AJ 47 said...
It's very tough to have the big "C" Although you tell family and friends the outlook is good, they consider cancer to be cancer and ultimately it will take your life. We too may believe that to be the case but don't want others "writing us off for dead." That's a difficult thing to deal with. Before cancer, we had a long term perspective--retirement, vacations, weddings, etc, and now, we think to ourselves, "who knows. Should I have such long term plans and goals?" I am in therapy and he keeps harping on the concept that "why worry about the things we can't control?" Easier said than done. He too seems to be of the mindset that the life expectancy is not good. "Beaten down" is a good way of putting it. I know my facial expression indicates a "weight" and depression. It's something that's very difficult to hide. It changes everything. Having teenage daughters is also difficult. Indeed, I might have a great long term outcome, but do they think so despite all the discussions? Probably not. And that's hard. So, when I speak of post traumatic stress, it's part what "I believe" people perceive of the illness and it's part what "I perceive" of my own of the disease. It's so difficult to deal with trying to predict or figure out what's going to happen. One minute 3+4 is favorable and the next it's not (based on what I read here). The information is endless yet one can make no sense of it all. I wish I had a link. I don't. I wish I didn't have to wait for the next three month test-I do. I wish I wasn't on the short end of the statistics or that I wasn't in that 10% chance group, but the odds have just not been with me. So, I expect the worst and that affects every aspect of daily living.
but your pathology IS very good. You are in the group that IS expected to not be affected long term by this cancer.
I'm a very negative person in general, but only because I love to expect the worse and really celebrate the best. Call me naiive, but I am honestly not where I was mentally just 4 months ago. Everything have been told, and pretty much all I've read validate my general sense of optimism vis-a-vis this battle.
When i think post traumatic stress, I think (guess) that those two months leading up to my surgery from learning I had cancer to educating myself on it and going through the process really battered me emotionally. My guess is that my exhaustion is caused by the need to recover from that.