Mr Happy is not

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sfigato
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 4/9/2011 4:27 PM (GMT -6)   
For starters , so far I have things pretty good post surgery

I have been essentially 100 pct continent since day one when they took out the
Cath. I love to run and am up to 5 miles now w no pads
I got a PSA test back post op at 6 weeks and the result was as good as can be
Hopefully that continues indefinitely
I am now 4 months post
I was 48 at diagnosis
The ED thing is getting me down
Mr Happy takes a lot of work to get started, does not really get hard,
Orgasm is ok but largely disappointing vs pre op
Still not stiff enough for real work
I'm getting the sense that things will never really get better
I'm not really a pill or injection or device sort of guy
I'm starting to think I should just stop trying- which is also not a great option
Wife is understanding up to a point but doesn't really get it
I feel broken, an important part of my life is gone seemingly forever. I'm physically different after surgery, not the person I got used to
Usually I can analyze a problem and come up with a solution
Part of my pain is that I've always been able to physically or intellectually do what I want. Independent of outside assistance. That's me
So for me right now there is no solution
Sorry to invite all of you to my pity party, sorry to whine when others have bigger worries.
Age at diagnosis 48
Gleason 3+3
Pre-Surgery PSA 5.1, 5.7
Cores Positive: 10 of 12 up to 40%
Treatment: open Surgery Dec 2010
Feb 14, 2010 PSA < 0.10 (effectively zero)

davidg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 4093
   Posted 4/9/2011 4:41 PM (GMT -6)   
First off, are you Italian? Sfigato is Roman slang for someone who has nothing but rotten luck in this world. Perhaps a good start would be to change the moniker :)

We have very similar numbers and results with exception of ED. I've been lucky there too.

I was much more concerned about incontinence coming out of surgery and felt absolutely blessed to not suffer any, just like you, as soon as catheter was removed. So it's good to focus on that success.

Shame your wife doesn't really understand it. Do you guys really talk about it and about how we guys can feel with this topic? I'll never forget what my secretary told me when I expressed these fears to her, she told me that I was an idiot like all men and that the best sex she had ever had was with another woman. Her point was that sex for a woman involves so much more than just penetration with our penis. I thought what she said was funny and I didn't forget her words ever going into surgery when I wondered if I would ever be able to.

You also have plenty of time to keep working at it. They say it can take up to 2 years for many guys.

Have you tried ED pills at all? They're not just for recreational use, they're also necessary for blood flow. But I'm sure your urologist has told you this already.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. You've just come out of this and need more healing time.

daveshan
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 4/9/2011 4:56 PM (GMT -6)   
From talking to friends who have had surgery and what I've read here it seems very few have solid erections so soon, some are lucky but I consider myself to be about average for a good surgery result.

4 months, usable with 100mg Viagra,
1 year out, 10mg Levetra provides excellent results and it can be OK with nothing.

Please consider pills, as has been stated they help blood flow and can help with recovery plus you may be pleasantly surprised by the results. It sounds like you're having some stirring and that's a good thing!!

Best of luck
Dave in Durango CO

___________________________________________________________________

Diagnosed 12-09 age 55
07-06 PSA 2.5
01-08 PSA 5.5 (PCP did not tell me of increase or schedule follow-up!!!!)
09-09 PSA 6.5 Sent for consult with Urologist
11-09 Consult, scheduled for biopsy, found out about PSA from '08 (yes I was pissed)
12-09 Biopsy, initial Gleason 9 (4+5) later reduced to 8 with tertiary 5, ain't much but I'll take it.
01-10 Bone Scan, "appears negative"
03-01-10 RRP in Durango CO by Dr Sejal Quale and Dr Shandra Wilson, no naked eye evidence of spread, Vesicles and lymph nodes taken for microscopic exam.

03-16-10 Removal of cath' and pathology results of samples.
Multifocal carcinoma with areas of Gleason pattern 3, 4 and 5, Overall Gleason grade 4+4 with tertiary 5, Bilateral involving 21% of left lobe, 3% of right lobe, Invasion of left Seminal vesicle, Tumor focally present at left resection margin, 9 lymph nodes removed all negative, Tumor staging pT3b NO MX

04-23-10 PSA <0.04....... 06-07-10 PSA <0.04..... 08-03-10 <0.04...... 10-26-10 <0.04...... 1-25-11 <0.04
05-03-10 1 week without pads
06-28-10 Success!!

Worried Guy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3732
   Posted 4/9/2011 5:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Try the pills! Sure you are different. But, you have the potential to be better than design specs! You take longer to orgasm and you don't make a mess when you finally come! Ask any woman -You are the perfect lover! ;-)
Relax... You are only at 4 months.
Jeff

tatt2man
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2842
   Posted 4/9/2011 5:30 PM (GMT -6)   
sfigato:

the key thing right now is to keep mr.happy occupied and busy on a regular basis - if you have enough nerves intact to communicate with your other brain ( the one above the neck) to get the main brain (below the waist) to response after 4 months of having its communication line scrambled

- you are doing well with no ED drugs or other stimulus...

- yes, it does take time to get mr.happy in semi-flagpole position... but that can improve, there is always hope - especially if you have a loving caring sexy spouse/wife/partner around to make YOU feel good....

-it is way too early to give up the ship - if agreeable, try to initiate other ways of intimacy with your wife, and that alone make help mr. happy recharge his batteries and get going on his own...

-the worst thing to do regarding sex and having a boner like you were 20 years old again is...
DON'T THINK TOO MUCH - remember the old phrase, performance anziety?

- also, you ain't 20, you are not out to score, but to make love ( or release sexual tension)....

-also, you ain't "broke" and have to get used to a "new normal" - and that normal can be as wonderful and dynamic as before - and even more so -

-so, don't be too hard on yourself, you are still in a healing mode....

hugs to you and your wife,
BRONSON
Age:55 -gay with spouse of 14 years, Steve -Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
PSA:10/06/09 3.86
Biopsy:10/16/09- 6 of 12 cancerous samples, Gleason 7 (4+3)
Radical Prostatectomy:11/18/09
Pathology:pT3a -Gleason 7 -extraprostatic extension -perineural invasion -prostate weight -34.1 gm
PSA:04/08/10 -0.05 -Zero Club
PSA:09/23/10 -0.05 -Zero Club
PSA:03/24/11 -0.02 -Zero Club
PSA:03/24/12- TBA

James C.
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4462
   Posted 4/9/2011 5:37 PM (GMT -6)   
There's many different subjects I could respond to, but i'll pick one that isn't mentioned much here anymore. The loss of intensity of orgasm. We must remember that things have been altered greatly, from nerves to brain, during and after our surgery. What once was a head popping may now just be a so-so mild or weak response. The best advice for anyone who is disappointed in their results, orgasm-wise is the brain must be retrained to the new reality. How? Well, you could have sex every day, if you are lucky- or have a harem, or you can do other things. The more often you climax, the better the brain learns to recoginze and adapt to the new sensations. What is the best chance of getting the most umph from an orgasm? For most guys, (sorry gals, it';s probably true) is the good old fashion taking matters in hand and musterbating (yeah, got to misspell to get by the filter). Most doc's won't tell the patient that, but those who go to sex therapists are told that. Do it often, daily or even more, if possible. You need to rewire the brain and the sexual nervous system, and repetition is what it takes. It may not feel like much to start, but keep at it, as often as possilbe, and teach that brain what the new reality is. The intensity and satisfaction level in the post-surgical orgasm, when fully regained can be mind blowingly intense, and last much longer than the climax you are familiar with. All very good reasons to do it often. As an aside, guys here will tell you that theirs improved with use and time using just intercourse with the wife, partner, etc. , but it took a couple years or more. This method is speeding up the process and giving you something enjoyable to do at the same time.... devil turn tongue So, there ya have it, valid medical advice giving you permission to do what got us yelled at and embarrassed about as kids.... cool
James C. Age 63
Gonna Make Myself A Better Man tinyurl.com/28e8qcg
4/07: PSA 7.6, 7/07 Biopsy: 3 of 16 PCa, 5% involved, left lobe, GS6
9/07: Nerve Sparing open RP, Path: pT2c, 110 gms., clear except:
Probable microscopic involvement-left apical margin -GS6
3 Years: PSA's .04 each test until 04/10-.06, 09/10-.09, 12/10-.09, 02/11-.08
ED-total-Bimix 30cc

compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7205
   Posted 4/9/2011 5:47 PM (GMT -6)   
My orgasms are as good or better than pre-surgery.
 
Unfortunately, stiffy ain't really
 
Mel

Worried Guy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3732
   Posted 4/9/2011 7:00 PM (GMT -6)   
James
You see? That's why I love you man!
You answered sfigato's question and gave me hope all with the same posting.

Thanks!
Jeff (the dry, floppy one)
Age: 58, Mar 35 yrs, 56 dx, PSA: 4/09 17.8 6/09 23.2
Biopsy: 6/09 7 of 12 Pos, 20-70%, Gleason 4+3 Bone, CT Neg
DaVinci RP: 7/09, U of Roch Med Ctr
Path Rpt: Glsn 3+4, pT3aNOMx, 56g, Tumor 2.5x1.8 cm both lobes and apex
EPE present, PNI extensive, Sem Ves, Vas def clear, Lymph 0/13
Incont: 200ml/day ED: Trimix
Post Surg PSA: 10/09 .04, 4/10 .04, 7/10 <0.01, 12/10 <0.01
AdVance Sling 1/10/11 Dry

davidg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 4093
   Posted 4/9/2011 7:14 PM (GMT -6)   
I was also shocked to find that my orgasms are quite a bit better than they were before. I actually make stupid faces now. Lasts longer and comes in waves. Maybe I just didn't have good ones pre surgery. To be perfectly frank, the only thing I miss about orgasms from before is the sensation of the sperm shooting up the shaft. Otherwise I'd take these any day.

I do have a question I was hoping someone would answer. While enjoying some intamacy with my wife this morning, she noticed a some liquid on the sheet that came from me. It looked like sperm more or less. Is it possible for us to ejaculate just a little bit or was it something else? It definitely wasn't urine. And if this is possible, does that mean we can technically get women pregnant? Because I have told my wife to get off the pill now.

Sunbird
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 4/9/2011 7:29 PM (GMT -6)   
David,

You are seeing secretions from the Cowper's Glands which are two pea sized glands at the base of the penis. Cowper's Glands secrete pre-ejaculate fluid to lubricate the urethra. They're kind of like Bartholin Glands in females which secrete lubricating fluid. No, you cannot cause pregnancy with these secretions.

F8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3802
   Posted 4/9/2011 7:34 PM (GMT -6)   
she doesn't undersatnd and you won't take pills.  i can see why there is a problem.
 
ed
 
 
age: 56
PSA on 12/09: 6.8
gleason 3+4 = 7
HT, BT and IGRT
received 3rd and last lupron shot 9/14/10
2/8/11 PSA <.1, T= 6 ng/dl

davidg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 4093
   Posted 4/9/2011 7:35 PM (GMT -6)   
thank you. that makes sense. I actually remember that from pre surgery days too. I just assumed incorrectly that that came from the same place sperm came from.

Newporter
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 225
   Posted 4/9/2011 7:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Not to worry, they are excretion from your Cowper's gland. Go to Dr. Walsh's book to read up on it.

sfigato
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 4/9/2011 8:36 PM (GMT -6)   
F8 said...
she doesn't undersatnd and you won't take pills. i can see why there is a problem.


ed

First regarding my spouse - she's been an absolute angel over the course of my diagnosis and treatment. She doesn't understand why it's hard for me to move onward. She is caring and ever helpful and ready, she has also lost something.
She just isn't me and isn't a guy clearly so can't understand the mix of emotion I'm going thru
With respect to pills - my doctor said the is no scientific evidence that the pills heal you any faster than not using them. Yes they are good at increasing blood flow and stiffness but no study shows better or faster recovery of natural function

I'd also hazard a guess based on James comment about rewiring your brain. That by the same logic, using the pills wires your brain to expect pills - just my stupid sidebar

Everyone here is an experiment of one. Good for those who have better sensation now than before. Good for those who have found peace and happiness post treatment

All I'm saying is I'm not there yet
Age at diagnosis 48
Gleason 3+3
Pre-Surgery PSA 5.1, 5.7
Cores Positive: 10 of 12 up to 40%
Treatment: open Surgery Dec 2010
Feb 14, 2010 PSA < 0.10 (effectively zero)

tatt2man
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2842
   Posted 4/9/2011 9:12 PM (GMT -6)   
yes, you can rewire your brain to expect the pills - viagra, cialis, and you can become addicted to them ( in order to get a boner)

but in this situation, they can be a stepping stone to help you do the rewiring - they help the blood flow - but you have to do the mental - emotional - physical arousal - to get mr. happy in fighting shape and climax - it's shooting blanks - but hey - they do that in the movies and you don't care they don't use real bullets, do you?


hugs,
BRONSON

p.s. to Hope1 - you could always use your other hand ( your right hand if left-handed) , and tell your wife it was just a stranger and it didn't mean a thing...
Age:55 -gay with spouse of 14 years, Steve -Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
PSA:10/06/09 3.86
Biopsy:10/16/09- 6 of 12 cancerous samples, Gleason 7 (4+3)
Radical Prostatectomy:11/18/09
Pathology:pT3a -Gleason 7 -extraprostatic extension -perineural invasion -prostate weight -34.1 gm
PSA:04/08/10 -0.05 -Zero Club
PSA:09/23/10 -0.05 -Zero Club
PSA:03/24/11 -0.02 -Zero Club
PSA:03/24/12- TBA

Post Edited (tatt2man) : 4/9/2011 9:16:00 PM (GMT-6)


F8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3802
   Posted 4/10/2011 9:56 AM (GMT -6)   
>>She just isn't me and isn't a guy clearly so can't understand the mix of emotion I'm going thru<<
 
sorry man i just can't buy that one.  you have impressed me as wanting instant results despite being cautioned by almost everyone here to take it easy.  about the pills you remind me of someone else on this board.  why not give them a shot?  i wish you the best but it's going to require patience and following direction.  
 
ed
 
 

age: 56
PSA on 12/09: 6.8
gleason 3+4 = 7
HT, BT and IGRT
received 3rd and last lupron shot 9/14/10
2/8/11 PSA <.1, T= 6 ng/dl
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