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How to help your wife through this very difficult journey?

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Posted 3/3/2012 4:27 PM (GMT -8)
No need to suggest how difficult this PCa journey is for all of us, our wifes and our families. Some handle this better than others. My wife has been very supportive over the last 18 month journey. My sweetheart has overdrawn her emotional bank account. I am anxious to receive any helpful experience and advice on how I might be able to help her regain her emotional balance back, for both our benefit.

As always, thanks for your input and support?

TJ

 

Posted 3/3/2012 4:47 PM (GMT -8)
 I am anxious to receive any helpful experience and advice on how I might be able to help her regain her emotional balance back, for both our benefit.

maybe you could suggest a therapist?

ed

 

Posted 3/3/2012 4:47 PM (GMT -8)
I'm sure every case is different but what I did for my wife is share my research and explain the percentages, risks etc to her as well as I could, also translating Dr speak to layman's terms. Being informed and seeing that I was calm (for the most part) helped her stay grounded. Calmly talking things and fears out helped a lot. A few extra hugs helps also.
Posted 3/3/2012 5:52 PM (GMT -8)
The first thing is to point out your great path report. That is a good path IMHO. Next, pray for continence ASAP. That will be your biggest issue with both you and your wife. Attempting to have sex while being a drip is zero fun. Don't ask me how I know that. Incontinence is
a bigger issue than ed. ED is a real concern eighteen months from now. Stay on focus of what is important to your recovery at this point in time.
Rod


Good luck
Posted 3/3/2012 5:56 PM (GMT -8)
I've been concerned about that with my wife since I started down this road. It's been very hard on me at times and there have been times I've totally relied on her strength. She made it very clear from the start that we're a team and she wanted us to do this together. Yeah I've got a great wife.

She went to all the appointments, read the same research and we decided together what to do. I think that all helped. When I started to write my blog to help me deal with the PC I encouraged her to start a journal or something like that and in the end she wrote two posts for it.

But while I've been going through the treatments our life went a bit out of balance and I made sure to tell her often that I loved her. The one question I often asked her was, "what do you need?" I encouraged her to keep up her friendships and her regular activities. I think that has helped. Again I am lucky to have a relationship with my wife where we trust each other enough that I can count on her being honest about her needs for rest and renewal. So for me the answer was simply to ask my wife, "What can we do to support you?" and then do what she said. Well, maybe not simple but it works for us.

Perhaps some of the ladies on this forum could better answer your question.

All the best.
Andrew
Posted 3/3/2012 6:01 PM (GMT -8)
I am a wife.  Our journey through PC is much shorter than yours of 18 months.  It started for us back in November of 2011.  Through most of our journey up until last week I felt like I was in warrior mode.  I had this super natural capacity to be strong, and do what I needed to do to help get hubby and me through this.  There were moments that I felt like a super hero.  I had a TON of energy and the ability to take in and absorb all that I needed to about this disease.  I was a walking PC fighter.  BUT...something happend last week, about 3 weeks after hubby's surgery.  I hit the wall, and hit it hard.  I fell into a sea of depression that really overwhelmed me.  Intense grief and sadness that was heavy and dark.  This is what helped me almost immediately.  I sat my husband down and opened up and that is when the pain of the last several months began to pour out of me.  I couldn't stop crying.  He was back in his role of husband, taking care of me and hearing me.  I had so much to say. 

THIS IS WHAT I LEARNED: I fell into a pit as I watched my husband go through this experience.  I saw him more sad, more angry than I had ever witnessed throughout our relationship.  HIS grief was so heavy, and because we are one, so very connected, that I was taking on all his pain, grief, and sadness.  I learned that day that I CAN'T do that.  That I had to be really clear about drawing a line in the sand about what I would "take on" of his, and what I was willing to put a boundry around.  I had to accept that there is only so much that I can do for him emotionally, but at some point I had to stop carrying his grief because it was too heavy,  and allow him to walk this out in his way. I think your wife needs to know that it's okay to not carry all of that for you...it is a burden too heavy. 

I wish it were as easy as tell her to get a pedicure or get a massage, but it is bigger than that...at least for me it was.  Of course, the hugs from you make it better, and pedicures are grand.  It helps for her to see you happy when you can be.  There is security that comes with glimpses of happiness.  Of course I am still here for my sweet hubby, I love him now more than ever.  I've just learned to do it in a way that is more healthy for the both of us.  If she needs someone to talk to, I am always here because I understand her pain.

You are a great husband for asking.  I know this will work out for yout two.  She sounds amazing!

Posted 3/3/2012 7:10 PM (GMT -8)
I think that given that your wife has hit a wall after 18 months of being supportive means that she and you will need to sit down and work out what it's going to take to recharge her batteries and regain her emotional equilibrium.

She may not want to unload her worries on you given you are the patient. She might need to work this through with her sister or a friend or a therapist or her church.

Regards,
An
Posted 3/3/2012 7:16 PM (GMT -8)
Intheshop,

I love your advice. Excellent!
Posted 3/3/2012 7:51 PM (GMT -8)
You ask a very good question, one that all of us men fortunate enough to have a good wife or spouse, has had to deal with.

It would be very different from relationship to relationship, of course. There is no "normal" protacal here.

In my case, my wife is a very experienced nurse. For starters, I have always been an open book in our relationship. We share everything, good, bad, or in-between, and we have always communicated well together - I feel this is critical in a cancer situation.

As a nurse - she understands the technical and medical side of all I have been through. For me, PC is my 4th dangerous cancer we have been through together in the past 12 years, so we had experience on our side before the PC journey ever started.

However, she is still a loving and caring wife, and she has to divide her emotions between looking at me with clinical eyes, and with her "wife" eyes. She keeps herself emotionally stablized, by concentrating on the clinical side. That doesn't always work, as my PC journey has been one wracked with many terrible and painful episodes, which doesn't help anyone's emotional well being. With me, it's been one set-back and major issue after the next.

Since I have become disabled because of my PC and all the treatments problems, I try to make it up in a different way. I have become her "house slave", and despite my own limitations, I make sure that she wants for nothing, and I do 90% or more, of all the housework, laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc. She works 45-50 hours a week, so when she is at home, I don't want her to worry about anything, espcially the mundane parts of everyday living.

This allows her more time for her own interests, hobbies, etc. I am into all the little details. Every night when she comes home, dinner is ready (if we are eating at home), her first glass of wine is poured and waiting, every morning - her coffee is ready (I don't even drink coffee or wine), and I make sure the bed is turned back for her (like in the hotels, lol).

Right now, there is nothing she can do for me - on the PC front. My primary and secondary treatments quickly failed, and I am a new stage. Right now, its mostly a case of wait and see, and my PSA continues to climb up and up. I make sure she is kept informed of all the details of my situation, I don't believe in hiding anything from her. She knows even the prognosis that my oncologist made late last summer.

We are determined to make the best of whatever we have left together. We were already a close couple for nearly 38 years anyhow, but this cancer voyage has brought us even closer together still.

All I can say, this is how it works for us.

David in SC
Posted 3/3/2012 10:00 PM (GMT -8)
That is so nice Purgatory! I'm sure your wife appreciates it! This situation has been rough, but we too are closer than ever before. There is something really sacred and special about being to walk this out with my hubby. This whole PC deal has changed us, and in really great ways. I have noticed he is more spontaneous than ever, and I appreciate that. He's a planner by nature, and didn't do much unless it was on his "calendar". We've gone on more unplanned lunch/dinner dates over the last 4 months than ever before. We also have a vacation planned to Mexico in July. He always put off vacations because of his business. This whole PC thing hasn't been all bad. :) We are working through it day by day.
Posted 3/3/2012 10:12 PM (GMT -8)

walkbyfaith said...
We also have a vacation planned to Mexico in July. .

Just before I learned of my PC, my wife and I had planned to take our grandson (15) to England to see where is grandmother was born and to see the family there. After I learned of the treatment we decided to up the trip to include a visit to Paris - our grandson is studying French in high school. When the RO said I should be fine to travel in June, I told my wife, darn the PC, buy the tickets.

My wife just announced today that she's got the last of the reservations made today. I know how much that means to her.
Posted 3/3/2012 10:40 PM (GMT -8)
I don't know if this will help much but here is our experience with cancer.

PCa was diagnosed in Nov. 2006.  We were devasted.  Cried on each other a lot.  Got angry about it.  Felt very sorry for ourselves and finally accepted it.

We felt better after talking it through with each other and our doctor.  We knew that surgery was our choice and started to build confidence that everything was going to be okay.  After surgery most of the anxiety was gone although PSA test day was hectic for most of two years.

Now we are older than a lot of folks here and maybe that makes a difference but about this time I worked my way through my fear of dying.  Talking about it helped both of us face up to the fact that cancer could take us.  We started making final arrangements just in case and knowing that this was taken care of made us feel better.  Also we have been completly open and honest with our family and kept them updated as I progressed.  It became easy for them to talk to us about it and they have lost a lot of their fear of the big C.  (We never have called it that.)

Cancer became a thing of the past for the most part.  Then in June 2008 after a routine chest xray I was diagnosed with lung cancer.  It was strange.  My chances of living 2 - 3 years were nil just then.  Yet I had no fear.  Oh we cried for a while but the dread and anger never happened. 

We found that surgery would improve my five year chances to 45% and follow on chemo ran them up to 65% and that is where we are now.  We know that we have done everything right so far and I am in remission with both cancers.  Success breeds confidence and eliminates fear.  If cancer comes back, we can and will face it with confidence.  Cancer has brought us closer to each other that ever in our 56 years if marriage.  It has also brought closer to our kids, grands and greats.

Patience is essential, attitude is everything.  Your trip through treatment and follow on testing will teach you patience and you are in charge of your attitude.  Fear is optional.

Jim

 

Posted 3/4/2012 2:04 AM (GMT -8)
Although my husband checked some books out of the library, it was me that did all the research and was lucky enough to find HW.  I think all wives reach that point at some time.  The more serious the health concerns and problems, the deeper the pain may be.  We all want our spouse, father, friend to get better.  To get better and not die.

I believe his positive attitude helped quite a bit.  One thing we knew was that we needed to have some fun.  Going on vacation helped so much.  Talking with another woman whose husband was dealing with PCa also was a release of tension.

Most of all, letting your wife know she is loved and appreciated will be a good step in this journey!

I wish you the best...

Aimzee

Posted 3/4/2012 8:42 AM (GMT -8)
Firstly, thank you for your heartfelt support. You know I have only been a member of your HW forum since last week and already I feel like a family member. Thank you for that!!!!

 

Yes, as "walkbyfaith" mentions, I to think my wife had a head on collision with her emotional wall where all of this overtime has paid its enevitable toll on her. I have always been her rock and pillar of strength and these last 18 months have certainly challenged us to say the least. So her anxiety and emotional thresholds have been over loaded through not only our PCa journey but on top of that our daughter suffered a bout of depression dealing with her Dad's illness along with stress from her graduating year from university. My wife saw me suffer the terrible loss of my mother from lung cancer last April (Dx 4 weeks after my PCa Dx), so you can quickly see there were some pretty dark days/weeks and months with all of this to deal with. By no means do I wish to demish or take away from any members who have similar or worse adversities than what our little family of three have had to deal with.

 

My problem was I was both physically and emotional drained, to a point of "numbing out my emotions" almost as a way to cope in the short term, so from my wife's perspective she for the first time lost her "rock and pillar of strength" who was  unconditionally always there for her. Being a respectful control person I often wish there was a switch to turn off all of the physical, emotional and mental pain that comes with all of this. "walk by faith" is so spot on when you say you watch your husband as never before go through so much sadness, anger and grief and it becomes your worrisome burden as well. I suppose it is like a deep wound, it takes time to heal and will with your love and commitment to one another.

 

Fast forward, I am much better now after a long grieving period over my mother, it will be one year ago April 3. Our daughter is over her depression, she graduated with honors from university last April as well and has a very nice 2 year relationship with a great guy. We are beyond my active surviellance with a successful surgery almost 4 weeks ago, and a great pathology report - almost as good as it gets - and hopeful to join your "zero club at the end of April with my first post surgery PSA test.

 

I was so glad to get that "rubber snake" catheter out only 11 days ago and as "desertrat1" says, I hope and pray for continence to come back as soon as possilbe. I must admit this hole incontinence thing can get me down some days.

 

There are many "take aways" from your heartfelt replies, stand outs are "finding my old self back, her rock, let her start to see me happy again" is a great first step for both our emotional recoveries, start doing things on your buclet list now, make your cancer a thing of the past, patience is essential, attitude is everything, more open communication (she doesn't like to talk about it for fear it will upset me and I want her to openly talk to me about it). I am certain finding my happiness and purpose back will also allow me to show her more of my love and appreciation. I know we can do this!!!!!

 

I am sure most of you must feel the same way as I do right now, being able to share your story without being judged, feeling your support, experiences and input all of which reinforce "we are not in this journey all alone".

 

My personal thanks to everyone who repleid and read my thread.

 

TJ

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted 3/4/2012 9:56 AM (GMT -8)
She may not want to unload her worries on you given you are the patient. She might need to work this through with her sister or a friend or a therapist or her church.

alot of great replies here.  there's a alot you can do yourselves but i also believe in treating the matter very seriously and getting outside help.  my wife has been seeing a therapist as well as attending self-help groups.  i am also active in a self-help group, have a great network of support and weekly attend a meeting that deals with illness.

i also cook dinner every night, we've been to hawaii the past two christmases, my wife runs marathons and mentors others to do so...yadda, yadda, yadda.  but we also seek outside help because we still have a long journey ahead of us.

the best to all of you.  we are going out to breakfast now, and i won't have the calorie counter with me cool .

ed

 

Posted 3/4/2012 11:04 AM (GMT -8)
TJ, I am happy you were able to find some answers here.  Your wife sounds like a very loving person!  May you both find happiness and peace along your pathway on this journey!

Ed, the trips to Hawaii sound great!  I have been there, but Ron wasn't able to attend our niece's wedding ceremony - beautiful place to have a wedding!

I also wish you and your wife peace.

Much blessings,

Aimzee

Posted 3/4/2012 4:05 PM (GMT -8)
walkbyfaith - I read your post and was just floored. Beautifully done - thanks for sharing

My list ..

1. Flirting - Yes that is a good thing. It has been scientifically proven after dozens of rigid studies 8 times a day is the daily minimum requirement. However science has been unable to determine the specific times of day - though through diligent study the flirting must be spread out over the day. (ok I made up the scientifically proven part)

2. Flowers! - Yes! Frequently! When you go to the grocery store to get whatever pick up a nice assortment of flowers, bring then home and present to your lady - and flirt.

3. Tell her she has a nice a*s - Not really sure why this line works so well especially as I use it at least once a day . When I tell her, my lady still manages a blush and a "Ohhh Husband" as she struts about with a big smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes. (see how this works into the daily minimum requirement of flirting?)

4. When you go out anyplace - Hold her hand. ( again works into the daily minimum requirement of flirting)

5. Last thing before you two go to sleep - tell her that you love her , hug and kiss her. (yup works into the daily minimum requirement of flirting)

6. First thing in the morning when you are both awake - tell her that you love her, hug and kiss her. (yes - flirting - notice a trend here?)

7. Before you leave the house for anything - Give her a kiss and a hug and tell her you love her (ayup - flirting! we are on a roll!)

8. First thing when you return to the house - think about it - Right! Give her a kiss and a hug and tell her you love her (more flirting!)

Go for it brother! Bring a smile to your wife's face and a sparkle to her eyes.

Bud


PS: Oh and the all important do or die - Toilet seat UP first. DOWN when done. Violation of this negates all the day(s) flirting.
Posted 3/4/2012 5:16 PM (GMT -8)
Bud,

Touchez, well put together along with your great sense of humor. I passed "toilet seat 101" 36 years ago when our wonderful relationship started.

Needless to say all great suggestions and I beleive they all work. Reflecting back before all of this emotional journey and pain started we were both always better at doing alot of what you, walkbyfaith and so many others have suggested, but somehow I allowed myself to start shuting down and made it even harder for my wife to cope with everything. "a light bulb moment" thanks for the awareness.

Oh and by the way Bud, she really, really does have a nice a*s!!!!!

Thanks everyone for your valuable help!!!!

TJ
Posted 3/5/2012 10:55 AM (GMT -8)
Some really amazing advice and answers here. There is so much you can do to support each other. My husband (sadly) is a non-communicator and takes a head-in-the-sand approach to his disease. But I am now used to that. I do all of the research, ask all of the questions and try to guide things in the right directions.

Unfortunately, we had a post-op bladder neck leak which may have caused complications and I cannot forgive myself for not being there in my husband's time of need. The hospital gave us bad advise which worsened an already bad situation.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with you my complete meltdown last week when I couldn't stop crying for 2 days. For the past 5 months since cancer was diagnosed, I have been working in the office, looking after our son and cat as well as the house and all the cooking, washing, ironing, planning our social lives, looking after my in-laws (both of whom have been ill) etc. It all got on top of me and I was emotionally exhausted. My husband was a rock. he stays very calm. He said that we would just hunker down and do absolutely nothing.

This worked!

So please look after your wife, tell her not to do anything, switch off her computer and blackberry, go out for cups of tea and some nice meals, talk, hold hands, walk (if you can - my husband can't as the catheter is an issue). Try to get her back to an emotional equilibrium. Focus on the positives, get a plan of action for the next few weeks/months that you can both focus on and feel happy about. Don't log-on to this forum (for a few days) or do any web research and try to focus on things other than cancer! If you have good friends who you can go out with who will make you laugh then go for it! Buy her some flowers (but she will probably cry when she gets them!).

I love to go out, see my friends, go to the gym, join the ladies who lunch (as well as working) and dinner and my bookclub, see films. Plus we are sorting out plans for a gigantic house renovation project which means that we will almost certainly have to move out for several months. I have put ALL of this on hold. I cancelled all our social engagements, cancelled our holiday to China (which is not achievable now), put our house plans on ice, turned off my work emails, cancelled my gym membership until further notice.

I watched TV, played games with my son, read books, did the sudoku and crosswords, ate cake and NOTHING ELSE for 2 days. No washing, cooking, cleaning, planning of bathrooms and kitchens, no sport ... nothing. It felt really good!

I also slept during the day and had early nights. I think I slept around 15 hours each day!

By Sunday I was a bit brighter and today I managed to get through with no tears in the office.

You guys who cook and help with housework are absolutely amazing - that is just marvellous and must help your partners no end.

Therapy is a last resort for me. But I know that some people find it therapeutic. I lost both my parents in the last few years and it is incredibly hard, but the grief will lessen over time. It depends what sort of person you are - if talking about things helps, then see a therapist. If, like me, your wife tries to bury things, then that is what she must do. Bury the bad news and focus on the positives.

You had surgery just after my husband. Hopefully for you, things all went well and you are now looking forward to regaining normal activities. Your path report is great! Negative margins is fantastic.

Stay positive, stay focused, keep smiling, small steps every day and get outside if you can - it always make you feel better and blows the cobwebs away.

Good luck.
Posted 3/6/2012 4:51 AM (GMT -8)
Bud, that was a terrific post!  Thanks!

Jane, I wish both you and your husband complete recovery and happier days ahead!

Best wishes,

Aimzee

 

Posted 3/6/2012 2:00 PM (GMT -8)
I love reading all of your posts.  Raddad, I felt so vurnerable sharing all of that at first, but I am so happy I did.  I needed to get that off my chest. :-)

Biker90, Bless you and your wife!  What a beautiful story your shared.

Engergized, I feel like your wife melted down for most of the reasons I did.  Like you, my hubby has always been the emotional rock of the family.  Very sweet, gentle (yet manly), and easy going.  I went into a complete tail spin post op when I saw him be someone different from the man I knew for over 20 years.  It scared me.  Like you again, he shut down for several days, and that scared me too.  I am doing what I indicated in my previous thread and I feel so much better.  I bet your wife wants to see the man that she knows and loves again too.  My hubby is doing better over the past week, and that helps so much.

JaneM123, thanks for sharing what you went through.  I totally relate.  It sounds like you have figured out what you need to do for yourself and that is good!  I love all the fun things you mentioned.  I love working out too, and all that other girly stuff.  Great advice about putting it all away for a few days.  I need to do that, for sure.

You guys/gals have been a great support.  It feels so great to know that my sharing helped, even in a small way.  Hugs...

 

Posted 3/6/2012 2:35 PM (GMT -8)
I continue to be amazed at the HW out pouring of care and support here that reinforces "we are not all alone" in our journey.

Jane, eloquent and inspiring, thank you for sharing both your story and advice. I wish you all the best with your journey!!!

Bud (Raddad) - suggestions are already starting to work.

Yesterday I woke, kicked my butt and changed my attitude away from my PCa and said right how can I make my wife's and daughter's day a better day. It made me feel so much better, took my mind off me and in turn I saw smiles and happiness in return.

So I started by cleaning the house (yes I can do that, I have been well trained), I had a bubble bath ready for when she came home, told her I loved her, I prepared cocktails before dinner (vodka rocks w/ twist of lime), I hugged her and yes Bud squeezed her a*s and told her how nice it was, I prepared a nice BBQ steak dinner, enjoyed some nice conversation over dinner..........yada, yada, yada. I decided to help my daughter de-stress a little and paid off the small balance on her car loan.

A surprise to both my wife and daughter - tears of joy sparkled and said it all.  

A little more flirting today....................OK enough details, I think I am in trouble with some other members now. I hope not.

Anyway, the bottom line on all of this..........it made me feel so much better after months of not feeling great, I know my wife and daughter noticed and really appreciated the change as well. What an incredibly healing day.

Already looking at how to make more of our tomorrows so much better.

Thank you again so much everyone!!!!

TJ

Posted 3/6/2012 5:58 PM (GMT -8)
All our situations are different. I was diagnosed just a few days after my wife had her first chemotherapy infusion four weeks after undergoing a double masectomy and reconstruction surgery. This was her second bout of breast cancer in 15 years. The day of her surgery my 40 year old niece with four children had her second major surgery in less than a week for apendecial cancer...her abdomen was riddled with over 100 observable tumors the largest of which was the size of an orange...not a good situation.

So from the start it was not about me. I had a very serious situation but i didn't spend a night in the hospital, I don't have a scar, and I only missed three days of work, one due to a colonosocpy. Then I get a diagnosis of a potentially blinding situation in my eye that requires several injections each year in the eye to maintain my vision. Lucky me, I get another one tomorrow!

As a result I spend more of my time attending to my wife and her recovery than my own. She knows that I have great doctors and direction and she has confidence in the situation that allows her to focus on her own situation. I don't know how this will play out in the future, but I know that her situation is more likely to cause more serious and immediate issues than mine. Thus our main focus is on her. It would simply be too much for her to have to attend to me.

I have tried to practice Bud's 8 step plan and it has helped as we celebrate our 40th anniversary in May. In addition to Bud's 8, I prepare dinner each night, keep her car clean, polish her shoes and make sure our three sons call her several times each week.

TJ your wife is scared by this and wants you to be well...for yourself....your kids and grandkids.....and for her. Your strength will strengthen her. Do the little things for her....they produse big results.
Posted 3/7/2012 12:33 AM (GMT -8)
My wife is great. She is not a worrier, which helps. (I'm the worrier!)
The only time she found it difficult was when I was having surgery. I was wheeled off down the corridor and she was on her own for 4-5 hours. She was in a different city to the one we've lived in for 25 years, albeit that city was Amsterdam, however the hospital in in a "concrete" suburb, not the 17th century canal-lined Amsterdam most people think of. We had thought about this time and discovered there was a large park with woods and lakes nearby and it was July, so I had made her a packed lunch and she was able to wander, to sit in the sun and read and eat a picnic.

The rest of the time she knows there is not much we can do to change things once a few key decisions have been made so she carries on being busy. She runs a children's choir and a Sunday Sschool and organises the children's church services, and knits and watches TV. Oh and she works full time in a very senior management position, the kind of "sort-things-out" job where she is even on-call evenings and weekends. But she does no housework: I do all that, so as with David she comes home to a meal (and glass of wine), a clean bathroom (and supply of bubble-bath).
And oh boy do we communciate!
And when I have to keep getting up at night to go to the bathroom I often get quite cold, but and she's very good when it comes to warming me up when I get back into bed.

Alf
(edited for all the tpyos)

Post Edited (English Alf) : 3/8/2012 3:42:58 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 3/7/2012 6:01 PM (GMT -8)
Alf, great story, one can easily see a lot of love in your relationship with you and your wife. Are you sure you are always gettting up at night for bathroom duty or perhaps for the warming up part ;) couldn't resist. I stocked up on more bubble bath today!!!

You know after 4 weeks post op and with a great PR and having the catheter removed only 2 weeks ago today, I feel the emotional healling more and more each day and especially from all of the encouragement and support I have found here @ HW since joining only last week. The last few days have I distanced myself more from the PCa and while I am not in your "zero club" yet I have already visualized being there by the end of April with my first post-op PSA test. Our family focus this week and especially mine is to bring back our pre PCa Dx energies. After only a couple of days with our renewed commitment to each other, it truly is an awesome feeling.

Prior to doing this I found it very difficult to manage the emotional incontinence issues. Now my focus is more on us and our tomorrows knowing that my continence is work in process. In just the 2 weeks off the catherter I think I have made pretty good process to get to phase II already, ie dry every night and full control from sitting and lying to get to the bathroom, only one left is to get control when standing and walking to get to pad free. So I am visualizing that happening in due course.

It seems appropriate to reiterate another member's recommendation - "Patience is essential and Attitude is everything" - it works.!!!

As usual - thank you all for your ongoing support and encouragement!!!!

TJ
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