Sorry you are feeling down, we all have our ups and downs with this disease. Being able to tell your feelings in this forum helps. That is such a wonerful benefit of the Healing Well.
I got sober 23 years ago. It took me quite awhile to accept that I can't drink any more. But acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. The day I found out I had PC was 6 days after my "sober birthday". When I got the news, I accepted it. It did feel like a punch in the stomach, but this too shall past. It didn't take me long to decide on DaVinci surgery. After talking to my two sisters who both had breast cancer, they said get the cancer OUT!
I was afraid of the side effects like all of us. But
I accepted them to continue a healthy life with my wife for many more years to come. My uro told me that day that my life will change from this point on, and he was right. I accepted that I may not ever have sex again. I remember saying, oh well, I guess I had a pretty good run all these years. If it is over, so be it.
I loved drinking but learned I can live happily ever after without it. In fact, my life is BETTER without it.
You know, it may sound corny, but there is a lot of wisdom in the "One day at a time" saying. I had a hard time looking at never drinking again. But when I started looking at not drinking today, it worked better for me. It was a much smaller hill to climb than not drinking forever!
I am 14 weeks out from surgery this Tuesday. I am leaking like a sieve, 5-7 pads a day, doing Kegels, no caffine, no Tex-Mex spicey food ( that is real hard for me), not drinking fluids after 9:00, nothing is working - yet! But it will. For whatever reason, that is the way it is suppose to be, For Me. Other men, such as yourself, are continent but not me. Oh well, good for you, my time will come.
I know we are not suppose to talk religion on this forum, but my Higher Power gets me through the day, everyday. I say the Serenity Prayer when days seem too tough to make it through.
What I learned from it is to accept things I can't change. When I started doing that, it was like giving up a part time job and now I have more time. Why dwell on things all day I can't change. But if there IS something I can change, then I need to work on that. And, I need the wisdom to know the difference.
I am using Viagra, ED pumps etc. and there is life down there. I have had some orgasms using manual stimulation. If that is how it is going to be, I can accept that because, early on, I accepted that I may not have sex again.
My wife has been wonderful through all this. She has accepted life also on life's terms. She has supported me through it all and we will be fine. Now, we have discovered she has a heart problem that is going to require surgery in 2 weeks. We will get through this also.
Sometimes we wonder, Why me? I have learned that the answer is just, " because that is how it is suppose to be for me". There is no reason, I just have to accept it and move on.
Good luck to you brother, accept the things that you cannot change
but change the things you can.
Jan. 2001 PSA 6.1 Biopsy 1/23/01 - Neg.
Oct. 2004 - PSA 8.9 Biopsy 10/19/04 -Neg.
Feb. 2012 - PSA 18.5 Biopsy 4/27/12
Positive 10 of 12 cores, orginal Gleason 6
DaVinci Surgery 07/17/12 Dr. Vipul Patel, cath removed in 6 days, pos. margins, bladder neck involvement.
Gleason 3+4=7, involving 50% of gland, weight 57 g. Stage pT3a Lymph node involvement: 0/4
1st post op PSA 8/30/12 <0.01
Post Edited (Big Mac) : 10/21/2012 10:19:41 PM (GMT-6)