I just had surgery for a Urostomy 4 months ago or so. Like you, I have to wear a device and a bag all the time. You say you can't show the bag to your partner? You two must get past that point, if you are embarrassed or ashamed of the bag, then you will not be in a good position to be intimate with anyone. It takes confidence on your side, and acceptence by your partner on the other side.
Once I was well enough and healed enough to have sex again, it hasn't been a problem. My wife is a nurse and has seen plenty of bags along the way. She treats me the same in bed as before, the bag hasn't been an issue. We just have to be careful not to snag it, etc. But other than that, every other part of the "deed" is the same.
It may take you time to reach that point of confidence, and I hope you have a real good open communications with your partner. It is still taking my brain time to realize that I will be on a bag for the rest of my life, the perm. aspect of it still effects my thinking sometimes, but that will take time.
Good luck to you. As far as the pills go, did you have ED before this surgery? Either way, talk to you doctor about that part.
David in SC
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos marg
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06 11/10 Not taking it
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/23/10