Dad having surgery - freaking out

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
30 posts in this thread.
Viewing Page :
 1  2 
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

AAS
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/8/2010 8:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone - my Dad is having open surgery this week and I admit I'm freaking out. Has anyone else had this freak out? I'm turning into a basket case...everything freaks me out from the liquid diet you have to be on the day before to the meeting with the anesthesiologist (chest X-rays etc).

DS Can
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 6/8/2010 8:43 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi AAS,

I'm sure that your Dad will appreciate all of the help and support that you are able to give him.  The thought of cancer and surgery can certainly be overwhelming.  Slow down and take this journey with your Dad one step at a time.  The bowel prep is certainly unenjoyable, but is necessary.  That can be something that you let your Dad do on his own.  I have never been able to drink the entire contents so its not the worst thing if he doesn't, as long as he drinks enough to have it work.  If you are going to be a primary caregiver it will be important that you listen carefully to what the docs are telling your Dad at his meetings.  You are at a great website to educate yourself about what is happening and what you need to know.  With knowledge comes understanding and understanding can help calm your fears.  If you have specific needs or questions, just ask away.  Best wishes for you and your Dad,

Dan


PSA Jan'07:1.2,  Jan'08:1.9,  Jan'09:2.5
BIOPSY Feb'09  PCa DX, age 52
Right: 3+3=6, 3/6 cores 10% involved,PNI-Y
Left:  3+3=6, 1/7 cores <5% involved,PNI-N
LARP April 9,2009 nerve sparing. Final pathology:
GS 3+4=7, Margins uninvolved, 2 lymph nodes negative
Catheter 8 days, Last pad May 2,2009
latest PSA: April 8,2010 <0.1
 
 


AAS
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/8/2010 8:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you so much, DS Can. My mother is the primary caregiver. I live in a different state, perhaps adding to my anxiety. I'm going down to my home state next week to keep my dad company during the recovery. Any suggestions on how I can keep his spirits up next week?

DS Can
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 6/8/2010 9:08 PM (GMT -6)   
My wife was my primary caregiver.  She helped keep track of meds and did a real nice job of cleaning the catheter bags.  We had dinner brought to the house by friends for three weeks. 
My children's ages ranged from 7 to 18 so I did my best to keep them from being afraid.  Your Dad will have some pain from the surgery and maybe some discomfort from the catheter. (I had a lot of pain at the end of a week).  Mostly just do the things you would normally do.  Talk, rent a movie, go for a walk.  It is important that he gets exercise, walking is the best to start with.  If he needs some encouragement in that department, do it.  It is important that he gets a lot of rest, too. My favorite spot for the first two weeks was in my recliner with the mp3.  Be sure to talk about the future - next month, next year, 5 years from now.  What does he want to do?  Where does he want to travel?  Make some plans, give him something to look forward to.  This will help a lot.  
Keep us posted,
Dan

Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 6/8/2010 9:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Are you a son or daughter? We have several in our groups that watch out for their fathers. Can understanding you feeling freaked out, especially living in another state from your parents. I am sure you help his spirits best, just by being there for him. I had open surgery 19 months ago, the part I remember best the night of my surgery, was when they were wheeling me to my room, my wife, and all 3 of my kids were standing there waiting for me. It meant so much for me.

David in SC
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery, no problem post SRT
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, next one:  July
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4,  Caths #11 and #12  same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days, 3/2- Cath #12 out - 41 days, 3/2- Corr Surgery #5, 3/6 Cath #13 out - 4 days, Cath #14- 27 days, Cath #15 - 26 days, Cath #16 - 31 days, 5/24 put in Cath #17


AAS
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/8/2010 9:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, Purgatory. I'm a daughter. I really wanted to go down for the surgery but my father insisted he'll be quite bored the few weeks following and asked me to go down during the recovery phase. However, my sister, brother, brother-in-law, and niece will be there for the surgery.

Your stats seem similar to my father's. Seems like you're doing well now?

Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 6/8/2010 9:20 PM (GMT -6)   
We have lots of daughters here on behalf of their dads. Means a lot to us guys. I have my own daddy's girl that lives about 30 mins from us. For those waiting for the surgery and recovery room time, its just hours and hours of worry and boredom.

My surgery failed about 9 months after having it, so i had to have salvage radiation, the radiation has caused me more grief than the surgery, and you can see from my stats, that after all this time, I am still with catheter(s), that part is a long complicated story that most men dont have to deal with.

Hope your dad does well, if you can, post his stats in the form of a signature.
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence:  1 Month     ED:  Non issue at any point post surgery, no problem post SRT
Post Surgery  PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, next one:  July
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped  9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4,  Caths #11 and #12  same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days, 3/2- Cath #12 out - 41 days, 3/2- Corr Surgery #5, 3/6 Cath #13 out - 4 days, Cath #14- 27 days, Cath #15 - 26 days, Cath #16 - 31 days, 5/24 put in Cath #17


compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7269
   Posted 6/8/2010 9:32 PM (GMT -6)   

I insisted that my daughter not show up. She lives and works in California and she is very busy.

 

She showed up anyway.

Sometimes she just doesn't listen.

I wasn't angry.

 

Mel


63 years old . PSA-- 3/08--2.90; 8/09--4.01; 11/09--4.19 (Free PSA 24%),  after 45 days on cipro! DREs have always been normal. PCA-3 was about 75 (way above the 35 threshold). That led to:

Biopsy on 11/30/09. 5 out of 12 cores positive. Gleason 4+3. 2 cores were 3+3 (one 5% and the other 30%) on one side. On  other side:2 cores are 4+3 (5%)--1 core 3+4 (30%) no peri-neural invasion. prostate is 45 grams. Stage: T1C.  

Surgery with Dr. Menon at Ford Hospital, 1/26/10. He says all looked good. Spared nerves. Unfortunately: Pathology Report: G 4+3 (65%-35%). Cancer in 15% of gland. Lymph Nodes: Clear.  Perineural Invasion: yes. Seminal Vessical Involvement: No.  Extraprostatic Extension: yes.  Positive Margin: Yes-- focal-- 1 spot .5mm. Final Weight is 52.7 gms.  (Second opinion from Jon Epstein at Hopkins confirmed these results)

 Incontinence: joined that club-- definite leaks—1 pad/day. Night is dry, was  using 1 pad at night for security, but pretty much dispensed with that most nights. Update: no pads at night. No pads while at home, but still very uncomfortable. Use 1 pad for out-of-house activities. Suddenly got MUCH better on 3/10/10, almost overnight. Still some urgency but no pads about 90% of the time.  As of 3/12/10--completely continent! Uh...OH. As of about 3/16/10 problems with constant urgency although no pads needed--feels like an infection but none showing in urine.

Update: since late March all is well in that area. I would say 99.9% continent (a spurt here and there, maybe 5 spurts per week).

First post-op PSA on 3/10/10--DRUM ROLL: 0.01 Next PSA in mid-June.


Hope and Prayer
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 6/8/2010 9:32 PM (GMT -6)   
AAS- Even thought it was 10 years ago, I still remember the call I got from sister in NY when I lived in AZ telling me that Dad had PC. I am the oldest of 4 and always kept the family together. She was hysterical, crying her eyes out that Dad was going to have to do chemo, lose his beautiful mane of hair, will he make it, etc. I kept it together until I hung up the phone. Then, I cried my eyes out, worried, came home and was with him as well! Now, my dad is doing great!!!! He has more energy than I do. 10 years later his PSA is undetectable! He didnt have to do chemo, radiation or HT. We always worry about the worst before we have to. It is very much ok to freak out. It may be weird if you didnt.
Dan said it best! I wish a speedy recovery for your Dad. I know he will be ok!!
Boyfriend dx at age 44 with Stage 4 PC on 11/09. Gleason 4+5, 11 of 12 cores +; PSA 51.34
DaVinci surgery on 12/09

Gleason 4+5 confirmed. Lymph and vesicle invasion, right nerves spared.
pT3c N1 Mx
HT: Casedox and Lupron started 1/10

PSA 1/13/10 23.15 2/8/10 .37 3/18/10 <.05 5/14/10 <.02

Bone metastasis

Radiation: 42 sessions ending 6/10


AAS
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/8/2010 9:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone. Now I'm seriously contemplating moving my plane ticket to tomorrow... :)

Hope and Prayer
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 6/8/2010 10:48 PM (GMT -6)   
I understand your concern but I think recovery time is better than surgery time. I had minor surgery twice and didnt want to do anything with anyone right after even with family. If family is there already, that is perfect for you. Honestly, if you come after surgery, you can relieve your siblings that are there already and get quality time with your Dad.
Boyfriend dx at age 44 with Stage 4 PC on 11/09. Gleason 4+5, 11 of 12 cores +; PSA 51.34
DaVinci surgery on 12/09

Gleason 4+5 confirmed. Lymph and vesicle invasion, right nerves spared.
pT3c N1 Mx
HT: Casedox and Lupron started 1/10

PSA 1/13/10 23.15 2/8/10 .37 3/18/10 <.05 5/14/10 <.02

Bone metastasis

Radiation: 42 sessions ending 6/10


Rolerbe
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 235
   Posted 6/9/2010 11:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Any time you spend with your dad will be appreciated (even if he looks generally disgusted with life at the time due to the catheter, etc. Overlook that and just be cheerful...) But I agree that maybe the early recovery time is better as one starts needing distractions then.

Has anyone freaked out? Better question: has anyone NOT freaked out? I wouldn't take odds.

Best wishes...


51 YO
PSA at Dx: 8.2
DaVinci RALP: 10/31/08 -- Great MD in New Haven, CT
Negative margins, no extra-capsular involvement
One nerve spared
PSA at 0 for just over a year now.
 
 


142
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 7078
   Posted 6/9/2010 4:11 PM (GMT -6)   
AAS,

I suspect that you will wind up supporting your mother - she will be the one that takes the most stress, I would bet.

My mom helped me, but I suspect the stress on her was the worst. I just had to deal with the fool bag and bladder spasms and brutally swollen scrotum and pain. I was certainly not a model patient, and whatever patience I had was exhausted waiting on doctors to call back.

AAS
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/9/2010 8:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, 142. Yeah, my mother has been more stressed out than my dad this entire time -- (or she shows it more, at least). What are the bladder spasms? Many people have mentioned these.

LuvMyDAD
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 316
   Posted 6/9/2010 9:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi AAS,
I went through the same exact thing in December when my dad was going through open surgery. To be whole heartedly honest with u, I am married and living in Chicago. I am 28 yrs old,  have been married for 2.5 yrs, and lets just say I have been through hell and back, not a happy marriage at the least, but we are working on it.  Anyway, however bad it was could not compare to hearing my mom tell me, "your dad has something and he is going to take care of it." I knew it was cancer.
I went to NY to be there for him during the surgery process. Yes, seeing him having to prep for the surgery was SO HARD. I had to fight back my tears the whole time and pretend that it was all a piece of cake. He too was acting like it was no big deal. Fast forward, he had the surgery and has recovered since then.
Once you begin to accept it, you will be better able to deal with it. Yes, it's still on my mind every freakin minute of the day, but now I just say to myself, we are doing everything we can to fight this and everytime my dad turns around I will be right behind him every step of the way. For some reason, just being present makes me feel a WHOLE lot better.
 
Lynne
(If you are thinking what does my marriage have to do with anything, it's just to help you put things in perspective. When you think life is bad, it can always get worse. You just have to learn to be grateful for everyday.)
 
Father diagnosed Nov. 9, 2009
Open radical prostatectomy Dec. 21, 2009, post op pathology report T3a, Gleason 7
5 week post op psa .55
Combination therapy, hormone and IMRT. 40 sessions 72gy.
Hoping and praying for a cured dad.


AAS
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/9/2010 9:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, Lynn. I'm surprised to hear so many cases where surgery wasn't enough. Whereas, when I read stats, it seems like the success rates of surgery are very high. Are those stats misleading?

142
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 7078
   Posted 6/9/2010 10:44 PM (GMT -6)   
AAS,

Bladder spasms are when the bladder bloats, then blows out urine and gas around the catheter tube. Not everyone has them, but if you do, it is painful, and a mess. I had them frequently each day for several weeks, even after the catheter was removed. That left me to have to wear an "adjustable" incontinence pant even with the catheter. (The "adjustable" pants split on the side and close with a velcro-like tape, so you can put them on over the cath. tube.)

I am one who has been / is in both treatmenets. I had DaVinci surgery, but had positive margins and a Gleason 4+5 (therefore considered extremely aggressive), so they sent me directly to radiation.

AAS
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/9/2010 10:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh - thanks for explaining. Do you happen to know how common this is?

jacketch
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 179
   Posted 6/10/2010 5:51 AM (GMT -6)   
AAS said...
Thanks, Lynn. I'm surprised to hear so many cases where surgery wasn't enough. Whereas, when I read stats, it seems like the success rates of surgery are very high. Are those stats misleading?


I would guess that on Healingwell.com there are a high percentage of individuals who have follow-up issues and post over an extended period. The individuals who have treatment and then few side affects and a high success rate from initial treatment are less likely to continue to post over a long period or as frequently.

Best of luck to your father and yes, spending the time after the operation in my opinion would be preferable at least for me.
63 yo
V10.46 Dx Feb-09

RRP 5-5-09

No adverse SE

PSA 6-19-09  -0-

PSA 9-21-09  -0-

1 year PSA 5-3-10  -0-



Thriving, not just surviving!


142
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 7078
   Posted 6/10/2010 8:27 AM (GMT -6)   
AAS,
I really have never "investigated" bladder spasms, other than to figure out what was happening to me. I was told by the doctor at the time that they were fairly common. They did not offer medication unless it got worse.

Since I had them, it was a 100% issue for me . shocked

LuvMyDAD
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 316
   Posted 6/10/2010 4:22 PM (GMT -6)   

HI AAS,

Yes, the success rates are very high because about 80% of PC are diagnosed when it is still contained, that is, it hasn't spread to nearby organs.  Hopefully your father caught it early. Once he goes for surgery and he gets his path report back you can know the true staging of his PC. Hope this helps!

Lynne


Father diagnosed Nov. 9, 2009
Open radical prostatectomy Dec. 21, 2009, post op pathology report T3a, Gleason 7
5 week post op psa .55
Combination therapy, hormone and IMRT. 40 sessions 72gy.
Hoping and praying for a cured dad.


Doting Daughter
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1064
   Posted 6/11/2010 12:21 PM (GMT -6)   
AAS-
From one doting daughter to another, I feel your pain. My parent's traveled to Seattle to have my father's RP done here and stayed with me after the visit. One reason your father may want you to wait to visit is because after surgery, the days following include catheter bags and monitoring the urine, hoping and praying for a bm, pads, and general discomfort and embarrassment. You can imagine for most men, the mere thought of discussing their penis, erections and bowel movements with their daughters is mortifying.
With that being said, I wouldn't have wanted to be any other place. My dad is the strongest man I know and it is amazing how as a daughter you can sense their fears, by subtle ways that others would never notice. I hate cancer and hate that my dad had to go through what he did, but I am happy I was able to be there for him during the process. It's weird how different people react. My mom who is normally an incredibly strong person, broke down on the day of surgery. She was an absolute mess. It came out of left field, because I had never seen her like that before. It is a lot emotionally for a spouse to deal with and I was glad I was there for both of them.
You might need to run to the store to pick up underwear that fit comfortably with the cath or with pads. You might just need to sit and watch the World Cup with him and discuss the oil spill. I guess my advice, for whatever it is worth- Just be whatever your dad (or mom) needs.
Father's Age DX 62 (now 64)
Original Gleason 3+4=7, Post-Op Gleason- 4+3=7,
DaVinci Surgery Aug 31, 2007
Focally Positive Right Margin, One positive node. T3a N1 M0.
Bone Scan/CT Negative (Sept. 10, 2007)
Oct. 17 PSA 0.07
Nov. 13 PSA 0.05
Casodex adm. Nov 07, Lupron beg. Dec 03, 2007 2 yrs
Radiation March 03-April 22, 2008- 8 weeks 5x a week
July 2, 08 PSA <.02
Oct. 10, 08 PSA <.02
Oct. 9, 09 PSA <.01 Last Lupron Shot
Praying for a cured dad.

Co-Moderator Prostate Cancer Forum


Hope and Prayer
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 6/12/2010 2:33 AM (GMT -6)   
AAS- Please let us know how your Dad fairs with the surgery. You have a lot of daughters (including me) wondering and hoping your Dad has a fantastic recovery.
Also Lynne, I want to thank you and your Dad for giving Peter Dr. Myers book! He was very touched!! BTW, We have an appt with Dr. Myers on 9/1. I hope your Dad is doing great and almost done with radation.
Boyfriend dx at age 44 with Stage 4 PC on 11/09. Gleason 4+5, 11 of 12 cores +; PSA 51.34
DaVinci surgery on 12/09

Gleason 4+5 confirmed. Lymph and vesicle invasion, right nerves spared.
pT3c N1 Mx
HT: Casedox and Lupron started 1/10

PSA 1/13/10 23.15 2/8/10 .37 3/18/10 <.05 5/14/10 <.02

Bone metastasis

Radiation: 42 sessions ending 6/10


LuvMyDAD
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 316
   Posted 6/13/2010 8:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Hope,
Your welcome anytime! My dad and mom really love Peter and wish him the best, they both say hi :) My dad completed radiation last week and is so excited to go back to his ordinary life. I am happy Peter got an appointment with Dr Myers, I really have a lot of faith in him. We got an appointment for my father in October, now the biggest obstacle is to get him to go lol. Say hi to Peter.
 
Lynne
Father diagnosed Nov. 9, 2009
Open radical prostatectomy Dec. 21, 2009, post op pathology report T3a, Gleason 7
5 week post op psa .55
Combination therapy, hormone and IMRT. 40 sessions 72gy.
Hoping and praying for a cured dad.


Aimzee
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1406
   Posted 6/13/2010 10:04 AM (GMT -6)   

AAS, I hope the advice on this forum has been helpful.  I wish your Dad the very best with his surgery.  Please keep us posted!

How nice to have such caring sons and daughters posting.

Aimzee


Husband Ron, age 63
Had Progesterone shots for 6 months.  January PSA was .05. 
4/1/10 PSA 6.5
On Cipro (antibiotic) for 16 days
Bone Scan/CT Negative
Biopsy 4/20/10  12 samples... Adenocarcinoma:  3 positive on right side,
one core left base (5% ` 0.5 mm) -  two cores of left lateral mid
(20% ~ 2mm, 10%, 10% ~ 1mm) - No Perineural Invasion
Gleason 6 (3+3)
Surgery to be scheduled: da Vinci Prostatectomy
 
(I do the posting for both of us.)

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
30 posts in this thread.
Viewing Page :
 1  2 
Forum Information
Currently it is Tuesday, September 18, 2018 1:00 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,004,327 posts in 329,134 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161736 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, jjmck2.
227 Guest(s), 14 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
notsosicklygirl, For My Hunny, 81GyGuy, Italatin8, Kent M., aidanw20, tickbite666, Serenity Now, Admin, sierraDon, ddyss, Szabo246, Normal59, Deejavu