Father with advanced Prostate Cancer putting Chemo on hold !

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

schammitt
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 12/23/2010 8:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello .

I thought I would post a update on my father. My mom and Dad decided they are going to wait another 21 days befor my father starts Chemo again.. Initially it was scheduled for Jan 1. We still don't know all the statistics but she now want s a third opinion from a Spine Dr. That appointment is January 18th.. Until then she told me she canceled Christmas and will not have there best friends there or go anywhere. Dad is in to much pain. Meanwhile his psa is only getting higher and is still in bed on Oxycontin.. I am wondering what could they have possibly had been told at Dr office yesterday from second CT scan.? If the Dr said to start chemo right away was this for his pain or to prolong his Life and lower psa? I would really appreciate any feed back Thank you again.


Worried daughter in Michigan


cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry

James C.
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4462
   Posted 12/23/2010 9:10 AM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry to read such discouraging news. Like you, we can't know what they were told yesterday, or what is behind this decision. The only thing I can offer is support for you, as it seems they are closing themselves off and shutting down any information flow. As painful and sad as it is to realize, even wrong decisions is still his and or hers to make, no matter how much we disagree with them. Unless you get into mental competency battles, which can be long and expensive, there isn't much that can be done.

Afterthought, is there one son or daughter that they would listen to and share with that could or would be willing to try to intervene?
James C. Age 63
Gonna Make Myself A Better Man tinyurl.com/28e8qcg
4/07: PSA 7.6, 7/07 Biopsy: 3 of 16 PCa, 5% involved, left lobe, GS6
9/07: Nerve Sparing open RRP, Path: pT2c, 110 gms., all clear except:
Probable microscopic involvement of the left apical margin -GS6
3 Years: PSA's .04 each test until 04/10-.06, 09/10-.09- Uh-Oh, next in Jan & Feb.
ED-total-Bimix 30cc

schammitt
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 12/23/2010 9:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you so much for your reply.. My mother has closed all 6 of us kids out.. Hopefully she will open up soon. my younger sister called and asked hundreds of questions and all she really got was say lots of prayers, Which we do .. Sorry for wasting any ones time and i wish I knew more but I do appreciate you taking the time to reply..

Merry Christams

worried frustrated daughter confused

Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4829
   Posted 12/23/2010 9:44 AM (GMT -6)   
You're not wasting anyones time..... That's what we're here for smilewinkgrin

schammitt
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 12/23/2010 10:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you :-)

proscapt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 644
   Posted 12/23/2010 12:31 PM (GMT -6)   
My best wishes to you and your family in this most difficult time. It's so hard to watch some one you love suffer and not be able to help. At this point, the most important thing is to focus on pain relief.

Is it possible that he doesn't want to attempt more chemo and is considering just palliative care at this point? Chemo is hard to tolerate under the best of circumstances. For some people, radiation targeting the bone mets helps with the pain.

Is there a clergy or close personal friend or another family member (perhaps a sibling of his) who he might be willing to talk to?

Don't hesitate to come back with update or more questions or just to share.
DX age 54 12/2009
PSA 5.6, DRE-, high pre-op PSAV. Clinical stage T1c
Biopsy: Gleason 3+4 with PNI / 6 of 14 cores + / 10% of total length + / worst 45% +
DaVinci RP 2/2010
pT2cNx / Gleason 3+4 / PNI+ / SM- / SV- / EPE- / Tumor vol 3cc / vol 40cc / 63 gm
PSA - 4/10 <0.01, 8/10 0.01, 12/10 0.01

mycroft
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 54
   Posted 12/23/2010 5:10 PM (GMT -6)   
proscapt said...
(snip) At this point, the most important thing is to focus on pain relief.

Is it possible that he doesn't want to attempt more chemo and is considering just palliative care at this point? Chemo is hard to tolerate under the best of circumstances. For some people, radiation targeting the bone mets helps with the pain.


I have to wonder who is making the decisions, the man whose life is at stake, or someone else.

Steve J
Dx 2004 at 67 yoa: Extensive Gleason 9 + Gleason 8.

Uro wanted to do cryotherapy, which I would have declined had I known anything. It failed, except I was rendered totally impotent; the only thing that worked as advertised.

IMRT + Lupron.

Studied PCa extensively.

Fired rad onc, who refused to read Dr. Strum's evaluation of my case.

Hired med onc. Have been on IADT since 2006.

goodlife
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2691
   Posted 12/23/2010 6:10 PM (GMT -6)   
These are extremely diffcult situations for both the patient and for the family. If you spend some time on here, you will see men explore what the options are to not pursuing treatment. Questions like "What is it like to die from PC" or What are the consequences of not pursuing HT ?", etc.

Once a patient gets to the chemo stage, it becomes a hard choice to make between staying around a few more weeks or months for loved ones, or just making the pain and nausea stop.

It could be that your father's doctor has told him that chemo may not do any more for his condition. Your mother is in a tough spot if your father has said that he just feels too sick to see anyone, or he just wants to die. She needs to honor his wishes, while going through the pain of watching her spouse slowly go down hill.

Obviously, if you can get your mother alone to talk it out, it would certainly help you and your siblings, but it is really your father that you need to support and honor his requests.

Of course, this is an awful time of year to be going through this, but then there is not really any ideal time to be sick with terminal cancer.

I just hope that you can find peace with this. Perhaps sending your father letters and cards, assuring him of your love would help both of you. We all grieve with you as hear of a PC brother going through this
Goodlife
 
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic  4/14/09   Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved  pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free  6 week PSA  <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED.  Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10,  9 month PSA < .01
1 year psa (364 days) .01
15 month PSA <.01

Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25380
   Posted 12/23/2010 6:50 PM (GMT -6)   
I would like to add my sentiments along with Goodlife's post above. I couldn't have said the same thing better, my thoughts and prayers too.

David in SC
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos marg
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06 11/10 Not taking it
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/23/10

60Michael
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2222
   Posted 12/23/2010 6:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry to hear your update on your father. Perhaps his pain is such that your mother is trying to protect him and you and your siblings by limiting access to him. And I say this with deep humility as we are bringing my mother home from the hospital tomorrow so that she can be at home to pass away with the help of hospice. But some things I would not let her or anyone else make a choice for me, and one of those things would have been to, or not to see my father. Not to cause conflict, but we are talking about the man who raised me and taught me how to be a husband and a man.
 
Loved him too much to let that happen. And her too much as well. Keep us posted and I hope things improve soon.
Michael

Fairwind
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 3741
   Posted 12/23/2010 8:06 PM (GMT -6)   
My daughter was eating Oxy like candy, the pain relief was very short-lived..They put her on Fentanyl patches and that stopped the pain..

When radiation controlled the cancer and the pain, she had a VERY hard time getting off the Fentanyl...It's highly addictive..But when you reach a certain point, it doesn't matter any more..

Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25380
   Posted 12/23/2010 8:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Where my wife works as a nurse, they have to account for every used up fentanyl patch that comes off the patients. Pretty powerful stuff, was surprised to learn they still use the fentanyl lollipops from years ago. Very effective pain killer, but very deadly if miss used in any way.
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos marg
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06 11/10 Not taking it
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/23/10

zoph3388
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 1/5/2011 10:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry to hear about your Father
Sometimes there is no answer. We went through a similar thing in 1987 / 1988 with my Father in law. He did not want surgery and wanted the Dr to guarantee the success of the surgery.He opted for radiation,chemo,hormone therapy and Oriochemy (spelling?) All of this slowed the disease down but eventually it was the disease that took over. He was a very private person that wouldn't allow us to help. When my own father was diagnosed in 1990, i shared the experience with him about how difficult those last months were and told him that I would rather see him go through the surgery even if it meant he could die during the surgery than to go through what my father in law did for those two or three years. Just be supportive and try to be encouraging - no matter how difficult.

yogin
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 1/5/2011 11:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello and Thank you so much for your feedback !

Nothing has changed in 2 weeks. Right now everything is at a stand still. My parents are getting yet a 3rd opinion tomorrow. Thursday. They are going to a spine DR. They do not want to believe that the cancer has move to his spine or bone.. even though the other DR. did tests and scans.. Meanwhile Chemo is still being put on hold dads psa is dangerously high... My father is in Bed all the time and it seems like his pain is worse. He sleeps a lot.. doesn't want to talk . All six of of kids are feeling helpless. They still do not want us to come out.. Dad said so himself .. i will know more tomorrow hopefully..

worried daughter in Michigan cry

Ronzo
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 1/6/2011 11:22 PM (GMT -6)   
What was your Dad's PSA? Has it spread I have a lot of experience with this. I just went through it with my father.

Sleepless09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 1267
   Posted 1/6/2011 11:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Shammitt,

When you first posted in '07 your dad had had PCa for eight years, so he'd now be around 11 years and nearing 74/75. When you're my age, he's still a young man. I'm sorry to hear he's in such trouble.

Back in '07 you posted that your parents were in Florida and not communicating well with the children, you and your siblings, in Illinois. It seems things haven't improved in this department. This suggests to me that your dad is a very private person, or at least as far as his PCa is concerned, he's a very private person.

I suspect your mom and dad have made some decisions which they are keeping to themselves, likely in the belief that this is a kindness to their children.

I think all you can do is let your parents know you love them, and if they need anything, to call, and then, again, that you love them.

Sheldon AKA Sleepless
Age 67 in Apil '09 at news of 4 of 12 cores positive T2B and Gleason 3 + 3 and 5% to 25% PSA 1.5
Re-read of slides in June said Gleason 3 + 4 same four cores 5% to 15%
June 29 daVinci prostatectomy, Dr. Eric Estey, at Royal Alexandra Hospital Edmonton one night stay
From "knock out" to wake up in recovery less than two hours.  Actual surgery 70 minutes
Flew home to Winnipeg on July 3 after 5 nights in Ramada Inn  ---  perfect recovery spot!
Catheter out July 9
Final pathology is 3 + 4 Gleason 7, clear margins, clear nodes, T2C, sugeron says report is "excellent"
 
Oct 1st 09 -- dry at night, during day some stress issues.
Oct 31st padless 24/7 
 
First post op PSA Sept 09  less than 0.02
PSA on Oct 23, 2009 less than 0.02
PSA on Jan 8, 2010  less than 0.02
PSA on April 9, 2010 less than 0.02 
PSA on July 9, 2010 (one year) less than 0.02
  

yogin
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 1/12/2011 10:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello ,
Oh my gosh that was me that posted in 2007. We lived in Crystal Lake. I do know he has been fighting the cancer for a long time. I remember reaching out back then. You are perfectly right nothing has changed . He just had his Birthday Dec 22 and he turned 79 years old. They did see the Dr last week and he ordered another scan coming up tomorrow. My mother actually broke down and cried to my other sister a few days ago . All of us are kids are hoping for a miracle. We wont know if he is going on chemo and radiation until next week. Nothing has changed he is just hanging on to hope as he waits in pain. I asked my mother is psa # but she would not tell me.

Thank you for your feed back

worried daughter in Michigan cry cry cry cry cry cry

Sleepless09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 1267
   Posted 1/12/2011 12:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the update, and I know all here at HW who read this thread will be sending positive thoughts to you, your siblings, and your mom and dad.

I do hope you'll let us know what, if anything, you find out about the meeting on Thursday. I'm particularly stressed about your father's pain as I suspect most, if not all, of it should/could be controlled. But I'm no doctor.

Sheldon AKA Sleepless
Age 67 in Apil '09 at news of 4 of 12 cores positive T2B and Gleason 3 + 3 and 5% to 25% PSA 1.5
Re-read of slides in June said Gleason 3 + 4 same four cores 5% to 15%
June 29 daVinci prostatectomy, Dr. Eric Estey, at Royal Alexandra Hospital Edmonton one night stay
From "knock out" to wake up in recovery less than two hours.  Actual surgery 70 minutes
Flew home to Winnipeg on July 3 after 5 nights in Ramada Inn  ---  perfect recovery spot!
Catheter out July 9
Final pathology is 3 + 4 Gleason 7, clear margins, clear nodes, T2C, sugeron says report is "excellent"
 
Oct 1st 09 -- dry at night, during day some stress issues.
Oct 31st padless 24/7 
 
First post op PSA Sept 09  less than 0.02
PSA on Oct 23, 2009 less than 0.02
PSA on Jan 8, 2010  less than 0.02
PSA on April 9, 2010 less than 0.02 
PSA on July 9, 2010 (one year) less than 0.02
  
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, June 20, 2018 3:19 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,973,774 posts in 326,128 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161113 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, bbruneau.
427 Guest(s), 10 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
SoMuchFun, carattop, Froggy88, Michael_T, LilaJ, Girlie, MTrancher, blksteeda, suttie, straydog