I'm glad to hear that things are going as expected. Now that he is on the other side I have a bit of advice that I'd like to share.
I decided I was not going to make, nor did I want, constant phone calls. I wanted to sleep during the day without being bothered by the phone ringing whenever anyone else had the time or the curiosity. Instead I made a small email distribution list and sent out an update about
once or twice per week. I'd highly recommend that.
There are some embarrassing aspects to the recovery process that other people do not need to know. Your dad needs to be able to trust that you will not say some things outside of the family. He deserves some privacy. He should not have to hide from you or your mom. Do not violate that trust. Ever!
"Gee, he looks like a wreck. He was carrying his pee bucket with him and his catheter tube leaked all down his legs." That kind of talk is out.
For example , when people ask me how I am doing I say: "Great! I am on the top side of the grass." I don't say "I am wearing pee pads and have to stick myself with trimix to get an erection." Saying "It's personal." raises more questions. Deflection works.
I say things like "Boy! If this is the good cancer, I'd hate to see what the bad cancer is like." Or "I wonder how our parents did it." My wife said the same things.
Your dad does not need the burden of answering 45 calls and emails - unless he wants to and enjoys it.
Up until the time the catheter comes out, he will not be so embarrassed. But after that, privacy is very important. Start respecting that and setting limits now. Once the genie is out of the bottle you can't put it back in.
A nosy (female) neighbor would try to pry more details than I cared to share, so I just jokingly said: "I am training to be a woman. Don't they all wear one kind of pad or another from the time they are 11 until they die?" That shut it down in a nice way.
Here's another trick:
"Hey, Jack how are you doing?" "Great. This thing was a little more uncomfortable than I thought. Hey, since you are on the phone I could use some help doing XYZ. When can you come over to help?" That will separate the men from the boys.
These are tough times for your Dad and people really do mean well. It's just that everyone does not have the right to know all the details all the time.
Only a select few friends and family (And HW guys) know my true status. That works for me and might work for your Dad, too.
Good luck to all of you,
Married 34 years, DX Age 56
. First routine PSA test on April 8, 09: 17.8. Start 2 weeks of Cipro to rule out protatitis. May '09 PSA: 22.6, 3 weeks later: PSA: 23.2
. Biopsy 6/10/09
: 7/12 scores positive, 20%-70%, Gleason 6=3+3. Bone and C/T scans neg. RP DaVinci -7/21/2009
@ Univ of Roch Medical Center
Left nerve gone, right partial spared. Catheter removed - 7/31/2009
Pathology report received:
Gleason 3+4=7, Tumor size: 2.5 x 1.8 cm,
location: both lobes and apex.
Extraprostatic extension present; Perineural invasion: present, extensive.
No Malignancy in Seminal Vesicle, vasa deferentia, lymph nodes 0/13
Prostate mass 56 grams. Pathologic Stage: pT3aN0MX Post Surgery Status: Potency -
12/11 5 months, Still no activity, zip. Using pump daily since 11/11. No effect with 20 mg of Cialis or 100 mg of Viagra. Shots next See Uro 1/22/10 Trimix #1. Try 0.08- 25%, 0.12-25%, 2/26/10 try 0.16 First Success! 90%. Incontinence -
8/20 4 full pads per day
.. 9/7 3-4 full pads per day. Try controlling fluids.
12/11/09 5 months: 3 pads per day, 400-450ml/day
02/26/10 7 months: 3 pads but leak is now 320 ml (5 day avg.)
03/22/10 8 months: 3 pads per day, 280 ml/day (5 day avg.) PT says all muscles are tight and working properly. There must be another issue. Uro mtg 4/23. Did I waste 9 months? Mtg 5/22.Post Surgery PSA -
9/3 6 weeks - 0.05; 10/13 3 months - 0.04, 1/14 6 months - 0.05, 4/14 9 months - 0.04 and <0.01 with ECLIA.
Post Edited (Worried Guy) : 5/18/2010 8:36:09 AM (GMT-6)