Posted 12/13/2011 6:15 PM (GMT -7)
Thanks one and all.
I have been remarkable calm through all of this PC nonsense. It was earlier this year, that I decided, that I would not, and will not, let my PC dictate my life, my thoughts, or my being. I am sticking by that plan.
Some of you my think I am nuts for not seeking any other treatment at this point, but my entire medical team is in agreement with that direction. Unless my oncologist does a u-turn in January, and I don't think he will, we will continue to keep an eye on my situation. Despite this steep increase, still planning on waiting a full six months for the next PSA reading.
I think what makes my case interesting, is not so much all the difficulties, set backs, and side effects I have had to endure for 3 years plus now, but that sometimes, PC will act in manners and ways, that no study or nonogram can possibly cover.
We have plenty of T3 guys here, and/or Gleason 8/9 guys that are faring so much better than me, but I am glad for that. If everyone's PC was acting like mine, we would have guys dropping like flies.
It shows me that we need much better and more accurate diagnositc tools, much more than what we have presently. I tire of all the talk, arguments, etc, about should we test or not testt, is there overtreatment, and more recently, this (what I feel in my opinion) is this nonsense about renaming cancer to something other than cancer.
None of that will help. We need to know exactly what variant we are dealing with from the start, that would take so much guess work out of treatment choices, or not making treatments at various stages. My physical life was ruined forever, because of faulty SRT, especially knowing now, that it was destined not to be evenly remotely effective for me in the first place. That is one decision I wish I could undo in time.
None of these thoughts will help me personally, I am simply dealing with the hand dealt, and that's that.
I do feel if one more person (in their ignorance) tells me that I am lucky to have only prostate cancer, I may forgo my non-violent ways. But then again, 3 plus years ago, I was in total ignorant bliss about PC, or even my prostate as far as that goes.
Whatever time I have left, I intend to enjoy to the best of my abilities, and limitations. That's all I can do in the game we call life.
So to you fortunate guys that have contained or eliminated cancers, think twice before getting into a hissy because your PSA moved from .002 to .003, things like that. In the bigger picture of things, think how silly that really is.
I still feel for the guys at the losing stages of this PC battle. I am not there yet, but I am starting to understand their pains and their fears. PC is no way to go, that's for sure.
For now, life goes on for me and my family. I am the same husband, the same father, the same grandfather, the same friend to my friends. Even my doctor said I was looking good, such is the silent deception of having cancer. I only wish I felt the way that people think I am feeling.
So on goes the battle, but for me, I just want to have a good Christmas and New Years with my friends and family. Those are the things that count most in life. I am already scheming next springs sailing season, toying with the ideal of starting a new novel at the first of the year, and see if I can get feeling well enough to get back into my filmmaking work.
Spiritually I am ready to check out if needed, but in the flesh, not quite ready to give it up. Too many people counting on me.
David in SC
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06, 2/11 1.24, 4/11 3.81, 6/11 5.8
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/10