Wife and melt down

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New Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 6/4/2010 11:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi: I had a melt down last night. I hae been trying to be so strong for my husband,but last night it just seemed the walls were closing in on me and I just broke down. After I felt bad, but my husband who is the one that I should be comforting was comforting me. He has gone through ht, radiation and now he has a met on his femor. He has accepted things and feels that his time is limited. I am having trouble accepting things and can't imagine my life without him.
Things are better today, but it's always there in the back of my mind.
Oh well just wanted to get things off my chest.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2243
   Posted 6/4/2010 11:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HW! What you are going thru is perfectly normal given the situation that you and your husband are facing. Melt downs are to be expected and no one goes thru this is a perfect manner. Cant really count the number of times I have had to say I'm sorry or just walk away before I say something that will require an apology. Do you and your husband have a minister or counselor that you could work with for awhile? We are here to support you both, so please dont be too hard on yourself. You are only human.
Dx with PCA 12/08 2 out of 12 cores positive 4.5 psa
59 yo when diagnosed, 61 yo 2010
Robotic surgery 5/09 Atlanta, Ga
Catheter out after 10 days
Gleason upgraded to 3+5, volume less than 10%
2 pads per day, 1 depends but getting better,
 started ED tx 7/17, slow go
Post op dx of neuropathy
T2C left lateral and left posterior margins involved
3 months psa.01, 6 month psa.4, 6 1/2 month psa.5 on 11/28/10
Starting IMRT on 1/18/10, Completed 39 tx at 70 gys on 3/12/10
6 week Post IMRT PSA .44 a drop from .5 but maybe more
Great family and friends

Cajun Jeff
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4119
   Posted 6/4/2010 12:39 PM (GMT -6)   
55, I must say Michael has some great words of wisdome for you. Most of us have had our moments. It is the way we make this thing called cancer real and how to deal with it. I have walked away, I have snapped, I have hugged and said Im sorry just in a bad place at this time.

Know that we are always here for you to vent. You are welcome any time to type in all caps.

Hope you know that we understand and are with you and your husband.

Cajun Jeff
9/08 PSA 5.4 referred to Urologist
9/08 Biopsy: GS 3+4=7 1 positive core in 12 1 pre cancer core
10/08 Nerve-Sparing open radical
Surgery Path Report Downgrade 3+3=6 GS Stage pT2c margins clear

3 month: PSA <0.1
6 month: PSA <0.1
10 month:PSA <0.1
1 year: PSA <0.1
16 month:PSA <0.1

ED - Started Cialis at 3 months, tried all 3, 6 months added pump, 9 months Tried MUSE (YUCK) Bad experience.
1 year mark Found new Urologist visit was at 14th month post surgery
Started Injections, Caverject! (Success)
17 month: ED making improvements : Oral Meds gets me 85%

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1804
   Posted 6/4/2010 12:45 PM (GMT -6)   
55, I am sorry to hear of the challenges you and your DH are facing. My husband had surgery slightly more than two years ago - we have blessed with good results although we did face what we thought was a recurrence last summer when John's PSA went from undetectable to 0.1 then to 0.3. In our case, his PSA went back to undetectable and has stayed there since October so we're confident that all will remain well.

With all that you have been through, it's no wonder you had a melt down - perfectly fine and in fact encouraged once in a while otherwise you might explode from the fear and anxiety. Your husband's cancer is not his alone. As his wife, and someone who obviously loves him very much, you are aching for him and for what the future will bring. We're all on limited time hence the importance of living each day as fully as possible as if it were our last.

I know it's easy for me to sit here and type this when my own dear John is doing well. But, when we were facing possible recurrence last summer, believe me when I say that I spent many moments in the bathroom with the door closed crying. John never saw those tears because I didn't want him to worry about me.
Husband diagnosed in 2/2008 at age 57 with stage T1c. Robotic surgery performed 3/2008. Stage upgraded to T3a (solitary focus of extraprostatic extension). Perineural tumor infiltration present. Apex margin, bladder neck and SVs negative. Final Gleason 3+4. PSA: 0.0 til July 2009. August 2009 - 0.1, September 0.3, October back to 0.0, December 0.0, March 2010 0.0. Next PSA in 6 months. Thank you God!

Ed C. (Old67)
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2461
   Posted 6/4/2010 4:04 PM (GMT -6)   
We all have our low moments where we feel like the world caving in on us. When I was diagnosed with Gleason 8 My wife and I just sat there looking at each other not wanting to be the first one to cry. I remember spending hours at night worrying about my wife and how she will handle life without me (she depends on me for all finances). Since those days, the Lord has given a chance to go on a little longer and we are moving on regardless of what the future has in store for us. Michael gave you good suggestions for you. Please feel free to vent here. We are here for you and your husband.
Age: 67 at Dx on 12/30/08
PSA 9/05 1.15; 8/06 1.45; 12/07 2.41; 8/08 3.9; 11/08 3.5 free PSA 11%
2 cores out of 12 were positive Gleason (4+4) and (4+5)
Negative CT scan and bone scan done on 1/16
Robotic surgery performed 2/9/09 Dr Fagin, Austin TX
Pathology report:
Prostate weighed 57 grams size:5.2 x 5.0 x 4.9 cm
Posterior lateral lesions measuring 1.5 x 1.4 x 1.0 cm showing focal capsular penetration over a distance of 3mm in circumference.
Prostatic adenocarciroma accounts for approx. 10-20% of the hemisphere.
Gleason 4+4
both nerve bundles removed,
pT3a Nx Mx, Negative margins
seminal vesicles clean, lymph nodes: not dissected
continent after 5 months
2 months PSA test 4/7/09 result <0.1
5 months PSA test 7/9/09 result <0.1
8 months PSA test 10/9/09 result <0.1
11 months PSA test 1/21/10 result 0.004
14 months PSA test 4/19/10 result 0.005

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 314
   Posted 6/4/2010 4:33 PM (GMT -6)   
I know this is going to sound a little twisted, but in at least one way your husband is a very lucky man.  None of us can say with certainty how long he will live, but to be able to spend the time remaining (however long or short that may be) with a woman like you who loves him is something that many men can only dream about.

Post Edited (Zen9) : 6/4/2010 3:37:38 PM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 762
   Posted 6/4/2010 4:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear 55,
I echo what others have said. It is wonderful that your husband is understanding however, and that you can support each other now. If you feel you  may need some further personal encouragement from ladies who have been in the exact same or similiar situation, the prostate forum for ladies (address posted in another thread on this board recently) is also an excellent backup which you may wish to investigate. If your husband has had HT and rad treatment and you have been so strong until now, it is no wonder you are "melting" and that you too need support. This is a great bunch of folks here with wonderful advise, so welcome, and let us know how you get on. Feel free to melt down with others here who understand. Sometimes this is what it takes to build us back up again, so try not to feel bad. It is perfectly normal and your strength to manage this and support your husband as you have been doing,  will come back. Good luck and take care. Lana
Creed_three (Lana) - with husband "CJ" now aged 52.5 yrs (49 years at diagnosis).
PSA (2002) 2.1. (2006) 3.5.  1 x 5% core of 12 positive at biopsy. Open Radical Prostatectomy with nerve sparing April 2007 Sydney, Australia. Gleeson 3 + 4 = 7. 2 x small multifocal lesions. Contained. Undetectable <.1 PSA since: June 2007-0.01, Oct 2007-0.02, April 2008-0.02: Oct 2008-0.03, Nov, 2008-0.02, April 2009-0.03, April 2010 - 0.03. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 1267
   Posted 6/4/2010 5:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear 55,

I remembered your first post here, went back, had a look, and bounced it up --- now I've read this thread and see several ladies have responded.

I can certainly understand why, after all you've been through, that you had a melt down. Lord knows, I'd have melted long ago.

Please keep in touch with us.

Sheldon AKA Sleepless
Age 67 in Apil '09 at news of 4 of 12 cores positive T2B and Gleason 3 + 3 and 5% to 25% PSA 1.5
Re-read of slides in June said Gleason 3 + 4 same four cores 5% to 15%
June 29 daVinci prostatectomy, Dr. Eric Estey, at Royal Alexandra Hospital Edmonton one night stay
From "knock out" to wake up in recovery less than two hours.  Actual surgery 70 minutes
Flew home to Winnipeg on July 3 after 5 nights in Ramada Inn  ---  perfect recovery spot!
Catheter out July 9
Final pathology is 3 + 4 Gleason 7, clear margins, clear nodes, T2C, sugeron says report is "excellent"
Oct 1st 09 -- dry at night, during day some stress issues.
Oct 31st padless 24/7 
First post op PSA Sept 09  less than 0.02
PSA on Oct 23 test again less than 0.02
PSA on Jan 8 less than 0.02
PSA on April 9 less than 0.02 

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