Helping a Stubborn Friend

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Steve n Dallas
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4829
   Posted 5/13/2011 3:46 AM (GMT -6)   
The following is from an online friend that lives across town. I've never met him but have known him almost ten years.
 
He's a 62 year old ex-marine that's getting married in a couple months.
 
Here's part of the message he sent me:
 
" The past month I've had some physical problems not shared with her, thinking they would go away.  It hurts "down there", pressure.  Red spots on front of underwear. Throughout the day I vomit a yellow liquid, usually with a red/brown streak.    Sometimes every hour, especially at night, never predictable, but it's coming I always know.  My right side aches all the time.  I have a history of alcoholism and wonder if it caught up with me.  I don't want any tests and especially don't want to ruin a little girl's dream she's waited for over 30 years to meet the right man.  Am lost as to what to do."

 
I put the fear of God into him about seeking medical attention TODAY but thought I'd get some feedback here.
 
He didn't mention running a fever which would rule out a UTI. And I know we could guess all day long but I'd still like to get some feedback to throw at him. Thanks.
Moderator - Prostate Cancer
Age 56 - 5'11" 215lbs
Overall Heath Condition - Good
PSA - July 2007 & Jan 2008 -> 1.3
Biopsy - 03/04/08 -> Gleason 6
06/25/08 - Da Vinci robotic laparoscopy
05/14/09 - 4th Quarter PSA -> less then .01
11/20/09 - 18 Month PSA -> less then .01
05/18/10 - 24 Month PSA -> less then .01
Surgeon - Keith A. Waguespack, M.D.

Worried Guy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3732
   Posted 5/13/2011 7:04 AM (GMT -6)   
He's an old, ex-marine. You won't ever put the fear of God into him unless he let's you.

I'll play Devil's advocate here. He said: "I .... don't want to ruin a little girl's dream she's waited for over 30 years to meet the right man."

I say he is doing it for himself. Not her. I doubt her dream included a sick husband that was puking on the hour. He knows this and is afraid she might change her mind. Otherwise he would tell her the truth.
(Maybe that tact would work for you.)

Sad situation.
Jeff
Age: 58, Mar 35 yrs, 56 dx, PSA: 4/09 17.8 6/09 23.2
Biopsy: 6/09 7 of 12 Pos, 20-70%, Gleason 4+3 Bone, CT Neg
DaVinci RP: 7/09, U of Roch Med Ctr
Path Rpt: Glsn 3+4, pT3aNOMx, 56g, Tumor 2.5x1.8 cm both lobes and apex
EPE present, PNI extensive, Sem Ves, Vas def clear, Lymph 0/13
Incont: 200ml/day ED: Trimix
Post Surg PSA: 10/09 .04, 4/10 .04, 7/10 <0.01, 12/10 <0.01
AdVance Sling 1/10/11 Dry

Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4829
   Posted 5/13/2011 7:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Jeff... They've been together for six years. If and when he writes back I intend to poke him in the eye from her point of view.

HD_Rider
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 414
   Posted 5/13/2011 7:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Steve - Maybe you can take this as an opportunity to meet your friend face-to-face for the first time? Although not under the best of circumstances, a face-to-face meeting might be a stronger way to get the point across that your friend needs help. Just a thought.
John (HD_Rider) - Wichita, KS
Age: 49
PSA: 3.5, 6/07
PSA: 4.5, 3/11
Biopsy, 12 cores: 04/13/11
Dx: 04/19/11
Gleason: 3 cores at 3+3=6 and one core at 3+4=7 (primarily on right side with <5% on left side)
DaVinci: scheduled for 06/09/11, hoping and praying for the best

clocknut
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 2667
   Posted 5/13/2011 8:02 AM (GMT -6)   

His symptoms are all over the place, but whatever he has, it doesn't sound good. 

Does he intend to reveal this to his bride on the wedding night?  How cruel would that be?  I mean, he has symptoms that could indicate anything from an STD to lung cancer to esophageal varices. 

There's no doubt he needs to see a doctor immediately, if not sooner.

142
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 6946
   Posted 5/13/2011 8:04 AM (GMT -6)   
I lived through a bout with ulcers - sounds awfully familiar. It won't get any better on its own, if that is the problem.

clocknut
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 2667
   Posted 5/13/2011 8:09 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree, 142.  I was just going to edit my earlier post to include an ulcer or a severe hiatal hernia.  Definitely needs attention.

Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4829
   Posted 5/13/2011 9:24 AM (GMT -6)   

Thanks Guys.

My reply started off with "Cowboy Up and seek medical attention today"... I pointed out it could be a bleeding ulcer that is treatable etc...

Told him to not make me drive over and smack him around.. Also told him I'd come over and drive him anywhere he needed to go.


Piano
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 847
   Posted 5/13/2011 2:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Of course he should see a doctor pronto. And he should also tell his prospective wife pronto.

If she walks out now, he is better off without her.

If not, at least he has been up-front with her, and there won't be any ructions in future when she finds out -- which she will if this problem persists. And by being honest, he will probably gain a supportive friend to help him through it all.
No symptoms; PSA 5.7; Gleason 4+5=9; cancer in 4/12 cores
Non-nerve-sparing RRP 7 March 2008 age 63
Organ confined, neg margins. Gleason downgrade 4+4=8
Fully continent
Bimix worked well; now using just VED
PSA undetectable at first but then rose to 0.4, doubling time 7 months
Following diet change, PSA static at 0.4...

Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4829
   Posted 5/14/2011 6:40 AM (GMT -6)   
I got a reply back from him this mornng. He says he knows what he needs to do but he's going through denial at this point...
 
I copied "the wedding vows" and explained she's already promised to say those words and that his part is to give her a chance to say em....

F8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3800
   Posted 5/14/2011 9:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Steve -- the guy is in denial but he is reaching out to you.  i like the idea of hitting him point blank with the truth.  we owe that to our friends.
 
ed
 
 
age: 56
PSA on 12/09: 6.8
gleason 3+4 = 7
HT, BT and IGRT
received 3rd and last lupron shot 9/14/10
2/8/11 PSA <.1, T= 6 ng/dl

Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4829
   Posted 5/15/2011 2:35 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm gonna back off a bit in the help department since I now have the impression I can't help... I'll do what I can if it comes up - but last night he emailed that he's been taking the following a long time and quit em cold turkey. It's unclear if he's been taking em all at the same time...
 
ZIPRASIDONE (zi PRAY si done) is used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depression.
 
VENLAFAXINE (VEN la fax een) is used to treat depression, anxiety and panic disorder.
 
CLONAZEPAM (kloe NA ze pam) is a benzodiazepine. It is used to treat certain types of seizures. It is also used to treat panic disorder.
 
TRAZADONE (Desyrel), a drug used for the treatment of depression, panic attacks, agoraphobia, cocaine withdrawal, and agressive behavior.

Cajun Jeff
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4106
   Posted 5/15/2011 2:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Steve: Those drugs should never be stopped cold turkey. You body must be weened from them. With psychotropic drugs there can be very bad consequences when the drugs are stopped all at one time.

He sounds like he has so many issues involving physical and mental health that he may or may not seek treatment.

Wow your in a heck of a spot at this point support , support , support and encouragement may be a better approach to get him to the Dr.

Sometime the scare tactics push them away. Best of luck in this challenge to get him help.

Cajun Jeff
9/08 PSA 5.4 referred to Urologist
9/08 Biopsy: GS 3+4=7 1 positive core in 12 1% cancer core
10/08 Nerve-Sparing open radicalSurgery Path Report Downgrade 3+3=6 GS Stage pT2c margins clea
r3 month: PSA <0.1
19th month: PSA <0.1
2 year PSA <0.1
Only issue at this time is ED but getting better

Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4829
   Posted 5/15/2011 3:06 AM (GMT -6)   
The owner of the site where I met this guys also got an email similar to the first one  I got.  He told him to seek treatment too... Hopefully they are still communicating.. And, as my friends calls his  FiancĂ©e-> Gal Bud - she is there all the time too so she'lll be his first line of defense.

Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25380
   Posted 5/15/2011 8:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Geez, with that dangerous mix of drugs, there has to be other deep issues going on aside from his self-admitted denialism going on, on the PC side. Very scary.

And as another poster above said, if he comes clean with his woman, and she takes off, he would have found out exacatly what he needed to know about her. On the o ther hand, he appears to covering up a lot of things in his life, and a relationship with that many "secrets" is no way to go either. Sooner or later all the "sh**" will hit the fan.

I don't know the guy, none but Steve here, but he needs to be encouraged to come clean and come out of hiding.

David in SC
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06, 2/11 1.24, 4/11 3.81
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/10

Sleepless09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 1267
   Posted 5/15/2011 9:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Steve, this is obviously one troubled guy with big problems on a number of fronts.

One opening might be to move him from his stubborn-marine stance to a smart-marine stance --- use his marine background to lever on "the few -- the proud" to move him into a different head space.

Steve, you is one good man.

Sheldon AKA Sleepless
Age 67 in Apil '09 at news of 4 of 12 cores positive T2B and Gleason 3 + 3 and 5% to 25% PSA 1.5
Re-read of slides in June said Gleason 3 + 4 same four cores 5% to 15%
June 29 daVinci prostatectomy, Dr. Eric Estey, at Royal Alexandra Hospital Edmonton one night stay
From "knock out" to wake up in recovery less than two hours.  Actual surgery 70 minutes
Flew home to Winnipeg on July 3 after 5 nights in Ramada Inn  ---  perfect recovery spot!
Catheter out July 9
Final pathology is 3 + 4 Gleason 7, clear margins, clear nodes, T2C, sugeron says report is "excellent"
 
Oct 1st 09 -- dry at night, during day some stress issues.
Oct 31st padless 24/7 
 
First post op PSA Sept 09  less than 0.02
PSA on Oct 23, 2009 less than 0.02
PSA on Jan 8, 2010  less than 0.02
PSA on April 9, 2010 less than 0.02 
PSA on July 9, 2010 (one year) less than 0.02
  

compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7203
   Posted 5/15/2011 10:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Steve:
 
What a group of drugs.
 
I would suggest you back off, as it seems you are doing. You don't want to get sucked into a mess!
 
This guy could be totally irrational and maybe even dangerous (ex-marine coming off these medications suddenly)
 
Mel

Purgatory
Elite Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25380
   Posted 5/15/2011 11:01 AM (GMT -6)   
definitely chocked full of issues
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06, 2/11 1.24, 4/11 3.81
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/10
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