Uro/Surgeon's office didn't waste any time. They have this next operation scheduled for 10:20 on Tuesday, July 10th. It will be at the Downtown St. Francis Hospital in Greenville, where I have had all my other ops. I have to go through the pre-op on July 2nd, but the scheduler said everything has been pre-approved.
Very nervous about this procedure, as I was warned there is a lot of risk involved this time. It will be the surgeons first time trying to re-open the bladder neck to get to my bladder since the Urostomy surgery late in 2010. He warned me, that he may have to abort it, if he can't get through safely. I would hate to go through all this for nothing, because if he can't, then there would be no practical way to get inside the bladder. There is also a chance, that it may mess up my lack of ED, which would be a shame, as that has been the one area that I have no problem with.
I will have to have a foley catheter for a few days to a week to allow drainage after, a thought I almost can't bear, as this will be my 22nd catheter.
If cancer is found, it would present a new set of problems. If it were small and local, he could probably remove it while in there, or it might take a second op to do that. But if it was found to be widespread, it would involve the surgical removal of the entire bladder. The dr. said that he hoped it wouldnt be the case, as trying to remove a heavily radiation damaged bladder would be a lengthy and complex operation with a lot of serious risks. He said that the flesh in there is so fused from the radiation, that there is no clear line to cut away the bladder, without doing serious rectal damage in the process. He was estimating 8-10 hours of surgery if this ended up being the case. He said he wouldnt want to do the surgery unless it was a life or death situation.
In either scenerio, he said that they would not be able to follow up with radiation, the normal protocal, as there is too much damage in the area. So it would be possible for cancer to be left to grow even after removal, with no way to stop it.
This is heavy on my mind. I have had enough with this entire PC journey. I am not winning, and I have lost at every juncture so far. This will be the 9th PC related surgery since late 2008. Plus the 2 months of radiation, and of course what it did to me. Despite all of this, the cancer is running free, quckly increasing with each passing month.
I could almost be of the mind set, to say enough is enough. Stop this op, stop any future PSA testing, stop the visits with the oncologist, and simply let nature take its course. It's not so much a question of giving up, as it is simply accepting this is my fate in life. So why continue to make myself miserable with these attempts. No decision has been made, simply venting how I am feeling at the moment.
I just want to be free of all of this, its a constant sword over my head. I am having enough trouble living with all the pain I already have to endure each day. And my energy levels continue to decrease over time, despite the meds and despite physical therapy. Sometimes, I think a smart person knows when its time to stop.
Post Edited (Purgatory) : 6/14/2012 3:01:05 PM (GMT-6)