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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 1/20/2011 6:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello friends,

My Dad finally had his Dr appointment with the spine Dr. He had a MRI done and it is indeed a tumor moved to the spine. My Dads health has deteriorated since Dec. He is in so much pain he cant get out of bed. I guess his car ride to the hospital was hell. He is bedridden.. Rather then all 6 of us kids calling Fla we decided it was better for one of us to call.... My sister called and talked to mom tonight and said she was a mess heartbroken and sad... All this time She was holding unto the belief it was something else. and it was going to be ok... .. The previous Dr. told them a few months ago after the bone scan it had moved to the bone but they were in disbelief with prognosis... Now almost 2 mths later They will start radiation and pain management . I am not sure why chemo was not mentioned possibly because he is so weak... I am not sure what pain management means? Does that involve Hospice ? Not sure what they are going to do with his high psa my mother did not say. I am so sad and heart broken... Not sure what to expect now.. I guess i to was expecting a miracle... Will this pain management make him so drugged up that he will not know his surroundings? How will the radiation help him beside shrinking the tumor? I did have a chance to talk to him last night and he sounded weak but like my wonderful sweet loving Dad. I asked him how was his pain compared t o when I visited in October and he said it had tripled.. He said he knows all of 6 kids want to come see him but he does not want us to see him this way. I am not trying to sound negative at all but i cant imagine not seeing my father again while he is here now.. I love him so much and i am not sure how any of us are going to handle losing our Dad... I want to just jump on the plane tomorrow at least to help mom shes all by her self and that's her husband of 60 years...

Regards, worried daughter in Michigan cry cry cry cry cry cry

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 654
   Posted 1/20/2011 7:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry to hear that. It is certainly grim news and all you can do is try to suport them anyway they will let you. Possibly each of the six could stay with them on a rotating basis. Or just be available if either of them need anything, even just talking. Maybe you all could go in togther and and find some cooking and cleaning suport services or possibly some in home nursing?

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 1/20/2011 7:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Ron for your support i appreciate it...I wish all of us could go to Fla to be with them.. My father has not seen us together in 10 years..

worried daughter

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2243
   Posted 1/20/2011 7:52 PM (GMT -6)   
On the second day of this month we lost our mother, but she was at home surrounded by family and my hand felt her last few heart beats. We are grieving, but I am so glad we were by her side. Not sure how to answer your questions regarding pain med but at least he will not suffer. My best to you and your family.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 3891
   Posted 1/20/2011 8:02 PM (GMT -6)   
How old is your Dad? Do you know his PSA number?? One of the most effective pain killers is a drug called fentanyl, usually administered with a patch..After that, yes, Hospice will provide a morphine pump and his passing will be painless...

I would say it's time to pay Dad a visit and take some of the load off Mom...
Age 68.
PSA at age 55: 3.5, DRE normal. Advice, "Keep an eye on it".
age 58: 4.5
" 61: 5.2
" 64: 7.5, DRE "Abnormal"
" 65: 8.5, " normal", biopsy, 12 core, negative...
" 66 9.0 "normal", 2ed biopsy, negative, BPH, Proscar
" 67 4.5 DRE "normal"
" 68 7.0 third biopsy positive, 4 out of 12, G-6,7, 9
RRP Sept 3 2010, pos margin, one pos vesicle nodes neg. Post Op PSA 0.9 SRT, HT NOW

gold horse
Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 360
   Posted 1/20/2011 9:18 PM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry for your father and your family.I lost my father on 6/3/09 I love my father very
much we used to spend a lot of time togeter.I did every thing  for him but there is one thing that I wish I could change.I wish that I could put my father in hospice alot earlier,
the staf in hospice are so nice and understanding.when my father went there it was realy
to late and he only lasted two days.I pray for you and your family must of us in hw knows
how hard this situation are. sad
PSA 6/05=0.04,0.04,0.04,6/06,0.04,0.04,0.04,6/07,0.04,0.04,0.04,6/08,0.04,0.04,1/09

mr bill
Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 709
   Posted 1/21/2011 11:29 AM (GMT -6)   
I am so very sorry to hear about your father.  Putting myself in your father's place I think I would want a visit from my children.  I have three daughters  and I know I would want them there, even though I may not say it.  Fathers are a strange breed, especially when it comes to their children.  We try to shield them from the grief and pain, they have their own issues they may be dealing with, so we try to protect them.  This may be the best time to offer him some in "person" support and comfort. Not to mention the comfort it would provide your mother. Who also needs it now.   
I would tell my children the same.  "I don't want you to see me now." However, a visit from them would go a long way in improving my mental health. I would be trying to shield them from the pain. Who knows, by the time you get there his pain meds may be helping a great deal.  I am not sure I would want a visit from the grandkids though.
Since I have been diagonsed with advanced prostate cancer I have found that I, like many others on this forum, no longer wait till it is convenient to do something.  It used to be I did not pester the kids at work, but now I do. If just to call them and say hello, even though I have some lame excuse that they can see right through.
I wish I had been more attentive to my father and mother befor they passed, but I was not, and I think of that often.
Sometimes it is good to apply the five year rule. That is - don't look back in five years and ask - Why didn't I do that?
Wishing you the best in your decision.
Mr Bill

Post Edited (mr bill) : 1/23/2011 7:20:00 PM (GMT-7)

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