I can relate to your wife’s pain as I am sure all the other wives/lovers/mothers/sisters can. Our journeys are very different to yours but certainly no less painful.
In our case we didn’t see the diagnosis coming and it hit us like a bus. For me the shock was incredible as was the overwhelming feeling of panic with sleepless nights and there were times when I felt like the top of my head would blow off with the stress of it all!
For me one of the hardest periods was the time between us making the treatment decision and the actual treatment. Your wife will be worrying about the ‘what ifs’ and still dealing with the shock of the diagnosis. As you need to lean on your wife during this time, she needs to lean on you too. She could be feeling you have more than enough on your plate already so doesn’t want to burden you with her own worries so you must let her know that you are there for her too.
None of us expected our men to get this but it is a reality and you and your wife need to work together to beat it and support each other through the journey.
For most of us ladies talking and crying is the best medicine and a hug works wonders too. Sit her down and let her tell you about her feelings and fears, talk until she can talk no more and make sure she knows she can talk to you anytime she needs to.
Perhaps also help her reach out to someone else, your GP, a counsellor, the church. My husband is my best friend, my lover, we talk easily and share no secrets but when I hit my lowest point and felt I didn’t want to burden him with my own angst, I reached out to Macmillan (a cancer charity here in the UK) and an angel who, as a specialist urology nurse as well as a cancer counsellor, was and still is of enormous support to me.
This is such an overwhelming time for you both.
Sending you both a huge hug from over the pond and wishing you all the best with your journey and surgery.