PLEASE HELP!!! Just found out my husband has metastasized pc

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

SD Wife
New Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/13/2011 11:19 AM (GMT -6)   
What happens now???? I'm only 48 years old.. I don't know what to do.
I don't want to be a widow!!! Why him??? Why not the worthless ****** sitting on death row????????
I'm so lost and scared

Elite Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 5/13/2011 11:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HW.

You sound very afraid and very scared. The remedy for that, is to gain knowledge about your husband's cancer.
It's not an automatic death sentence, even in the more advanced stages, there are treatments, and there is always hope.

When you say "Why him?", it would be fairer to say "Why anyone?". As they say, it rains on the just and the unjust equally.

It would help if you could provide your husband's data on his cancer. Possibly his biopsy report, so we can help understand where he stands.

Always believe, there's hope for him, and for you.

David in SC
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06, 2/11 1.24, 4/11 3.81
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/10

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 4093
   Posted 5/13/2011 11:31 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry about your husband. But as David says, why anyone? One thing I think we all learn with this disease is to bond together and understand and learn from each other as this will make our fight easier.
40 years old - Diagnosed at 40
Robotic Surgery Mount Sinai with Dr. Samadi Jan, 2011
complete urinary control and good erections with and without meds
Prostate was small, 34 grams.
Final Gleason score 7 (3+4)
Less than 5% of slides involved tumor
Tumor measured 5 mm in greatest dimension and was located in the right lobe near the apex.
Tumor was confined to prostate.
The apical, basal, pseudocapsular and soft tissue resection margins were free of tumor.
Seminal vesicles were free of tumor.
Right pelvic node - benign fibroadiopse tissue. no lymph node is identified.
Left pelvic node - one small lymph node, negative for tumor (0/1)

AJCC stage: pT2 NO MX

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 2680
   Posted 5/13/2011 11:34 AM (GMT -6)   
It's a dark and terribly lonely day for all of us when we first receive a diagnosis of cancer.  But, as Purgatory says, the fear can often be relieved by learning all we can about the disease and how to confront it.  We have some men (and women) on this site who can share their stories about battling advanced prostate cancer (together).  Don't give up hope.  Take a deep breath, maybe say a prayer or two, and wait and read what they have to say to you. 
My wife and I shed many tears the day we learned of the cancer.  Like you, I initially thought, "Why me," but later as Cardinal Joseph Bernardin here in Chicago said, "Why not me?"  Bad things happen to good people.  This site is illustrative of that fact.  But, there is no reason to feel hopeless or powerless. 
I'm not an expert on this disease...just someone who has been forced to deal with it.  But we have some pretty expert people here, and I'm sure they'll post as soon as they see your comments.  As Purgatory said, though, more info on your husband's age, his general health, and his biopsy report would be of great help.
Stay strong and stay positive!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 3895
   Posted 5/13/2011 12:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Perhaps if you give us more information we can help you understand this disease a little better.. Many men live with it for a long, long time....

His PSA and Gleason scores would be helpful and is this his original diagnosis?
Age 68.
PSA age 55: 3.5, DRE normal.
age 58: 4.5
61: 5.2
64: 7.5, DRE "Abnormal"
65: 8.5, " normal", biopsy, 12 core, negative...
66 9.0 "normal", 2ed biopsy, negative, BPH, Proscar
67 4.5 DRE "normal"
68 7.0 3rd biopsy positive, 4 out of 12, G-6,7, 9
RALP Sept 3 2010, pos margin, one pos vesicle nodes neg. Post Op PSA 0.9 SRT, HT. 2-15-'11 PSA 0.0

SD Wife
New Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/13/2011 12:01 PM (GMT -6)   
He is 63. Was diagnosed 10 years ago,, had the seed implants and radiation. Then was put on Lupron about 8 years ago.
PSA went from about 8 to 68 in last 6 mths. He just got back from the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. They are going to see about putting him in a study group...with a new drug called Ipilimumab or he may just get a placebo???? One never knows til you have side effects????
Are they just going to use him as a laboratory rat??? Do you know anything about this new drug?
So desperate for answers,, been awake for 43 hours trying to find info. Even the doctors are vague!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 3895
   Posted 5/13/2011 12:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Has he had a "T" level test lately...? Sometimes Lupron and it's clones don't work as well as they should..Also, some of the older, off patent treatments like DES show good results where other ADT drugs fail....Bone mets can be treated with spot-beam radiation...

Time to calm down and get some sleep. Going into a frenzy won't help anything..

James C.
Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4463
   Posted 5/13/2011 12:38 PM (GMT -6)   
SD Wife, welcome to HW. Sounds like he is going to one of the premier treatment centers in the world, so he is going to the right places. New treatments, different drug mixes, lots of options are still open to him. Try to relax, if possible, and look at what is available. This may take some study and searching you your and his part, but it's all part of the process.
James C, 64, Kingsport, E. TN
Gonna Make Myself A Better Man
4/07: PSA 7.6, 7/07 Biopsy: 3 of 16 PCa, 5% inv, lf. lobe, GS6
9/07: Nerve Spar. open RP, Path: pT2c, 110 gms., clear except:
Probable microscopic involvement-left apical margin -GS6
3 Years: PSA's .04 each test until 4/10-.06, 9/10-.09, 12/10-.09, 2/11-.08, 5/11-.08
Bimix .30

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 528
   Posted 5/13/2011 2:50 PM (GMT -6)   
From WebMD:

"March 25, 2011 -- The FDA has approved Bristol-Myers' Yervoy for the treatment of late-stage, metastatic melanoma, a deadly skin cancer.

Yervoy (ipilimumab) is the first drug ever shown to help late-stage melanoma patients live longer."

No mention of "prostate" ???

Tony Crispino
Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 8128
   Posted 5/13/2011 2:59 PM (GMT -6)   
It's not uncommon for drugs released to treat other cancers get approved elsewhere.

Here is info on the Phase III trial for this drug:

Advanced Prostate Cancer at age 44 (I am 48 now)
pT3b,N0,Mx (original PSA was 19.8) EPE, PM, SVI. Gleason 4+3=7

Da Vinci Surgery ~ 2/16/2007
Adjuvant Radiation Therapy ~ IMRT Completed 8/07
Adjuvant Hormone Therapy ~ 28 months on Casodex and Lupron.
Undetectable PSA.


SD Wife
New Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/13/2011 9:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for all your relpies and help. So sorry I was so crazy earlier. Got some sleep and food and feel better.
Such a long merry go round ride. Tired of being by myself in this,, no one my age that I know can relate to our situation and what makes matters worse is that my husband is still in total denial. He does'nt want to talk to anyone and gets mad at me when I do. Nothing big enough to hit or a shoulder wide enough to cry on.
I just need to know whats next,, don't like the shock and awe effect at all. This has to be the loneliest and scary cancer ever.
I cry real tears and pray that you all have a better treatment option soon.
To Tony,,, you are my age. Thought this was an older mans war. Seems cancer with its awful black injustice has no bounds. So sorry,, you too are way to young to have to cope with such an evil devil.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 744
   Posted 5/13/2011 10:59 PM (GMT -6)   
You can try and contact Dr Myers, a PCa, expert for another opinion.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1804
   Posted 5/14/2011 12:59 PM (GMT -6)   
SD Wife, your fear and anger come through loud and strong in your first post...and I feel your pain. Cancer, whether it's prostate, breast, whatever, is not something I'd wish on anyone. But, sometimes in life, things happen that we have no control over...being diagnosed with PCa is one of those times.

There are several stages patients go through when they learn they have prostate cancer. Anger is definitely one of those stages and it sounds like your dear husband is at that stage. You mention that he just came back from The Mayo Clinic...were you with him? Cancer affects everyone in the family, not just the patient, and you need to be a part of what's happening to your husband. Knowledge is so important, especially at this stage of your husband's disease and the best place to get it is from your husband's medical team.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1382
   Posted 5/14/2011 3:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for sharing your emotions with us SD wife. I can tell you first hand that everyone here truly cares.
If you would like to talk more about the emotional aspects of this please email me.

peace and love
I was 45 at diagnosis with PSA of 16.3

My gleason score from prostate was 4+5=9 and from the lymph nodes (3 positive) was 4+4=8
I had 44 IMRT's. Scheduled to have a radical on July 11th, 2007, surgery was aborted when it was discovered it had spread to the lymph nodes.
I was on Lupron, Casodex, and Avodart for two years with my last shot March 2009.
My Oncology hospital is The Cancer Treatment Center of America in Zion IL
PSA July of 2007 was 16.4
PSA May of 2008 was.11
PSA July 24th, 2008 is 0.04
PSA Dec 16th, 2008 is .016
PSA Mar 30th, 2009 is .02
PSA July 28th 2009 is .01
PSA OCt 15th 2009 is .11
PSA Jan 15th 2010 is .13
PSA April 16th of 2010 is .16
PSA July 22nd of 2010 is .71
PSA Sept of 2010 is .71
cancer in 4 of 6 cores

SD Wife
New Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/18/2011 11:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Yea,, maybe someone cares on here.. but in my 'world" everyone just gives the pity look and slowly retreats back to there corner. Now after 27 years supporting and taking care of husband and building a business,, he now wants to give it all to his kids.
Can't believe a dying man would want to have domestic feuds... I'd want to run off and have the time of my life with family and friends.
Guess when you know your days are numbered,, some shows themselves better than others..
Now, to find an attorney. This should be a REAL BLAST! @!#%^*!!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 1100
   Posted 5/18/2011 12:17 PM (GMT -6)   
SD -- maybe you don't really know what you would feel, or would want to do, if it were you.  Maybe one can never know that unless/until "it is you."   Obviously, I do not know what is happening in your home.  But you might consider that this all is probably at least as emotionally devestating for your husband as it is for you.  And people don't always act perfectly when they are facing enormous emotional distress.  It would be reasonable to give someone a fair bit of latitude under such circumstances.   I hope you can find a way to get through this together.  Best wishes, Medved

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 5/18/2011 1:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Do all those things. Get your house in order. If the cancer has metastasized, there are treatments. If he asks your opinion, give it, but please let him make these decisions himself or he will blame you.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Tuesday, September 25, 2018 12:14 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,006,469 posts in 329,343 threads.
View Active Threads

Who's Online
This forum has 161835 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, scattycatty.
321 Guest(s), 5 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
HeartsinPain, acarined, Admin, BillyBob@388, iPoop