Difficult Time

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compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7269
   Posted 1/5/2011 8:44 PM (GMT -6)   
I have to admit that despite each PSA test being worse than the one before it, I have been doing better emotionally. The previous ones: I could feel the tension increase 2 weeks before. It was a VERY difficult 2 weeks (nervous,, depressed, fearful).
 
Well, this time I was doing better. In fact, I expected to give blood last Friday and I had only gotten somewhat anxious a few days before. It turned out that the lab was closed Friday so I ended up giving blood yesterday. I could have gotten the results today, but we had things to do and I didn't want to put a damper on it. Tomorrow afternoon I will get the FIGURE, that all-important number that seems to control my life.
 
I HATE THIS. I am in a bad way tonight. I have gotten so darn pessimistic (borne out by one bad reading after another). Anyway, I just wanted to vent. I have to believe you have all been there. Nervous, depressed, etc....
 
Time for dinner.
 
 
Mel
PSA-- 3/08--2.90; 8/09--4.01; 11/09--4.19 (PSAf: 24%), PCA3 =75 .
Biopsy 11/30/09. Gleason 4+3. Stage: T1C. Current Age: 64
Surgery: Dr. Menon @Ford Hospital, 1/26/10.
Pathology Report: G 4+3. Nodes: Clear. PNI: yes. SVI: No. EPE: yes. Pos. Margin: Yes-- focal-- 1 spot .5mm. 100% continent by 3/10. ED- in progress. First post-op PSA on 3/10/10-: 0.01. PSA on 6/21/10--0.02. 9/21/10--0.06

livinadream
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1382
   Posted 1/5/2011 8:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Mel thanks for writing and sharing your emotions. I would encourage you to find someway to occupy your mind with everything positive you can. It is so easy to become a victim to these darn test results. I know most people get tired of my extremely positive attitude but gosh darn I want to enjoy every aspect of life. As tough as it is do not let this cancer control you it is time to take control of it regardless what the rest result is.
You rock my friend and I am happy you write about your feelings.

peace and love
Dale
I was 45 at diagnosis with PSA of 16.3
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/dalechildress

My gleason score from prostate was 4+5=9 and from the lymph nodes (3 positive) was 4+4=8
I had 44 IMRT's. Scheduled to have a radical on July 11th, 2007, surgery was aborted when it was discovered it had spread to the lymph nodes.
I was on Lupron, Casodex, and Avodart for two years with my last shot March 2009.
My Oncology hospital is The Cancer Treatment Center of America in Zion IL
PSA July of 2007 was 16.4
PSA May of 2008 was.11
PSA July 24th, 2008 is 0.04
PSA Dec 16th, 2008 is .016
PSA Mar 30th, 2009 is .02
PSA July 28th 2009 is .01
PSA OCt 15th 2009 is .11
PSA Jan 15th 2010 is .13
PSA April 16th of 2010 is .16
PSA July 22nd of 2010 is .71
PSA Sept of 2010 is .71
cancer in 4 of 6 cores
92%
80%
37%
28%

An38
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1152
   Posted 1/5/2011 9:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Mel,

We are going to find out in four hours when we see the doctor what the next PSA level is. The blood test was on Christmas Eve and we didn't want it to interfere with Christmas. (We are tracking it monthly to work out the trend).

I think that we all (patients and partners) go through the some anxiety prior to each PSA test result. I imagine this the case even for people whole PSA test has been low and stable for years. All I want is for the number not to have risen again. Flat or lower would be fantastic. And I hope that this will be the case for you too.

It is heartening to see at HW that the news is frequently good even after rises. See our moderator for example, his PSA stayed at 0.09.

An
Husband's age: 52. Sydney Australia.
Family history: Mat. grandfather died of PC at 72. Mat. uncle died of PC at 60. He has hereditary PC.
PSA: Aug07 - 2.5|Feb08 - 1.7|Oct09 - 3.67 (free PSA 27%)|Feb10 - 4.03 (free PSA 31%) |Jun10 - 2.69. DRE normal.
Biopsy 28Apr10: negative for a diagnosis of PC however 3 focal ASAPs “atypical, suspicious but not diagnostic” for PC. Review of biopsy by experienced pathologist, 1/12 core: 10% 3+3 (left transitional), 1/12 core: ASAP (left apex)
Nerve sparing RP, 20Aug10 with Dr Stricker. Post-op path: 3+4 (ISUP 2005). Neg (margins, seminal vesicles, extraprostatic extension). Multifocal, with main involvement in the fibro-muscular zone.
Post RP PSA,
Lab 1: Sep10 – 0.02|Nov10 – 0.03
Lab 2: Nov 10 - 0.01

MarkMyWords
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 1/5/2011 9:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mel -

Best of luck to you on your test results. I do agree with Dale - one of the best things that I did was find things to occupy my mind. I found that when I was witting and watching TV, my mind would wander to thinking about my issues. I tried very hard to stay positive about everything - taking it one step at a time, but it can be overwhelming. The worst time for me was when I laid down to go to bed - my mind would just start and I couldn't shut it off. I found that writing things down in a notebook to get them out of my head. Another thing that seemed to help - talking. Talking about my worries, concerns, thoughts.

Hope some of that helps......hope you find your peace of mind.

Mark
Father diagnosed in April 2010, 38 year old brother diagnosed in June 2010 and I was diagnosed in Sept 2010.
Age 45
Jul 2010 - PSA 10.1
Aug 2010 - Biopsy - 12 of 12 cores positive - Gleason 7 (3+4 on the right, 4+3 on the left)
Sept 2010 - CAT and Bone scans negative.
Nov 2010 - da vinci RP with negative margins. nerve bundles were not spared. negative lymph nodes. Pathology Stage pT3c.

compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7269
   Posted 1/5/2011 9:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks folks. Actually, writing it down on this HW site helps.
 
I've been pretty successful putting it out of my mind and doing other stuff, but the last few days have been tough.
 
I am normally quite even-tempered, calm, with a good sense of humor (ask anybody).
 
But... not at the moment.
 
'nuff said.
 
Mel

Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 1/5/2011 9:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Wishing you luck, Mel, but don't let it eat you away, it wins when you do that. I have been at peace on the pSa front ever since i put off my last one. i will know soon enough at end of feb, and whatever it is, it will still be the same whether i knew before or not.
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos marg
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06 11/10 Not taking it
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/23/10

rob2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 1/5/2011 9:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I think your feelings are normal. I tend to worry but know it doesn't help. I wondered if there was a daily PSA test like diabetes test blood sugar if I would do it. I will say after 2.5 years, I still think about and worry about my next test.
 
Age 48 at diagnosis
occupation accountant
PSA increased from 2.6 to 3.5 in one year
biopsy march 2008 - cancer present gleason 7
Robotic Surgery May 9, 2008 - houston, tx
Pathology report -gleason 8, clear margins
22 month  PSA <.04
continent at 10 weeks (no pads!)
ED is still an issue

142
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 7082
   Posted 1/5/2011 9:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Mel,
 
As one of my professor friends would say, knowledge gives you power. I jacked with him about that, but then he started on the known knowns, known unknowns, etc., etc.
 
I'll just use the fact that a psa gives me a known. Just like the "givens" of the algebra and trig questions I did so badly at.
 
Use the information for what it is worth, not for the fear factor. I suspect you'll be head down with ipod headphones on planning a lecture, and get done in by a delivery truck in a marked crosswalk in a 10 mph zone before PCa gets you shocked
 
Remember to look both ways before reacting to a PSA test.
 

goodlife
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2692
   Posted 1/5/2011 10:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Mel,

My family got me an IPad for Christmas. If you want to forget about PSA, get an IPad. All of the sudden it's 2 hours later.

Mel, you are an intelligent man. You know it is what it is. Just find some stock stuff, papers to grade, solitaire on the Internet, make a trip to Greektown. Just wait until you know what it is.

Good luck.
Goodlife
 
Age 58, PSA 4.47 Biopsy - 2/12 cores , Gleason 4 + 5 = 9
Da Vinci, Cleveland Clinic  4/14/09   Nerves spared, but carved up a little.
0/23 lymph nodes involved  pT3a NO MX
Catheter and 2 stints in ureters for 2 weeks .
Neg Margins, bladder neck negative
Living the Good Life, cancer free  6 week PSA  <.03
3 month PSA <.01 (different lab)
5 month PSA <.03 (undetectable)
6 Month PSA <.01
1 pad a day, no progress on ED.  Trimix injection
No pads, 1/1/10,  9 month PSA < .01
1 year psa (364 days) .01
15 month PSA <.01

Magaboo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 1211
   Posted 1/5/2011 10:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mel. I'm going in tomorrow to give blood for my 6 monthly test and I know exactly how you feel. Unfortunately there isn't much we can do about it. Just one of the many benefits of this darn disease.
I'm wishing you a great result tomorrow and hopefully that will make up for the anxiety and worry that you had to put up with in the last few weeks. I'm keeping my fingers x'd for both of us.
All the best to you.
 
Mag

Born 1936
PSA 7.9, Gleason Score 3+4=7, 2 of 8 positive
open RP Nov 06, T3a, Gleasons 3+4=7, Seminal vesicles and lymph nodes clear
Catheter out 15 Dec 06, Dry since 11 Feb 07
All PSA tests in 2007 (4) <.04
PSA tests in 2008: Mar.=.04; Jun.=.05; Sept.=.08; at SRT Start=0.1, Salvage RT completed (33 days-66Gy) 19 Dec 08
PSA: in Jan 09 =.05, all tests to date (Jul 10) <.04

Pocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 1/5/2011 11:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mel,

I'm relatively new to PCA, but feel your pain brother. Think positive. This disease is difficult enough without allowing it to eat away at what we do have. Hang in there friend.

Steve

geezer99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 990
   Posted 1/5/2011 11:33 PM (GMT -6)   
I wish I could add something amazing and inspirational. All I have is, live your life not your cancer.

Speaking of planning a lecture while wearing headphones – I am so thankful for cell phones. I used to walk across campus talking to myself and students would say “there goes crazy old professor Geezer.” Now when I walk and talk to myself they say; “Wow, Prof. Geezer has one of those super small Bluetooth headsets”

Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 1/6/2011 12:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Mag, good luck on your test too.
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos marg
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06 11/10 Not taking it
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/23/10

An38
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1152
   Posted 1/6/2011 8:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Good luck Mag!

Post Edited (An38) : 1/6/2011 6:48:18 AM (GMT-7)


LV-TX
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 966
   Posted 1/6/2011 9:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Good Luck Mel and Magaboo

Regardless of the results, at least the anxiety will be finally over and you will know the direction you are heading. That dang fork in the road is always the toughest.
You are beating back cancer, so hold your head up with dignity

Les

Signature details in Sticky Post above - page 2

clocknut
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 2680
   Posted 1/6/2011 9:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Good luck, Mel and Mag. You're both in my thoughts and prayers.
Age 65
Dx in June 2010.
PSA gradually rising for 3 years to 6.2
Biopsy confirmed cancer in 6 of 12 cores, all on left side
Gleason 7 (3 + 4)
Bone scan, CT scan, rib x-rays negative.
DaVinci 8/20/10
Negative margins; negative seminal vesicles
5 brothers, ages 52-67 ; I'm the only one with PCa
Continence OK after 7 weeks. ED continues.
PSA 1/3/10: 0.01

Jerry1
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 460
   Posted 1/6/2011 10:24 AM (GMT -6)   
 
Mel,
 
Good luck on your test results I go next Friday and I know this probably will be the one where I make the big decision on HT, but I try not to stress because as I always say to MJ it is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it.  She stress's enough for both of us.  Good luck and try to live everyday the best you can.
 
Jerry1

Age 71 DX 8/13/08, PSA 4.0 Biopsy 14 samples , 1 positive, Gleason 4+4 - Da Vinci 10/17/08 organ confined, no positive margins or lymph nodes, both nerve bundles taken. Gleason 4+4, PT2A
Cath out 10/29/08 dry 11/19/08
First PSA 3/6/09 >0.1- 3/6/09 0.0, 6/3/09 0.1, 10/15/09 0.3, 12/14/09 0.5. IMRT 1/18/10 First PSA 1.5, 7/8/10 1.9, (not good IMRT a failure)
9/3/10 2.4 11/2/10 3.3

daveshan
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 1/6/2011 11:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Mel and Mat best of luck to both of you.

Dave in Durango CO

Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 1/6/2011 11:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Jerry:

Good luck to you on your upcoming test as well, please let us know what happens.

David in SC
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos marg
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06 11/10 Not taking it
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/23/10

James C.
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4463
   Posted 1/6/2011 11:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Good luck for all you guys waiting for results today and tomorrow. Wishing you all zero's, or at least declines.
James C. Age 63
Gonna Make Myself A Better Man tinyurl.com/28e8qcg
4/07: PSA 7.6, 7/07 Biopsy: 3 of 16 PCa, 5% involved, left lobe, GS6
9/07: Nerve Sparing open RP, Path: pT2c, 110 gms., clear except:
Probable microscopic involvement-left apical margin -GS6
3 Years: PSA's .04 each test until 04/10-.06, 09/10-.09, 01/11-.09
ED-total-Bimix 30cc

Bring-it-on
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 1/7/2011 1:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Good Luck, Mel!!!!  Peace be with you!!!  Please keep us posted!!!
Age 65
Feb 2, 2010 12 core biopsy
Feb 5, 2010 Dr. called to inform me there were cancer cells
15% of 2 cores positive
Gleason 3 + 3
Partin Table T1C
PSA 2.7
April 22, 2010 DaVinci Robotic Surgery nerves spared
April 29, catheter removed, 6 to 7 pads per day
August 4 to 5 pads per day
October 3 pads per day
Currently 1-2 pads per day

Bring-it-on
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