After giving this much thought for the past few weeks, I have decided to take a Sabbatical from Healing Well PC for an undetermined time. It is based on several reasons, some
open, some simply personal.
I have grown weary of two posters that seem to take sport in tearing apart my threads and answers. You know who you are, enough said. And yes, I have brought this up with more than one of our moderators at times.
When I have given updates, while overall support is always good (that's the best part of HW in my opinion), there always has to be remarks trying to undermine my doctor's advice, or picking up remarks that "I am doing nothing", that I am "stupid" or "foolish", etc. Very unbecoming of a place like this. Tired of trying to justify the advice my doctors give me, some here feel they know more than a real doctor does, also something very unbecoming.
Then the remarks about the quantity of posts I have amassed. You got to figure I have been here for 44 months plus as of now. I post the most at the PC community, but I also post at the Chronic Pain and the Ostomy communties as well, and all those posts add up to a combined total. Some act like they are jealous, and if so, that is a silly, immature attitude to take. There is no prize for having a lot of posts. Yes, I am the 8th most prolific poster out of over 110,000 HW members, but so what? That part means nothing to me. I just like to write, that's why I am a writer, writing is my best way of communicating.
Also, I have made a point, of greeting and trying to make feel at home (without judgement or any pre-conditons) of every single new person that comes through the door here over nearly 4 years. Then when you factor in what a twisted path with little if any break in my own PC journey, yes, it adds up to a lot of posts.
In real life, I don't argue with people. Not my style. I live a passive and peaceful lifestyle, and my hope was that could be continued here on-line.
I don't enjoy the confrontations here, or the snide remarks, or the rudeness that errupts sometime I have said from day one, there is no reason for that, or the condenscention that slips through from time to time. None of us our experts or medical professionals.
In my journey, the pain is increasingly getting worse over time, despite the meds, despite having a doctor who is really versed in pain control. It's consuming me around the clock. I can't accomplish anything physical at all, that doesn't aggervate the situation. Some men here fear that if their PC gets out of hands and they ultimately have to deal with bone met pain, I can't hardly imagine it being much worse then how I am aleady dealing with. Already on steadily increasing doses of morphine and other pain killers.
I see a very compassionate doctor, that understands chronic pain, and he's doing all he can to help me. As far as the cancer itself, there are perhaps 4-6 of us here at HW, that are dealing with high post treatment PSA numbers that are on the rise, and to my knowledge, the other men and their doctors are pretty well doing what I am doing right now. The only difference, is I don't see my critics attacking them for "doing nothing". All of us in this group, I am certain, we will do whatever is needed for treatment, when the time comes, and when their (my) doctor tells them its the right time, whether that includes HT, Chemo, or some other advanced treatment.
Some folks need to tone down their obsession about their PSA numbers, and falling to pieces everytime there's a small increase. That part is just a number on a piece of paper. As my doctor would say, how are you actually feeling? Do you need any help at this point? What is your current quality of life? There are so many factors involved once you are in this advanced situation, in particular, if one is dealing with a secondary BCR situation. It's a somewhat educated guessing game at that point with the cancer, and there is no one sure path, and there isn't going to be a cure outside of a genuine miracle. I have come to terms with that and find peace inside, that's why I don't fret or worry or drive myself nuts about my situation. You do what you can do (under medical advisement of course) and you simply live your life the best way you can. The cancer might be a part of your life, but don't let it be your life.
I am not scheduled to see my doctor again until early July, unless he orders some other tests. That is when my next PSA test is set, and no worries there, I am certain it will take another big jump. No surprise there. Still waiting for the virtual colon cancer and the virtual bladder cancer test to take place.
If I have something newsworthy to report, I will make a simple post. But from this point on, going to back off even then, on supplying full details of events and conversations from my doctor(s), as I am tired of a few others nit-picking and tearing my words apart, or those that want to put words in my mouth, or the other game, taking a post out of context.
I can be easily reached by e-mail, the one listed here is the only one I use. A few have my phone number, feel free to call if you need to. As far as those I leave behind, keep taking care of the new guys and gals that come here, give them that unconditional support they need. They don't need to be told their treatment choices are wrong, and they don't need people getting them to doubt their doctors advice and wisdom. Just be there for them.
As for me, I will continue my fight onward and upward. I may very well not ultimately win against the PC, but it will have been a good fight. Right now, it's all I can do to make it through another day of pain, knowing that it will only get worse, with little if any chance of any improvement. That's enough to deal with.
Peace be unto you all,
David in South Carolina
(I plan to monitor this thread until the end of Sunday night, then adios for a season)
Post Edited (Purgatory) : 5/12/2012 11:00:21 AM (GMT-6)