Volv, great news about the zero.
All of the above posts contain great advice, none more than Tony's personal observation, "This cancer sucks but I refused to let it ruin anymore days."
It's empowering wisdom. And, it's not easy to always follow, but it is one of the mantras I try to live my life by. I don't necessarily think my departure date from this sphere is engraved in the Great Book somewhere, but at my age, 69 in about 60 days, one thing I'm pretty sure of is that my departure will be sometime in the next 30/35 years --- perhaps 15/20, and if I follow in my father's footsteps, six. PCa could be my exit ticket, but so could driving on winter roads here in Canada. I've a rotten family heart history, my ticker may tock this afternoon.
I do worry about these things, but I also work hard to not just put them into perspective, but also, as Tony says, to not let them be the driver that determines whether or not I'm having a great day today. If I get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day I very rarely disappoint yourself. So, I try not to get out of bed until I've reviewed in my mind what a great day I've got ahead of me and how lucky I am. That's easy for me, of course, I really do have a wonderful life (yes, it is morning as I type this and I'm in full PMA mode) --- I'm alive, I have a loving wife of 44 years, eight months and 21 days (but, who's counting?) two wonderful children and an office to go to where I can still make a positive contribution. Best of all, I had dinner with my grandchildren on Friday and tonight I'll have dinner with my 97 year old mother. PCa may get me, but it's not going to get me today, so I'm not going to let it overwhelm my thoughts, and ruin this fabulous day I've got ahead of me!
Sure, I work my self up to being happy and excited about the day, but why is that any less "real" than the feelings I have when I let myself get worked up about all the rotten stuff about my PCa?
Volv, deciding not to allow your PCa to rule your life, your feelings, isn't easy and it's an ongoing daily process that does come easier as you take control of your mind set. All of your feelings and angst I can totally identify with. I don't mean in any way to disrespect the reality of what you are going through. On the contrary I ache for you having been there myself. I salute you on your honesty and ability to get it down in writing. Keep on battling. I can't promise you you'll be dry as a bone in "X" days/weeks/months but I can promise you if you work at it, you'll go through whole days of activity and enjoying life without giving it much thought at all.
Sheldon AKA Sleepless
Age 67 in Apil '09 at news of 4 of 12 cores positive T2B and Gleason 3 + 3 and 5% to 25% PSA 1.5
Re-read of slides in June said Gleason 3 + 4 same four cores 5% to 15%
June 29 daVinci prostatectomy, Dr. Eric Estey, at Royal Alexandra Hospital Edmonton one night stay
From "knock out" to wake up in recovery less than two hours. Actual surgery 70 minutes
Flew home to Winnipeg on July 3 after 5 nights in Ramada Inn --- perfect recovery spot!
Catheter out July 9
Final pathology is 3 + 4 Gleason 7, clear margins, clear nodes, T2C, sugeron says report is "excellent"
Oct 1st 09 -- dry at night, during day some stress issues.
Oct 31st padless 24/7
First post op PSA Sept 09 less than 0.02
PSA on Oct 23, 2009 less than 0.02
PSA on Jan 8, 2010 less than 0.02
PSA on April 9, 2010 less than 0.02
PSA on July 9, 2010 (one year) less than 0.02