Firstly, thank you for your heartfelt support. You know I have only been a member of your HW forum since last week and already I feel like a family member. Thank you for that!!!!
Yes, as "walkbyfaith" mentions, I to think my wife had a head on collision with her emotional wall where all of this overtime has paid its enevitable toll on her. I have always been her rock and pillar of strength and these last 18 months have certainly challenged us to say the least. So her anxiety and emotional thresholds have been over loaded through not only our PCa journey but on top of that our daughter suffered a bout of depression dealing with her Dad's illness along with stress from her graduating year from university. My wife saw me suffer the terrible loss of my mother from lung cancer last April (Dx 4 weeks after my PCa Dx), so you can quickly see there were some pretty dark days/weeks and months with all of this to deal with. By no means do I wish to demish or take away from any members who have similar or worse adversities than what our little family of three have had to deal with.
My problem was I was both physically and emotional drained, to a point of "numbing out my emotions" almost as a way to cope in the short term, so from my wife's perspective she for the first time lost her "rock and pillar of strength" who was unconditionally always there for her. Being a respectful control person I often wish there was a switch to turn off all of the physical, emotional and mental pain that comes with all of this. "walk by faith" is so spot on when you say you watch your husband as never before go through so much sadness, anger and grief and it becomes your worrisome burden as well. I suppose it is like a deep wound, it takes time to heal and will with your love and commitment to one another.
Fast forward, I am much better now after a long grieving period over my mother, it will be one year ago April 3. Our daughter is over her depression, she graduated with honors from university last April as well and has a very nice 2 year relationship with a great guy. We are beyond my active surviellance with a successful surgery almost 4 weeks ago, and a great pathology report - almost as good as it gets - and hopeful to join your "zero club at the end of April with my first post surgery PSA test.
I was so glad to get that "rubber snake" catheter out only 11 days ago and as "desertrat1" says, I hope and pray for continence to come back as soon as possilbe. I must admit this hole incontinence thing can get me down some days.
There are many "take aways" from your heartfelt replies, stand outs are "finding my old self back, her rock, let her start to see me happy again" is a great first step for both our emotional recoveries, start doing things on your buclet list now, make your cancer a thing of the past, patience is essential, attitude is everything, more open communication (she doesn't like to talk about it for fear it will upset me and I want her to openly talk to me about it). I am certain finding my happiness and purpose back will also allow me to show her more of my love and appreciation. I know we can do this!!!!!
I am sure most of you must feel the same way as I do right now, being able to share your story without being judged, feeling your support, experiences and input all of which reinforce "we are not in this journey all alone".
My personal thanks to everyone who repleid and read my thread.