But Mel, I sincerely understand the frustration and aggervation with your current situation. I am still annoyed, not at my surgery, but the ultimate results, in that I was downgraded from a 4+3 to a 3+4, and remained a Stage II, and yet had some quick BCR myself. For me, I don't think it was the one tiny positive margin as much as the velocity issue. Doctor tended to agree, for many men, a positve margin stays safe for years on end. Also, and not sure I will ever get over this point, but again, no one to complain to, lol. I didn't want SRT, been there done that with RT before as you know, was afraid it would get screwed up, afraid I would have severe problems, etc, but with quick BCR and a reduced odds of it working of 20%, still was the only curative card left. So against my gut feeling, I went for it. Despite of what I just said, I think most men would have too, as it was a shot for a cure. Had I known that they would screw it up and destroy my bladder forever and cause me over a year of pain, wouldn't have done it. Also, if I had known it would fail so soon, wouldn't have done it either. Hindsight is a wonderful tease, isn't it with these tough choices we PC patients have to make.
If my SRT had worked, or at least held the PC beast off for a few more years, then I could have said, well, despite the damage and side effects, etc, at least it worked. What happened to mine, of course is rare, but its still like this giant slap in the face. At times I am ok about it, and at others, I am very angry and depressed at the same time.
You have done so many things right in your journey, i.e. studying things to the ninth degree, asking mega questions, get lots of opinions, etc, so never blame yourself. I will keep religion out of this, but in the bigger picture of things in life, we both know that ultimately, things like getting cancer or being cured from our cancers, is out of our hands. All we can do is what all of us do here at HW, the best we can, with the resources we have, and with the help we can get. Beyond that, its out of our hands.
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos marg
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06 2/11 1.24
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/10,