prostate journey

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New Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 5/8/2010 1:19 PM (GMT -6)   
This is my first time writing to you all.  My husband had his protate removed recently and he is very  different already, won't speak to me at all, very sullen.  Although he has returned to work, he act resentful and now we've found out his cancer has spread to one lymph node.  I have to work full time and the stress is almost more than I can bear.  Any advice?

Elite Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 5/8/2010 1:27 PM (GMT -6)   

welcome to hw prostate cancer. glad you found us, this is a good place to learn, to share, to vent, etc. perhaps it would help if you could help us with a bit more details about your husbands prostate cancer journey. at some point, you can go to the control panel at the top of this page, and make a signature showing the most basic facts about his case.

sounds like your husband is still in the anger phase, which is expected and common, though saying that doesnt make it any easier for you to bear, of course. you two, indeed need to talk about the entire situation together, perhaps with his doctor, or your clergy if you have any, or even a close neutral friend or relative. while its his cancer of course, as his wife, it still effects your strongly. his anger shouldn't be directed toward you.

there are some great daughters and wifes that contribute here on a regular basis, perhaps some will see your post and offer you some advice and help from the woman's perspective. for the most part, we men that are married or are in a committed relationship, are ever greatful for the great wives we do have, and contibute a lot of our recovery to their love and care. hopefully your husband will swing around emotionally and it can be that way for you too.

please keep us posted, as people here really care. we call it a brotherhood, but its a sisterhood too.

good luck, and don't ever give up hope.

david in sc
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery, no problem post SRT
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, next one:  July
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4,  Caths #11 and #12  same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days, 3/2- Cath #12 out - 41 days, 3/2- Corr Surgery #5, 3/6 Cath #13 out - 4 days, Cath #14- 27 days, Cath #15 - 26 days, Cath #16 - 4/23 put in

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 5/8/2010 1:50 PM (GMT -6)   

Welcome to the site. As Dave said, this is a great place to get support for your problems. You and your husband need to know that you are not alone. There are thousands of us going through the same thing.

I was totatally unprepared fro the sexual and incontinence issues that come from Prostate surgery, so I can relate to his sullenness. I have come around and adopted an attitude that I am going to win this battle. There are many things he can to do help fight this. Diet, supplements, exersise, research on next steps. Please let him know that there are a lot of resources here and many other places - that can help you get throught this.

Keep us posted!
Dx age 62 - March 2009 - Gleason 7
Surgery - da-vinci RP on April 29, 2009 Gleason upgraded to 9
Started VEGAN diet June 2009
3 month PSA - <.04
6 month PSA <.04
9 month PSA .05
12 Month PSA  .16
SRT begins May 3, 2010

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2692
   Posted 5/8/2010 2:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Some of this will be resolved with time. We need time to comprehend all that has happened. Usually, once a PC patient sees that he won't die within a week, month or even a year, most likely, he begins to settle into more of an accepting attitude, and becomes more reasonable.

I guess the important part for you is to not antagonize him during this time, and just let him kind of settle it on his own, of course assuring him of your love and acceptance. Sometimes men are embarrased if they have incontinence, or have ED issues.

This is a tough period of time fdr both you and your spouse. Most men snap out of it. Some have gone to counseling for depression. Some have taken medication to help.

For me, I went through a threat to my manhood stage where I didn't want to be babied, or treated any differently. I took offense if I felt there was some insinuation that I wasn't capable of doing something.

Welcome to HW, and I wish you the best during this time. Keep tuned in. We have many spouses on here who may give a better woman's viewpoint.
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic  4/14/09   Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved  pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free  6 week PSA  <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED.  Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10,  9 month PSA < .01
1 year psa (364 days) .01

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1804
   Posted 5/8/2010 3:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Serobgirl, as a wife of a prostate cancer man, I welcome you to the absolute best prostate cancer site! Here you will find friendship, support, compassion, and humor - all designed to help you through this difficult journey.

I would imagine that your husband has alot of emotions going through him right now. There's anger over his situation ("why me"); grief (yes, grief) because he has lost a part of himself that he'll never get back; possibly embarassment as he might feel that he's "not the man you married." As hard as it may be for you, you have to allow him time to sort through these feelings while gently encouraging him to "let you in" so that you can reassure him that, for you, nothing has changed. The ED and incontinence issues are important and must be confronted by both of you. These are tough issues and some men just have a harder time coping.

As Purgatory has said, knowing a bit more information about his situation would be helpful. How long ago was your husband diagnosed? How did the diagnosis come about (routine physical exam, enlarged prostate, etc.)? Is your husband a young man or an older one? Have both of you sat and spoke with the doctor about next steps for your husband?

You've come to the right place and should feel free to come here and vent anytime you want. There's someone on these boards at all times of the day and night (we have some wonderful members from Europe and Australia so pretty much all time zones are covered here).

Sephie (from New York)
Husband diagnosed in 2/2008 at age 57 with stage T1c. Robotic surgery performed 3/2008. Stage upgraded to T3a (solitary focus of extraprostatic extension). Perineural tumor infiltration present. Apex margin, bladder neck and SVs negative. Final Gleason 3+4. PSA: 0.0 til July 2009. August 2009 - 0.1, September 0.3, October back to 0.0, December 0.0, March 2010 0.0. Next PSA in 6 months. Thank you God!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2243
   Posted 5/8/2010 3:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry to hear about your husbands cancer and the impact that it has had on your relationship with him. This is like a number of illness's in that it is both emotional and physical. If it has been recent as you stated hopefully this will change in time.
It is difficult to not take it personally when your mate shuts you out of his life and pushes you away. What looks like anger is often fear and when I see someone respond that way to cancer I sometimes wonder about other losses in their life.
Hope that you will find support for yourself and maybe there is one person out there that can reach him and help him deal more constructively with PCa. Take care.
Dx with PCA 12/08 2 out of 12 cores positive 4.5 psa
59 yo when diagnosed, 61 yo 2010
Robotic surgery 5/09 Atlanta, Ga
Catheter out after 10 days
Gleason upgraded to 3+5, volume less than 10%
2 pads per day, 1 depends but getting better,
 started ED tx 7/17, slow go
Post op dx of neuropathy
T2C left lateral and left posterior margins involved
3 months psa.01, 6 month psa.4, 6 1/2 month psa.5 on 11/28/10
Starting IMRT on 1/18/10, Completed 39 tx at 70 gys on 3/12/10
6 week Post IMRT PSA .44 a drop from .5 but maybe more
Great family and friends

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1382
   Posted 5/8/2010 4:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to the forum
I think you will find the wisdom here is incredible. I can already see that many women have chimed in. From a male standpoint I think it is so important to find ways to be positive to work through this time. For me I engrossed myself more into exercise and reading. Even though I was not interested in sex I was still interested in my wife so we found other things to occupy our time. This is a common phase to go through and it will be as tough or tougher on you. My prayers go out to both of you. Stay in contact and you will be amazed at the love you will find here.
If you ever need to chat please email me

peace and love
My PSA at diagnosis was 16.3
age 47 (current)

My gleason score from prostate was 4+5=9 and from the lymph nodes (3 positive) was 4+4=8
I had 44 IMRT's
Currently on Lupron
I go to The Cancer Treatment Center of America
Married with two kids
latest PSA 5-27-08 0.11

PSA July 24th, 2008 is 0.04
PSA Dec 16th, 2008 is .016
PSA Mar 30th, 2009 is .02
PSA July 28th 2009 is .01
PSA OCt 15th 2009 is .11
PSA Jan 15th 2010 is .13
PSA April 16th of 2010 is .16
Testosterone keeps rising, the current number is 156, up from 57 in May

T level dropped to 37 Mar 30th, 2009
cancer in 4 of 6 cores

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 62
   Posted 5/9/2010 8:11 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello Serobgirl,

Welcome, I am sorry that you have to be here. This is a wonderful site.  They are so caring and supportive.  I know that I could not have gotten throught this without prayer and this site.  I understand exactly what you are going through. My husband was diagnosed in November. Do not take his actions personally. My husband initially treated me the same way.  He did not want me to go any of his treatments. I was so hurt, but I put on a smile and said "okay honey, whatever you think is best." I allowed him his space and remained supportive. When I would arrive home from work in the evening, I would ask him how his day had gone.  I would not bombard him with a alot of questions.  In his own time, he would open up and volunteer what he was experiencing.  I just prayed for him and asked God to give me the strength to endure this ordeal, and be a supportive wife.  I had to constantly remind myself that this is not about me, the battle is not mine, it's the Lords. In time your husband will come around. I will be praying for you'll as well as other members of our healing well family.


Age 59
PSA 9 on-08-09
Given antibiotics for 1 month/
PSA 10 on 10-09
Biopsy 11-18-09-Results 10 of 12 cores positive
CT and Bone scan negative
Diagnosed on 11-20-09
Lupron injection/ 7 dys of casodex on 11-20-09
Markers placed on 12-15-09
Planning scan scheduled 1-18-2010/ 8 wks radiation to follow
Treatments began 1-20-2010
Lupron injection-3-1-2010
Radiation treatments end (54)-3-26-2010
PSA undetectable/ 3-26-2010

deer hunter
Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 250
   Posted 5/10/2010 8:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Serobigirl most of the folks on this forum have been thru the experiences you and you husband are going thru it takes some time to ajust to your new life changes stay strong it takes time best of luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry youhad to be here but its a great place and lots of knowledge on here thru experinces of the people on here
dx age 57 01/06 open RP 4/06 psa in 01/06 8.1  surgery path report Gleason 3+4=7 poorly differentiated  tumor was 90%involved in both lobes surgical margins postive. in the right apex and right radial margins tumor grade G3  perineural invasion present high grade of PIN found  T2c NX MX PSA 0706  .01 10/06 .02 01/07 .03 04/07 .04  06/07 .05  07/07 .08 07/07 bone scans pelvic ct neg. 08/07 proscintic scan neg.9/07 psa.10 net with rad onc. wanted to do SRT but i did not do it 10/07  saw a new dr at Emory University [my old dr urg. suggested second opinion ]  bone scans negs ct scans pelvics neg. biopies of the bladder and adrinal glands neg.another proscintic scan neg.12/07 Psa .11 clinial trial Emory injected with protons to try and find the cancer cells no luck 3/08 psa .17 06/08 psa .23 psa 09/08 psa .32 12/08 psa .39 3/09 psa .39 6/09 psa .43  meet with medical onc. he said  i might have waited to long to start SRT 7/09 psa .50  another bone scan ct scan all neg.MRI neg. meet rad. psa the last of 7/09was .55 onc. 7/09 started casdex 50mg 1 day for 30 days 2 shots of lupron started rad treament 10/09 40 treatments 75 gm 12 shots each time all aroud pelvic finished 12/09  psa .07 and psa 01/10.05 next dr visit 03/10 wait and see 3/10 psa.05

Worried Guy
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3739
   Posted 5/12/2010 7:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Serobgirl.
Does your husband have anyone he can confide in? If he is back to work, can I assume he is continent? Is he hiding his situation from his coworkers - (like me)? So many things run through his mind.
If it were not for the guys I met here, I would not be in such a good mood.
You can't force him to come here. It is better if he discovers it himself.
Patience is a virtue.

Good luck to you.
Jeff (the leaking one)
Married 34 years, DX Age 56. First routine PSA test on April 8, 09: 17.8. Start 2 weeks of Cipro to rule out protatitis. May '09 PSA: 22.6, 3 weeks later: PSA: 23.2.
Biopsy 6/10/09: 7/12 scores positive, 20%-70%, Gleason 6=3+3. Bone and C/T scans neg.
RP DaVinci -7/21/2009 @ Univ of Roch Medical Center
Left nerve gone, right partial spared.
Catheter removed - 7/31/2009 Pathology report received:
Gleason 3+4=7, Tumor size: 2.5 x 1.8 cm, location: both lobes and apex.
Extraprostatic extension present; Perineural invasion: present, extensive.
No Malignancy in Seminal Vesicle, vasa deferentia, lymph nodes 0/13
Prostate mass 56 grams. Pathologic Stage: pT3aN0MX
Post Surgery Status:
Potency - 12/11 5 months, Still no activity, zip. Using pump daily since 11/11. No effect with 20 mg of Cialis or 100 mg of Viagra. Shots next See Uro 1/22/10 Trimix #1. Try 0.08- 25%, 0.12-25%, 2/26/10 try 0.16 First Success! 90%.
Incontinence - 8/20 4 full pads per day
.. 9/7 3-4 full pads per day. Try controlling fluids.
12/11/09 5 months: 3 pads per day, 400-450ml/day
02/26/10 7 months: 3 pads but leak is now 320 ml (5 day avg.)
03/22/10 8 months: 3 pads per day, 280 ml/day (5 day avg.) PT says all muscles are tight and working properly. There must be another issue. Uro mtg 4/23. Did I waste 9 months? Mtg 5/22.
Post Surgery PSA - 9/3 6 weeks - 0.05; 10/13 3 months - 0.04, 1/14 6 months - 0.05, 4/14 9 months - 0.04 and <0.01 with ECLIA.

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