battle, and the emotional battle.

Your dad sound like he has already come out a winner on the emotional side. I too felt I sdidn't want to tell anyone. When I meet people on the street, or at the store, or in church, I don't want that Oh, how are you ? in that lilting voice that says how long do you have ?

We all must come to a point where it can't scare us. We must be at peace with whatever comes. Then, we are in control again, which most men need.

The physical side is kind of up to time, doctors, chance, etc. You certainly know that he won't doie next week or next month of PC, even if he has a very bad case. He has many years ahead. So keep on making those grandbabies, and he will be around for quite a while to see them.

Good luck, and thanks for joinig us. We do care about you and your dad.
Goodlife
 
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic  4/14/09   Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved  pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free  6 week PSA  <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED.  Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10,  9 month PSA < .01
1 year psa (364 days) .01


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25394
   Posted 4/20/2010 5:22 PM (GMT -6)   
kmac,

that was not a rant, not by any streatch of the word. it was a heart felt emotional release. we have several loving daughters looking out for the dads here at HW, and all of us men get real fond of seeing that. glad that you and your dad have that kind of openess to talk about something this tough in such an emotionally felt way. that's a good thing.

when i get down on myself with my own battle, and the setbacks that keep plaging me, i just start thinking about all the people in my life that really do love and care about me, and how much i have a vested interest in their lives.

like i tell people as i have aged, and have fought cancer(s), not afraid to die, when its my time, its will be my time, i am just not in any hurry to go to the check out line.

with support like yours, your dear dad will do just fine. i hope only good things for the two of you, and the rest of your family.

david in SC
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery, no problem post SRT
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4,  Caths #11 and #12  same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days, 3/2- Cath #12 out - 41 days, 3/2- Corr Surgery #5, 3/6 Cath #13 out - 4 days, Cath #14 out - 27 days, Cath #15 - 3/29


tatt2man
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2845
   Posted 4/20/2010 5:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Kmac
- there are a couple of men on here at HW who are from Australia - they will certainly let you know they are there for you and your Dad - it is comforting to have someone else in your own neck of the woods to talk to / rant / RANT / share support and have a good cry... you are definitely not alone.

- I do understand the male Australian machismo - my sister married an Australian and they now live in Hillsdale just outside of Sydney ... my Mom moved to be near my sister13 years ago and lives in Mirador just outside of Merimbula, New South Wales.

- it is a good thing he is dealing with it now -re: his mother's breast cancer - his dad's lung cancer doesn't figure into this equation ( a different based cancer)
- so no rush - just find out what is the best treatment for him and what doctor is best for him.... being content with his decision -

-he may find through his doctor, that in his local area ( depending on the size of town and social network) there are other men who have gone through this journey...

hugs to one and all
BRONSON
.................
Age: 54 - gay - with common-law spouse of 13 years, Steve - 60
PSA: 04/2007- 1.68 - 08/2009 - 3.46 - 10/2009 - 3.86
Confirmation of Prostate Cancer: October 16, 2009 - 6 of 12 cancerous samples , Gleason 7 (4+3)
Doctor: Dr. Mohamed Elharram -Urologist / Surgeon - Peterborough Regional Health Centre
Radical Prostatectomy Operation: November 18, 2009 , home - November 21, 2009
Post Surgery Biopsy: pT3a- gleason 7 - extraprostatic extension - perineural invasion - prostate weight - 34.1gm -
ED Prescription: Jan 8/2010 - started daily 5mg cialis - girth back to normal -but not much length - will go for trimix in April when I see doc
Incontinence: Feb 2010- 3-5 pads/1-2 clothes changes/day- March 3, 2010 - week 14 after surgery -finally seeing improvement - March 29- incontinence better - 1-2 pads a day - one pad at night
location: Peteborough, Ontario, Canada
Post Surgery-PSA: - April 8, 2010 - 0.05 - I am in the ZERO CLUB - hooorah!
............


Ironman1600
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 4/20/2010 7:41 PM (GMT -6)   

 Kmac, I have had the privilege of sponsoring an Australian Exchange student in my home for 6 months and have spent a grand total of one month in Australia doing business in Queensland.  I consider the Australians I have met to be very special friends and since you are in distress I have to offer what hope I can.   Until we see what you fathers stats are we cannot be specific in answering your multiple questions but be assured that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Every person who gets prostate cancer reacts differently, but there are guidelines and you need to research all the information you can find.  I have Gleason 7 and it is pretty average.  After surgery, I have been cancer free for 22 months and I strongly believe I will be able to say that 10 years from now.  Your dad will live to see your unborn child grow into a loving grandchild.  You will be with your father in trials that you would rather not be included in but there will be a positive outcome.  Right now you need to arm yourself with information and talk to your specialists.  Care for your father, but most important right now is your unborn child.  Take a deep breath and monitor this web site.  The information you get will be priceless.   I never have spent much time in NSW but I absolutely love Sidney.  Best wishes to you and your father.

age 61 at diagnosis

PSA Jan 2006 2.8, PSA Jan 2007 3.7, PSA Jan 2008 4.4

DRE Normal, Biopsy positive 1 core in 10,

Clinical T1C, Pre surgery Gleason 3+4=7

Bone scan Normal, Cat Scan Normal

da Vinci robotic Surgery April 30, 2008, Fremont Nebraska

Post surgery Gleason 3+4=7, Pathological P2C

Lymph nodes clear, Margins clear

Hospital stay 2-days, Catheter out 10 days

1-pad a day for 3 weeks

Back at work 7-days after surgery, desk job

Both Nerves spared

Post 3 month PSA-undetectable, Post 9 month PSA-undetectable, Post 15 month PSA-undetectable, 22 month PSA-Undetectable


Ed C. (Old67)
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2461
   Posted 4/20/2010 8:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Kmac,
It is never easy to know someone you love is battling cancer especially if that someone is your own father. You are at home here on this forum and nothing you say is considered a rant. We are here to support each other. I wish the best for your Dad and hope that he will join us on the other side with good results.
Age: 67 at Dx on 12/30/08
PSA 9/05 1.15; 8/06 1.45; 12/07 2.41; 8/08 3.9; 11/08 3.5 free PSA 11%
2 cores out of 12 were positive Gleason (4+4) and (4+5)
Negative CT scan and bone scan done on 1/16
Robotic surgery performed 2/9/09 Dr Fagin, Austin TX
Pathology report:
Prostate weighed 57 grams size:5.2 x 5.0 x 4.9 cm
Posterior lateral lesions measuring 1.5 x 1.4 x 1.0 cm showing focal capsular penetration over a distance of 3mm in circumference.
Prostatic adenocarciroma accounts for approx. 10-20% of the hemisphere.
Gleason 4+4
both nerve bundles removed,
pT3a Nx Mx, Negative margins
seminal vesicles clean, lymph nodes: not dissected
continent after 5 months
2 months PSA test 4/7/09 result <0.1
5 months PSA test 7/9/09 result <0.1
8 months PSA test 10/9/09 result <0.1
11 months PSA test 1/21/10 result 0.004
14 months PSA test 4/19/10 result 0.005


BillyMac
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 1858
   Posted 4/20/2010 9:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Kmac,
That is hardly what I would call a rant. Although it is difficult I would put your worries aside. You have far more important things to concentrate one. When each of us receives the diagnosis...... cancer...... we all think "that's it......I'm done for shortly. Although this does happen it is not the usual course of events and even more so with prostate cancer. It is estimated that up to half of all men have prostate cancer to some degree or another and the vast majority do not and will never know that have it. It just seems to be a somewhat natural degenerative progression in the male. I have heard it said that all men will get prostate cancer.......it is just a matter of time. In some it may pop up at 40 in others they would have to live to 150 before it raised its head. If he has been watching his PSA for the past 7 years it would be safe to assume that the latest increase triggered a biopsy. I would also assume that his PSA would not have been particularly high given that it was being monitored. All this stands him in good stead of of a very early diagnosis. It may come to pass that he may even elect not to have any treatment but watch his PSA closely...... there are many that take that path, even with a Gleason (3+4=7). If he chooses to have treatment there is a number of methods that would be available to him. So chin up, concentrate on the impending new arrival for he/she shall have their grandfather around for a long time. Read a few of the Gleason 7 stories in the link to on YANANOW below and I am sure you will be more at rest. I am located about 100 klms south of Sydney so welcome to NSW when you get here.

www.yananow.net/Chart-Gleason7.htm#7

Bill
1/05 PSA----2.9 3/06-----3.2 3/07-------4.1 5/07------3.9 All negative DREs
Aged 59 when diagnosed
Biopsy 6/07
4 of 10 cores positive for Adenocarcinoma-------bummer!
Core 1 <5%, core 2----50%, core 3----60%, core 4----50%
Biopsy Pathologist's comment:
Gleason 4+3=7 (80% grade 4) Stage T2c
Neither extracapsular nor perineural invasion is identified
CT scan and Bone scan show no evidence of metastases
Da Vinci RP Aug 10th 2007
Post-op pathology:
Positive for perineural invasion and 1 small focal extension
Negative at surgical margins, negative node and negative vesicle involvement
Some 4+4=8 identified ........upgraded to Gleason 8
PSA Oct 07 <0.1 undetectable
PSA Jan 08 <0.1 undetectable
PSA April 08 <0.001 undetectable (disregarded due to lab "misreporting")
PSA August 08 <0.001 undetectable (disregarded due to lab "misreporting")
Post-op pathology rechecked by new lab:
Gleason downgraded to 4+3=7
Focal extension comprised of grade 3 cells
PSA September 08 <0.01 (new lab)
PSA February 09 <0.01
PSA August 09 (2 year mark), <0.01
PSA December 09 <0.01
        My Journey: http://www.yananow.net/Mentors/BillM2.htm
Never underestimate old people ............ you don't get to be old by being stupid.

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