A diseases and ailments and cancers are different. Each person's medical history is different. You can go as far as DNA and other genetic difference, family history, etc. I don't see that as a negative thing. Now when you factor in that PCa is a fickled and ornery cancer to start with, unlike some cancers which are more predictable to treatment and outcomes.
Your frustration is well understood and I definitely empathize with you. But you are not going to ever come to terms with your cancer and situation using logic and the building blocks you know as an engineer, no more than I can apply business logic and accounting fundementals in my trade to reconcile my dealings with my cancer.
Denial is bad. Acceptence at face value is best, and adapt to the exact situation that you face personally. I would have never dreamed at the time of my PC dx, that almost 18 months after surgery, I would be on my 16th catheter, dealing with a never ending stricture problem complicated by salvage radiation that I never believed I would need, and definitely would have told you back then that I would never consent to radiation again. But reality is reality, and I adapated.
My radiation oncologist (a woman) told me how men fight mentally having cancer much worse than women as a general rule, because men want to be in control, and men want to put everything to the test of logic. That's why some guys get obsessed with life changes, strategies, diets, supplements, anything - to have some kind of control over their situation.
David in SC
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence: 1 Month ED: Non issue at any point post surgery, no problem post SRT
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, next one: July
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped 9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4, Caths #11 and #12 same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days, 3/2- Cath #12 out - 41 days, 3/2- Corr Surgery #5, 3/6 Cath #13 out - 4 days, Cath #14- 27 days, Cath #15 - 26 days, Cath #16 - 4/23 put in