Whe no one is talking about it.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 9/12/2010 8:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey again,
I posted a while back following my dad's post op psa results which were a disappointing 0.3. He will have another test done in a few weeks.
What I am struggling with at the moment is the lack of talking in my family. I know my parents were shocked with the levels and I'm wondering if they are in the denial stage or just getting on with things. My two brothers also don't talk about it and my partner lost his dad (of old age) so he's not up for talking either.
I know it doesn't do any good to think too far ahead about this unpredictable disease and staying positive is the best option but my thoughts are already on radiation treatment and how that will impact dad.

Just upset. Thanks for reading.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2845
   Posted 9/12/2010 8:24 PM (GMT -6)   
-as you know this is a great place for research, reassurance .. and a good place to vent.
Sorry that the numbers aren't what you wanted for Dad.
It is difficult when family members aren't there for you ( and Dad ) for support since they are fearful /grieving/ etc due to the results. That is what I find so helpful here at HW, is that these anonymous strangers can become part of your extended family. And with that support you can help yourself and your Dad, and in time, your family might follow your lead and open up.... maybe suggest (via email) that they check out HW for information ( at the top of the webpage) so they don't feel so afraid or lost...
-all the best to you, your Dad and family
Age: 54 -gay with spouse, Steve - live in Peteborough, Ontario, Canada
PSA: 10/06/2009 - 3.86
Biopsy: 10/16/2009- 6 of 12 cancerous samples, Gleason 7 (4+3)
Radical Prostatectomy: 11/18/2009
Pathology: pT3a- gleason 7 -extraprostatic extension -perineural invasion -prostate weight -34.1 gm
Post Surgery-PSA: April 8, 2010 - 0.05 -I am in the ZERO CLUB - hooorah!
Next PSA: Sept 23, 2010 -TBA

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2692
   Posted 9/12/2010 8:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Sometimes, it is easier not to talk about it. Not necessarily denial, but just pushing it back a little so that we can have some peace and quiet. If I could, I wouldn't talk about it at all, but it's like having an elephant in the room. I can still smell the peanuts on his breath.

I would say give your dad and family some room to breathe. There will plenty of talk eventually, in fact, it may be all you talk about, instead of reassuring him of your love and concern, and talking about more pleasant things that you may have talked about if he didn't have PC.
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic  4/14/09   Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved  pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free  6 week PSA  <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED.  Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10,  9 month PSA < .01
1 year psa (364 days) .01
15 month PSA <.01

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 9/12/2010 8:29 PM (GMT -6)   
sorry to hear about that.

one thing i'm noticing is people do act weird.
at first i was upset, the more i think about it the more i understand.
there is no right way to act, i just take note of peoples actions and will act appropriately if the are in a similar situation.

good luck to you.

Elite Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 9/12/2010 8:45 PM (GMT -6)   

sorry to hear that

communications are so important

your father will probably most likely need radiation, and soon, so your head is at least thinking clearly.

have some patience with your other family members.

it might take you alone to be your father's advocate at this point

good luck

david in sc
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos marg
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06 11/10 ?
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, on Catheter #21, will be having Ileal Conduit Surgery in Sept.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 9/12/2010 11:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks guys, I really do appreciate it. I first came to HW for information back in March but now it's like having friends for support. I lurk on here and love hearing good news stories for you all.

If dad does have to go thru radiation I'm worried that he will want to put it off until next year. He has a huge amount of work coming up (crop harvest) for the first time in 5 years as we finally have rain, mum also works and they have a huge social life.

They also live in a small town in the country so would have to move to the city for at least 5 weeks for treatment. Dad is stubborn and will resist doing this.

His surgeon doesn't seem to get serious with my parents instead jokes around about sport.
Much loved dad diagnosed at 57.
Gleason 7, Stage 2, localized.
Da Vinci at Epworth, Melbourne.
PSA reading due 24th August 2010.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2243
   Posted 9/13/2010 6:52 AM (GMT -6)   
I guess we each have our own way of dealing with difficult subjects. I dont talk much about PCa except on here and I dont talk about being in a war. Doesnt make it right or wrong, but if it eats away at me I had better find an outlet. Trying to get someone to deal with it the way we want to can lead to problems. So try to give them space as Goodlife suggest, and use a support system for yourself. My guess is that eventually there will be more conversation about his cancer. Good luck to all of you.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1152
   Posted 9/13/2010 7:27 AM (GMT -6)   

I think we all deal with it our own way and it's great that you have found healing well so that you do have a place in which you can talk about it. Hopefully the rest of your family can start processing it soon and then it will be possible to have a conversation about it.

I can feel how dearly you love your dad through all your posts.

Husband's age: 52. Sydney Australia.
Family history: Mat. grandfather died of PC at 72. Mat. uncle died of PC at 60. He has hereditary PC.
PSA: Aug07 - 2.5|Feb08 - 1.7|Oct09 - 3.67 (free PSA 27%)|Feb10 - 4.03 (free PSA 31%) |Jun10 - 2.69. DRE normal.
Biopsy 28Apr10: negative for a diagnosis of PC however 3 focal ASAPs “atypical, suspicious but not diagnostic” for PC. Review of biopsy by experienced pathologist, 1/12 core: 10% 3+3 (left transitional), 1/12 core: ASAP (left apex)

Nerve sparing RP, 20Aug10 with Dr Stricker. Post-op path: 3+4. Neg margins, seminal vesicles, extraprostatic extension. Multifocal, with involvement in the peripheral, apex, fibro-muscular and transitional zones.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 990
   Posted 9/13/2010 11:44 AM (GMT -6)   
By giving you information about your dad’s condition and surgical outcome your parents have brought you into this. As a member of the family you have the need for some information so that you can have peace of mind.

How to formulate those needs? To know the outcomes of medical tests, to know plans (even if tentative) for future action. These seem like reasonable things to ask for.

The more problematic need is the need to participate, discuss, and offer ideas. But this involves issues of your parent’s needs. You have to find a diplomatic way of offering input while recognizing that at this time, input may not be what your parents want.

This site can be at least some help with that need.
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