I'm sure you understand how hard this is on your husband, but maybe not entirely. Those of us who have heard the words "you have cancer" probably understand a little better. The room kind of stands still, everything gets quiet, and we don't hear much else.
There are multiple ways to respond. We can just say Oh shoot, what's the use, I 'm going todie anyway, and just quit. We can try to learn everything we can about the disease and make the most informed choices we can, and fight this sucker until the bitter end.
Depression is a fairly common reaction that we don't necessarily control. As men we don't like being out of control, so it just makes it worse.
I would recommend that as best you can to come alongside John, and appraoch it as a shared problem. Direct commands to take his medicine or to do something compound the problems, as he percieves he is not only not in control, but now forced to take orders, even tho you are not doing it for that reason. The spouse has a really tough role. At times, it is thankless. We men can be terrible patients.
On the other hand, most of us realize that going through this is really tough without a spouse or partner to help us through it. I will be forever grateful to my wife ( a nurse ) for her quiet way in which she allowed me to think I am in control, yet has coached, prodded and helped me alomg every step. Love is a wonderful motivator.
Good luck on your journey, and feel free to vent here anytime.
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic 4/14/09 Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free 6 week PSA <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED. Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10, 9 month PSA < .01
1 year psa (364 days) .01
15 month PSA <.01