Mel, thanks for the kind words, but I assure you, I am mortal as the next man. PC is a life change for most of us, even if we survive it. And since most guys think by logic, we have picked the wrong disease to mess with, and PC defies normal medical logic a lot of the time.
Yes, I knew in my heart all along, that if someone finally called my bluff about a job, I would not be well enough to actually do it. My brain is ok with it and wanted it badly, but the rest of me is still in a pitifuly state considering my primary treatment, surgery, was in October of 2008.
I would never have contemplated, that in June of 2010, that I would still be in such a physical fix. I two days, I will be hosting my new caths, #18 and #19 at the same time. I would have never dreamed that I could endure so many bladder spasms and not give up all hope. Never have been on prescription pain meds for such a period of time in my life. (Don't worry, not a druggie, only take what I need when I need it, and my doctor monitors my use closely, but he knows proper pain management is half the batter when you are in a prolonged situation like this).
This might sound silly, but do you know what I miss most of all? Is to be able to take a long hot soaking bath in the bath tub, or our lovely hot spa.
You can't do that with an indwelling cath, or swim at all, or ride a bike or motorcycle, etc. Perhaps small things, but still, things I formerly enjoyed doing.
I have been wearing or carrying a urine bag around for so long now, it doesnt even embarass me anymore for someone to see it hooked to me. Sure, I could plug it off sometimes to hide it, but all that would do is cause a lot of back pressure in the cath and cause even more pain, so why bother.
This weeks op, is going to more of a needed inspection trip, not a fix, and I know this ahead of time. So while I don't mind being put under, again, I am a bit depressed knowing that this isn't going to change my situation.
I am more convinced then before, that I will require a complex operation to give me back any cath free normalcy to my life.
I have said this before, and don't want it taken out of context, but I still mostly wish I had never consented to the SRT. I knew in my heart that it would mess up all the progress that had been done prior, i.e. healing from my initial open surgery. Now, all my lower regions feel like mush. This was something my uro/surgeon feared too, as he has seen a lot of damage done from strong radiation treatments. I admire him for sticking by me, his constant looking for a solution, and his dedication to keeping me as pain free as possible, and never ever losing patience with me, as he continues to help me month after month. I always have his fullest attention, and he is very much in tune with my suffering. Can't ask much more than that with a doctor. He has a large practice, largest in my region, and he is dealing with hundreds upon hundreds of patients, yet he acts like I am his only one when we meet.
Not ready to give up hope, just a bit discouraged, because it was a good job opportunity for me at my age, one that might not pass by me again even when and if I get well one day. I will turn 58 on the 13th, yet I feel like I am an 80 year old man. Shouldn't be that way.
David in SC
Age: 57, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 7/08 12.3, 9/08 14.5, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 - 7/7 Positive, 40-90% Cancer, Gleason 4+3
Open RP: 11/08, Rht nerves saved, 4 days in hospt, on catheters for 63 days, 5th one out 1/09
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incontinence: 1 Month ED: Non issue at any point post surgery, no problem post SRT
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, next one: July
Latest: 7/9 met 2 rad. oncl, 7/9 cath #6 - blockage, 8/9 2nd corr surgery, 8/9 cath #7 out 38 days, 9/9 - met 3rd rad. oncl., mapped 9/9, 10/1 - 3rd corr. surgery - SP cath/hard dialation, 10/5 - 11/27 IMRT SRT 39 sess/72 gys ,cath #8 33 days, Cath #9 35 days, 12/7 - Cath #10 43 days, 1/19 - Corr Surgery #4, Caths #11 and #12 same time, 2/8-Cath #11 out - 21 days, 3/2- Cath #12 out - 41 days, 3/2- Corr Surgery #5, 3/6 Cath #13 out - 4 days, Cath #14- 27 days, Cath #15 - 26 days, Cath #16 - 31 days, 5/24 put in Cath #17