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Red Nighthawk
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 4/3/2011 1:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Do you guys who have been treated for PCa tend to tear up or even actually sob more now than before your treatment?

I never used to be like this, but now I think I appreciate every second of life more now than I did pre-cancer. I'm talking about at random times, like listening to some music, watching a movie, being alone in nature, seeing a gorgeous sunset or snowfall, watching the grandkids play, even at Mass on certain occasions, or just watching my wife sleep, and many other totally random life experiences will set me off. So far I have been able to hide these emotional outbreaks because I'm not sure what's going on and I don't want to look like a slobbering fool. I have no idea how I am going to get through my last kid's college graduation coming up soon. I don't want to be an embarrassment to him.

Am I the only one like this, or do any of you guys get like this occasionally.
Age: 63
Gleason grade: 3+4=7, pT2c NX MX
Robotic RP: Sept. 15th, 2009
No lymphatic/vascular invasion, seminal vesicles, margins tumor free.
Pre surgery PSA: 4.1
Post surgery PSA's: .04, .03, .02, .05, .02, .02
ED: 15 months post-op I got back to pre-surgery erections. Pills help! No incontinent issues.
Surgery: Dr. Jim Hu. Dana-Farber/Brigham and Women's, Boston

clocknut
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 2680
   Posted 4/3/2011 1:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Without going into detail, I'll just say that you don't need to feel like the "Lone Ranger" on this.  confused

logoslidat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6079
   Posted 4/3/2011 1:21 PM (GMT -6)   
I cry tears of Joy every day, think Louie Armstrong or Izzy!
Diagnosed 8/14/09 psa 8.1 66,now 67
2cores 70%, rest 6-7 < 5%
gleason 3+ 3, up to 3+4 @ the dub
RPP U of Wash, Bruce Dalkin,
pathology 4+3, tertiary5, 2 foci
extensive pni, prostate confined,27 nodes removed -, svi - margins -
99%continent@ cath removal. 1% incont@gaspass,sneeze,cough 18 mos, squirt @ running. psa std test reported on paper as 0.0 as of 12/14/10 ed improving

Sparrowhawk
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 130
   Posted 4/3/2011 1:48 PM (GMT -6)   
IMO sounds like the ugly demon, depression has found it's way into your head. Over thinking simple things, and relating them to yourself. Yes, I too can take very simple things and turn them into a cry fest. A song, two people holding hands, a small child's smile...
Enjoy what you experience for what it is, don't over think the situation or relate it to yourself.
It is what it is.
31 Jan 11 "Cyst" found on prostrate during Colonoscpy.
28 Feb 11 Biopsy of Prostrate; Malignat Neoplasm of Prostrate.
Rt: 30-40% LT: 5% Gleason Score 3+4=7 Both sides.
PSA: 2.16 "Very Stable over time."
15 Mar 11 Bone and Cat Scans completed- Normal
Large Prostrate: 4.9 x 4.0 cm

AJ 47 (Maryland)
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 4/3/2011 1:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I've experienced the same thing at various times in my life.  It seems for me that the "grounding" events like having children, having relatives die, and recognizing one's own mortality cause emotions to run high. 
 
I can listen to a radio story about something really happy or really sad and well up with tears.  I can watch an amazing musical performance and well up.  Things that never affected me like that now do.  I just came back from Israel and had the chance to go to "Yad Vashem," Israel's Holocaust Museum.  I had been to the one in DC a few years ago and although very disturbing, wasn't tearful for me.  This past December, though, as part of the museum tour they took us to the Memorial for the Children and started saying the "Prayer for the Dead" it was over the top sad and tearful for me (It still is just writing this). It seemed appropriate to some of the others on the tour based on the subject matter, but my wife knew it wasn't like me to get so emotional.     
 
I know what you're going through for sure.
PSA 1.5 to 3.2 in 11 months. First 12 core biopsy on 2/10 negative in 11, atypical in 1. Second 13 core biopsy on 5/10 at Hopkins positive in 2 with Gleason 3+3 (focal). Robotic "Super VIP" Mani Menon on 8/10. Postoperative Gleason 3+4 (70%/30%). Focal ECE right posteriolateral mid. Neg. margins, lymphs, SV. First PSA 9/14 <.1. 2nd PSA 1/5/11 < .1 Never incontinent +ED. Bi & Trimix work!

60Michael
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2243
   Posted 4/3/2011 1:58 PM (GMT -6)   
I have my moments, mainly down moments. Nothing wrong with crying and "what we resist, persists." Only way I could have gotten thru delivering my parent eulogy's in the last year was to give my self permission to cry while speaking if I needed to. Choked up a couple of times, but since I wasnt fighting it I was able to compose myself quickly. And yes depression can play a part as we go thru PCa. Please reach out for help if things do not improve.
Michael

goodlife
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2692
   Posted 4/3/2011 2:09 PM (GMT -6)   
I cried before surgery, so can't say. I don't think it's any worse tho.

Cancer is a dose of brutal reality. We do become very aware of our mortality and at times it may strike us how short life is, and our odds of knowing what our future may hold.

On the other hand, crying or being emotional isn't all bad. Being sensitive is a good thing as well. If you start crying for no apparent reason, then depression may be an issue.

Goodlife

F8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3992
   Posted 4/3/2011 2:20 PM (GMT -6)   
20 mg of celexa has helped me alot in  the crying department.  oh, i can still cry but i don't have to cry.  the last shot of lupron tho made me weepy for a week or two.  i found mself listening to alot of neil young and feeling blue.  i agree with whoever said it was depression.
 
ed
 
 
age: 56
PSA on 12/09: 6.8
gleason 3+4 = 7
HT, BT and IGRT
received 3rd and last lupron shot 9/14/10
2/8/11 PSA <.1, T= 6 ng/dl

Red Nighthawk
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 4/3/2011 3:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks so much to everyone who has responded so far. It's a relief I'm not an oddball with this stuff.

For me, I really don't think it's depression though. I'm not depressed at all. The PCa kind of put a magnifying glass to the things that are important in life and in many ways, I am happier now than before the demon struck. I was one of the lucky ones that got back to normal physically in a year and a half, so the emotional stuff is not from depression but from happiness and love, and gratefulness for a return to good health.
Age: 63
Gleason grade: 3+4=7, pT2c NX MX
Robotic RP: Sept. 15th, 2009
No lymphatic/vascular invasion, seminal vesicles, margins tumor free.
Pre surgery PSA: 4.1
Post surgery PSA's: .04, .03, .02, .05, .02, .02
ED: 15 months post-op I got back to pre-surgery erections. Pills help! No incontinent issues.
Surgery: Dr. Jim Hu. Dana-Farber/Brigham and Women's, Boston

Magaboo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 1211
   Posted 4/3/2011 4:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Red. You are definitely not an oddball. Without admitting to anything, the daemon cancer leaves his physical and emotional mark on most of us.
Wishing you well in your journey.
Mag

Born 1936
PSA 7.9, Gleason Score 3+4=7, 2 of 8 positive
open RP Nov 06, T3a, Gleasons 3+4=7, Seminal vesicles and lymph nodes clear
Catheter out 15 Dec 06, Dry since 11 Feb 07
All PSA tests in 2007 (4) <.04
PSA tests in 2008: Mar.=.04; Jun.=.05; Sept.=.08; at SRT Start=0.1,
Salvage RT completed (33 days-66Gy) 19 Dec 08
PSA: in Jan 09 =.05, all tests to date (Jan 11) <.04

davidg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 4093
   Posted 4/3/2011 4:18 PM (GMT -6)   
there is nothing wrong with tearing up and even with mild controllable depression.

guys tear up a lot more than they admit regardless of getting cancer.

I remember being picked up in a rolling bed (?) and brought by a female nurse all the way to me pre-op room. I was tearing up the whole way. It was a 5 minute walk from one wing of the hospital to another. I wasn't scared, but I was tired of the ordeal.

I teared up the other day while watching the movie preview of Biutiful. The movie with Javier Bardem about a man who gets advanced pc. Specifically the scenes where he tells his mum he isn't going to die and the expression on his face during the scene where he finds out he has cancer.

I can't help but tear up anytime i come across "field of dreams" on cable or whenever I hear John Lennon's song "Watching The Wheels".

And there are movies like "In America" or "Millions" that always make me tear up.

AJ 47 (Maryland)
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 4/3/2011 4:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Stevie Nicks' "Landslide" gets me every time.

F8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3992
   Posted 4/3/2011 4:52 PM (GMT -6)   
>>For me, I really don't think it's depression though. I'm not depressed at all.<<
 
you can call it getting in touch with your feminine side ... but like davidg i prefer mild, controllable depression cool .
 
the other day my wife noted that as my testosterone is returning i am changing.  i told her the old ed is back....the nice ed has left the house  smilewinkgrin  .
 
ed
 
 
age: 56
PSA on 12/09: 6.8
gleason 3+4 = 7
HT, BT and IGRT
received 3rd and last lupron shot 9/14/10
2/8/11 PSA <.1, T= 6 ng/dl

Post Edited (F8) : 4/3/2011 3:55:05 PM (GMT-6)


Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 4/3/2011 5:09 PM (GMT -6)   
I think too, that all us expresses frustration, fear, worry of the known and unknown, and every spectrum of emotions while embracing and fighting cancer(s) in our lives. I think it would be expected and all too common. It will manifest itself in different ways in different people.

David in SC
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos marg
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06 2/11 1.24
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/10,

Red Nighthawk
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 4/3/2011 7:55 PM (GMT -6)   
AJ, "Landslide" is a great song for sure. "It's time to Say Goodbye", by Sarah Brightman is another one that gets to me. But heck, everything 'gets to me' now.

Peace!
Age: 63
Gleason grade: 3+4=7, pT2c NX MX
Robotic RP: Sept. 15th, 2009
No lymphatic/vascular invasion, seminal vesicles, margins tumor free.
Pre surgery PSA: 4.1
Post surgery PSA's: .04, .03, .02, .05, .02, .02
ED: 15 months post-op I got back to pre-surgery erections. Pills help! No incontinent issues.
Surgery: Dr. Jim Hu. Dana-Farber/Brigham and Women's, Boston

Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 4/3/2011 8:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Red,

Now I am all about Sarah Brightman. I have seen her live with my daughter twice so far, with front row seats both times. I have every album she has ever had. Didn't know anyone else liked her here.

David
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos marg
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06 2/11 1.24
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/10,

tigre
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 69
   Posted 4/3/2011 8:04 PM (GMT -6)   
i too have exprerienced this to some degree. i took meds for depression for three or four months early in this fight and decided they were not needed. i don't think the increased sensitivity is due to depression in my case as i also now appreciate each day and each part of each day much more than before. i look at it as a good thing. somehow feels more alive.

Red Nighthawk
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 4/4/2011 6:26 AM (GMT -6)   
David, my wife calls her my 'girlfriend' because I listen to her so much, and I also have every song she ever made on my ipod as well. She's the best, period! However, she makes me cry like a baby when I listen to her alone.

tigre, I hear you. It's about feeling more appreciative for every day, for every minute of the day. You are right, it's about feeling more alive. It's not depression, at least for me. I'm depressed about the Red Sox crappy start, but that's about it. :)
Age: 63
Gleason grade: 3+4=7, pT2c NX MX
Robotic RP: Sept. 15th, 2009
No lymphatic/vascular invasion, seminal vesicles, margins tumor free.
Pre surgery PSA: 4.1
Post surgery PSA's: .04, .03, .02, .05, .02, .02
ED: 15 months post-op I got back to pre-surgery erections. Pills help! No incontinent issues.
Surgery: Dr. Jim Hu. Dana-Farber/Brigham and Women's, Boston

DaSlink
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 713
   Posted 4/4/2011 9:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Red;

You are not alone.I seem to weep up at the silliest things. Lucky for me my wife thinks its cute.
I'm a big azz construction worker and weepy is just not allowed.I guess lucky for me that right now I'm out of work so no one sees it!
Every minute you fish or ride,adds an hour to your life!

Age 52 Dx age 53 daVinci surgery
prostate volume 32 grams
Biopsy 12 cores with 7 positive
Gleason score of 7
1st PSA 38.7 10/05/2010
2nd PSA 49.9 11/23/2010
CT neg.
BS Negative
RRP on 01/25/2011
PT3a -40% involved
margin involved-Left anterior
lymph nodes -clear
1st post op PSA-0.26-03/16/11

Red Nighthawk
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 4/4/2011 10:07 AM (GMT -6)   
DaSlink, I can relate. I ride with the Patriot Guard Riders and it would uncool and even unsafe to ride with glassy eyes, which I have done several times on funeral missions.

DaSlink
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 713
   Posted 4/4/2011 10:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Red;
I never really though about the big bad Harley Rider thing blush I think the Patriot Guards are some of the best volunteers out there.Been tossing around joining. Do you have to be an Ex vet?
Every minute you fish or ride,adds an hour to your life!

Age 52 Dx age 53 daVinci surgery
prostate volume 32 grams
Biopsy 12 cores with 7 positive
Gleason score of 7
1st PSA 38.7 10/05/2010
2nd PSA 49.9 11/23/2010
CT neg.
BS Negative
RRP on 01/25/2011
PT3a -40% involved
margin involved-Left anterior
lymph nodes -clear
1st post op PSA-0.26-03/16/11

clocknut
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 2680
   Posted 4/4/2011 10:14 AM (GMT -6)   

Red, in my part-time work at the funeral home, I've come to know quite a few Patriot Guard riders.  My hat's off to you guys.  I've seen you guys screen off the idiots from the Kansas church on two occasions.  I also drove the hearse in a funeral procession for one of our soldiers who was killed in Afghanistan and I can't tell you how beautiful it was to see a mile-long procession of Guard riders and other mourners honoring this young man's service and sacrfice.

You don't have to have had cancer to cry on an occasion like that.  Hurray for the Patriot Guard!


JoeFL
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 420
   Posted 4/4/2011 10:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Red,

I haven't shed any tears over this...yet. And no depression so far. Different emotional makeup for all of us I guess. I have just decided to play the hand I have been dealt as best I can and realize that there are folks with other diseases holding a lot worse cards than me.

The main effect on my psyche has been to try harder not to sweat the small stuff and to enjoy every day. And I'm getting better at it with practice.

Don't worry about the tears. Shows you care about the things that really matter. Regards,

Joe
Age 68 PSA 4.5 Biopsy 9/4/09 Bostwick Labs 5 of 8 sections (5 of 11 cores) positive-Gleason 3+3=6 Stage T1
BT on 12/11/09 (84 seeds of Palladium 103) Home same day/no catheter. Some burning, frequency, urgency for 6 weeks. No incontinence, mild ED. Normal activity within 3 days. 25 IGRT sessions ending 3/22/10 - some fatigue until 30 days after last treatment. PSA as of 12/9/10 - 0.1

tatt2man
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2845
   Posted 4/4/2011 10:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Red Nighthawk:

As you have seen from the other postings, you are certainly not an oddball but, brace yourself, you are in fact human.

Our emotions help create a balance in our lives and at times - the Yin and Yang. It may seem like we have gone off the deep end, when if fact - it is helping us create a more even keel in this journey.

It has been said that there is a thin line between genius and insanity, and that is the same with sorrow and euphoric joy. We have all seen the game shows or even antiques roadshow in which the patron is so pleased with the value of their prize they cry- and when asked why?->" I'm so happy!"

I did not cry when I got my diagnosis. I only cried a bit when I thanked the doctor for his hard work after my surgery. I am more appreciative of the "joys of life" and find the folly of succumbing to anger and petty squabbles a waste of time. I do my best to cope and if necessary, just walk away.

The more you accept the changes in your life and embrace what gives you such an euphoric joy, you will find the waterworks will diminish, and an internal glow will replace it.

All the best for your "last kid's" college graduation - and if you do cry - your son will not be embarrassed - but he will know how proud you are of him and how hard you fought to see this day happen.

sincere hugs,
BRONSON

Post Edited (tatt2man) : 4/4/2011 12:06:05 PM (GMT-6)


Red Nighthawk
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 4/4/2011 10:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the very wise words Bronson. It will be tears of joy, for sure, when our son graduates from one of America's finest schools. Go Irish!
Age: 63
Gleason grade: 3+4=7, pT2c NX MX
Robotic RP: Sept. 15th, 2009
No lymphatic/vascular invasion, seminal vesicles, margins tumor free.
Pre surgery PSA: 4.1
Post surgery PSA's: .04, .03, .02, .05, .02, .02
ED: 15 months post-op I got back to pre-surgery erections. Pills help! No incontinent issues.
Surgery: Dr. Jim Hu. Dana-Farber/Brigham and Women's, Boston
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