serobigirl - My thoughts on a grumpy partner

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142
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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 7080
   Posted 5/10/2010 7:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Being single, and not having close family nearby, no one can tell you what living with me in the weeks after surgery (DaVinci, 10/09) was like. Because I undertook an almost brutal preparation, getting the apt. ready, being sure I had what I needed for the time I would not be driving, being nearby could not have been pleasant.

I did not sleep more than two hours any night from the time I was diagnosed until they drugged me to sleep in the hospital. I could bring myself to be a good patient with the nurses, but only through some pretty dark comedy about what was going on.

Once I was home, I was (and to a degree still am) incontinent. That sucks. I know more about diapers and pants than you will ever want to know.

They had to take the nerves, and still got positive margins. So now I am in IGRT, and quite sure my life will not be anything like what it was. The comments about manhood and image? What was that?

All that said, I can not believe that I would be a decent partner for anyone right now.

Be present, be supportive, go away when needed, but not too far away, and come back. That is my best suggestion.

Post Edited (142) : 5/12/2010 2:34:32 PM (GMT-6)


BillyMac
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Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 1858
   Posted 5/10/2010 8:21 PM (GMT -6)   
142 has pretty well nailed it. Serobigirl's husband's life has changed profoundly and now he is realizing it. I guess it's like there was something wrong with your right (for us righties) arm and it had to come off. It is all very well knowing you are going to lose that arm and contemplating life without it, but once it is actually not there and you have to deal with that, the frustation of what you can no longer do is immense. The frustration leads to anger, both with yourself and others (including those he loves) at the circumstances he now has to deal with. But we humans, for the most part, are resilient and great at dealing with adversity so slowly your husband will deal with his changed life and the adjustments needed in getting around the impediments he faces. All you can do till this time is be understanding and be a rock he can lean on. Time and unconditional love are the great healers.
Bill

Post Edited (BillyMac) : 5/16/2010 4:15:46 AM (GMT-6)


142
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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 7080
   Posted 5/14/2010 7:25 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm afraid we scared Serobigirl away - Certainly wasn't anything anyone wanted to do -

BillyMac
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 1858
   Posted 5/14/2010 7:56 PM (GMT -6)   
It certainly wasn't. I hope she got to read the many posts which included explanations of why her husband felt the way he did before they were deleted when some dastardly non-believer strongly objected to what amounted to five religious references in seven lines of dialogue.

142
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 7080
   Posted 5/14/2010 8:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Billy,
Having lived the life I've lived, I'll not berate anyone for their beliefs or lack of beliefs in a public forum (over a beer, maybe different!). I just hope that offering help can be done blindly, without consideration for beliefs. I don't ask the food bank who might be eating the food I donate - I had wished we would all be as considerate here.

By the way - one of the most sincere welcomes I ever had to a country was to be stuck in the middle of a homeless people's demonstration against the government in Sydney - how I ever went from a random Saturday walk to wrapped up in a conflict with the police was a mystery, but a group of good, but homeless, citizens circled me and got me out of the crowd so I would not be hurt. They had no clue who I was, but apologized profusely, and welcomed me to your country. Something I will remember forever. I obviously was out of place, so they helped without reservation.

Sort of like falling into the PCa pit, and finding some help.

Tudpock18
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 4271
   Posted 5/15/2010 6:15 AM (GMT -6)   

Yes, I do hope Serobigirl got some perspective before her thread was hijacked.  It really was too bad that one poster with his rudeness and lack of tolerance changed the tone.  Fortunately the mods removed his offending post but he still didn't have the decency to apologize to either the poster he flamed or for hijacking the thread.  No accounting for some folks lack of civility...

Tudpock


Age 62, Gleason 3 + 4 = 7, T1C, PSA 4.2, 2 of 16 cores cancerous, 27cc
Brachytherapy December 9, 2008.  73 Iodine-125 seeds.  Procedure went great, catheter out before I went home, only minor discomfort.  Regular activities resumed, everything continues to function normally as of 4/10/10.  6 month PSA 1.4 and now 1 year PSA at 1.0.  My docs are "delighted"!

BillyMac
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 1858
   Posted 5/15/2010 7:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Perhaps he feels there is nothing to apologize for.

English Alf
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 2217
   Posted 5/15/2010 7:56 AM (GMT -6)   
I hope Serobigirl comes back, or sneaks back or just lurks reading but not posting.

This whole mess was all very confusing for me as I only saw the thread after all the controversial bits had been deleted etc.

It cannot be pleasant dealing with such a situation (meaning having a grumpy partner) and I believe that prevention is much simpler than cure, so I guess the thing for those at the beginning of the journey to be made aware of is that some parts of the journey, in fact many parts of the journey will not be great, and that perhaps the wiser course is to come to an understanding at the beginning about how you will tackle any problems when they do occur. So that it's not just a case of the person with the PCa thinking:

"What will I do if I end up impotent/incontinent/angry/miserable?" But that we also consider the other angles:

"What will my partner/loved ones think and do if I end up impotent/incontinent/angry/miserable?"

And thus it is actually about doing it together so the best question for both parties to ask is:

"How will WE deal with things like impotence/incontinece/anger/depression etc?"

It's all part of the "For Better for Worse" business, and luckily for me, thus far, my wife and I have been able to tackle all aspects of what I/she/we have been through without any great difficulty. But we both got ourselves ready beforehand, we both asked for and got information and read about stuff etc.

Be prepared. Which really means be prepared for things that you weren't prepared for too.

Hoping the "grumpy partner" feels better soon

All the best
Alfred
Age at Dx 48 No Family history of Prostate Cancer
Married 25 years, and I cannot thank my wife enough for her support.
April 2009: PSA 8.6 DRE: negative. Tumour in 2 out of 12 cores. Gleason 3+3.
RALP (nerve-sparing) at AVL-NKI Hospital Amsterdam on 29th July 2009. Stay 1 night.
Partial erections on while catheter still in. Catheter out on 6th Aug 2009.
Dry at night after catheter came out
Post-op Gleason 3+4. Tumour mainly in left near neck of bladder.
Left Seminal Vesicle invaded, (=T3b!)
no perineraul invasion, no vascular invasion. clear margins,
Erection 100% on 15th Aug 2009, but lots of leaking
Stopped wearing pads on 21st Sept 2009
Pre-op style intercourse on 24th Oct 2009 !! No use of tablets, jabs, VED etc.
Nov 17th 2009 PSA = 0.1
Mar 17th 2010 PSA = 0.4!!! referred to radiation therapist
April 13th 2010 CT scan.
April 28th 2010 Started Radiation Therapy (66Gy - 33 sessions)

Post Edited (English Alf) : 5/15/2010 9:00:27 AM (GMT-6)


Cajun Jeff
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4119
   Posted 5/15/2010 8:44 AM (GMT -6)   
I like the rest of you do hope that Serobigirl does come back and looks at the post. I think all of us have had the frustrations dealing with our loss. Yes it is a big loss to many of us. Some just seem to move one and others have a real fight adjusting to the new men that we are.

Cajun Jeff
9/08 PSA 5.4 referred to Urologist
9/08 Biopsy: GS 3+4=7 1 positive core in 12 1 pre cancer core
10/08 Nerve-Sparing open radical
Surgery Path Report Downgrade 3+3=6 GS Stage pT2c margins clear

3 month: PSA <0.1
6 month: PSA <0.1
10 month:PSA <0.1
1 year: PSA <0.1
16 month:PSA <0.1

ED - Started Cialis at 3 months, tried all 3, 6 months added pump, 9 months Tried MUSE (YUCK) Bad experience.
1 year mark Found new Urologist visit was at 14th month post surgery
Started Injections, Caverject! (Success)
17 month: ED making improvements : Oral Meds gets me 85%


James C.
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4463
   Posted 5/15/2010 8:50 AM (GMT -6)   
For the record, any posts deleted were ones that attacked, provoked or continued the nasty little dustup, not any that were offering advice to the original poster. If it continaed both, then yes, it was deleted, but I don't recall much of anything helpful, as the attention had turned to arguing and insulting. Do I feel guilty? nope, not a bit,
James C. Age 63
Gonna Make Myself A Better Man www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6cX61oNsRQ&feature=channel
4/07: PSA 7.6, Recheck after 4 weeks Cipro-6.7
7/07 Biopsy: 3 of 16 PCa, 5% invloved, left lobe, GS3+3=6
9/07: Nerve Sparing open RRP, 110gms, Path Report- Stg. pT2c, 10 gms., margins clear
32 Months: PSA's .04 each test since surgery, ED continues: Bimix- .3ml PRN, Trimix- .15ml PRN


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 5/15/2010 8:59 AM (GMT -6)   
James, you shouldn't feel guilty, and I am glad you don't. You acted as a moderator in a responsible way.

When ever someone joins HW, for starters, they should at least scan or actually read the rules of conduct here. There aren't many of them to start with, and as anyone that has been here any length will know, the moderators, including you, James, allow a lot of looking the other way for the sake of peace.

It would do for us "old timers', to review the rules of conduct here too from time to time. Sometimes, I think we just plain "forget" a few of the ground rules, I will include myself in that group. Sometimes, I have to quickly retract or edit my own posts if I see that my ego or temper has gotten the best of me.

And the word tolerance needs to be applied by one and all. We are a diverse bunch here in so many ways, there's a million things we would disagree about with all areas in our lives, but the one common thread of bonding here has always been about PCa, and we need to remember that. And on the tolerance front, not everyone writes as well as another, some people have a harder time of expressing their fears and feelings.

With new brothers or sisters that come here, we must go back in time, and remember the fears and uncertanty that we harbored when we first came on the scene. For many, this is there first experience in a dynamic forumn like this.

I hope serbogirl looks beyond our human flaws, and rejoins our community. If chased away for good, our loss is great, and collectively we should feel ashamed.

But James, you did what was right, even if it leaves a confusing trail for someone to follow, left in its original course, there would have been a major meltdown.

David in SC
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery, no problem post SRT
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, next one:  July
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4,  Caths #11 and #12  same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days, 3/2- Cath #12 out - 41 days, 3/2- Corr Surgery #5, 3/6 Cath #13 out - 4 days, Cath #14- 27 days, Cath #15 - 26 days, Cath #16 - 4/23 put in


60Michael
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2243
   Posted 5/15/2010 9:33 AM (GMT -6)   
James and David,
Well said. Lets not hold any grudges on this and just learn from it. We are here pretty much for the same reason and support is support. Sometimes I have to look beyond my own biases to offer that and sometimes I dont do such a good job.
Michael
Dx with PCA 12/08 2 out of 12 cores positive 4.5 psa
59 yo when diagnosed, 61 yo 2010
Robotic surgery 5/09 Atlanta, Ga
Catheter out after 10 days
Gleason upgraded to 3+5, volume less than 10%
2 pads per day, 1 depends but getting better,
 started ED tx 7/17, slow go
Post op dx of neuropathy
T2C left lateral and left posterior margins involved
3 months psa.01, 6 month psa.4, 6 1/2 month psa.5 on 11/28/10
Starting IMRT on 1/18/10, Completed 39 tx at 70 gys on 3/12/10
6 week Post IMRT PSA .44 a drop from .5 but maybe more
Great family and friends
Michael


James C.
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4463
   Posted 5/15/2010 12:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Ok, let's have a group hug, a couple verses of Cumbay-ya, and get back to help and support, rather than dwelling on the negatives... smilewinkgrin wink
James C. Age 63
Gonna Make Myself A Better Man www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6cX61oNsRQ&feature=channel
4/07: PSA 7.6, Recheck after 4 weeks Cipro-6.7
7/07 Biopsy: 3 of 16 PCa, 5% invloved, left lobe, GS3+3=6
9/07: Nerve Sparing open RRP, 110gms, Path Report- Stg. pT2c, 10 gms., margins clear
32 Months: PSA's .04 each test since surgery, ED continues: Bimix- .3ml PRN, Trimix- .15ml PRN


compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7269
   Posted 5/15/2010 2:33 PM (GMT -6)   

I don't mind dwelling on the negatives because in my field two negatives make a positive.

 

Mel


63 years old . PSA-- 3/08--2.90; 8/09--4.01; 11/09--4.19 (Free PSA 24%),  after 45 days on cipro! DREs have always been normal. PCA-3 was about 75 (way above the 35 threshold). That led to:

Biopsy on 11/30/09. 5 out of 12 cores positive. Gleason 4+3. 2 cores were 3+3 (one 5% and the other 30%) on one side. On  other side:2 cores are 4+3 (5%)--1 core 3+4 (30%) no peri-neural invasion. prostate is 45 grams. Stage: T1C.  

Surgery with Dr. Menon at Ford Hospital, 1/26/10. He says all looked good. Spared nerves. Unfortunately: Pathology Report: G 4+3 (65%-35%). Cancer in 15% of gland. Lymph Nodes: Clear.  Perineural Invasion: yes. Seminal Vessical Involvement: No.  Extraprostatic Extension: yes.  Positive Margin: Yes-- focal-- 1 spot .5mm. Final Weight is 52.7 gms.  (Second opinion from Jon Epstein at Hopkins confirmed these results)

 Incontinence: joined that club-- definite leaks—1 pad/day. Night is dry, was  using 1 pad at night for security, but pretty much dispensed with that most nights. Update: no pads at night. No pads while at home, but still very uncomfortable. Use 1 pad for out-of-house activities. Suddenly got MUCH better on 3/10/10, almost overnight. Still some urgency but no pads about 90% of the time.  As of 3/12/10--completely continent! Uh...OH. As of about 3/16/10 problems with constant urgency although no pads needed--feels like an infection but none showing in urine.

Update: since late March all is well in that area. I would say 99.9% continent (a spurt here and there, maybe 5 spurts per week).

First post-op PSA on 3/10/10--DRUM ROLL: 0.01 Next PSA in mid-June.


logoslidat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6065
   Posted 5/15/2010 3:04 PM (GMT -6)   
You know its not proslytising,,if in challenging times a poster speaks from the heart about the core of who they are and what helps them. The whole church vs state thing has been totally , Hi-Jacked, so that any positive thought or action is not allowed. Oh yes we can be positive if we use cliches and buzz words, but anything form the soul, watch me get yanked for using that word, is of the forces of evil. This whole culture uses its intelligence to reenforce its stupidity, but I digress.......
age 66 First psa 4/17/09 psa 8.3, 7/27/09 psa 8.1
8/12/09 biopsy 6 out of 12 pos 2-70%, rest <5% 3+3
10/19/09 open rrp U of W Medical Center, left bundle spared
10/30/09 catheter out. continent from the jump.
pathology- prostate confined, only thing positive was the report.everything else negative
9% of prostate affected. gleason 3+4, I suppose thats a negative
After reading pathology myself, gleason was 3+4 with tertiary 5, 2-3 foci That is a negative, but I am a positive !!
Ed an issue but keeping the blood flowing with the osbon pump
Dec 14,2009 psa 0.0 May 10 2010, psa 0.0

" Hypocrisy is vice's homage to Virtue " read it in Bartlet's book of quotation years ago stuck with me, can't remember who said it.


compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7269
   Posted 5/15/2010 4:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Logo:
The State vs. Church thing has not been hijacked at all.  It  should remain separated.
 
Now, in terms of the HW post, I did not see a problem with the original comment and I never got to see the responses.
 
But, let me give you an example of this "speaking from the heart" thing and conveying "who I am" thing. When I was a school administrator, we had a teacher who gave out a brief biography/welcome handout the first day. In it, he expressed his rather strong specific religious beliefs. I totally disagreed with that and eventually after almost a grievance, the reference was removed. This was in a public school and we had students of various religions in our classes. The students should NOT be made to feel uncomfortable in that regard.
 
Sometimes, freedom FROM religion is appropriate.
 
Understand I am not referring to HW. We can ignore posts we don't like and if it gets too much we have moderators. But this concept of just "expressing yourself" and "showing who you are" may be inappropriate at times.
 
But, even on HW, once in awhile it is nice to have a poltical and/or religious discussion.
 
Mel

63 years old . PSA-- 3/08--2.90; 8/09--4.01; 11/09--4.19 (Free PSA 24%),  after 45 days on cipro! DREs have always been normal. PCA-3 was about 75 (way above the 35 threshold). That led to:

Biopsy on 11/30/09. 5 out of 12 cores positive. Gleason 4+3. 2 cores were 3+3 (one 5% and the other 30%) on one side. On  other side:2 cores are 4+3 (5%)--1 core 3+4 (30%) no peri-neural invasion. prostate is 45 grams. Stage: T1C.  

Surgery with Dr. Menon at Ford Hospital, 1/26/10. He says all looked good. Spared nerves. Unfortunately: Pathology Report: G 4+3 (65%-35%). Cancer in 15% of gland. Lymph Nodes: Clear.  Perineural Invasion: yes. Seminal Vessical Involvement: No.  Extraprostatic Extension: yes.  Positive Margin: Yes-- focal-- 1 spot .5mm. Final Weight is 52.7 gms.  (Second opinion from Jon Epstein at Hopkins confirmed these results)

 Incontinence: joined that club-- definite leaks—1 pad/day. Night is dry, was  using 1 pad at night for security, but pretty much dispensed with that most nights. Update: no pads at night. No pads while at home, but still very uncomfortable. Use 1 pad for out-of-house activities. Suddenly got MUCH better on 3/10/10, almost overnight. Still some urgency but no pads about 90% of the time.  As of 3/12/10--completely continent! Uh...OH. As of about 3/16/10 problems with constant urgency although no pads needed--feels like an infection but none showing in urine.

Update: since late March all is well in that area. I would say 99.9% continent (a spurt here and there, maybe 5 spurts per week).

First post-op PSA on 3/10/10--DRUM ROLL: 0.01 Next PSA in mid-June.


142
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 7080
   Posted 5/15/2010 5:08 PM (GMT -6)   
"I just hope that offering help can be done blindly, without consideration for beliefs. I don't ask the food bank who might be eating the food I donate - I had wished we would all be as considerate here."

No one who knows me well would belive I said that. I said it, and in this point in my "new" life, I stand by it.

BillyMac
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 1858
   Posted 5/15/2010 6:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Mel,
you have nailed it there. Let me explain why I react to this religious content the way I do. A couple of years ago there was a real dust up between those who believe and those who don't. A valuable, extremely knowledgeable and long standing member was driven from the site by the reaction and vitriolic posts directed at him by the religious brigade. Why did they do that? The member, who had quite serious disease, was fed up with the constant statements that he was being prayed for and asked that as he was a non believer, they should desist and if they must pray for someone then they should do it for somebody else. He was attacked by the religious for their belief he was telling them for whom who they could and could not pray. The odd one announced that they would respect his wishes and although they would still pray for him they would not announce it. The attacks by many other religious members (some still here) demonstrated clearly the motives of those mounting the attacks. They were not interested really in his health or progress but rather using this cancer forum by making public declarations of "look at me .....I am a believer and I pray". He was simply a means to their end(consciously or subconsciously) and he rightly objected to it. As a result he left this forum and the loss of him and his knowledge about this disease diminished us greatly. I was pleased to see him visit a couple of weeks ago and learn he was going strong. Of course he refused to post his stats and was challenged for this stance. Is it any wonder why...........perhaps he thought the prayer brigade would come out in force again. Nobody really objects to somebody making a statement such as "you are in my prayers" but when you feel the need to make multiple religious references in a single post or say things such as "this is the lord's battle" you need to look at the real motive behind these utterances.
Incidentally, I have seen quite a number of various treatments by members in attacking this disease. Given that believers are ecstatically convinced of the power of their prayers, for themselves and others, how many chose this as their sole treatment and what was its efficacy?

Post Edited (BillyMac) : 5/15/2010 5:27:39 PM (GMT-6)


Piano
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 847
   Posted 5/15/2010 7:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Billy, like you as a non-believer, I have been put off by the number of overt religious references in this forum, and I confess to thinking less of those who make them. But I still hang out here for this primary reason: discussion and practical help about Pca.

Religion (as with politics) is one area where the laws of logic do not apply, so forums quite properly ban discussion of those topics. You question the efficacy of prayer as do I -- if it was scientifically proven, I too would be doing it :-) But it's not a topic that leads to logical discussion so we are best to avoid it.

This is a world-wide forum and not all contributors here share the same religious or political beliefs. I think therefore we should avoid overt religious or political references unless it is directly relevant to the topic at hand.

And I will not mention piano playing as cure for ED -- oops sorry I just did :-)
Pre-op:
Age 63 at diagnosis, now 65.
No symptoms; PSA 5.7; Gleason 4+5=9; cancer in 4 of 12 cores.
Operation:
Non-nerve-sparing open surgery on 7 March 2008.
Two nights in hospital; catheter out after 7 days.
Post-op:
Continent; no pads needed from the get-go.
Pathology showed organ confined and negative margins. Gleason downgraded to 4+4=8.
PSAs:
6-week : <0.05
7-month: <0.05
13-month: 0.07 (start of a trend?)
19-month: 0.09 (maybe)
25-month: 0.2 (yes, bummer)
ED:
After a learning curve, Bimix injections (0.2ml) worked well. From 14 months, occasional nocturnal erections. At 18 months, "graduated" to just the pump.


notae2
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 5/15/2010 7:12 PM (GMT -6)   
I am new to this forum, My husband is obviously the one with the need for a shoulder to cry on. But on first reading serbogirl i thought i might have something to share regarding support etc, you guys sure get going: obviously i missed what all the fuss was about but the thread of the original forum seems to have gone off the rails.

I read with interest all your postings on what you all have gone through and are still going through. My husband had a steady increase in PSA over 4 years at first opting for wait and see, then choosing surgery as lots of promises made by surgeon,WHY DO WE TrUST SO< I can answer myself ,because we have to.Things are slow in recovery,as much as we try "things dont work like it used to and at a young 55 this is frustrating depressing etc etc.Tablets dont work Cavaject next.GP says dont expect me to show you how to use it. WHY DO WE TRUST because we must.

60Michael
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2243
   Posted 5/15/2010 7:20 PM (GMT -6)   
So what you are saying Billy is that you chose to be rude because of something that happened in the past to someone else.  Sorry, just cant buy that.  And even if it were true you acted poorly by taking it out on an innocent bystander who was supporting someone in the best way she thought possible.You were rude because you chose to be rude and the when I see an emotional over-reaction like that it just tells me that person has a lot of anger and unfinished business. Very rarley do I see an "overly religious" resposne on here or post on here, so for me it's no big deal. But if you looking for it, you will always find a reason to pick a battle. Truth is that you acted like a bully and now your making an excuse for it. Doesnt fly.
Michael
Dx with PCA 12/08 2 out of 12 cores positive 4.5 psa
59 yo when diagnosed, 61 yo 2010
Robotic surgery 5/09 Atlanta, Ga
Catheter out after 10 days
Gleason upgraded to 3+5, volume less than 10%
2 pads per day, 1 depends but getting better,
 started ED tx 7/17, slow go
Post op dx of neuropathy
T2C left lateral and left posterior margins involved
3 months psa.01, 6 month psa.4, 6 1/2 month psa.5 on 11/28/10
Starting IMRT on 1/18/10, Completed 39 tx at 70 gys on 3/12/10
6 week Post IMRT PSA .44 a drop from .5 but maybe more
Great family and friends
Michael


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 5/15/2010 7:21 PM (GMT -6)   
notae2,

welcome to HW Prostate Cancer, glad you found our small corner of the world. Sorry your husband has PC, and went through surgery. There are so many variable with and and after surgery, there's no way of knowing ahead of time what you will really be dealing. I know about the slow recovery, my own journey is still ongoing and is very frustrating at times. Some men deal endlessly with incontinence, others with ED, some with both, or other issues.

you and your husband are most welcome here, and I hope you stick around and keep joining in. ask all the questions you want, no such thing as a dumb question.

david in sc
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery, no problem post SRT
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, next one:  July
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4,  Caths #11 and #12  same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days, 3/2- Cath #12 out - 41 days, 3/2- Corr Surgery #5, 3/6 Cath #13 out - 4 days, Cath #14- 27 days, Cath #15 - 26 days, Cath #16 - 4/23 put in


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 5/15/2010 7:32 PM (GMT -6)   
To Billy and Piano:

The rule on the subject is easy to understand, still puzzled coming up on 2 years here, why it still has to be an issue at all.

11. No posts of an overtly political or religious nature OR posts promoting advocacy of particular personal, medical, legal, religious, political, or non-profit causes. The forums are intended for offering mutual personal support. Debating controversial subjects should be taken elsewhere. Limited religious references are allowed (ie. "my prayers are with you" or a brief quote as part of a larger post), but the forums should not be used to convert others.

I am a person of faith, but I understood when I joined this community, this was not the time or place for my personal religious remarks. I can respect an atmosphere of religious neutrality, just like I have to do in a work place. That doesnt offend me, or make me feel like I can't exercise my faith or convictions. Some of faith, might think that is a cop out or a sign of spiritual weakness on my part, but I laugh at that.

Tolerance is still what it is all about. Live and let live. Agree to disagree. And rules are rules. And with what we all deal with in our PC journeys, and trust me, I don't think there is a one of us that has it easy, or had a free pass with PC, its a hard world with share with our PC issues. That, alone, should overcome any secondary differences between us.

I still love a good, intense theological discourse with the best of them, but not here on HW. Even I don't feel comfortable mixing the two, as its too easy to offend others. The non-believers and even out right athiests have as much right to their respect of belief or non-belief as that of the most zeloous believer.

Rule 11 is easy to understand, and when you join here at HW, that's what you agree to go by. Why should it be any harder than that?

David in SC
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery, no problem post SRT
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, next one:  July
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4,  Caths #11 and #12  same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days, 3/2- Cath #12 out - 41 days, 3/2- Corr Surgery #5, 3/6 Cath #13 out - 4 days, Cath #14- 27 days, Cath #15 - 26 days, Cath #16 - 4/23 put in


BillyMac
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 1858
   Posted 5/15/2010 7:45 PM (GMT -6)   
notae,
Welcome to the forum ........ you'll find great information here and many members anxious to help. Don't worry about the occasional little dust up......it helps clear the air every now and again.
Many surgeons will gloss over some of the effects of surgery. I think many of them truly believe surgery is the best option so don't want to put a prospective patient off treatment. If your husband is not long past surgery recovery from ED and some incontinence can vary. There are many stories here of recovering from after effects up to 2 years post surgery. Many members here with detailed knowledge on how overcome the effects of surgery, including the use of injections. I wouldn't press your GP too much with help for the ED.........their knowledge is usually not detailed. It would be well worthwhile seeing a doctor who specializes in this area..........most of these really know their stuff. Caverjet can be an expensive way of overcoming ED. Caverjet is basically an automated injection system for what is known as trimix. It can be purchased much cheaper by buying as an injectable solution from a compounding pharmacist. It is usually injected using diabetic needles. Trimix has been known to cause some discomfort in some members though. In this case one of the ingredients can be left out (now it's known as bi-mix) which usually proves to be just as effective. The trick is in working out your best dosage which means starting from a low level and building up till it's just right. Any questions ----don't be bashful-----you'll be swamped with answers and tips.
Bill

Biopsy
4 of 10 cores positive for Adenocarcinoma-------bummer! 
Core 1 <5%, core 2----50%, core 3----60%, core 4----50% 
Biopsy Pathologist's comment: [/color]
Gleason 4+3=7 (80% grade 4) Stage T2c 
Neither extracapsular nor perineural invasion is identified 
CT scan and Bone scan show no evidence of metastases 
Da Vinci RP Aug 10th 2007 
Post-op 
Positive for perineural invasion and 1 small focal extension 
Negative at surgical margins, negative node and negative vesicle involvement 
Some 4+4=8 identified ........upgraded to Gleason 8 
PSA Oct '07 <0.1 undetectable 
PSA Jan '08 <0.1 undetectable 
PSA April '08 <0.001 undetectable (disregarded due to lab "misreporting") 
PSA August '08 <0.001 undetectable (disregarded due to lab "misreporting") 
Post-op pathology rechecked by new lab:
Gleason downgraded to 4+3=7 
Focal extension comprised of grade 3 cells 
PSA September '08 <0.01 (new lab) 
PSA February 09 <0.01 
PSA August '09 (2 year mark), <0.01 
PSA December '09 <0.01   PSA May '10  <0.01


www.yananow.net/Mentors/BillM2.htm


Never underestimate old people ............ you don't get to be old by being stupid.

Post Edited (BillyMac) : 5/16/2010 8:08:12 AM (GMT-6)


BillyMac
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 1858
   Posted 5/15/2010 7:58 PM (GMT -6)   
60Michael said...
So what you are saying Billy is that you chose to be rude because of something that happened in the past to someone else. Sorry, just cant buy that. And even if it were true you acted poorly by taking it out on an innocent bystander who was supporting someone in the best way she thought possible.You were rude because you chose to be rude and the when I see an emotional over-reaction like that it just tells me that person has a lot of anger and unfinished business. Very rarley do I see an "overly religious" resposne on here or post on here, so for me it's no big deal. But if you looking for it, you will always find a reason to pick a battle. Truth is that you acted like a bully and now your making an excuse for it. Doesnt fly.
Michael


You are speaking in tongues. I make no excuses. "Even if it were true" ......you cast doubts on my integrity with such a remark. You can easily check it out for yourself. Unfortunately sometimes it is necessary to be very blunt in order for a point to be made and to provoke a little contemplation. My explanation is simply one of the reasons to keep religious references out of a cancer forum. But your post is exactly the reaction I expect from those who need to proclaim their belief on all possible occassions and to all and sundry. And trust me on this; an excellent childhood, happily married for 40 years (and to the same magnificent woman shocked ....how's that?), two wonderful, healthy, happy children, both with honours degrees from a renowned university, financially comfortable and undetectable PSA. I really am a content and fortunate man and I know it. But I must admit ...... my golf game is a source of discontent and alas (sob), cry , sometimes anger mad

Post Edited (BillyMac) : 5/16/2010 4:17:03 AM (GMT-6)

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