At what point should we just let it go, no, not that

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logoslidat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6079
   Posted 5/16/2011 2:00 AM (GMT -6)   
I am referring to something we all seem to do at some point or another , feel we have to reply, to a real or perceived slam, or just a harshly worded different opinion. I'm trying , trying real hard to discipline myself so as to let real truth revealing dialogue go forward. My caveat, hopefully applied is when , bullying takes place, have not seen that here, or the slam itself puts out,what IMO, is really false information about what I, think is the truth about this disease. Lets bounce it off each other respectively if you like! For me passive/aggressive comments are the most greageous. Again I stand self indicted!!
Diagnosed 8/14/09 psa 8.1 66,now 67
2cores 70%, rest 6-7 < 5%
gleason 3+ 3, up to 3+4 @ the dub
RPP U of Wash, Bruce Dalkin,
pathology 4+3, tertiary5, 2 foci
extensive pni, prostate confined,27 nodes removed -, svi - margins -
99%continent@ cath removal. 1% incont@gaspass,sneeze,cough 18 mos, squirt @ running. psa std test reported on paper as 0.0 as of 12/14/10 ed improving

Post Edited (logoslidat) : 5/16/2011 9:58:01 AM (GMT-6)


goodlife
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2692
   Posted 5/16/2011 8:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Logo,

I have found that if I feel that hapening or I get the terrible urge to unload, that an e-mail to the offending party is a better way to handle it. Sometimes, a sharp reply on a public forum is like gas in a fire.

Goodlife

Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4849
   Posted 5/16/2011 9:02 AM (GMT -6)   
We're trying to crack down on heated exchanges....
 
But, if you feel the need to reply-> type it somewhere else....walk away...re-read what you wrote....re-read what prompted you to write..... In other words give it some time....
 
I've caught myself several times ready to blast back to someone.... only to re-read what they wrote and actually see it in the manner that they meant it to be. And boy howdy am I glad I didn't post my original guy reaction.

kbota
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 487
   Posted 5/16/2011 10:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Steve n Dallas said...
We're trying to crack down on heated exchanges....


But, if you feel the need to reply-> type it somewhere else....walk away...re-read what you wrote....re-read what prompted you to write..... In other words give it some time....



I've caught myself several times ready to blast back to someone.... only to re-read what they wrote and actually see it in the manner that they meant it to be. And boy howdy am I glad I didn't post my original guy reaction.


Perfect response !

Goodlife's suggestion is right on target after Steve's suggestion has been implemented.

I really believe that most disagreements are over a "perceived dis" and not an "intended dis".
Age 57 at Dx
5/09 PSA 2.26
6/2010 PSA 3.07 FPSA 18% DRE +
Biopsy, 7 of 18+, >60%, 4+5=9
7/21/2010 - RRP
Nodes neg, Ves neg
tumor contained, still 4+5=9
pni ext.
9/3, 2010 PSA - 0.04
9/3/2010, I'm 99% continent
10/14/10, PSA still 0.04, and lupron #1, now 99.9% continent
Total ED, 3 caverject failed
10/20/10 OD'd .5cc trimix, after 3hrs, neo synephrine shot
tried .15 & .17 cc neg, next .2

Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4849
   Posted 5/16/2011 10:06 AM (GMT -6)   
And if all else fails - remember what your mother...or someones mother once said: "If you can't something nice - don't say anything at all."

logoslidat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6079
   Posted 5/16/2011 10:51 AM (GMT -6)   
It was Bambi's mother who said it, don't know if she was the first. My mother just said " Pass the pork chops "


Quote courtesy of Purgatory, 2010 or 2011
Diagnosed 8/14/09 psa 8.1 66,now 67
2cores 70%, rest 6-7 < 5%
gleason 3+ 3, up to 3+4 @ the dub
RPP U of Wash, Bruce Dalkin,
pathology 4+3, tertiary5, 2 foci
extensive pni, prostate confined,27 nodes removed -, svi - margins -
99%continent@ cath removal. 1% incont@gaspass,sneeze,cough 18 mos, squirt @ running. psa std test reported on paper as 0.0 as of 12/14/10 ed improving

compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7270
   Posted 5/16/2011 11:02 AM (GMT -6)   
I am guilty of some of this. I seem to have a response to an issue at times and find it hard to just hit "close" rather than "send." I should probably do a tad more of the former and less of the latter!
 
For me, it's ingrained. I have always been very interested in politics, investing, computers, etc. My earliest memories involve family discussions about newspaper articles and the issues of the day. Combine computers and an activist viewpoint and, as I said, it's hard to walk away.
 
Steve -- there is nothing wrong with good debate/discussions (I am excluding politics and religion, which can really be a powder keg and can ruin a perfectly good support group). If it gets too incendiary, then usually just a warning or two from the moderator solves that problem.
 
In general, the users here do a GREAT job of policing themselves. Please be judicous; don't stifle discussions. It is not unusual that a given topic morphs into something else.
 
Mel

Sagittarian
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 546
   Posted 5/16/2011 11:15 AM (GMT -6)   
PCa will challenge Emotional Maturity.
Emotional Maturity is controlling your emotions,
and not being controlled by them.
I don't expect this forum to be all rainbows & unicorns.
Emotions are often challenged, like never known before.
A struggle with acceptance, is not an easy task.
 
I have already let certain emotions go, as it only wears
me down.  It is getting old to go over the same concern,
over and over and over.  Some will never let go.
 
With myself, I am hoping for the best, and planning for all
the possible undesirable outcomes. 
On a bright note, out of all the cancers, PCa has the best
percentages for success.
DOB = DEC-1957
PSA History
2002 = 1.83
2006 = 3.18
2007 = 3.09
2008 = 3.20
2009 = 3.50
2010 = 3.50
2011 = 4.70
2011 = 4.20
Free PSA = 7%

Biopsy, 12 Cores, April 2011
4 Positive, 2(3+3), 2(3+4) All Left Side
% on Positive Cores, 2(40%) 1(70%) 1(90%)
PNI = Not observed

Da-Vinci Surgery = 23 May 2011

logoslidat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6079
   Posted 5/16/2011 11:37 AM (GMT -6)   
Mel , I agree with you on that, its when the debate turns into a quest for points rather than a quest for truth, that trouble ensues. I also agree about the religeous/ political dynamic, but do feel that any subject can and does reach that tipping point.
Diagnosed 8/14/09 psa 8.1 66,now 67
2cores 70%, rest 6-7 < 5%
gleason 3+ 3, up to 3+4 @ the dub
RPP U of Wash, Bruce Dalkin,
pathology 4+3, tertiary5, 2 foci
extensive pni, prostate confined,27 nodes removed -, svi - margins -
99%continent@ cath removal. 1% incont@gaspass,sneeze,cough 18 mos, squirt @ running. psa std test reported on paper as 0.0 as of 12/14/10 ed improving

logoslidat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6079
   Posted 5/16/2011 11:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Sagittarian, well said and you will be fine. My surgery and initial recovery in a neat little apt next door to U of W ( the dub"] was darn right mystical. My wife and youngest son were there, I get chicken skin, { goose bumps ] to those living on the mainland, thinking about it. A poster at the time of my surgery in an encouraging post, made mention of my son being there and how the father/son dynamic would change. He was spot on. Whoever you are, if you are still here advise, over!
Diagnosed 8/14/09 psa 8.1 66,now 67
2cores 70%, rest 6-7 < 5%
gleason 3+ 3, up to 3+4 @ the dub
RPP U of Wash, Bruce Dalkin,
pathology 4+3, tertiary5, 2 foci
extensive pni, prostate confined,27 nodes removed -, svi - margins -
99%continent@ cath removal. 1% incont@gaspass,sneeze,cough 18 mos, squirt @ running. psa std test reported on paper as 0.0 as of 12/14/10 ed improving

Sonny3
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 5/16/2011 12:47 PM (GMT -6)   
"Diagnosed with Crohn's Disease nearly 17 years ago, Peter's vision was to build a site with global reach where people could reach out to others and find support and understanding in learning how to manage their chronic illness."

This quote was taken from the about Us sections of the HW website.

Each of us needs to remember how we came to be here. We came looking for information when we were thrust unwillingly into the world of PCa. We came here on our own or at someone else's recommendation.

I truly believe that every one who comes here finds something of value. Many of us found so much value that we decided to stay or come back regularly so that we can give back to the community.

Some of us are great researchers and and continue the search for answers daily. Some of us are better at providing support and we give that freely.

HOWEVER, ALL OF US ONLY HAVE OUR OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES, THAT WE HAVE LIVED, THAT WE CAN SHARE WITH ABSOLUTE PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE.

It is when we take the Point-Counter Point or Debate or I Know Better Than You, or Mine Was Better Than Yours, mentality, that the personal aspects of the discussion turn it sour and distasteful.

Every one of us has opinions. We have lived our entire lives that way. They are ours and make us who we are. It is human nature.

The real test is when the opinion of others differs with ours. It is the ability to recognize that we all have had different experiences and just accept the fact that others differ from us in our thoughts and the way we express them.

I recognize that many of us can differ without offending or being offended and others don't quite wield the velvet hammer so well.

We are not here to make points, keep score, accept referral fees or make the stock of our drug company more profitable.

WE ARE HERE TO HELP AND SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER AND ALL OF THOSE WHO WILL COME HERE IN THE FUTURE.

Before we write rebuttals, enter into debates or question someone else's motives and ideals, we need to stop and think about how we would have perceived the response if it was the first one we had received on finding HW for the very first time.

Also don't forget the fact that many of us LURKED here for a while before finding the courage to identify ourselves and jump into the conservations. How many lurkers have turned away without saying hello because of the "Ugly Debate of The Day". Many never make it beyond the first page of the day in looking at HW. Many never search the archives of older threads for information.

And last but certainly not least. Today's electronic communications, tweeting, texting, emails and so on have fostered some of this. I only have to stop and think for a moment; "Would I say this, this way, if I were face to face with the person, in front of a crowd of others, many of whom I had never met before."

That in my opinion would certainly change the way we disagree with one another.

It is just my opinion after all. But it is one that has certainly held me in good stead for 63 years.

Sonny
60 years old - PSA 11/07 3.0 PSA 5/09 6.4
da Vinci 9/17/09 Post Surgery Pathology: GS 4+3=7
Stage: T3a
Tumor Volume 12.5% positive margin, extra-prostatic extension
PSA .6 IMRT completed 1/15/10 35 treatments- 70Gy
2/23/10 Post IMRT PSA 1.0
3/22/10 PSA 1.5
4/19/10 PSA 1.2
5/22/10 PSA 1.3
8/9/10 Radiation for MET
9/7/10 PSA 2.2
1/5/11 PSA 3.9
3/7/11 PSA 4.2
4/10/11 PSA 3.8

James C.
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 4463
   Posted 5/16/2011 1:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Outstanding, Sonny, absolutely outstanding. There are so many phrases in your post that I could spend a couple months citing one liners each day, all containing wisdom beyond what we sometimes deserve. Thanks.
James C, 64, Kingsport, E. TN
Gonna Make Myself A Better Man tinyurl.com/28e8qcg
4/07: PSA 7.6, 7/07 Biopsy: 3 of 16 PCa, 5% inv, lf. lobe, GS6
9/07: Nerve Spar. open RP, Path: pT2c, 110 gms., clear except:
Probable microscopic involvement-left apical margin -GS6
3 Years: PSA's .04 each test until 4/10-.06, 9/10-.09, 12/10-.09, 2/11-.08, 5/11-.08
Bimix .30

142
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 7084
   Posted 5/16/2011 1:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Sonny, James,
It must be the exposure to the Cajun water, or maybe the coffee. Seems we are all on board with this opinion.
DaVinci 10/2009
My adjuvant IGRT journey (2010) -
www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=35&m=1756808

Tim G
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2361
   Posted 5/16/2011 1:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Steve,
 
It's terrific to see that you are now be a forum moderator.  I think that James and Tony have done a great job in moderating the forum, and you will do as well, I'm certain.  Thanks for volunteering for this essential but thankless task!
 
Tim
Age 62 PSA quadrupled in one year (0.6 to 2.6)
DRE negative Retested at 3 months
1 of 12 biopsies positive (< 5%) G6
RP open surgery June 2006 at age 57
Bilateral nerve-sparing
Organ-confined to small area, downgraded to G5
Prostate weight 34 grams
PSAs < 0.1

F8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3994
   Posted 5/16/2011 1:59 PM (GMT -6)   
>>For me passive/aggressive comments are the most greageous.<<
 
slamming someone that you say you have on ignore is pretty near the bottom of the dung heap for me. 
 
ed
 
 
age: 56
PSA on 12/09: 6.8
gleason 3+4 = 7
HT, BT and IGRT
received 3rd and last lupron shot 9/14/10
2/8/11 PSA <.1, T= 6 ng/dl

davidg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 4093
   Posted 5/16/2011 2:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Logo - ok read it. Not sure what you want me to say. I said a long time ago that I am not interested in pissing contests. Forums have a way to promote those but this forum is about something far too real to go down to that level. There are people here who are scared, confused, angry and bitter because of our disease so "fighting" over nonsense seems irrational and possibly cruel. If someone wants to argue on a forum they could always go to some political forum. Best rule about this forum is the rule about no politics and no religion.
40 years old - Diagnosed at 40
Robotic Surgery Mount Sinai with Dr. Samadi Jan, 2011
complete urinary control and good erections with and without meds
Prostate was small, 34 grams.
Final Gleason score 7 (3+4)
Less than 5% of slides involved tumor
Tumor measured 5 mm in greatest dimension and was located in the right lobe near the apex.
Tumor was confined to prostate.
The apical, basal, pseudocapsular and soft tissue resection margins were free of tumor.
Seminal vesicles were free of tumor.
Right pelvic node - benign fibroadiopse tissue. no lymph node is identified.
Left pelvic node - one small lymph node, negative for tumor (0/1)

AJCC stage: pT2 NO MX

compiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7270
   Posted 5/16/2011 3:01 PM (GMT -6)   
DavidG:
 
I agree with you totally. We are all dealing with some serious, scarey, potentially life-threatening crapola. It is tough for all of us.
 
Maybe some of our disagreement are actually a healthy outlet to relieve some stress (?).
 
To summarize Sonny's lengthy comments: We should try to disagree without being disagreeable. That's an old cliche, but appropriate and good advice.
 
Mel

lowandslow
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 5/16/2011 4:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I've spent the last decade in heated and often nasty exchanges with a local newspaper editor. When I found out about this PCa bit, I let him know about my PCa and he let me know that his mother, my political nemesis at my old job, had breast cancer. We agreed that most of the arguments we posted online and in the paper were, and were about issues that were, in his words less than trivial.
Considering what we all are going through that even puts us on this site, even the worse exchanges amount to something that are well...............less than trivial. I guess we should never forget that PCa is the monster, not the person with a different opinion.
Age 48
PSA 4.1 No symptoms
Diagnosis 1/12/11
RRP 3/14/11
Gleason 7 (3+4)
T2c
Margins clear
Seminal Vesicles clear
Lymph nodes clear
Prostate 69.5 grams
Organ confined
9% involvement

lowandslow
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 5/16/2011 5:02 PM (GMT -6)   
I've spent the last decade in heated and often nasty exchanges with a local newspaper editor. When I found out about this PCa bit, I let him know about my PCa and he let me know that his mother, my political nemesis at my old job, had breast cancer. We agreed that most of the arguments we posted online and in the paper were, and were about issues that were, in his words less than trivial.
Considering what we all are going through that even puts us on this site, even the worse exchanges amount to something that are well...............less than trivial. I guess we should never forget that PCa is the monster, not the person with a different opinion.
Age 48
PSA 4.1 No symptoms
Diagnosis 1/12/11
RRP 3/14/11
Gleason 7 (3+4)
T2c
Margins clear
Seminal Vesicles clear
Lymph nodes clear
Prostate 69.5 grams
Organ confined
9% involvement

logoslidat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6079
   Posted 5/16/2011 8:47 PM (GMT -6)   
DavidG I just wanted to hear your comments, no expectations at all. thank you!

F8, you are right, I should not have brought that up and am sorry for that. To mitigate guilt ever so slightly, if I may. I did not say it behind your back, unless you had me on ignore. Having said that, one should never in any situation talk about someone in a negative way especialy to someone that might be eager to here it, not that he was, even if the person IS there to defend them self, which you wern't ,due to me having you on ignore. It flat out was wrong, no smoke!! I sincerely hope we can move forward from here. Again sorry!
Sonny3, your wisdom is a special gift, Thank you for for the pearl neckless.
Diagnosed 8/14/09 psa 8.1 66,now 67
2cores 70%, rest 6-7 < 5%
gleason 3+ 3, up to 3+4 @ the dub
RPP U of Wash, Bruce Dalkin,
pathology 4+3, tertiary5, 2 foci
extensive pni, prostate confined,27 nodes removed -, svi - margins -
99%continent@ cath removal. 1% incont@gaspass,sneeze,cough 18 mos, squirt @ running. psa std test reported on paper as 0.0 as of 12/14/10 ed improving

Post Edited (logoslidat) : 5/16/2011 7:52:12 PM (GMT-6)


60Michael
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2243
   Posted 5/16/2011 8:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Great reading guys, Steve, Mel, Sonny and James. Not sure that I ever felt good after I sent a hateful email, but every once in a blue moon one gets sent. I have learned not to be hard on myself and just add that mistake to the other bobbles that I have made on my journey through life. Non of us are perfect and I wouldnt want the burden of trying to be. My father was a gentleman and was a great role model, but I have a little of my mother's Italian temper on rare occasions.
Michael
Dx with PCA 12/08 2 out of 12 cores positive 4.5 psa
59 yo when diagnosed, 61 yo 2010
Robotic surgery 5/09
Gleason upgraded to 3+5, volume less than 10%
2 pads per day, 1 depends but getting better,
started ED tx 7/17, slow go
Post op dx of neuropathy
T2C left lateral and left posterior margins involved
3 months psa.01, 6 month psa.4
Started IMRT Jan. 2010 72gys
7month post SRT PSA.27

logoslidat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 6079
   Posted 5/16/2011 9:04 PM (GMT -6)   
[Non of us are perfect and I wouldnt want the burden of trying to be].


Now there's a line I'm putting in my Quiver!
Diagnosed 8/14/09 psa 8.1 66,now 67
2cores 70%, rest 6-7 < 5%
gleason 3+ 3, up to 3+4 @ the dub
RPP U of Wash, Bruce Dalkin,
pathology 4+3, tertiary5, 2 foci
extensive pni, prostate confined,27 nodes removed -, svi - margins -
99%continent@ cath removal. 1% incont@gaspass,sneeze,cough 18 mos, squirt @ running. psa std test reported on paper as 0.0 as of 12/14/10 ed improving
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