Yogin, I too think that if you want to see your dad before he dies you just need to go.
It seems to me that he is either so vain that he truly doesn't want to be seen "like this," or he's thinking somehow he's "saving you" from the reality of his disease, totally insenstive to the fact you and your siblings are also suffering and your suffering will be made less by being able to share his pain, and your pain, together. If he's a vain man he may not let you in when you get there. That's his huge loss. You'll always know you tried. If he's in some sort of scrambled thinking mode --- and illness does wrack havoc with congitive ability --- then he may well relent and chances are you'll have a wonderful time together.
If you do go, and if you do get to see him, may I suggest that as far as his current situation, what treatments he is, or isn't doing, all that, you don't mention --- you let him take the lead. You take the lead on talking about
good memories, "Dad, flying down here I suddenly remembered that ..... how in Heaven's name did you ???? ..... Do you remember the time we ..... " and talk about
the present, what you're up to, what grandchildren are up to. Ask his advice on something you're dealing with. Not fake asking, but something where you really would like to have his advice. Let the visit(s) be about
good memories and about
today, but not about
his illness unless he brings it up.
I wish you well. You are very brave.
While I advised you above to go, if you decide not to, that's okay too. You know yourself and what's right for you, is the right thing to do.
Sheldon AKA Sleepless
Age 67 in Apil '09 at news of 4 of 12 cores positive T2B and Gleason 3 + 3 and 5% to 25% PSA 1.5
Re-read of slides in June said Gleason 3 + 4 same four cores 5% to 15%
June 29 daVinci prostatectomy, Dr. Eric Estey, at Royal Alexandra Hospital Edmonton one night stay
From "knock out" to wake up in recovery less than two hours. Actual surgery 70 minutes
Flew home to Winnipeg on July 3 after 5 nights in Ramada Inn --- perfect recovery spot!
Catheter out July 9
Final pathology is 3 + 4 Gleason 7, clear margins, clear nodes, T2C, sugeron says report is "excellent"
Oct 1st 09 -- dry at night, during day some stress issues.
Oct 31st padless 24/7
First post op PSA Sept 09 less than 0.02
PSA on Oct 23, 2009 less than 0.02
PSA on Jan 8, 2010 less than 0.02
PSA on April 9, 2010 less than 0.02
PSA on July 9, 2010 (one year) less than 0.02