Dad in Florida

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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 1/23/2011 5:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello friends,

Thank you again for all of your support and feedback.. My father as you know from my older posts is losing his battle with his Pc after 9 years. Again i do not know his numbers because it has been not been shared with us children. I do know his last visit we found out this last Thursday they found multiple tumors on his spine. He has lost all mobility and is still in massive pain.. Waiting for pain management Hospice not sure if they ae the same to come in next Tuesday.. He will get radiation on Monday. We still are not welcome but my siblings are going anyways.. I am looking at staying in a hotel close by.. I want to go in a few weeks but my husband says not to drag my legs and to go sooner.. I am still in a shocked state and I don't know what to think. I cant believe this is happening even though he has been fighting for a long time. Dad just had his Birthday this last December he is now 79 years old ... Talked to dad for few seconds but it was brief.. it is so hard to talk on the phone knowing he is so sick.. Mom says he is going through alot right not emotionally and physically.. I hope he has months not weeks to live. Just an honest opion do you think waiting 2 weeks is to long.. Sorry I am asking these stupid questions but this hard..

Blessings and many Thanks for your time,
worried sad daughter in Michigan

cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 1/23/2011 6:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry, you are going through this.

My first reaction is to go right away, especially since you don't know if he has weeks or months.

But thinking about it, if it were me, I would consider letting one of the other siblings who is getting there right away access the situation and let you know if you should get there immediately or wait.

If your father has months, it might be better for the siblings to come in shifts and take turns helping out, instead of all arriving at the same time. My guess is that since he will be receiving radiation on Monday, the doctors believe he will be around a while longer (just a guess).

I just hope he also gets the pain meds and hospice going right away. Maybe your siblings can help get that on track immediately and take that burden off of your mother.

Here are some of my stats:
Father diagnosed with PC at age 72 - wasn't contained to prostate when found in 1992.
My PSA rose from 3.2 to 5.1 over the course of 1.5 years with Free PSA at 25% for the last two tests.
DRE showed no evidence of tumor but Uro thought my prostate was a little large for someone my age
PCa diagnosed 4/6/10 after biopsy on 4/1/10
1 out of 12 biopsy samples was positive with 5% of biopsy sample cancerous
Gleason 3+4
Da Vinci surgery on 6/1/10
Pathology report shows cancer confined to prostate and all other tissue clean
PSA tested on 7/15/10: Zero Club membership card issued (trial membership with 90 day renewal)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 7082
   Posted 1/23/2011 6:22 PM (GMT -6)   
I would hate for this to come over as harsh, but I've learned over the years that you go as soon as you can. If you can only go once, it is better for both of you to do it while he can recognize that you are there.
I hope he will get better, and you will visit again. But that should not stop you from going now, if you can.
I travelled to visit a relative's supposed death-bed several times over a couple of years, and then arrived after a late-night drive one morning for a casual visit only to find she had died a couple of hours before. We were at peace with each other, and did not miss an opportunity to visit, although each time we expected to be the last.
A good friend was supposedly stable, but in hospice. I needed to delay the trip for work reasons, and did not get there in time.
My best wishes for you and your family.

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 1/23/2011 7:57 PM (GMT -6)   
iI do not think you are harsh. I agree with the both of you. . When i posted my message i was hoping for some honest answers. Thank you both for the support..

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 115
   Posted 1/23/2011 8:09 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't have anything to add, but am sorry you are facing this. Good luck and God Bless.
Mr GFM's statistics:
Age 50 at diagnosis
PSA History: 10-05 1.3, 01-07 2.09
8-07 - PSA at Biopsy: 2.26
2 of 12 positive
Gleason Score 3+3 6
11-07 - Robotic surgery hospitalized overnight.
Path Report:
Prostatic adenocardinoma, Gleasons 3+3+6, moderately differentiated
Percent of Prostate involved by tumor 5%
Staging pT2c pNx pMx
Margins free of tumor - no further invasion or extension
Catheter out in about 9 days. No incontinence.
Back to work in 2 weeks
ED - resolved. No meds needed at this time.
Post Op PSA: 03-08 0.01, 10-08 0.02, 7-09 0.04, 1-10 0.04, 7-10 0.04

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 1/23/2011 8:19 PM (GMT -6)   
I'd say: go immediately and have no regrets
Age at diagnosis 48
Gleason 3+3
Pre-Surgery PSA 5.1, 5.7
Cores Positive: 10 of 12 up to 40%
Treatment: open Surgery Dec 2010

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2243
   Posted 1/23/2011 8:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Agree with 142, you go while the window of opportunity is open so you can live with no regrets. Blessings to you and to your family and hopefully this could be the beginning of a more intimate family life. Everything begins with an ending according to TS Elliot.
Dx with PCA 12/08 2 out of 12 cores positive 4.5 psa
59 yo when diagnosed, 61 yo 2010
Robotic surgery 5/09
Gleason upgraded to 3+5, volume less than 10%
2 pads per day, 1 depends but getting better,
started ED tx 7/17, slow go
Post op dx of neuropathy
T2C left lateral and left posterior margins involved
3 months psa.01, 6 month psa.4
Started IMRT Jan. 2010 72gys
7month post SRT PSA .2

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 1267
   Posted 1/24/2011 12:30 AM (GMT -6)   
One of my life's touch stones is to ask myself, "What's the worst that can happen." Here's how I see it:

If you go, you'll have no regrets for being with him when he is alert and not as loaded with pain meds as he might be in a couple of weeks. If you don't go, and things move quickly, which they sometimes do, you'll have regrets.

Based on Sheldon's rule of going with the least worst-that-can-happen I think it's clear you go now. But, whatever you decided to do will be the right thing for you.

Please, do keep us informed. We care ... a whole bunch.

Sheldon AKA Sleepless
Age 67 in Apil '09 at news of 4 of 12 cores positive T2B and Gleason 3 + 3 and 5% to 25% PSA 1.5
Re-read of slides in June said Gleason 3 + 4 same four cores 5% to 15%
June 29 daVinci prostatectomy, Dr. Eric Estey, at Royal Alexandra Hospital Edmonton one night stay
From "knock out" to wake up in recovery less than two hours.  Actual surgery 70 minutes
Flew home to Winnipeg on July 3 after 5 nights in Ramada Inn  ---  perfect recovery spot!
Catheter out July 9
Final pathology is 3 + 4 Gleason 7, clear margins, clear nodes, T2C, sugeron says report is "excellent"
Oct 1st 09 -- dry at night, during day some stress issues.
Oct 31st padless 24/7 
First post op PSA Sept 09  less than 0.02
PSA on Oct 23, 2009 less than 0.02
PSA on Jan 8, 2010  less than 0.02
PSA on April 9, 2010 less than 0.02 
PSA on July 9, 2010 (one year) less than 0.02

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 189
   Posted 1/24/2011 3:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Go! I missed seeing my brother. Because I waited. I was 4 days late.
My dad died at 79 with what your dad has. The end was quick.
Sorry for your situation.
Age 68 weight 185 height 6'
Samples taken 4/19/2010 sent to Bostwick
3 out of 12 samples cancer
1) gleason score 3+3 involving 65%
2) gleason score 3+3 involving 65%
3) gleason score 3+3 involving 10%
PSA 3.5 Mar 19
PSA 2.5 Apr 4
Bone scan clean CT scan clean
Da Vinci 10/12/2010 DR Paul Kahn all nerves spared
Home 10/19/20
Cath out 10/22/2010
Prostate 56 gm. Gleason grade 3+4 = 7
2 MO PSA 0.0

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 1/24/2011 5:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Schammitt
Your father’s doctor is following the typical protocol for patients in his status. Radiation is only recommended if there is a benefit from its application (even if it were just to relief pain). In very late status patients, pain is relieved with drugs (morphine, etc.) not radiation. I do not think that he has only a few weeks of survival, nevertheless he is in a late stage on his fight with the cancer.

Surely he will like the presence of family members and your presence will give him lots of joy. You better discuss the matter with your other family (brothers and sisters) so that you could give him that confront in turns to the longest period possible.

I wish you find a way on this difficult moment for you and the whole family.

Post Edited (Baptista) : 1/24/2011 3:03:40 AM (GMT-7)

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 1/24/2011 12:03 PM (GMT -6)   
I would suggest that you go as soon as possible. Been there done that with my father years ago and I still to this day regret not seeing him more. This is a difficult decision but as human beings we tend to gel together when a trajedy strikes us. Just him knowing that you are there speaks volumes at a time like this.
Age 67. Robotic prostatectomy 10/26/2010, due for RT in Janury 0f 2011. Eight of 12 lobes positive. Gleason Score 4+4=8, Margin envolvement was present with adipose tissue invasion and perineural invasion, glandular and stromal hyperplasia present,pT3 pNO and no evidence of metastatic adenocarcinoma. 1st psa after surgery Nov. 24, 2010 was .3
HT started Nov. 24, 2010.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 1100
   Posted 1/24/2011 1:32 PM (GMT -6)   
My dad died of prostate cancer. I am VERY happy for all the trips I took to see him. I wish I had taken more time to do that. I regret any of the opportunities when I could have gone to see him, but did not do so because of work or I was too tired, or there were no convenient flights, etc. I wish I had been there when he died, to say goodbye. Of course, I don't know you or your dad, or your family situation, etc., so I would not presume to tell you what you should do. But I suspect that, in the future, you might be more happy if you go visit than if you do not do so. Best wishes, Medved
Age 46.  Father died of p ca. 
My psa starting age 40: 1.4, 1.3, 1.43, 1.74, 1.7, 1.5, 1.5

Ed C. (Old67)
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2460
   Posted 1/24/2011 9:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Don't wait, if your father dies while you are waiting you will regret your decision. My sister was dying of leukemia but I had arranged a 2 day business trip , by the time I got back she was dead. I never got to say good bye to her. I hate to be harsh about this but unless you can find out what condition he is in then you need to go and be at his side.
Age: 67 at Dx on 12/30/08 PSA 3.8
2 cores out of 12 were positive Gleason (4+4)
Davinci surgery 2/9/09 Gleason 4+4 EPE,
Margins clear, nerve bundles removed
Prostate weighed 57 grams 10-20% involved
all PSA tests since (2, 5, 8, 11, 15, 18 months) undetectable
Latest PSA test (21 months) .005

Elite Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 1/24/2011 10:05 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Sheldon's response above, well said
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos marg
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06 11/10 Not taking it
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/23/10

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 1/25/2011 8:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Go know. Just lost my father two weeks ago to metastasized prostate cancer. Not a worse feeling in the world. Miss him dearly.

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 1/25/2011 8:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Ronzo,

I am so so sorry for your great loss.

God Bless you and your family

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