These are extremely diffcult situations for both the patient and for the family. If you spend some time on here, you will see men explore what the options are to not pursuing treatment. Questions like "What is it like to die from PC" or What are the consequences of not pursuing HT ?", etc.
Once a patient gets to the chemo stage, it becomes a hard choice to make between staying around a few more weeks or months for loved ones, or just making the pain and nausea stop.
It could be that your father's doctor has told him that chemo may not do any more for his condition. Your mother is in a tough spot if your father has said that he just feels too sick to see anyone, or he just wants to die. She needs to honor his wishes, while going through the pain of watching her spouse slowly go down hill.
Obviously, if you can get your mother alone to talk it out, it would certainly help you and your siblings, but it is really your father that you need to support and honor his requests.
Of course, this is an awful time of year to be going through this, but then there is not really any ideal time to be sick with terminal cancer.
I just hope that you can find peace with this. Perhaps sending your father letters and cards, assuring him of your love would help both of you. We all grieve with you as hear of a PC brother going through this
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic 4/14/09 Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free 6 week PSA <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED. Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10, 9 month PSA < .01
1 year psa (364 days) .01
15 month PSA <.01